Now that the dust has settled...
Thaeda
Posts: 834 Member
Thanks much to everyone who chimed in on my "weighing my options" post-- I really appreciate the support and ideas shared there.
Now that my emotional furor has died down and I have had a few days off of sugar (which for me, ALWAYS results in a clearer head), I wanted to share my thoughts today and my plans moving forward. First, I was reminded that while I do a lot of preaching about self-love, I can very easily slip into a place where love for myself is conditional on that stupid number between my feet when I step on the scale. It is very easy to be all lovey-dovey when that number is what I want it to be. Far less so the further it moves away from that ideal. I am committed to affirming the goodness of my body regardless of that number. I am committed to being gentle and loving towards myself like I would be a dear friend or a sister or one of my children. No blaming, shaming, or "should"s.
Second, I am reminded (for the 432nd time) of the importance of eating well for the sake of my physical health to be sure, but also my emotional health and well being. I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I eat right. It is not about sticking to my diet. It is about being able to show up 100% for myself and for those in my circle of influence. I cannot do that if I am reactive, exhausted, and full of drama over food. Anyone who has followed my posts knows when it comes to my "realization" about the impact of sugar on me, this sounds like Groundhog Day-- same thing all over again. LOL I suppose the lesson will keep presenting itself until I truly get it!
So moving forward I am committed to continuing to exercise regularly (because it feels delicious and I love it). I am committed to tracking my food for the next little while- maybe the next week or so-- just to be sure I am within the range of carbs I prefer to be in to keep feeling good. After that, I don't know. It seems kind of redundant. I eat a lot of the same things over and over- I know what has sugar in it and what doesn't.
Most importantly, I am committed to a guilt-free, obsession-free way of life. If I eat cake, I eat it. No big-- just have protein next time. If I skip a workout, not a problem-- just get to that next spinning or yoga class. Is my inner critic telling me I am "still too fat"?- Not a problem. I can thank her for sharing and remind myself that I am whole, complete, and perfect just the way I am.
As was mentioned in the thread of my last post-- maintenance is a journey and a process--we see what works, tweak, change, fall back, move ahead--- it is like some kind of crazy dance. I am committed to staying on the dance floor until I learn the moves by heart - and until I can move with joy and freedom in every step.
Now that my emotional furor has died down and I have had a few days off of sugar (which for me, ALWAYS results in a clearer head), I wanted to share my thoughts today and my plans moving forward. First, I was reminded that while I do a lot of preaching about self-love, I can very easily slip into a place where love for myself is conditional on that stupid number between my feet when I step on the scale. It is very easy to be all lovey-dovey when that number is what I want it to be. Far less so the further it moves away from that ideal. I am committed to affirming the goodness of my body regardless of that number. I am committed to being gentle and loving towards myself like I would be a dear friend or a sister or one of my children. No blaming, shaming, or "should"s.
Second, I am reminded (for the 432nd time) of the importance of eating well for the sake of my physical health to be sure, but also my emotional health and well being. I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I eat right. It is not about sticking to my diet. It is about being able to show up 100% for myself and for those in my circle of influence. I cannot do that if I am reactive, exhausted, and full of drama over food. Anyone who has followed my posts knows when it comes to my "realization" about the impact of sugar on me, this sounds like Groundhog Day-- same thing all over again. LOL I suppose the lesson will keep presenting itself until I truly get it!
So moving forward I am committed to continuing to exercise regularly (because it feels delicious and I love it). I am committed to tracking my food for the next little while- maybe the next week or so-- just to be sure I am within the range of carbs I prefer to be in to keep feeling good. After that, I don't know. It seems kind of redundant. I eat a lot of the same things over and over- I know what has sugar in it and what doesn't.
Most importantly, I am committed to a guilt-free, obsession-free way of life. If I eat cake, I eat it. No big-- just have protein next time. If I skip a workout, not a problem-- just get to that next spinning or yoga class. Is my inner critic telling me I am "still too fat"?- Not a problem. I can thank her for sharing and remind myself that I am whole, complete, and perfect just the way I am.
As was mentioned in the thread of my last post-- maintenance is a journey and a process--we see what works, tweak, change, fall back, move ahead--- it is like some kind of crazy dance. I am committed to staying on the dance floor until I learn the moves by heart - and until I can move with joy and freedom in every step.
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OMG Thaeda you MUST write a book about WLS and dieting etc. Every word out of your mouth just resonates with me on such a deep level. Such a fantastic post. The reality for me is I might always have to track every morsel of food I put in my trap. But what if I didn't? What if I could get to that peaceful phase of maintenance loving myself while staying diligent to eating well and exercising?not having that vicious cycle of self loathing and shame. The way you speak of this it makes it seem possible and something I too could obtain! I will definitely be following this thread!0
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seaghdha1072 wrote: »OMG Thaeda you MUST write a book about WLS and dieting etc. Every word out of your mouth just resonates with me on such a deep level. Such a fantastic post. The reality for me is I might always have to track every morsel of food I put in my trap. But what if I didn't? What if I could get to that peaceful phase of maintenance loving myself while staying diligent to eating well and exercising?not having that vicious cycle of self loathing and shame. The way you speak of this it makes it seem possible and something I too could obtain! I will definitely be following this thread!
I am so glad you find my ramblings helpful. I will definitely keep updating. I attended a conference this weekend. I was seated RIGHT next to the dessert table last night at dinner. Yes, I did have cake-- but just one piece and I did not let it slide into a "sugar feast" - this morning, I was right back to protein! 0 -
I really needed this today. I have not been on here for about a month and I have not been following my plan. My suriversary date was Oct. 16 and I have totally fallen off of the wagon. I am up 5 lbs, my pants are feeling tight and I am really scared. I know that I have to get back to focusing on me and loving myself. You always seem to have the inspiration I need to get back on track. So I am going to make today the first day of back on the program. Thanks again Thaeda.0
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Every time I need some sound words you post! I sweat it! I am still struggling to come to terms with being at maintenance without actually hitting goal. Accepting that getting 71% of my excess weight off might be as good as it gets is hard for me, but then you post here about being kind to yourself and being a peace with your body. I so needed to hear this today. Thank you for your words os wisdom and acceptance! You continue to be a great mentor to so many of us.0
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I really needed this today. I have not been on here for about a month and I have not been following my plan. My suriversary date was Oct. 16 and I have totally fallen off of the wagon. I am up 5 lbs, my pants are feeling tight and I am really scared. I know that I have to get back to focusing on me and loving myself. You always seem to have the inspiration I need to get back on track. So I am going to make today the first day of back on the program. Thanks again Thaeda.
I know that scared feeling. This might seem a little off topic, but hang in there with me-- there is a method to my madness: A few years ago I was living really "scared". I was scared to not be liked, I was scared to be vulnerable, I was scared to try new things. Until one day, I woke up and said "I am TIRED of being scared of EVERYTHING!". From that moment on, I made a decision to start doing whatever it was that scared me. This meant I went horseback riding on vacation (I am scared to death of horses). It meant I went indoor rock climbing (I am scared of heights). It meant i participated in an outdoor yoga demonstration (while I still weighed 300 pounds amongst all of the skinny "Gumby girls") even though I was terrified. My point is this- every time I did something that scared me, I realized the FEAR of the thing felt WAY scarier than actually doing the thing I was scared to do. I discovered something really important--I was MAKING IT UP in my head---the fear was what I imagined when I thought about doing the "thing", but doing the actual "thing" was NEVER as bad as what I was afraid of.
Ok, so I said that to say this- Fear of regain is real. I have had it and talked a lot about it in this forum. But what I know from my lessons (learned above) is that things rarely are as bad as fear makes them out to be. Gaining 5 pounds does NOT automatically mean I am going to gain all of the weight back. All it means is that I gained 5 pounds. My pants being a little too tight does not mean I am going to wake up one day and none of my clothes will fit. It just means my pants are a little too tight. Reminding myself to stay present and not get too far ahead into fear can help me keep regain panic to a minimum.
I think your decision to be good to you is an awesome one! Eat well, move when it feels good, and above all, LOVE YOU!! 0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »Every time I need some sound words you post! I sweat it! I am still struggling to come to terms with being at maintenance without actually hitting goal. Accepting that getting 71% of my excess weight off might be as good as it gets is hard for me, but then you post here about being kind to yourself and being a peace with your body. I so needed to hear this today. Thank you for your words os wisdom and acceptance! You continue to be a great mentor to so many of us.
Pat,
I cannot imagine how hard it is to have to face the fact that "thin" may not happen when that was the reason you had the surgery. If I were in your shoes, it might take me a long time before I was ready to let go of the need to lose all my excess weight, to realize that 71% might be as good as it gets. And yet, now that you find yourself ready (or almost ready) to do just that, think of all that lies ahead for you! No more feeling like you are "not quite there yet". You will get to feel like you have arrived!! "Tah-dahhhhhh", you will say as you enter any room "Here I am!! I have done my best and it is enough and I am quite fabulous!"- and anyone paying attention will be able to see just how fabulous you are! And you will be able to wake up each day full of confidence that you are just where you should be, and full of pride in yourself for being the awesome YOU that you are!! Wonderful!! 0 -
[I think your decision to be good to you is an awesome one! Eat well, move when it feels good, and above all, LOVE YOU!![/quote]
Thank you Thaeda.0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »Every time I need some sound words you post! I sweat it! I am still struggling to come to terms with being at maintenance without actually hitting goal. Accepting that getting 71% of my excess weight off might be as good as it gets is hard for me, but then you post here about being kind to yourself and being a peace with your body. I so needed to hear this today. Thank you for your words os wisdom and acceptance! You continue to be a great mentor to so many of us.
Pat,
I cannot imagine how hard it is to have to face the fact that "thin" may not happen when that was the reason you had the surgery. If I were in your shoes, it might take me a long time before I was ready to let go of the need to lose all my excess weight, to realize that 71% might be as good as it gets. And yet, now that you find yourself ready (or almost ready) to do just that, think of all that lies ahead for you! No more feeling like you are "not quite there yet". You will get to feel like you have arrived!! "Tah-dahhhhhh", you will say as you enter any room "Here I am!! I have done my best and it is enough and I am quite fabulous!"- and anyone paying attention will be able to see just how fabulous you are! And you will be able to wake up each day full of confidence that you are just where you should be, and full of pride in yourself for being the awesome YOU that you are!! Wonderful!!
Thaeda! You are such a good friend, encourager and motivator! I really appreciate you so very much!0 -
pawoodhull wrote: »[
Thaeda! You are such a good friend, encourager and motivator! I really appreciate you so very much!
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Offering an update.....
Thanksgiving was fun and full of FOOD!! By the time the weekend was over I was up a total of 13 pounds above what I call my "happy place" (my "happy place" has been my average weight for 6 months before I started slowly gaining in Oct/Nov). So I panicked a little. The Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend, I saw a woman out jogging in front of my house. She was stick thin-- just SUPER skinny-- and I said to myself "OMG. I want to look like THAT!!". So, I decided I was going to restrict as much as possible, and exercise like mad and I was going to get myself skinny! Fortunately, in a day or so my sanity returned. I have already lost 6 of the 13 pounds I had "gained" (if there is any question as to how much my body detests refined carbs, water retention offers a clue!).
Since restricting and exercising myself to death was off of the table, here is what I am doing... (I know this might not be a strategy that works for everyone, but it seems to work well for me). I am keeping my calories as low as possible during the day. For the most part, I am pretty busy and distracted and it is not hard. I am making nutritive choices, but low calorie ones. Why? Because I am a night time eater. I always have been and it is not something I am willing to change right now. If I want to lose weight, I want to keep my cals. at 1700 or lower. The most painless way for me to do that is this strategy. So far, it seems to be working well. I do not feel like I am "starvng" or anything during the day, I get to have the snacks I want at night, and I appear to be losing some of what I regained. YAY. I understand this is not necessarily ideal, but it is what is working for me right now.
In all honesty, I cannot say that the KRAYZEE part of me who thought it would be a good idea to look rail-thin has completely left the building. She is hanging out in the lobby right now...pacing and muttering. But for the present, she is at least keeping to herself. 0 -
I also seem to gravitate towards eating more in the evenings. I find if I eat larger meals during the day I almost always go over my calories in the evenings. I do have a breakfast protein shake in the morning, so I am not starving myself during the day. most of the time a lighter lunch and a healthy snack. dinner is usually my most substantial meal and then sometimes I can work in a small snack/dessert/mini meal sometime between dinner and bed (which is usually about 5 hours after dinner)
Perception is so funny. I look at you in your profile and think to myself. Wow, how could I ever get to that size!?! I realize I might be an inspiration to others at the size that I am at now even though I feel much bigger then I want to be. I try to not be as frustrated at my BFF when she is down on herself for her size because I would be so grateful to be where she is at.0 -
@murphyraven Yeah-- I faced the same issue-- if I eat "normally" all day, I end up with too many calories OR I end up fighting cravings all night long-- no fun at all! My favorite thing to do at the end of the day is watch TV and eat. Yes, I know-- terrible habit-- but not one I am willing to change yet. So I figure instead of fighting it, why not work it into my strategy?
You are right- preception is a tricky beast. And I can appreciate that I am about 40 pounds lighter and 4 sizes smaller than I have ever been in my ENTIRE life pre-surgery (and for much of that time I was way larger than that). And yet....my Inner Critic shakes her head and wags her finger at me and says "Not thin enough, Missy". I think no matter what size we are, we all end up having to face that Inner Critic.
These days, when I face her I am better able to say "Hey! I am whole, complete, and perfect- RIGHT NOW. You can talk to the hand." But I still have days when I feel "less than" for not being quite "thin enough". I am a work in progress.0 -
I think your plan for eating has to be what works for you. If this is it, then do it. Just don't let night time eating be junk. I don't think your body detests carbs. Your body will hold on to 3gm of water for every 1 gm of carbs stored. As a runner you know how important it is to store glycogen. As for being thinner, that has to be something you are comfortable with. That super skinny runner is probably so thin because excessive cardio will cause you to lose muscle as well as fat. Keep your brain on healthy instead of weight. That is what's important. I think for those of use who spent so many years overweight, it is hard for our brains to wrap around "normal". Some days I don't see or feel the weight loss yet there it is on the scale 144 lbs gone.0
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Just don't let night time eating be junk. I don't think your body detests carbs.
Sometimes it is junk. Sometimes it isn't. Just being honest.
I hadn't considered the possibility of losing muscle doing too much cardio. I reaaallly like cardio. I know I need to do more strength training, but I hate it. Might need to make that a NY resolution.0 -
I keep calories for evening snacking as well. I think as long as you are getting enough protein in your lighter calorie meals during the day and trying to avoid junk eating at night you should continue to be fine. Evidence of this is your loss of the regain. As usual, you seem to know what works best for you. Good job kiddo!0
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Pat- yeah I am pretty happy that my regain is coming off steadily. I'm looking forward to being back to my usual weight so I can be a little less restrictive, but I think occasionally tightening things up is good practice. It reminds me that I am in control of me- not food (unless it involves high quality cake- in which case all bets are OFF!!).0
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I like your plan. I am much like you - I have decent to awesome self control during the day, but after 5pm all bets are off and I will eat everything in sight. So I take advantage of that - I budget a minimum of 1000 calories for 5pm on. That leaves me 500-1000 (depending on what my goal happens to be that day) to spread throughout the day. I tend to make a game of seeing how long I can wait in the morning to *start* eating, since once I start it goes downhill.
The other strategy I use is to plan things during the evening. Knowing I have a 5 or 6 hour stretch at home in the evening with the tv and food and all there makes it hard sometimes to even stick to 1000. So I plan a few errands, or schedule a class or tell myself I have to clean because someone is coming over or exercise or something so it takes at least an hour or two out of the evening, to help stretch my budgeted calories easier.
I think the best result of this surgery, and the people who have the most long term success, is the ability and desire to evaluate and learn about myself and work WITH myself. All those diets failed not because I am not capable, but because I could not sustain a total change like that. Looking at myself honestly and acknodwledging what I am unwilling or unable to easily change, and adapting my diet and exercise to work with instead of against it makes such a world of difference. Way to go Thaeda 0 -
I like your plan. I am much like you - I have decent to awesome self control during the day, but after 5pm all bets are off and I will eat everything in sight. So I take advantage of that - I budget a minimum of 1000 calories for 5pm on. That leaves me 500-1000 (depending on what my goal happens to be that day) to spread throughout the day. I tend to make a game of seeing how long I can wait in the morning to *start* eating, since once I start it goes downhill.
So glad to know I am not alone! And yeah-- I play the same game-- try to put off eating as long as I can get away with comfortably.I think the best result of this surgery, and the people who have the most long term success, is the ability and desire to evaluate and learn about myself and work WITH myself. All those diets failed not because I am not capable, but because I could not sustain a total change like that. Looking at myself honestly and acknodwledging what I am unwilling or unable to easily change, and adapting my diet and exercise to work with instead of against it makes such a world of difference. Way to go Thaeda
Thanks-- and I agree with you- a big part of making this "stick" long term is figuring out how to tweak things so that this is MY lifestyle. That is why diets never worked for me. I claimed it was a "lifestyle change", but it was never my lifestyle. Things like eating lots of veggies and allowing myself to experience hunger without freaking out were not things I could do before. Now, they are "normal".
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seaghdha1072 wrote: »OMG Thaeda you MUST write a book about WLS and dieting etc. Every word out of your mouth just resonates with me on such a deep level. Such a fantastic post. The reality for me is I might always have to track every morsel of food I put in my trap. But what if I didn't? What if I could get to that peaceful phase of maintenance loving myself while staying diligent to eating well and exercising?not having that vicious cycle of self loathing and shame. The way you speak of this it makes it seem possible and something I too could obtain! I will definitely be following this thread!
I am so glad you find my ramblings helpful. I will definitely keep updating. I attended a conference this weekend. I was seated RIGHT next to the dessert table last night at dinner. Yes, I did have cake-- but just one piece and I did not let it slide into a "sugar feast" - this morning, I was right back to protein!
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As I was planning my transition to maintenance, I found a book that has resonated deeply with me. Refuse to Regain, by Dr. Barbara Berkeley, put everything into place for me. This physician has coached people through successful maintenance for most of her career. I had already determined that sugars, grains, white flour are toxic to me. There is no moderation with these foods and how my body reacts to them. When I keep them out of my diet, the head hunger and cravings go away. Dr. Berkeley is a proponent of a Palo/primal lifestyle, which also aligns with what I know about my body. I am following a primal plan because I need my Greek yogurt, occasional red wine, and dark chocolate. I highly recommend this book !0
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As I was planning my transition to maintenance, I found a book that has resonated deeply with me. Refuse to Regain, by Dr. Barbara Berkeley, put everything into place for me. This physician has coached people through successful maintenance for most of her career. I had already determined that sugars, grains, white flour are toxic to me. There is no moderation with these foods and how my body reacts to them. When I keep them out of my diet, the head hunger and cravings go away. Dr. Berkeley is a proponent of a Palo/primal lifestyle, which also aligns with what I know about my body. I am following a primal plan because I need my Greek yogurt, occasional red wine, and dark chocolate. I highly recommend this book !
Thanks much for the recommendation. I might check it out. 0
This discussion has been closed.