Introductions
mweckler
Posts: 623 Member
Hi my name is Mike and I am a Binge Eater. Until recently I did not know there was a term for it I just thought I really like to eat sweets and chips with reckless abandon. The bad part to this is I am a Chef and a fairly good one and I am also a talented baker of pasties as well. So you see I have the knowledge and ability to craft all sorts of foods and sweets. I would use my ability to make cheesecakes, creme brulee', brownies, cookies whatever and eat them. Now you may think so what a lot of people have a sweet tooth, as do I but mine did not stop at one or 2. I would make a batch of treats to feed a dozen people and finish the whole thing myself. I would buy a bag of chips and eat it all in one sitting. I would buy a bag of candy and eat the whole thing before I made it home in 3 minutes. I would hide these things and more and lie about it to my family. I just had no control at all. I would try to stop and diet, and do good for a little while but one little slip up or a cheat meal would turn into a cheat day/week/month/ everything. I would fail and feel worse so I would binge. I would eat until I felt sick and hated myself. Once I saw a picture my wife made for me of me now 225 pounds next to myself 2 years ago at 160 it was a shock to me as I did not realize what I had done to myself. Even that picture I tried to use it to motivate me to keep me strong but it would not work. I had no control whatsoever. No matter what I did I always craved deeply the things I could not have so the more I deprived myself to harder I would secretly binge, raiding my kids candies and snacks and lying about it to them and my wife. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I had no control. I was not always like this I could maintain a healthy weight, and show moderation when it came to food. But once life started to get a little nuts, having 2 small kids, having an older child go through a lot of mental health issues that caused her to almost take her life, add in some marital problems and it all became too much. So over the last 2 or 3 years the issue has presented itself and has gotten worse. With the help and support of my wife I went I sought out professional help. I laid everything out on the table, explained to her as I am typing to you, she pulled out s flyer and began to ask me a series of questions which I ticked off most of the boxes for and she asked if I had ever heard of Binge Eating Disorder and I said I have not. So here I am 2 days into trying to recover and lead a better life and I hope this post reaches at least one person who is going through something similar and it inspires them to get help.
TL:DR - I have no self control with sweets so I got help and am doing better.
TL:DR - I have no self control with sweets so I got help and am doing better.
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Replies
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That's my story exactly. Except that I've gained 75 pounds in about 4 years. And 20+ of that is in the last 3-4 months while going through marriage counseling. I am seeing my doctor next week, but I've done the online tests and have a binge-eating book and he will really only be confirming what I already know.
<sigh>0 -
My doctor put me on Vyvanse and so fat it is really working very well. I have a decreased appetite and have no urges to binge.0
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so my story also. i remember digging in the chest freezer and eating the hostess my mom hid there. i know i was under 10. i have read stories where people know when it began. i don't so i was just wondering around in this new world trying to remember. someone told me to just stop and move on from today. it didn't really matter. i can't change the past. if you are on facebook there is a wonderful page there called recovery from binge eating disorder. the woman who runs it has help guide me. i am now reading the book intuitive eating. so far so good. i too am on vyvanse and really like the results. my world has been in chaos for the past week. and for the first time i didn't turn to food. it's weird, but, so freeing. doctor told me that i do have a touch of ADD. everyone notices now i don't take off when i see a squirrel LOL. thanks for starting this group. i had logged off for a bit. first step into recovery is get the diet out of your head/world. but, now i really need to know the nutrients i am taking in. the scale is going in the right direction.
hope to be around allot to get help and help others with what i learn too.0 -
I have been on Vyvanse since Thursday and a still figuring out the right dose for me. 50mg seems to be good so far as 70 mg made me feel way too amped up. I know the feeling I have been much calmer and composed when stressed out. Even when my young kids start to act up I am able to stay calm and collected. Instead of putting them in their rooms and eating whatever I can find. I have also noticed a decrease in my appetite as well0
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i so agree on staying calm. it's a weird feeling. i just walk away from things with a smile on my face. i have been on it for about 3 months, 40mg. the only thing i don't like is having to get it filled every month because it's controlled. all my other scripts go through my insurance mail order and 3 month supply with refills for a year. can't with this one.
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I live so close to a pharmacy and pass by it every day so to me it is a non issue. Even if I did not live close, the changes alone I have felt since being on it I would drive 100 miles one way to get the prescription filled lol.0
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Hi everyone! I created a thread pretty recently about binge eating and have gotten a lot of responses. Someone sent me a private message and told me about this group, which I'm really excited about. Up until about a month ago, I haven't used MFP as a social media tool. But I'm becoming increasingly desperate to end this binge eating, and I started using MFP as a way to find social support from people who understand. I just want to say hi, and thanks in advance for the support.0
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Hello and welcome.0
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Hi everyone! I created a thread pretty recently about binge eating and have gotten a lot of responses. Someone sent me a private message and told me about this group, which I'm really excited about. Up until about a month ago, I haven't used MFP as a social media tool. But I'm becoming increasingly desperate to end this binge eating, and I started using MFP as a way to find social support from people who understand. I just want to say hi, and thanks in advance for the support.[/quote
I read that having a access to a group like this increases chances for success greatly. Being able to talk about what you are going through with people who have been there themselves makes you realize you are not alone. For me I am trying to make as many people aware of this as I know how I felt before, and I know how I feel lately after getting help and I want people to know that there are options, and help out there. Also that men especially need to stop being thickheaded and realize this disease affects us almost as much as women, but men see it as a sign of weakness due to what societal roles have placed on us. But not getting help is the true sign of weakness in my opinion. It takes a strong person to realize that something is not right and that you need to step up and get help.0 -
Hi! I just introduced myself in another eating disorder support group and wanted to do so here as well.
I'm 21 and I've been on a roller coaster for most of my life with problems surrounding my weight, and self worth. Generally, the pattern went binge eating disorder, bulimia, anorexic, bulimic, bingeing, bulimia, bingeing.
I'm in my longest period of recovery so far after two years of hospital visits and finally getting on the right medications. I'm in a place where I've accepted where my body is, at my highest weight ever, and where I'm starting to respect it and its efforts instead of punishing myself. I'm going from here and looking to get a better handle on food where I'm not obsessively monitoring calories, but also not avoiding food as an excuse to binge.
Hoping to make some friends along the way
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Hello Klewwy and welcome. Most of the people here struggle with the same things as you. I hope that you are able to find this group as a helpful place, and full of support. Please know that you are not alone in this. If there is anything I can do to help you succeed please let me know.0
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Everyone just calls me sloth. I tend to joke around about my own situation, so it may look like I don't take it that seriously. I seem to be some kind of off/on binger.... mainly sweets, and chocolate is my nemesis. And cookies. Well, brownies, cakes, donuts.... but, cookies in the house... I'm doomed. I've tried a few different 'maintenance' ideas over the years... a few squares of super dark chocolate after dinner... I tried making Pillsbury Grands Cinnamon rolls and having 1 after supper each night.... Right now, I'm chipping at my wife's Fruit Berries ( like gummy bears made with fruit juice ) or having yogurt with fruit, or granola for dessert. But for me, it seems like it's just a matter of time, and the whole house of cards tumbles.... and I'm back to binging full-on.... and lose any progress I've made.0
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I was in the same situation you were. I could do good for a few days but that temptation was always there looming in the back of my mind. Something there just waiting for me to fail. Once I slipped it was over. My family would joke at parties that if there were extra cakes, or cookies that there was nothing to worry about as I would take them all home and get rid of them. I would laugh it off and sure enough I would take it home, and devour it in shame. It is a viscous cycle and it SUCKS!!!!! Knowing you want to do good, but knowing that you are dooming yourself to fail, no matter how much you don't want to.
Here you are not alone, we are here to support you and help you in any way possible.0 -
Hello everyone!
First off I just wanted to say that everyone on this post is extremely brave for being open about their binge eating disorder! That has always been so hard for me so pat yourselves on that back
I'm 19 and I have been unknowingly struggling with BED since I was too young to even remember. My dad passed away when I was 4 and before that he was extremely sick. My older siblings and my mom understood what was going on but all I knew was that my dad went to heaven and wasn't coming back. I felt lonely and confused because I didn't understand why they were always so sad. At the young age of 4 I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food to deal with all of these emotions. After that, my mom struggled with mental illness and was very angry. I didn't want to put any more of a burden on my mom so I ate, food was my addiction. Living in a chaotic home, my brother became addicted to drugs when he was 14 and was frequently moved out and came back in. I missed my brother so much and I saw my mom struggle with it. During this period of time my eating became out of control. Then, in High School I recognized that I was overweight and because I was athletic I tried to restrict my eating to lose weight for my sports. This only made my binges worse. Soon after that my mom's new boyfriend moved in that was very controlling and always made comments about my weight. I had to hide what I ate because he humiliated me so much and my binge eating become out of control. Ever since then I have been trying to get it under control. I tried attending Overeater's Anonymous and as much as I tried I don't really think it is the program for me.
Then, I came to college and I found that a lot of my friends were taking stimulants used to treat ADHD to study. I have never been into that kind of stuff but I was worried about one of my friends because she was spending so much money on Vyvanse. During that search I found out that Vyvanse is used to treat BED. I finally worked up the courage to talk to my doctor about it and it made a huge difference. I barley have the urge to binge anymore and I feel so much healthier. I am going to start going to the local eating disorder clinic at home in the summer because my doctor thinks that it will really help my thinking about food and teach me how to deal with things without food because I feel that food has been my coping mechanism for so long.
I think that having a place like this to come to is a great idea and I've been looking for a place like this for so long. Thank you for creating this 0 -
Sid, my story is a lot like yours.
My parents were divorced while I was still in diapers and my dad, who lived less than five miles away, never had much to do with us.
My mother became addicted to drugs, then switched to alcohol. My older brother, who is cruel to begin with, began drinking. He was a violent drunk. My mother is other extreme; she's a sad drunk. I lived mostly with my Granny until she died. She was an Army nurse from WWII, so my life was very regimented and ordered. As was my eating, though I found ways even then to binge. I think my ED really began with her. She once let every one else have seconds of ice cream, but she told me that I was too porky and couldn't have any. I decided right then that when I grew up, I'd eat what I wanted and as much as I wanted.
Anyway....she died and I was thrust out of my ordered life and into chaos. I went from an immaculate home to squalor. From clear boundaries to no boundaries. From a life of having nice clothes, shoes, and plenty to one of poverty. The only thing there was always plenty of was food. The only place where I felt safe was hiding in my room with food.
As a teen, I went wild. With no supervision, it's a miracle that I am alive today.
When I met my husband, he introduced me to his best buddy-God. I won't get all preachy. I know it turns people off. But my life changed.
It's not perfect. My husband ain't perfect! We've had crap happen. He's learned to not enable me-but he occasionally still does.
I am determined to beat this. I will not give up.
And that's my story.0 -
I totally know how you feel. I blamed my past for my eating disorder for so long. It is so easy to pin point it on something that triggered it and I found my self fixated on it. The hardest thing that I've had to get over is that because I had a tough childhood and my eating started so young was to find coping mechanisms other than food. To this day, I still find myself migrating toward those habits but I am more aware and I have tools to deal with them. For example, I was alone a lot as a child so when I am lonely I tend to migrate toward food because that is what I did when I was a child to make up for not getting enough attention. It is hard but if you keep working on yourself you can overcome it 0
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True. I'm still very self fixated, but I need to be right now. It's not my norm at all!
In terms of family dynamics, I'm the "ghost child". It's a lonesome place, but there's always food.....
But, I'm not into excuses any more.0 -
HI - I'm in my mid-40s. Have a great job, great family and great life all around. I've always had an enormous appetite, from as long as I can remember. I was raised by a morbidly obese mother, who was a great mom in every other respect but instilled lots of bad habits. I often overeat, which is different than the out of control binge. Sometimes I binge - full blown, no control, cram more food into my mouth than I believe possible . Generally when I'm alone. I never kept track of how often (guess, once a month), though I know the triggers: specific foods (pizza) and even more, the feeling of "let down" after a long period of hard work, stress, juggling all the balls in the air that come with a full time job and a big family. When suddenly there is break and I can just let go and not feel like I have to be "on," I lose it. Even more when I'm alone, particularly because I'm really an introvert and crave time alone, which I don't get nearly enough of. That's my story. Not proud of it, but there it is.0
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Welcome, yfink. I'm an introvert, too. I wonder how many of us are? My Meyers-Briggs profile has me as an INFP. I can really relate to the "on" sentiment. It makes me exhausted to be with people for long periods of time.
You will find a lot of support here and zero judgement.0 -
Thanks!0
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This place was formed as a support group and a safe place to share what you are going through. Although it is small we are growing everyday. Hopefully here you can find like minded people and learn things to help you cope when the urge to binge strikes.0
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I am also an introvert, and can relate to a lot of the things you mention in your post. Binging as a way to wind down is definitely familiar to me.0
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Hello,
My name is Lacy. I have BED. My weight loss journey started as a super healthy journey. I gained 70lbs while pregnant with my son. Im only 5" tall so that is a lot of weigh for someone my height. I lost 20lbs pretty quickly with the birth and breast feeding. I started doing hot vinyasa yoga and I started losing weight quickly. I have a background and family history of many mental issues and depression but when I started doing yoga I was able to get off all of my meds slowly. I even stopped smoking pot which I had done habitually for 20 years. I had lost nearly 50lbs and was back to my pre-baby weight. I wanted to lose a few more pounds and get under 120lbs. I started dieting hardcore and I also workout a lot. I am pretty intense and I absolutely love working out doing hardcore cardio and lifting. I exercise 7 days a week for at least a few hours every single day. When I don't exercise I immediately start go into depression and getting anxiety. Exercise is my medication and my outlet, it is how I "relax". I believe along with extreme exercise while being very restrictive with my diet has lead me to this BED. Its really horrible to work out 2+ hours a day and see reverse results.
I've been trying to deal with BED on my own for over a year now. Ive talked to my primary care physician but most doctors and therapist don't really understand. I feel like I have no control over myself around food. I am not a picky eater which does not help the situation at all. If its edible I most likely enjoy eating it. It also doesn't help that I have a 7 year old and a husband who eat a regular non restrictive diet. I cant see or have food around me without thinking about them compulsively. Recently it has lead me to abusing laxatives. Luckily I have no gag reflex or I would probably be bulimic. I have gained about 10-12 lbs over the last year and its starting to send me into depression again. My Doctor tried putting me on Anti anxiety medication which did not help in the least. I cant stand chasing my tail trying to figure out what's causing this or how to fix it. Is it hormones, is it dieting, is it exercising, is it stress.. I don't know anything anymore and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. Why cant I be satisfied. Why is it that I can always eat and I don't really know what being full is unless I'm so full that I am beached on my couch with a stomach ache. I used to have such a healthy relationship with food, I really miss not thinking about eating or planning what I'm going to eat. I miss going out to dinner and really enjoying myself. I just want to be normal again. Everyday I try to wake up with a positive attitude and make everyday a "New Day" but the length of time that I have been dealing with this is starting to wear on me. I'm just so over this daily struggle. Feeling defeated.0 -
The thing most people do not understand is that it is a daily constant struggle. But people just look at it as we have no self control. We do have control it is just that when you are fighting your own brain sometimes things are not so black and white. You can be having a great day for a few days in a row then bam something triggers inside you and you are powerless. Someone posted in the rant that you see all these support groups for anorexia and bulimia, not really a lot out the for B.E.D. (Although awareness is growing) Outsiders do not know the daily struggle to stay in control. But as with any fight eventually you get worn down and sometimes you lose the fight. That is when things really suck. But you do not have to keep letting it beat you down. You have support here. This group is for support, it is for sharing, and helping, and although we may be miles, or states, or continents apart we can all still be here for each other. Remember you are not alone, and not in the creepy x-files kind of way. That is a whole different group.0
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It's so nice to see that others have the same feelings and thoughts that I have. I try to explain to my boyfriend and he doesn't get it at all.0
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My mother gets it, but she has struggled with EDs for as long as I've been alive, and probably before that, too.
My dh wants to be helpful and supportive, but doesn't always know how. He loved me at 300, he loved me at 175 (my lowest weight ever) and he loves me now.
My mother in law (aka " Walking Evil") doesn't get it and she is awful about my weight, though I fail to see how it is her concern. My father....he's a marginal player in my life and my brother, who was awful when we were kids DS, is more supportive, but he's not allowed "in here" ( My fellow introverts will totally understand that lol)
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this is long, but, says it all
http://the-healing-nest.tumblr.com/post/96457447460/what-eating-disorders-are-really-about
need to accept yourself for who we are. i am one who doesn't know where it came from, that bothered me for months in the beginning. until a counselor told me to just move on from where i am at now. it really doesn't matter why, it matters to accept yourself now.0 -
chipper15173 wrote: »just move on from where i am at now. it really doesn't matter why, it matters to accept yourself now.
I think that some people need to go back and discover 'why' and 'how' they got to where they are. And some don't. This is just my personal belief. When I was a drunk, I almost exclusively blamed my mother for my 'situation.' When I decided to quit, I one day, suddenly thought to myself.... 'self'...... it doesn't matter whose fault this is, YOU are the only one who can fix it. That was a turning point for me.
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"What Eating Disorders Are Really About" I have been struggling with even talking about my feelings because I don't feel like others around me understand what I'm going through and you have said it perfectly. I just want to THANK YOU for helping me to realize I'm not crazy and that others feel this way also.1
