An experience I thought I'd share
katnoir1
Posts: 128 Member
I'm feeling quite vulnerable about posting this, but I'm hoping that by telling this I might be able to help someone else, and maybe find some people with similar issues for support.
I've always had a lot of issues with food. From childhood I've struggled with food intolerances and allergies. I also found out I have IBS in the last year, leading me to make more cuts from my diet. I can't eat dairy, wheat, fatty/fried foods, and need to limit dried fruits, honey, and processed meats, to name a few. Mostly I cope with these just fine, but sometimes it leads to a bit of a deprivation mentality and huge cravings.
The other night I wasn't feeling the best. I was bloated, in pain, and having all manner of unpleasant digestive issues, and I had no idea why. I'd been eating really well, exercising... there was no reason that I could see for me feeling so bad. After about 24 hours, a self-destructive thought crept into my head. I just thought, "screw it. If I'm going to feel bad anyway, I may as well treat myself, eat what I want." So I pulled out the ice cream. And the biscuits. And before I knew it I was having a blow-out.
Needless to say that a few hours later I was sorely regretting that decision. I was so bloated that I couldn't sit or lie down. I was on my hands and knees in excruciating pain, nauseated, vomiting, and feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. I'd really hit rock bottom.
I suddenly realised that I wasn't treating myself, just treating myself badly. I wasn't respecting my body at all, and I was trading 3 days of torture for a few minutes of pleasure.
I made the decision then and there to never abuse myself like that again. I deserve to feel and look amazing. I deserve to be the best I can be.
Maybe that sounds like a cliche. I know it's definitely not that easy. It's not a decision I can make once in a moment of trial that will last forever. It's a decision I have to make every single day, maybe every moment. But I never want to feel like that again, especially not at my own hands.
So that's it. I hope maybe that resonates with at least one other person. And I'm always looking for people to keep me accountable, so if anyone wants some mutual support or would be interested in keeping me good to my word, feel free to add me.
I've always had a lot of issues with food. From childhood I've struggled with food intolerances and allergies. I also found out I have IBS in the last year, leading me to make more cuts from my diet. I can't eat dairy, wheat, fatty/fried foods, and need to limit dried fruits, honey, and processed meats, to name a few. Mostly I cope with these just fine, but sometimes it leads to a bit of a deprivation mentality and huge cravings.
The other night I wasn't feeling the best. I was bloated, in pain, and having all manner of unpleasant digestive issues, and I had no idea why. I'd been eating really well, exercising... there was no reason that I could see for me feeling so bad. After about 24 hours, a self-destructive thought crept into my head. I just thought, "screw it. If I'm going to feel bad anyway, I may as well treat myself, eat what I want." So I pulled out the ice cream. And the biscuits. And before I knew it I was having a blow-out.
Needless to say that a few hours later I was sorely regretting that decision. I was so bloated that I couldn't sit or lie down. I was on my hands and knees in excruciating pain, nauseated, vomiting, and feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. I'd really hit rock bottom.
I suddenly realised that I wasn't treating myself, just treating myself badly. I wasn't respecting my body at all, and I was trading 3 days of torture for a few minutes of pleasure.
I made the decision then and there to never abuse myself like that again. I deserve to feel and look amazing. I deserve to be the best I can be.
Maybe that sounds like a cliche. I know it's definitely not that easy. It's not a decision I can make once in a moment of trial that will last forever. It's a decision I have to make every single day, maybe every moment. But I never want to feel like that again, especially not at my own hands.
So that's it. I hope maybe that resonates with at least one other person. And I'm always looking for people to keep me accountable, so if anyone wants some mutual support or would be interested in keeping me good to my word, feel free to add me.
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Replies
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Thank you so much for your post. I know I can relate to the "screw it" feeling. Sometimes I worry when I'm doing well when is that time going to happen again when I will just mess it all up. I appreciate your post and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience!!0
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I've had those screw it days. It's hard to climb back on the wagon afterwards, so sometimes it takes a day or two to get back on track.0
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I suddenly realised that I wasn't treating myself, just treating myself badly. I wasn't respecting my body at all, and I was trading 3 days of torture for a few minutes of pleasure.
I made the decision then and there to never abuse myself like that again. I deserve to feel and look amazing. I deserve to be the best I can be.
Maybe that sounds like a cliche. I know it's definitely not that easy. It's not a decision I can make once in a moment of trial that will last forever. It's a decision I have to make every single day, maybe every moment. But I never want to feel like that again, especially not at my own hands.
Wow that really resonated with me. I don't know why but I think you're onto something in regards to self-sabotage or abusing yourself. I have gained 80ish pounds in the last 4 years with bouts of overeating and over drinking and it has culminated into a huge depression that I have been going through. I never put two and two together so thank you for turning a light on in my brain. Thankfully, I have rediscovered an woe that works for me and helps me have more energy and a better mood than any rx ever did. My body works so much better when I cut out sugar, so I'm slowly healing my body of my abuse through low carb.0 -
Wow..
"I suddenly realised that I wasn't treating myself, just treating myself badly. I wasn't respecting my body at all, and I was trading 3 days of torture for a few minutes of pleasure.
I made the decision then and there to never abuse myself like that again. I deserve to feel and look amazing. I deserve to be the best I can be."
That really hit home. I've lost weight only to gain it back, due to the "screw it" attitude I had at the time. It can be hard dealing with the ups and downs in life. Thanks for helping me realize that I need to start respecting my body more.
Thanks for sharing.
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