Negativity
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shan11180
Posts: 110 Member
"Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." ~Dalai Lama
I realize this is great in theory. But how do you actually do it? Have you ever been put in a situation where you were unable to respond to someone's negativity? One statement that made you feel so humiliated and embarrassed and destroyed, but had no chance for rebuttal? How do you accept it as someone being mean, rude, disrespectful, or wrong, and not let it eat away at you? When this happens, and it brings you to tears, how do you not let it get inside you? How do you remove it??
Needless to say, I was put in a situation yesterday that made me feel awful. I'm hoping to use it as a way to motivate me, but I still feel sick to my stomach and completely berated. I really wish people would think before they speak. For the last few weeks, I've felt as though I've hit rock bottom, so to have a stranger call me out like they did was awful. Definitely a case of kicking someone when they are down.
I realize this is great in theory. But how do you actually do it? Have you ever been put in a situation where you were unable to respond to someone's negativity? One statement that made you feel so humiliated and embarrassed and destroyed, but had no chance for rebuttal? How do you accept it as someone being mean, rude, disrespectful, or wrong, and not let it eat away at you? When this happens, and it brings you to tears, how do you not let it get inside you? How do you remove it??
Needless to say, I was put in a situation yesterday that made me feel awful. I'm hoping to use it as a way to motivate me, but I still feel sick to my stomach and completely berated. I really wish people would think before they speak. For the last few weeks, I've felt as though I've hit rock bottom, so to have a stranger call me out like they did was awful. Definitely a case of kicking someone when they are down.
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I suspect the Dalai Lama, being a much better person than I even want to be, tries his best to help negative people instead of fighting against them, therefore preserving his inner peace.
I'm more of a slap someone upside the head and tell them to stop disturbing my inner peace type.
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This statement is so true and is something I've been working on for the past few months since I have more control over myself than what others do or say.0
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Generally speaking, people who harass others because of obvious issues (any and all challenges, not just weight issues) lead a sad pathetic life. How bad does someone have to feel about their self by getting their kicks off of making fun of other people? I have had this kind of difficulty all my life from family, "friends", and strangers. I have gotten to the point that I pity them, I truly do. Their actions show that they have no love or joy in their life; what a pitiful existence. Be the best person YOU can be. Don't stoop to their level of infancy.0
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I'm more of a slap someone upside the head and tell them to stop disturbing my inner peace type.
LOVE this!!! Unfortunately, the person I'm referring to was in a moving vehicle. Or I may have done exactly that.0 -
fruitydelicious wrote: »Generally speaking, people who harass others because of obvious issues (any and all challenges, not just weight issues) lead a sad pathetic life. How bad does someone have to feel about their self by getting their kicks off of making fun of other people? I have had this kind of difficulty all my life from family, "friends", and strangers. I have gotten to the point that I pity them, I truly do. Their actions show that they have no love or joy in their life; what a pitiful existence. Be the best person YOU can be. Don't stoop to their level of infancy.
I wish it were easy. I guess I need to add it to my weight loss journey.0 -
I'm more of a slap someone upside the head and tell them to stop disturbing my inner peace type.
LOVE this!!! Unfortunately, the person I'm referring to was in a moving vehicle. Or I may have done exactly that.
What, no rocks around to throw?
Okay, I'll behave!
It's hard though, whenever someone does something bad to me I do want to run to food. But food does bad things to me, too. I try to run to my bike or at least go for a walk instead, because that does good things for me. But it isn't always easy!0 -
I'm more of a slap someone upside the head and tell them to stop disturbing my inner peace type.
LOVE this!!! Unfortunately, the person I'm referring to was in a moving vehicle. Or I may have done exactly that.
What, no rocks around to throw?
Okay, I'll behave!
It's hard though, whenever someone does something bad to me I do want to run to food. But food does bad things to me, too. I try to run to my bike or at least go for a walk instead, because that does good things for me. But it isn't always easy!
HA! I was in such shock, I wish I would have thought of throwing a rock.
Unfortunately I wasn't that productive. I sat in my car and cried. It was one of those things I've seen on tv, but never imagined would happen to me in real life. BUT, it got me back on MFP and working out, so I guess, regardless of how rude, immature, cruel, and embarrassing it was, I'm using it for positive. It was definitely a reminder of how far I'd fallen off the wagon and how badly I needed get back on. I just wish that people would consider others when they say horrible things. I've been an emotional wreck for months and truly, honestly felt like I was being kicked when I was already down.
We never know what journey, path, or challenges someone is going through. It's SO, SO, SO important to lift each other up, and not try and bring them down.0 -
I'm more of a slap someone upside the head and tell them to stop disturbing my inner peace type.
LOVE this!!! Unfortunately, the person I'm referring to was in a moving vehicle. Or I may have done exactly that.
What, no rocks around to throw?
Okay, I'll behave!
It's hard though, whenever someone does something bad to me I do want to run to food. But food does bad things to me, too. I try to run to my bike or at least go for a walk instead, because that does good things for me. But it isn't always easy!
HA! I was in such shock, I wish I would have thought of throwing a rock.
Unfortunately I wasn't that productive. I sat in my car and cried. It was one of those things I've seen on tv, but never imagined would happen to me in real life. BUT, it got me back on MFP and working out, so I guess, regardless of how rude, immature, cruel, and embarrassing it was, I'm using it for positive. It was definitely a reminder of how far I'd fallen off the wagon and how badly I needed get back on. I just wish that people would consider others when they say horrible things. I've been an emotional wreck for months and truly, honestly felt like I was being kicked when I was already down.
We never know what journey, path, or challenges someone is going through. It's SO, SO, SO important to lift each other up, and not try and bring them down.
Nothing wrong with using horrible people as motivation. And yes, we should do our best to be kind to each other, mostly. At least decent! And to remember our words might have more power than we think they do, something I admit I often fail to realize. I figure nobody listens to me anyway, so I can say whatever comes into my head! Maybe not always a good idea.0 -
Have you ever been put in a situation where you were unable to respond to someone's negativity? One statement that made you feel so humiliated and embarrassed and destroyed, but had no chance for rebuttal? How do you accept it as someone being mean, rude, disrespectful, or wrong, and not let it eat away at you? When this happens, and it brings you to tears, how do you not let it get inside you? How do you remove it??
My opinion is that it isn't possible to remove something like this from your heart once that seed is planted. I think what we can do, though, is nurture it to determine what will grow from that seed. We are capable of replacing the original seed owner's harmful intent with any emotion we want to grow in that space. Spending time worrying on the seed will eventually produce more worry fruit. Spending time seeing that seed as something less harmful to you might develop into a tremendous future asset.
I'm sorry this happened to you. What I wrote above is much easier said than done and I don't pretend to have accomplished this in my life. Words and actions hurt me and I have yielded a lot of worry fruit in my life. I still believe it to be true, though, that we are more than capable of transforming hurt into something less damaging. It will take time and hopefully, the change will come in the form of something healthy and well adjusted. I'm sending good wishes your way. Hugs.
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Me too!! I have cried my eyes out in private from comments from family. It makes me mad that I let it get to me, but I realize that it truly was hateful.fruitydelicious wrote: »Generally speaking, people who harass others because of obvious issues (any and all challenges, not just weight issues) lead a sad pathetic life. How bad does someone have to feel about their self by getting their kicks off of making fun of other people? I have had this kind of difficulty all my life from family, "friends", and strangers. I have gotten to the point that I pity them, I truly do. Their actions show that they have no love or joy in their life; what a pitiful existence. Be the best person YOU can be. Don't stoop to their level of infancy.
I wish it were easy. I guess I need to add it to my weight loss journey.
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I know this will sound very strange, but forgive the person. Don't let them have power over you. This person definitely doesn't deserve it and they're not worth your time. I'm glad you're back to MFP, but do this for yourself not some idiot who doesn't even know you. If you'll let me I'll be one of you cheer leaders!0
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Not strange at all, forgiveness bring you peace. Excellent point!!kaihunter45 wrote: »I know this will sound very strange, but forgive the person. Don't let them have power over you. This person definitely doesn't deserve it and they're not worth your time. I'm glad you're back to MFP, but do this for yourself not some idiot who doesn't even know you. If you'll let me I'll be one of you cheer leaders!
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kaihunter45 wrote: »I know this will sound very strange, but forgive the person. Don't let them have power over you. This person definitely doesn't deserve it and they're not worth your time. I'm glad you're back to MFP, but do this for yourself not some idiot who doesn't even know you. If you'll let me I'll be one of you cheer leaders!
I'd love additional cheerleaders!! 0 -
i know how this feels for example when like all my drs say that my health issues will ease or possibly go away when i loose weight its not nice to be told that when seeking help im trying to loose but coming from some one who is a size 4 is not the person to give that advice
i know this is going to sound awful but i vent i tell everyone and anyone who will listen a few people in particular who help me put things in a different perspective just talking and yelling and getting the anger out is my method sometimes ill try and do something artistic poems or painting or something to distract my mind and do something constructive art is my zen nothing bothers me when im really into it accept people who interrupt it0 -
I wish I had great advice on this...I've been through a couple of situations like that. Once, I was riding my horse at a friend's house down the road (at my place, you aren't close enough to the road for anyone to see you) and some guys yelled out of their car that I was too fat for that poor horse, I should get off him. I was horrified beyond belief. It made me feel absolutely AWFUL. And the sad thing is that I probably weighed 40 pounds LESS than I do right now!!! This was 7 or 8 years ago, and it still bothers me to think about. I think the best we can do in those situations is try not to think about it, and focus on what the people who love us say. Focus on the fact that we're doing everything in our power to be healthy right now. I can't make weight loss happen overnight, but I am doing everything I can. And that has to weigh more in my mind than what some idiot teenager who doesn't even know me said.0
