"Weighing" my options...
Options
Thaeda
Posts: 834 Member
Terrible pun. I know. Just awful... had to do it!
So what options, you might be wondering? Read on, my friends....
I will be 2 years out from surgery in Jan 2016. The last little while or so I have been not logging or counting or any of that. Just living. Still exercising regularly, still eating within the context of hunger and fullness (more often than not). Mostly balanced and healthy with occasional forays into indulgences, but just a meal here and there-- not days-long binges like I used to have pre-surgery.
Anyway, I have put on some weight. About 7-8 pounds and my jeans are tight around the waist. There are two "me"s battling this situation out in my head.
Me #1 is TOTALLY FREAKING. "OMG I am going to gain ALL of the weight back!" "I HAVE to go back to restricting food and weighing everything and measuring everything and counting everything or I am going to be a COW. I need to eat a lot less and move a lot more. I HAVE to be thinner."
Me #2 is decidely NOT freaking. That part of me is ok with the gain because I felt like maybe I was a little too thin and adding several pounds is not a big deal. After all, I had surgery to get healthy, to be HEALTHY--- not thin. I got to and maintained my lowest weight by being pretty much obsessed with everything I put in my mouth. Counting. Restricting sometimes (seeing how little I could get away with eating, intentionally skipping meals to get cals. low, etc). I was pretty nuts in my head. This was the kind of thinking and behavior I was trying to escape by having surgery in the first place. This is not loving myself. Getting all worked up about every bite is not compassion. It is obsession.
I spend a lot of time telling folks in my circle of influence that they should love themselves just the way they are. That they are JUST FINE no matter what they weigh. Well, when Thaeda #1 is in charge (see her thoughts above)- I feel like a total hypocrite. Because I am freaking out, thinking there is something WRONG with me if I am not 166.7 pounds (my lowest weight to date).
My options--- #1 roll with it, lean with it. Be mindful of my choices. Keep eating nourishing food in reaonable quantities and ride things out. See where it takes me. Make loving choices-- use food for fuel- not comfort, keep sugar consumption low (because I feel sooooo bad physically when I do not), and keep moving my bod because it loves exercise.
#2 Go back into "diet" mode. Count cals. Count carbs. Restrict when necessary. "Hunker down and grind it out".
I have to be honest-- I am torn. I keep waffling between the two. I know which one is more appealing (option #1), but it is also the more frightening (because what happens if I never get back down to my lowest weight or if-- GASP!-- I keep gaining?).
I made a commitment at the start of this journey to share ALL of it. Not just the fun stuff. This is more of me keeping that commitment. Thanks for listening. I will keep y'all posted.
So what options, you might be wondering? Read on, my friends....
I will be 2 years out from surgery in Jan 2016. The last little while or so I have been not logging or counting or any of that. Just living. Still exercising regularly, still eating within the context of hunger and fullness (more often than not). Mostly balanced and healthy with occasional forays into indulgences, but just a meal here and there-- not days-long binges like I used to have pre-surgery.
Anyway, I have put on some weight. About 7-8 pounds and my jeans are tight around the waist. There are two "me"s battling this situation out in my head.
Me #1 is TOTALLY FREAKING. "OMG I am going to gain ALL of the weight back!" "I HAVE to go back to restricting food and weighing everything and measuring everything and counting everything or I am going to be a COW. I need to eat a lot less and move a lot more. I HAVE to be thinner."
Me #2 is decidely NOT freaking. That part of me is ok with the gain because I felt like maybe I was a little too thin and adding several pounds is not a big deal. After all, I had surgery to get healthy, to be HEALTHY--- not thin. I got to and maintained my lowest weight by being pretty much obsessed with everything I put in my mouth. Counting. Restricting sometimes (seeing how little I could get away with eating, intentionally skipping meals to get cals. low, etc). I was pretty nuts in my head. This was the kind of thinking and behavior I was trying to escape by having surgery in the first place. This is not loving myself. Getting all worked up about every bite is not compassion. It is obsession.
I spend a lot of time telling folks in my circle of influence that they should love themselves just the way they are. That they are JUST FINE no matter what they weigh. Well, when Thaeda #1 is in charge (see her thoughts above)- I feel like a total hypocrite. Because I am freaking out, thinking there is something WRONG with me if I am not 166.7 pounds (my lowest weight to date).
My options--- #1 roll with it, lean with it. Be mindful of my choices. Keep eating nourishing food in reaonable quantities and ride things out. See where it takes me. Make loving choices-- use food for fuel- not comfort, keep sugar consumption low (because I feel sooooo bad physically when I do not), and keep moving my bod because it loves exercise.
#2 Go back into "diet" mode. Count cals. Count carbs. Restrict when necessary. "Hunker down and grind it out".
I have to be honest-- I am torn. I keep waffling between the two. I know which one is more appealing (option #1), but it is also the more frightening (because what happens if I never get back down to my lowest weight or if-- GASP!-- I keep gaining?).
I made a commitment at the start of this journey to share ALL of it. Not just the fun stuff. This is more of me keeping that commitment. Thanks for listening. I will keep y'all posted.
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Replies
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I look forward to hearing which option (or a combination?) you choose. I know you will find something that will work for you.
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My choice? Forget the number on the scale. Pick a "fitness" goal and put your focus there - it will take care of your weight for you as you work toward it and take the focus off food ALL THE TIME (ugh. been there). Build some muscle - it will make you smaller regardless of what your weight says.
Make it a smaller goal, that you can accomplish within 2-3 months at most (then do it again) and outline your plan to get there (with some flexibility). Things like:
1) Sign up for a 5k, do Couch to 5k to prep for it.
2) See how much you can deadlift/bench press/squat, and aim to add 5/10/20 pounds to that.
3) Look at your average daily steps right now - decide to make your new average 3k steps a day higher.
4) Do a pullup (assuming you cant).
5) Race your kid. If you cant beat them, work on that
6) Rollerskate an entire park
7) Work with a friend to come up with a goal like a "buddy run" (there are several like that out there - find one and plan a weekend vacation around it!)
etc
The key is to have a "training" plan for your goal that is fitness based - to do pullups, you need a stronger back/chest/arms. To increase squats, you need to do them fairly often and progressively. Have a timetable and basic plan (must do this 3x a week, etc).
That obsessive nature you have (that I have too ) will work to your advantage - just obsess about fitness instead! Keep your calories in check (realizing you may need to eat more to support your fitness levels), but your body will look better (regardless of the number on the scale) with more muscle and shaped muscle than it will simply by losing "weight" (you want to lose "fat", not "weight" which includes muscle... muscle gives your body its shape, though it weighs more).
Hope that helps... its what is working for me. My fitness goals vary wildly from one time to the next (sometimes I want to be a badass and dealift 200 pounds, other times I want to work up to run 2 miles straight 3x a week without stopping or being stressed during it, and other times I want "functional" fitness like improving my posture and standing during the day more than I sit...) . I spent 8 months working on weights while continually increasing my calories (from 1200 up to 2000) and "only" lost 15 pounds but lost quite a few sizes and my shape is WAY better... I looked like a weeble when I was fat... After surgery and just losing weight, I looked like a smaller/lighter weeble. "skinny-fat". Now I look like a normal person again
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Thaeda,
I am in a similar situation, having relaxed a ton on logging (essentially not logging anymore), still making mostly good food choices, but trying not to stress about every morsel. So far, I have been successful in staying within my goal range for 7 months, but my Rob #1 is waiting (and perhaps rooting) for me to fail so that I have to go back to lockdown mode.
Rob #2 is enjoying the freedom and lower stress about food every day, but Rob #2 is pushing envelopes and is not totally a good influence.
So far, I have had to excursions to the top of my goal range, and a slight tightening of the reins has brought me back into the lower half of the range. So that part is working, but I cannot let that be the reason to constantly threaten the top of the range. I am trying to settle into a balance between the two Rob's, and I think (Hope? Pray?) it is possible.
As usual, Aylajane has the 'right' answer (in my opinion) by refocusing on health and fitness, I think all of the voices in my head will align into the choir that I know they can be! It has been an interesting foray into maintenance, and I agree with those who have come before me who say Maintenance is harder than losing. The mental games I unwillingly play with myself would be interesting to study, I bet.
Just about every post you make give me some insight into myself, and I thank you for that.
Rob0 -
That obsessive nature you have (that I have too ) will work to your advantage - just obsess about fitness instead!
And I guess that is a large part of my point. I am tired of being obsessed about ANYTHING. I know you found strength training to be your solution and I am very happy for you! I may end up doing that as well. Thanks for your suggestions.
As usual, Aylajane has the 'right' answer (in my opinion) by refocusing on health and fitness, I think all of the voices in my head will align into the choir that I know they can be! It has been an interesting foray into maintenance, and I agree with those who have come before me who say Maintenance is harder than losing. The mental games I unwillingly play with myself would be interesting to study, I bet.
Just about every post you make give me some insight into myself, and I thank you for that.
Rob
The "choir"-- YES---- that is what I want-- BALANCE. But so hard to find. Good to know I am not alone-- thanks.0 -
I am just over two years out and I feel like we are going through the same things! I have gone up a few pounds and I am not happy about it. I also had the freak out/not freak out moments. I had to stop and really think about what I wanted and what I was feeling. I want to lose what I gained and maybe a bit more. I was feeling a little bit like I had lost control and I had to do a little soul searching to figure out why. I stopped being critical of myself. I remind myself every morning that I have am healthy and beautiful and I did (and I am still doing) wonderful things for myself. I regrouped and refocused and now my main goals are to do the things that are good for me, as simple as that might sound. I have to remind myself that I do deserve it.
Rob is right, maintenance is harder than losing. There is so much trial and error to figure out what works. When something doesn't work, we tend to be hard on ourselves when we should really be more kind to ourselves. We tried something, it didn't work, so we just need to move on and try something else. It doesn't make us failures or hypocrites. We are works in progress, and for most of us, we are in uncharted territory. We'll figure it out.
Thaeda, you will figure out what works for you. Maybe there is even an option 3 out there that you haven't discovered yet! I really do appreciate you sharing. It makes me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel as I am going through this journey.
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Rob is right, maintenance is harder than losing. There is so much trial and error to figure out what works. When something doesn't work, we tend to be hard on ourselves when we should really be more kind to ourselves. We tried something, it didn't work, so we just need to move on and try something else. It doesn't make us failures or hypocrites. We are works in progress, and for most of us, we are in uncharted territory. We'll figure it out.
Thaeda, you will figure out what works for you. Maybe there is even an option 3 out there that you haven't discovered yet! I really do appreciate you sharing. It makes me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel as I am going through this journey.
I never thought I would agree that maintenance is harder than losing, but it really is. And I thank you for allowing me to slide off the "hypocrite" hook I had hung myself on. I so appreciate your confidence in me-- and yes-- I remain hopeful there is a third option I have not considered.
I was messaging back and forth on Facebook with an elder sister whose opinion I value greatly (and who is a tremendous source of love and support in my life). She suggested that those 7-8 pounds I have put on need to go-- that settling in and being ok with weight gain is not a path that is in my interests. I tend to agree with her. She also said that for some folks, lifelong discipline is what is required to maintain an "ideal" weight. It is perhaps unfair, but no less reality. I hear that, too. She did not advise obsession or severe restriction-- but I agreed that I had been indulging in sugar stuff more often than I should and I know (besides the obvious effect on my weight) that this is a bad idea. I just feel so God-awful when I do not eat right. It is not compassionate for me to eat that which I know has poor effects on my health.
So at this point I am in agreement to tightening up the eats -- no more sugar/white stuff. Not even a bite-- at least for the next few weeks (I know Thanksgiving looms on the horizon!!). As to caloric restriction and that-- no sure where I am.0 -
I am with you, when I don't eat right, I don't feel right. I was also letting more sugar in my world than I should have, and it brought back a lot of the "old" thinking and feelings, if you know what I mean, and that made me more uncomfortable than any food ever could. I did a lot of journaling, and I did the 5 day pouch test to clean the slate. Both really helped get me back to where I feel I need to be.0
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Hello..................... I posted this same issue not long ago - and yes, you told me to love myself. And trust me, I do - I had a recent visit with my surgeon, nut and psych. They all told me to watch what I eat and lose the extra 8 pounds I put on. Initially I freaked - gone up 8 lbs.! But I look healthier. Your advice has always been great. Read what you have written to others and take it in. My surgeon said he was not worried. If it was over 10 lbs., then yes, he would be concerned. I got rid of the Hershey's with almonds (my go to snack) - got them out of the house. As they say, you are what you eat. In fact I heard that from Christy Brinkley just the other day on a show. WE can all do this.
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capecodgirl50 wrote: »Hello..................... I posted this same issue not long ago - and yes, you told me to love myself. And trust me, I do - I had a recent visit with my surgeon, nut and psych. They all told me to watch what I eat and lose the extra 8 pounds I put on. Initially I freaked - gone up 8 lbs.! But I look healthier. Your advice has always been great. Read what you have written to others and take it in. My surgeon said he was not worried. If it was over 10 lbs., then yes, he would be concerned. I got rid of the Hershey's with almonds (my go to snack) - got them out of the house. As they say, you are what you eat. In fact I heard that from Christy Brinkley just the other day on a show. WE can all do this.
You know what-- I HAD forgotten my own advice. Too much not being good to me. Not enough self-care. Thanks for the reminder. 0 -
I am with you, when I don't eat right, I don't feel right. I was also letting more sugar in my world than I should have, and it brought back a lot of the "old" thinking and feelings, if you know what I mean, and that made me more uncomfortable than any food ever could. I did a lot of journaling, and I did the 5 day pouch test to clean the slate. Both really helped get me back to where I feel I need to be.
Hmmmm not sure I can endure the pouch test... but I am mega low carb today and I am already starting to feel a little clearer. Sugar makes me so foggy and emotional-- and it is like I get amnesia every time I start eating it-- totally forgetting how awful I feel when I eat it. Weird!!0 -
I really love reading your posts and although I am not nearly as far into my journey as you are in yours (only 9 months post VSG) I will most likely be hitting my maintenance period shortly and I am finding that I really need to start taking a good look at how things are going with my own..I've started slipping and I hate messing with things that work, but since it's not working for me anymore I better get myself back on track and think about where I started, where I am and where I want to be, and how to be the best to myself...and your honest posts always inspire me to do that. Thank you0
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I really love reading your posts and although I am not nearly as far into my journey as you are in yours (only 9 months post VSG) I will most likely be hitting my maintenance period shortly and I am finding that I really need to start taking a good look at how things are going with my own..I've started slipping and I hate messing with things that work, but since it's not working for me anymore I better get myself back on track and think about where I started, where I am and where I want to be, and how to be the best to myself...and your honest posts always inspire me to do that. Thank you
The name of the game is kindness under every circumstance. You are wise to know this and to be already making adjustments to that end. The tricky part can sometimes be figuring out what "kindness" to self looks like! But we are all in this together. 0 -
The name of the game is kindness under every circumstance. You are wise to know this and to be already making adjustments to that end. The tricky part can sometimes be figuring out what "kindness" to self looks like! But we are all in this together.
So much THIS!!! I feel like when I was weighing 386 lbs, I was beating myself up, and having surgery was just a part of my journey of treating myself right and loving myself and taking care of myself. Thaeda, your words of wisdom struck yet another chord, thank you!!!
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So much THIS!!! I feel like when I was weighing 386 lbs, I was beating myself up, and having surgery was just a part of my journey of treating myself right and loving myself and taking care of myself. Thaeda, your words of wisdom struck yet another chord, thank you!!!
I feel the same way. When I start panicking about gaining ALL of the weight back, I remember that my entire life has changed-- not necessarily because of the size of my stomach- but because of how differently I live my life today-- and how I now absolutely insist on compassion towards myself. I am humbled to have been a help. 0 -
Can I make an off the wall suggestion? I'm at my absolute best when I feel like my spirit is full. I think you can take your time getting the 7 lbs off without hyper obsessing if you channel your focus elsewhere. I've recently gotten back on the wagon with tracking, and I don't find it the chore that I used to because that's not where my attention is at.
I've been rediscovering a lost passion of mine. I used to be somewhat talented with digital artwork. I hold a M.S. in Digital Media, but I don't work in the field. I spend quite a bit of my time thinking about my projects. I've always had good handwriting so I've also been jumping into the world of calligraphy.
It won't add or take off any of the excess weight that I have, but it's something I get to look forward to doing. It's something I love, and it makes dieting and exercising less of a chore and more of a part of my routine.0 -
Can I make an off the wall suggestion? I'm at my absolute best when I feel like my spirit is full. I think you can take your time getting the 7 lbs off without hyper obsessing if you channel your focus elsewhere. I've recently gotten back on the wagon with tracking, and I don't find it the chore that I used to because that's not where my attention is at.
Not "off the wall" at all-- in fact, quite brilliant! I think part of the reason I am so focused on the regain is because I am not working right now-- I have a job, but until the PA legislature passes a budget, there is no funding for my agency and therefore, no work. ACK. I will make a more concerted effort to have things in my schedule that help me feel fabby. TY!0
