:( Frustrated. Anyone experience not having a supporting family?
1299batman
Posts: 23 Member
Feeling defeated today. I'm not getting much support from my family.
I'm 54 going to be 55 in Feb 2016. I'm trying to be fit to stay living for my family. Men don't live long in my family. Gramps died when he was about 30. My uncle, 40's and my dad 55. I get beat down on because I workout and I'm tracking my food intake. I even cancelled my gym membership to workout at home to be home more.
Anyone else experiencing this? Yes, I have Haters at home I guess.
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Oh, dear. That is so hard. My "big" hassle today is that hubby brought home a sliced lemon cake and a tray of croissants when he knows I am doing the best I can to get my groove.0
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Maybe they do not care one way or another -- as long as it does not inconvenience them.0
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My wife & daughter used to stock our frig with all kinds of fancy ice cream. But they hardly ate them! Guess who has to clean out the frig?Oh, dear. That is so hard. My "big" hassle today is that hubby brought home a sliced lemon cake and a tray of croissants when he knows I am doing the best I can to get my groove.0 -
Hell, man,you're a beast.You and I have traded emails about the burdens our emergency service experiences have cost us. You said you have a new son. Maybe family time needs to take a higher priority than the drive to get fitter. My genetics are against me too, but from my perspective, you've done a great job on physical conditioning. In the shape you're in, maintenance levels of physical activity will hold your gains, leaving more time for family. Happy wife, happy life. It's a balance.0
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Hubby is supportive in many ways. He does a lot of the cooking (learned to cook low calorie with my specific suggestions) and we share the grocery shopping and kitchen cleanup. I am happy that he lifts, runs, and does yoga, For a while, he was able to out run his diet but it is catching up with him.
I get grouchy for his sake and mine when I see sweets coming into the house.0 -
You look extremely fit and I do understand that you want to maintain that. keep in mind that starined relationships can be as damaging to your body as extra weight and lack of exercise. It did not escape me that you will be 55 on your next birthday and that you loss you dad at 55. Talk with your family about your fears which i suspect are there even if you are not acknowledging them. Perhaps this will help you understnad them better. Good luck.0
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If you are planning on competing in a body building competition sit down with your family and discuss your goals. Having an open discussion can help alleviate some of the tension in the home.
If your reason for staying fit is longevity then you are in good shape. Improving your current fitness will do little to prolong your life. There's no benefit from going from fit to super fit to ultra fit. A person that is morbidly obese is at risk. Judging by the pictures you have plenty of wiggle room before you become obese.
Here's an interesting abstract on bodyweight and mortality.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25126085
I think Farback was spot on with the advice to find a balance between fitness and family. If you currently have the exercise/diet knob turned up to eleven, you can probably back it down to an eight without suffering dire consequences. It might even improve life around the house.
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Also, please keep in mind fit is not necessarily healthy. Balance0
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Im with Farback on this issue. Its all about getting the balance right. Another suggestion is keeping fit together. Suggest working out together or going for walks together. hope that helps
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My husband is very fit, but still takes for granted that I will do all shopping, cooking, washing up, planning a dessert, providing a breakfast & leftovers he can take to work, etc. Well he is working back east for four months & the weight is FALLING off me because I provide none of those 'extras' he likes so much. I don't plan to reopen the specialty catering ever again! Ptttht!!0
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And no we cannot get fit together. Whatever we try to do together he scolds me for not being fast enough or trying harder. He is just one of those pushy type A ultra competitive people. So I walk on my own and hike on my own and enjoy every minute of my solitude!0
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Finding a balance between our relationships/family commitments and our personal goals and desires is always difficult, and I think the best way to minimize the conflict is through communication. I find myself keeping my feelings and thoughts bottled up sometimes when I'm hurt or disappointed but the best way I know to get over those feelings is to tell the person you're most concerned about how it feels when they aren't supportive.
I get a few chuckles from various family members and friends when I tell them what my goals are but when they see that I'm serious about it over time they seem to come around. I've told my husband explicitly what I want out of this fitness journey and even though I believe he thinks I might be a little crazy he's supportive for the most part. I do hate it when he tells me "don't hurt yourself"......so annoying........0 -
I get compulsive and I'm sure annoying when I'm focused on a goal. I've been on this fitness road for over a year now and I've had to adapt to make sure to keep my family relationships strong.
I got into bicycling these past few months and I'm 'focused' on getting in my miles every week, which includes a Saturday and Sunday ride. This past weekend my wife and second daughter were throwing a baby shower for our eldest daughter at our home. My wife also gets 'focused' and on these occasions, she wants the house immaculate and everything organized. So I chose to skip my rides this weekend and work on the house, cleaning, organizing, washing floors, washing windows, prepping food, grocery shopping, etc. I know her and this occasion was much more important to her than my couple of rides, and I still got a great workout anyway. I was gassed. So I helped her and then made sure to tell her how great the house looked because of her hard work and she thanked me in return.
Sometimes it's just about compromise!0 -
I get compulsive and I'm sure annoying when I'm focused on a goal. I've been on this fitness road for over a year now and I've had to adapt to make sure to keep my family relationships strong.
I got into bicycling these past few months and I'm 'focused' on getting in my miles every week, which includes a Saturday and Sunday ride. This past weekend my wife and second daughter were throwing a baby shower for our eldest daughter at our home. My wife also gets 'focused' and on these occasions, she wants the house immaculate and everything organized. So I chose to skip my rides this weekend and work on the house, cleaning, organizing, washing floors, washing windows, prepping food, grocery shopping, etc. I know her and this occasion was much more important to her than my couple of rides, and I still got a great workout anyway. I was gassed. So I helped her and then made sure to tell her how great the house looked because of her hard work and she thanked me in return.
Sometimes it's just about compromise!
Very smart! And very thoughtful!0 -
It would certainly be easier to lose weight if that pesky thing called life didn't get in the way! 0
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The men do not live long in my husband's family either. My father-in-law's father and uncles had all died of heart attacks between 45 and 55. My father-in-law was absolutely convinced he wasn't going to live longer than that. When he turned 55, he took early retirement. Split his retirement savings up and gave it to the grandkids as "college money". Traveled around the country to spend a week with each of his siblings "for one last visit".
That was 22 years ago. Not only did he not die at 55, he's still alive at 77. And 6 of his 7 siblings are still with us - the one died from an accident, not a heart attack. Granted, most of them have had a bypass or four - a steady diet of biscuits and gravy will do that - but they're still alive and active and in their 70s.
History does not have to repeat itself.
During Dad's "going away tour", only 2 of his 5 kids were willing to try to talk to him about his obvious fear (which he was incapable of admitting himself). Discussing his mortality made the others too uncomfortable and fearful themselves. Although the fear of mortality may be driving you to an extent, could it also be contributing to your family's resistance?0 -
Yes, it's very hard. If eating right one day and doing a hard workout meant you'd be healthy and strong, it'd be a lot easier. It takes a lot of time to build muscle and lose weight.0
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Hell, man,you're a beast.You and I have traded emails about the burdens our emergency service experiences have cost us. You said you have a new son. Maybe family time needs to take a higher priority than the drive to get fitter. My genetics are against me too, but from my perspective, you've done a great job on physical conditioning. In the shape you're in, maintenance levels of physical activity will hold your gains, leaving more time for family. Happy wife, happy life. It's a balance.
We camp, fish, and hang out. We moved to Idaho last year and we don't have many friends out here so we are here for each other. Family time is not the issue.
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Im with Farback on this issue. Its all about getting the balance right. Another suggestion is keeping fit together. Suggest working out together or going for walks together. hope that helps
Unfortunately My other half is no active at all. I asked and invited, but she's not buying into it.0 -
Finding a balance between our relationships/family commitments and our personal goals and desires is always difficult, and I think the best way to minimize the conflict is through communication. I find myself keeping my feelings and thoughts bottled up sometimes when I'm hurt or disappointed but the best way I know to get over those feelings is to tell the person you're most concerned about how it feels when they aren't supportive.
I get a few chuckles from various family members and friends when I tell them what my goals are but when they see that I'm serious about it over time they seem to come around. I've told my husband explicitly what I want out of this fitness journey and even though I believe he thinks I might be a little crazy he's supportive for the most part. I do hate it when he tells me "don't hurt yourself"......so annoying........
The people who I grew up with are on a completely different journey. While I workout and watch my food intake, they are the complete opposite. Some of them have not seen their feet in years and that's ok if that's what they want.0 -
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nikkib0103 wrote: »
Double Bingo!0 -
Some interesting developments after I originally posted this. Within this past year I have been havin breathing/asthma issues. I have been seeing a doctor, who turned me to see a lung specialist and then a cardiologist (Dr Gould). Dr. Gould (30 years’ experience) didn't like what he heard in my heart. He required me to see another specialist today. Appointment is at 3:00pm today, 09/18/2015. Jesus is my Savior and I have been praying with others. I'm thinking positive and will accept anything that the Lord places in my life. Good or Bad, I will accept the results. #godisable.0
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TravelinGal7147 wrote: »You look extremely fit and I do understand that you want to maintain that. keep in mind that starined relationships can be as damaging to your body as extra weight and lack of exercise. It did not escape me that you will be 55 on your next birthday and that you loss you dad at 55. Talk with your family about your fears which i suspect are there even if you are not acknowledging them. Perhaps this will help you understnad them better. Good luck.
Thanks. I had a son when I was 40 and knowing that my dad didn't take care of himself I wanted to do better and be there for my son. When I was overweight and out of shape at 40, my Dr. gave me 5-6 years if I didn't make a positive change in my life.0 -
Most people need a wake up call.0
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MostlyWater wrote: »Most people need a wake up call.
I certainly got mine. Just got back from my 2 mile lunch break walk with my rebuilt heart, and I'm taking it to the fire hall gym after work to 'lift things up and put them down'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7gzmoqmL7g 0 -
My ex actively undermined my attempts to change my lifestyle for the better... everything from criticizing my training plan to having tactical "panic attacks" which strangely coincided with my planned workouts.
She's an ex for good reason.0
