People Eating Junk in Front of You

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Hello everyone. I'm three days into making the decision to lose 50lbs. I am 26 years old, 5"1' and I weigh 230lbs. I have PCOS and I'm pre-diabetic. Each day I've eaten my recommended amount of calories and stuck to my macros, and I'm on track to lose 10lbs in 5 weeks.

My roommate/best friend used to be very overweight but she got the lap-band and she is very thin now. But she eats like crap. She's lost the weight by depending solely on her inability to get anything past her lap-band. So for those who don't know, it just comes right back up. Of course, she isn't capable of binging anymore either. So when she's had enough of whatever it is she's eating, she asks me if I want it. I don't think I've ever said no.

Last night, I made a Ginger Crusted Mahi Mahi and a salad. I felt satisfied and felt no hunger. She came home and brought in fast food. We were watching TV together and I was absolutely consumed with wanting to eat what she had. I knew I wasn't hungry but I felt the compulsion so strong I had tears in my eyes. I was depressed because I knew I wanted to say no, but I wanted to say yes even more. I had done well for two days, and it was all going to be thrown away, because what? Someone ate their own food in front of me?

It's not logical for me to have a talk with her about her eating habits. She knows what she is supposed to be doing, and like I have done many, many times, she chooses not to.

I am reaching out to you all to see if anyone has any coping skills. This isn't going to be the first time someone eats unhealthy choices in front of me, or asks if I want some of what they have. It scares me that I felt such a strong desire when I knew it wasn't what I truly wanted. I really want to learn how to get past my unhealthy relationship with food.

By the way, she did end up offering it to me and I said no. But I literally thought about it the rest of the night. So much so, that it's almost 24 hours later and I'm writing this post.

Replies

  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
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    The only thing that has helped me is something I can't clearly define how it happened. I mentally classified the food as "not mine." My fiance has a table next to the couch with snacks and such on it. He has a shelf in the pantry, and two in the fridge... And at some point, I just realized the guilt game of if I binged and at something that was not mine, it was his, then I had to rush and replace it or deal with condemnation or whatever, it just was not working. I was working to banish the guilt altogether and just accept choices...

    He'd offer me, and sometimes badger me, to take a bite of something, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Now he can eat those things sitting next to me, and rarely does it even appeal to me, but less even make my radar. And when I'm at a store, I think of those types of foods as "his foods" so it doesn't even register, most of the time, to me...

    So, if you can find a way to classify a food as "not mine," whatever method that takes for you to do so (poison, her "special diet food," "his/hers," or literally just anything that pushes the food off the radar for you, dealing with the sights, smells, thoughts, etc., does start to fade. Eventually it becomes manageable.

    Since I don't know exactly how I did it, and you're a different human than me, I sadly don't have more specific advice... And I do still slip up, but the recovery is quicker and easier these days...

    Good luck!
  • kaihunter45
    kaihunter45 Posts: 192 Member
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    I had to change my mind set. I went from "I feel bad and deprived" to "I'm so proud of myself for not eating what I don't need." And in the case I still really want the junk food I'll have a McDonald's happy meal for lunch. It's perfect junk food portion size and I get a toy. ;)
  • uknowyouloveme83
    uknowyouloveme83 Posts: 3 Member
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    Thank you so much for the responses. I really appreciate it.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    I don't have an easy answer - I don't know if there is one.

    I understand that you can't ask your roommate to change what she eats. But can you ask her not to offer it to you ?At least now, in these early days, when it is such a challenge for you not to eat it. As other posters have said, it is easier to think of it as completely off bounds, and not even have an option to eat it.

    I understand that you will need to learn coping skills but at the same time, it can be quite draining to constantly be resisting. I used to buy 'treats' in single portion packets because I was worried that I would eat an entire multi-pack, otherwise. As time went buy I felt that I wanted to develop the strength to be able to only have one and leave the rest for another day. I could do it (which is huge progress), but it was a huge effort. For hours and hours and hours I would sit there concentrating my effort on not eating the rest of the pack. In the end I decided it wasn't worth the effort. They say that we have limited will power, and I felt like I was using mine up in a situation that I could easily just avoid. so I went back to buying single portion packs. I sometimes buy things in twin packs just to practise leaving something for tomorrow, but I get enough practise when situations arise that I can't avoid. I don't need to create more practise.

    Also, as the others said it helps to change the way you look at the situation.
    Even using the words 'I don't eat it' (ie 'I chose not to eat'), instead of 'I can't eat it' is empowering.

    Good Luck !



  • thejuicywoman
    thejuicywoman Posts: 37 Member
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    I find that the most effective method in dealing with feeling enslaved by food, is to realize that food is not the issue. It's not what you're eating that's the problem. It's what's eating you. Stress! If you are experiencing feelings of hunger that are so strong that you have tears in your eyes, it's not the food that you're really after.

    Unless you haven't eaten in awhile, the hunger that you are experiencing is emotional hunger. That gets triggered whenever we are under stress and feeling overwhelmed. For emotional eaters who have dieted for a long time, they have never learned how to trust themselves around food beyond the restriction imposed by a diet. but it's the restriction that makes us feel so deprived which leads us to feel the urge to eat and satisfy our ravenous hunger. Most people think that the food is the problem so they try to get control of it by removing it from the house or banning it altogether. But that gives food so much more power than it deserves.

    The strategy that I have used to lose 20 pounds and to get my A1C out of the Prediabetic range is to have an open door policy on food and to be fierce in coping with my overwhelm and stress using an effective relaxation method called Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping. It's actually your emotions that need to be managed more than your food. Because your emotions lead to stress chemicals flooding your body. Cortisol is a stress hormone that gets secreted whenever you are feeling anxious. Emotional Freedom Technique has been proven to reduce cortisol levels by up to 24%, which is amazing. I know there are several people here on this board who have used tapping very effectively to enhance their weight loss.

    I tap all the time and I teach my clients to do it too. I've learned that especially for women who have been sexually abused, when we hit a weight plateau, it's evidence that unconsciously our bodies don't feel safe being that smaller size.

    This is why when some people get a compliment or have a great weigh in, soon after they find themselves on a binge. Feeling deprived of the foods you want to eat is a real trigger and will lead you to overeat them once you finally get your hands on them.

    I found that if I moved my ice cream to the downstairs freezer it was just enough of a distraction that I had to really think about if I wanted to eat it. 9 times out of 10, I will choose something that is a lighter choice.

    On those days when I ate for comfort, I find that forgiving myself and moving on is the most effective way of getting back on track. I like to think of self-compassion is the antidote to bust down our binges. Hope this helps.

    Warmest regards,

    Andrea
  • uknowyouloveme83
    uknowyouloveme83 Posts: 3 Member
    edited October 2015
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    Wow, two things really stuck out at me on the last two posts. By Total Determination - saying that "I don't eat that" vs "I can't eat that". I don't know why, but that just really struck me. The idea of giving food power that it doesn't deserve is such a revelation to me. I have absolutely never thought of that before. I really feel like that may have made a huge difference in the way I look at food.

    The Juicy Woman, I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you provided an actual tool to help with the emotional side of things. I assume, here in the binge eating group, that a great deal of us owe our obesity to our emotional hang ups. I know mine play a very large part. And what you said, "It is evident that our bodies don't feel safe being a smaller size." This is huge. What a concept. Again, something I'd never considered. The idea that what I have been thinking is self-sabotage is actually subconscious self-preservation is mind blowing. A total game changer.

    Also, from KnitorMiss, when I first read your post I thought to myself, now how can something so simple change my mindset? Meaning, thinking of the food as "not yours". But I'll have you know, in the two days since I've read it, the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times. At work when people are eating their lunch in the break room, this has been monumental for me.

    I am so glad I posted here. I honestly got way more than I expected from it and I thank everyone that has responded greatly. I hope that others can get what I did out of what was said so far.

    Just an update, I am now on day five with no binges. I have stayed within my caloric and macro budget. I feel good, and I feel inspired by the advice you all have given.

    Thank you so very much,

    Samantha
  • KnitOrMiss
    KnitOrMiss Posts: 10,104 Member
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    I think the concept of it "taking a village" and social consciousness and group knowledge, condensed and shared, those things help so much. I read an article talking about how much medicine and such is changing, just because we can share tips and suggestions in a format and setting such as this and learn so much and apply it individually, and all of that... It's awesome. I'm glad you could get something out of my rambling, because I just went back and reread it and could hardly find the thought in there.