I find myself lying to family and friends?
daylitemag
Posts: 604 Member
Today is a BIG football day in Canada. Our equivalent of the Super Bowl is today, and I was invited to go to a party at a buddies house. This is something of a tradition. I told him I would be there, but now at the last minute I have lied and said I am sick and can't go. I know that if I go I will have to drink (Vodka Soda) and while it doesn't have carbs I don't want the extra calories. I'm really doing well with staying on plan right now and don't want to mess it up. I can't really tell them the truth, so I'm taking the coward's way out and just lying like a cheap, low-carb rug.
Do you ever lie to your friends or family just to avoid having to eat/drink things you don't want?
p.s. this isn't the first time I've done this, either.
Do you ever lie to your friends or family just to avoid having to eat/drink things you don't want?
p.s. this isn't the first time I've done this, either.
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I used to. Now I'm just straight with them. Of course I've been doing this for 1.5 years...if they haven't figured out what and why by now, they need help.
But I have said that I'm not hungry, or I've already eaten when that wasn't true just to stay on-plan.0 -
@ daylitemag
I often turn down invitations that involve food. And just as often I do not say, it is because I am on a diet.
I think you'll be glad u did not go..if the Vodka would have tempted you to go over your calorie limit. but won't your friends see your post? A lot of people do MFP. 0 -
I find that it's best to follow your own intuition about a situation. Sometimes you might be able to fend off temptation, other times not. Sometimes you can handle the pressures of well meaning friends with honesty, sometimes you fib. Some folks will actually try to sabotage your efforts. I say: my diet - my priorities. I do what I need to do. Sometimes I even slip up. But I get back to it pronto. No excuses. And the results are that I've lost 120 pounds.0
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I understand how you feel, when you are on a roll and do everything right it is really hard to put temptation in your way. When I was doing the old CICO diets I nearly turned into a hermit, avoiding social situations, it was horrible... Now I am the sober driver, I take my own soda water and lemons and I just eat what I like as long as its all very low carb. I sometimes even take some cheese and nuts in my bag, just in case BTW - you are doing really well putting your self and your health first, just don't isolate yourself in the process! 0
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Actually I find reasons to skip out on pot luck meals often or just eat before I go. Just do what you have to do the eat for health.0
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I bet once you get more settled into this woe that you'll be able to be more frank with him. For now, if a white lie works, I think it's not a biggie.
Oh and Woot woot! Go Eskimos! LOL My boys wanted the Redblacks and kept booing me when I would cheer for the green and gold.... I have to admit that the Redblacks had me VERY worried in the first ten minutes of the game though. Yikes! 0 -
Yesterday was a tough day. Hubby made his Grey Cup chilli (with three types of beans) and picked up some gorgeous dinner rolls. I'm not just low carb. I'm primal. I can't eat beans!
He didn't take offence when I didn't partake. But, I wouldn't have wanted to be at someone else's house. Without my own food and kitchen I don't think I would have survived.
I wouldn't feel too bad about lying at this point, but as time goes on (and your victories mount up) hopefully you'll have the confidence to be candid about your dietary situation.0 -
Eating at someone else's house is a much bigger challenge that restaurant eating. At least in a restaurant you have some illusion of control. That is why Thanksgiving (US) was such a big challenge. I understand why you would back out of a situation that probably would cause more stress than pleasure. You did the right thing0
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Shortly after I first started, my husband, kids and I went to have dinner at my brother-in-laws house. He is a very good cook, is T2D, and makes a good effort at eating healthy by the typical standards including reducing sugar, breads and starches. But, he is of the belief that natural sugars don't really count and still eats a fairly high carb diet of the "healthy" carbs.
Anyway, I didn't know what was on the menu so I asked my husband and he didn't know either, so I said that I would bring a snack just in case I couldn't eat much of whatever was made. You would think I had said I thought his brother was planning to poison me! My husband was very irritated with me and didn't even want to go at all if I was planning to bring something for myself. He said that was rude and insulting.
I told him, I would bring something small that I could keep in my purse and would only eat it if I was still hungry due to not being able to get enough to eat and that his brother, of all people would understand if I chose to not eat something he made. I also took a sugar free dessert to share, which hubby wasn't opposed to, but still thought was weird for some reason, even though we always used to bring something in the past when we ate with them. He just assumed nobody would like my dessert... He was wrong! Lol
It all turned out fine in the end, and since that day, there has never been another issue. Hubby now understands that eating my way gets results and he can't argue with results. So if I want to forgo foods I don't think are healthy, he doesn't even blink. I have talked about my choices to other people when they ask but I'm careful not to suggest that they eat like the human garbage disposals... Like I actually do. Lol
I am really good at not eating the "bad" stuff, so I would never avoid going to a gathering because of it, but if I didn't think I could resist, I probably would feel wary.
I'm never shy about saying that I don't eat certain foods because I believe they are unhealthy for me. I think the real trick is to do it without sounding condescending and shaming to those that do eat them. Which is amazingly challenging.0 -
I agree @Sunny_Bunny_! Stating this tactfully can be challenging! There have been many hurt feelings. I've even been accused of being "hostile" (my sister's word). I'm still learning too!
The strength to resist temptation during settings like this comes with time. Learning more about the woe through reading is important too, so you become completely sure of your choices. Then, you know how to not feel so "different" around the crowd. I probably avoided some social events in the beginning. But, I do remember cutting two birthday cakes in May without licking my fingers, after beginning this woe in March. Your strength will come! Hang in there!0 -
Good point. I tend to whip out the "Ketosis for treating health issues" card when I turn down other people's food. It's easier to take when someone can't eat your foods because of a health issue rather than it appearing that I deem it unhealthy.... which I do but I don't want them to feel judged. LOL
@Karlotapp and @Sunny_Bunny_ Its really is a fine line!0 -
I quit smoking in early June a few years ago.... that summer I completely ostracized myself socially and declined all the bonfire type invitations by honestly saying I wasn't strong enough to be in that situation and not light up a cigarette. Everyone understood and supported me and I was often still part of the party all evening with text msgs etc. Reactions are very different when it comes to food. Guess people don't view the carb addiction the same way. I've been a non-smoker for 3.5 years. It was easier than this carb stuff. Do what you need to do for you.0
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If you felt you would be in a situation that would be uncomfortable or out of control, then the skip on this one is fine.
But as a comparison, I used to skip parties because I was ashamed at how heavy I had gotten and I didn't have anything to wear that didn't make me look huge. I was uncomfortable and unhappy with myself. Sadly, I missed out on a lot of good times which only made me unhappier. It was a vicious circle and really sad as I look back. Now that I've lost some weight and fitting back into my clothes, I've started coming out of seclusion, even though I am now in situations where I don't want to eat or drink. This past weekend was a reminder of the awkwardness of sitting at a table and not eating carbs. I survived though, after doing this woe for over the past 7 mos. it's really becoming a way of life and I have found the courage to just say, "No thank you".
One thing that struck me, having felt the same way many times. You wrote:
"I know that if I go I will have to drink (Vodka Soda) and while it doesn't have carbs I don't want the extra calories". I can tell you, from my own personal experience, the big lie may be the one you told yourself. I was a big drinker before I started this. Initially, it did require a lot of willpower and overcoming peer pressure (even at 50 years old! LOL). I thought I HAD to drink for the many excuses I made to myself. But now, I can actually go out and have just soda water or club soda with lime that I bring with me everywhere. I also drink tea. While others are drinking alcohol it is so tempting to jump in, but it IS doable to not drink those calories and still enjoy being around people who do. Especially, if you don't want to lose your weight loss momentum. If I'm tempted, I just think of all the time and work I put into this journey and it helps me stay on track and still go out and have a good time - without continuing to miss out on life. I wish you strength and happiness! It gets only better with time.0 -
@daylitemag I've noticed a consistent feeling about some of your posts that I've read. You seem to be struggling with the emotional aspect of letting go of a certain lifestyle (I felt the same way exactly, it felt like a real loss). I get anxiety at the idea of going to a gathering where there will be alcohol and junk food, where as I used to be the life of the party. It does get easier. But I still see these things as a threat to my health as I don't trust myself to stand around like boring Bob and "be good". I have been known to lie to friends who suggest "catching up at the pub", telling them I wasn't well and couldn't make it. I allow myself to go occasionally, but not all the time anymore. I also still get a bit grumpy when my partner decides to have a few beers on the weekend, I mean it's his right to do so but it annoys me because I either join him, or feel like I'm missing out being all sober and sensible.
One thing that has helped though is remembering where 20 years of drinking and smoking and eating with abandon has gotten me, and accepting that there comes a time where you either stop, or pay the price with a short and unhealthy life. I'm much more scared of my mortality at 40 than I was at 20.0 -
I can get away with "i'm fasting" at the religious gatherings where I go and where sanctified food is a big big thing. You're expected to share, it's huge in the philosophy too (kitchen religion). So yesterday I did the "I'm fasting", took a little bit of the glorious cauliflower curry so it looked like I was eating. Next weekend a big thing at the main temple, where there are even better cooks. So I'll do my "I'm fasting" shpiel there too and bring MCT oil and protein powder for sustenance.0
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Does anyone get asked if they are sure they aren't developing a "problem" with food -- i.e., anorexia or orthorexia? A friend who has two daughters now in their early 20s told me that she wouldn't recommend using MFP to them because she doesn't want them to become obsessed with dieting. She probably thinks I am! (She's quite obese, her daughters are normal weight.) It made me wonder...0
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EbonyDahlia wrote: »@daylitemag I've noticed a consistent feeling about some of your posts that I've read. You seem to be struggling with the emotional aspect of letting go of a certain lifestyle (I felt the same way exactly, it felt like a real loss). I get anxiety at the idea of going to a gathering where there will be alcohol and junk food, where as I used to be the life of the party. It does get easier. But I still see these things as a threat to my health as I don't trust myself to stand around like boring Bob and "be good". I have been known to lie to friends who suggest "catching up at the pub", telling them I wasn't well and couldn't make it. I allow myself to go occasionally, but not all the time anymore. I also still get a bit grumpy when my partner decides to have a few beers on the weekend, I mean it's his right to do so but it annoys me because I either join him, or feel like I'm missing out being all sober and sensible.
One thing that has helped though is remembering where 20 years of drinking and smoking and eating with abandon has gotten me, and accepting that there comes a time where you either stop, or pay the price with a short and unhealthy life. I'm much more scared of my mortality at 40 than I was at 20.
You've pretty much nailed it. I've spent my entire life drinking and eating like the proverbial party animal. All of my friends do the same. It is also a big part of my profession. I could literally be out every night of the week at one function or another. It scares the heck out of me the idea of trying to change this as it essentially means changing who I am at a basic level. However as I get older I'm finding it easier to say no to some things and in this case it was easier to just pretend I was sick. This particular crowd would not have understood me saying I'm watching what I eat. We are talking typical "guy guys" who live to raz one and other and who drink at every occasion. To hang around with them and not drink would be boring as hell.
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Does anyone get asked if they are sure they aren't developing a "problem" with food -- i.e., anorexia or orthorexia? A friend who has two daughters now in their early 20s told me that she wouldn't recommend using MFP to them because she doesn't want them to become obsessed with dieting. She probably thinks I am! (She's quite obese, her daughters are normal weight.) It made me wonder...
I'm about 100lbs away from anyone having that worry with me. LOL0 -
daylitemag wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »@daylitemag I've noticed a consistent feeling about some of your posts that I've read. You seem to be struggling with the emotional aspect of letting go of a certain lifestyle (I felt the same way exactly, it felt like a real loss). I get anxiety at the idea of going to a gathering where there will be alcohol and junk food, where as I used to be the life of the party. It does get easier. But I still see these things as a threat to my health as I don't trust myself to stand around like boring Bob and "be good". I have been known to lie to friends who suggest "catching up at the pub", telling them I wasn't well and couldn't make it. I allow myself to go occasionally, but not all the time anymore. I also still get a bit grumpy when my partner decides to have a few beers on the weekend, I mean it's his right to do so but it annoys me because I either join him, or feel like I'm missing out being all sober and sensible.
One thing that has helped though is remembering where 20 years of drinking and smoking and eating with abandon has gotten me, and accepting that there comes a time where you either stop, or pay the price with a short and unhealthy life. I'm much more scared of my mortality at 40 than I was at 20.
You've pretty much nailed it. I've spent my entire life drinking and eating like the proverbial party animal. All of my friends do the same. It is also a big part of my profession. I could literally be out every night of the week at one function or another. It scares the heck out of me the idea of trying to change this as it essentially means changing who I am at a basic level. However as I get older I'm finding it easier to say no to some things and in this case it was easier to just pretend I was sick. This particular crowd would not have understood me saying I'm watching what I eat. We are talking typical "guy guys" who live to raz one and other and who drink at every occasion. To hang around with them and not drink would be boring as hell.
Uh oh. You might want to start making some new friends! But those are very positive changes, personally, not only for your health.
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I would say lieing is probably never the answer and I don't know how I feel about the mindset of becoming a reclusive dieter as a long term thing. Its tricky I see both sides. On the one hand someone who goes to AA meetings probably doesn't go to the bar too often. On the other hand, at some point avoiding social situations can cause you to resent the diet ( i know it does for me).
I've found when I'm honest up front about my goals (I'm not drinking today because I'm kicking *kitten* on my diet right now) people are generally positive about it.
It sucks because I hate being honest about my feelings and such but it typically yields the best results.0 -
Great comments everyone! I am quite open about trying to lose weight and will answer questions from anyone who asks. As I've said in other posts, this ain't my first rodeo. I've lost weight many times and dealt with the questions and positive comments from people who know me.
There are just certain situations where it is easier for me to tell "a little white lie" than it is to be completely honest.
Alcohol is something I have to deal with both in my personal and professional life. It's always been a part of my life. As I get older (47 now) it becomes less so. I drink much less now than I did when I was younger. Nowadays I try to limit drinking to one day a week and try to make the most of it. By that I mean, there has to be a good reason before I will consume those calories. For example, if it will be good for business/networking or if it is with close friends in a social setting. I never drink at home (wife doesn't drink) and even now when I do drink I consume far less than I did when I was younger.0 -
You definitely need to do what's right for you. When I first started in June I deliberately turned down invitations where I couldn't control my food and I offered to be DD when there was a situation that involved alcohol. Since then, I have started bringing low carb friendly snacks and most of my friends and family are on board now that they have seen how much healthier I am. I do have one issue with a friend who is having a cookie swap at her house. I told her that I couldn't go because that would be the equivalent of inviting an alcoholic to a wine tasting. She thinks I am a little nuts but I am standing firm on this one. I thought about lying about having a conflict or some other excuse but decided to be honest because that's the truth. I'm a food addict and some things I just can't have, even in a small portion.0
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It was the Grey Cup (America's equivalent to the Super Bowl) though! It's good you chose to avoid the temptation that situation would bring. Your experience during the playoffs showed your weaknesses at this point. I don't believe you will become quite recluse either. I think you made the best decision for your circumstances. Next time you'll be stronger with this woe and able to handle it differently. Best to you!0
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daylitemag wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »@daylitemag I've noticed a consistent feeling about some of your posts that I've read. You seem to be struggling with the emotional aspect of letting go of a certain lifestyle (I felt the same way exactly, it felt like a real loss). I get anxiety at the idea of going to a gathering where there will be alcohol and junk food, where as I used to be the life of the party. It does get easier. But I still see these things as a threat to my health as I don't trust myself to stand around like boring Bob and "be good". I have been known to lie to friends who suggest "catching up at the pub", telling them I wasn't well and couldn't make it. I allow myself to go occasionally, but not all the time anymore. I also still get a bit grumpy when my partner decides to have a few beers on the weekend, I mean it's his right to do so but it annoys me because I either join him, or feel like I'm missing out being all sober and sensible.
One thing that has helped though is remembering where 20 years of drinking and smoking and eating with abandon has gotten me, and accepting that there comes a time where you either stop, or pay the price with a short and unhealthy life. I'm much more scared of my mortality at 40 than I was at 20.
You've pretty much nailed it. I've spent my entire life drinking and eating like the proverbial party animal. All of my friends do the same. It is also a big part of my profession. I could literally be out every night of the week at one function or another. It scares the heck out of me the idea of trying to change this as it essentially means changing who I am at a basic level. However as I get older I'm finding it easier to say no to some things and in this case it was easier to just pretend I was sick. This particular crowd would not have understood me saying I'm watching what I eat. We are talking typical "guy guys" who live to raz one and other and who drink at every occasion. To hang around with them and not drink would be boring as hell.
I've also spent years in this type of professional environment. It's a very hard thing to get past because you're right, it's a lifestyle that defines you.0 -
I haven't lied to avoid events with food/drink. I go and either choose to indulge, or not to indulge in whatever. There is always something you can substitute that isn't a problem. It hasn't made my weight loss grind to a screeching halt. Maybe I would have lost more if I didn't.... but I don't want to sit home thinking "oh, I can't possibly go and consume extra calories." Another option is to budget for those extra calories, you can eat 50 less calories per day for a week to account for the extra at the event. That isn't enough to feel deprived.0
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I think it's okay to lie in this case!0
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You have to do what's best for you. Don't stress over it0
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I haven't lied to avoid events with food/drink. I go and either choose to indulge, or not to indulge in whatever. There is always something you can substitute that isn't a problem. It hasn't made my weight loss grind to a screeching halt. Maybe I would have lost more if I didn't.... but I don't want to sit home thinking "oh, I can't possibly go and consume extra calories." Another option is to budget for those extra calories, you can eat 50 less calories per day for a week to account for the extra at the event. That isn't enough to feel deprived.
I agree with this, however sometimes there are just too many of these things to be able to "only indulge when you go out" or you're feeling that you're current control is too fragile to risk by such exposure to temptation. After a while you can go to events without it being stressful, but it's important for some to break the cycle first.0 -
I lie when necessary--depends on who I'm dealing with and their discomfort level with whether or not I'm eating normally. I'm all about getting the discussion of what I'm eating/not eating over as quickly as possible. And I have a lot of work-related social events and meals to get through, so I can't afford to indulge "just this once." That's every other day!
I've told people that I had a late breakfast or lunch and am not hungry, or I have a food allergy, or I have blood sugar issues and am under doctor's orders to lay off of [fill in the blank] "while they are running tests." Or that it's causing bad stomach issues and I don't want to throw up. I'll say anything, lol.
The "doctor's orders" one tends to work most quickly. And I feel no guilt at all about it anymore. If that's the only reason people will respect, I'll use it.
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I'm straight up, don't avoid any social functions I would normally attend, but I do bring my own food. I always let the host know in advance, and it hasn't been an issue at all. Most resist with "well what can you eat, I'm happy to make something else for you" but when I explain that it's not just about the fact that I'm grain-free, I also prelog all of my food and am strict on my macros - which means doing my own meal prep to make sure I know exactly what I'm eating. No one cares, I think most of them are almost kind of fascinated by it even though sometimes they get defensive about their own nutrition.
It helps when people ask how much I've lost, because the number is staggering for how little time it has been, so it's hard to argue that this is working for me.
I'm sure Christmas will be another story, my husbands family is going to be annoyed when I don't eat their 7000 treats (Portuguese family HAHA)0
