Does anyone have this problem?
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Aspensbaby
Posts: 10 Member
Hi,
I just realized I have a big problem with avoiding and handling conflicts with other people. I have had periods in my life when I was fat and periods when I was skinny. And every time I tried to lose weight, it seemed to me like everyone around me had a problem with it.
My closest family members, ex partners, friends- everyone had something to say.
Why are you doing this?
Are you pretending to be something you're not?
You always...never....used to...etc
You're no fun anymore.
Here, have this sandwich, you have to eat, you can't starve.
And so on.
So, my losing weight in the past was always very stressful. When I got to my skinny self, I got all kinds of nasty words and people being threatened by my accomplishment, and all I did was weigh less then I did before. I know I can't change people around me, I can change my response to them.
I realize I don't owe anyone explanations- I can do with my body as I please.
And right now I have 40 pounds to lose and I plan to do it.
It's just very hard because I feel like I am doing something wrong by trying to better myself and I get guilt trips by even my closest people, because they have a habit of not honoring their own needs and bodies. For example, I started doing yoga three weeks before and people respond to it in a way that I should feel bad or guilty for paying attention to my own needs, instead of supporting it or just ignoring it if they find it annoying or whatever.
I want to stop feeling guilty for being beautiful, because I am, and it's not something I say in a way to annoy other people, or to make myself feel better than other people. I have good genes and my mother was a very beautiful woman. When I am in my slim period, I have a lot of attention and I don't really care about it because I have nothing out of it. I am in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful man.
I just want to maximize what I have without asking my families opinion. I don't want to wait for them to approve of me and I don't want to feel guilty for enjoying my body and trying to look better and have a nice body. I want to feel worthy of it and not care about what will my family think if I accomplish my goals, and I need some emotional support from you guys or some advice if anyone here understands / is a therapist.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to share what's troubling me. Thank you.
I just realized I have a big problem with avoiding and handling conflicts with other people. I have had periods in my life when I was fat and periods when I was skinny. And every time I tried to lose weight, it seemed to me like everyone around me had a problem with it.
My closest family members, ex partners, friends- everyone had something to say.
Why are you doing this?
Are you pretending to be something you're not?
You always...never....used to...etc
You're no fun anymore.
Here, have this sandwich, you have to eat, you can't starve.
And so on.
So, my losing weight in the past was always very stressful. When I got to my skinny self, I got all kinds of nasty words and people being threatened by my accomplishment, and all I did was weigh less then I did before. I know I can't change people around me, I can change my response to them.
I realize I don't owe anyone explanations- I can do with my body as I please.
And right now I have 40 pounds to lose and I plan to do it.
It's just very hard because I feel like I am doing something wrong by trying to better myself and I get guilt trips by even my closest people, because they have a habit of not honoring their own needs and bodies. For example, I started doing yoga three weeks before and people respond to it in a way that I should feel bad or guilty for paying attention to my own needs, instead of supporting it or just ignoring it if they find it annoying or whatever.
I want to stop feeling guilty for being beautiful, because I am, and it's not something I say in a way to annoy other people, or to make myself feel better than other people. I have good genes and my mother was a very beautiful woman. When I am in my slim period, I have a lot of attention and I don't really care about it because I have nothing out of it. I am in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful man.
I just want to maximize what I have without asking my families opinion. I don't want to wait for them to approve of me and I don't want to feel guilty for enjoying my body and trying to look better and have a nice body. I want to feel worthy of it and not care about what will my family think if I accomplish my goals, and I need some emotional support from you guys or some advice if anyone here understands / is a therapist.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to share what's troubling me. Thank you.
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Replies
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It's hard when is your family, but you need to learn to not let anyone guilt you. Just be yourself and do what you need to for you. Start hanging out with positive people and be happy.0
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Moments like these are when you most need to remember the reason why you're doing this. You can't control what people say to you, you can only control your perception and reaction to it. Whatever the motives behind your loved ones' inability to support you, you have to be the one to protect your goal to reach your ideal weight. Stay positive, thank them for their concern but let them know you have educated yourself and are on the right track. Lots of luck on your journey!0
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thank you
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Over the years, I have learned that when other people have a problem with my weightloss and say I have changed, it is true to some extent. But the change was that I had the confidence in myself to not take their crap and not be a doormat for them anymore. I was/am more assertive about my needs and wants, I tell people no when I don't want to do whatever they are doing or eat whatever they are eating and take time for myself and my needs (food prep, exercise, etc.). I'm not constantly at their beck and call because I have things I do and refuse to give up to suit them.0
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Yes! This happened to me this weekend. Some people I know seemed to feel really threatened that I've lost weight, and weren't shy about letting me know. I let myself feel bad for about five minutes. After that I told myself the truth--that it was totally about them and their insecurity than about me and my weight loss. There is SO much going on in their heads that's filled with self-loathing and fear that I couldn't even begin to untangle it, so I'm not going to even try. Instead, I just keep on keeping on. And I bought myself some fabulous boots to do it in. ^.^0
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Completely relate to this. I've always been on the slim side, but since I've started paying attention to what I eat I get all kids of criticism from my family. If I cook anything, I have to endure an hour of "this is too healthy", "you should put sugar", "I miss eating real food". At a recent family event, I brought a salad to share (which I thought was a perfectly normal thing to do for a barbeque), but because I was the one that brought it, I was then inundated with "Is that all you're going to eat?", "She must be on a diet", "Why don't you eat meat?" And for the record, the food I eat is perfectly normal - I eat plenty of meat, nothing 'low fat', but because it isn't deep fried or covered in sugar, I must be weird!0
