How to convert your spouse or SO?
motown13
Posts: 688 Member
I still have 75 pounds I want to lose, plus get my diabetes fully under control. I am down about 75 pounds from my all time high.
My wife has about 75 to lose, as well.
I have asked her to go keto with me, but she has no desire. She will - however - eat the Keto meals I prepare, but then adds a slice of bread or 2 to her meal. She LOVES salad, and would eat it 7 or 8x a week. And often does, honestly.
Unless she eats like a horse at work, I really don't know why she weighs as much as she does. She brings a packet of oat meal to work every day, and takes a travel mug of coffee to work with her.
She often works about 75 hours a week.... 50 at the job, and another 20 - 25 at home. She is exhausted! She has had a gym membership for 2 months and has gone just once. She falls asleep on the couch most nights, and finally makes her way to bed around midnight - 1AM.
I would love to have her join me, but I don't think she ever will.
Any suggestions?
My wife has about 75 to lose, as well.
I have asked her to go keto with me, but she has no desire. She will - however - eat the Keto meals I prepare, but then adds a slice of bread or 2 to her meal. She LOVES salad, and would eat it 7 or 8x a week. And often does, honestly.
Unless she eats like a horse at work, I really don't know why she weighs as much as she does. She brings a packet of oat meal to work every day, and takes a travel mug of coffee to work with her.
She often works about 75 hours a week.... 50 at the job, and another 20 - 25 at home. She is exhausted! She has had a gym membership for 2 months and has gone just once. She falls asleep on the couch most nights, and finally makes her way to bed around midnight - 1AM.
I would love to have her join me, but I don't think she ever will.
Any suggestions?
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Replies
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Good luck, I tried converting my husband when I started. He lasted less than 24 hours. This man eats a turkey sandwich and chips everyday for lunch. He couldn't handle it. Haha. I make keto meals and he will either add pasta, or whatever to his. But that is as good as it gets!0
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If she loves salad, see if she's interested in paleo or something like Whole30. Basically, just drop the grains.
I think it'd help if her doc told her she needed to make a change.0 -
I have given up on trying to convert my family. I just cook what they like and modify my own meal and theirs so we semi-mesh. My husband loves spaghetti so I make my lc meatballs and add theirs into the sauce and pasta. I have either just meatballs or if I'm getting funny looks from my husband, a meatball salad. Lol
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Heh. My husband generally lets me guide our eating. Until just recently. Now HE has decided to lose weight. And has decided to do HC. He doesn't know that, but he's just doing "rice and veg" for all meals, and fruit for all snacks.
I predict we will "parallel eat" until he realizes this, and then he'll give up and wander back to how I eat.
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I find its best to lead by example. My enthusiasm has been rubbing off on my husband and he's been eating fewer and fewer carbs each week. As someone whose been overweight much of my life, I know that someone else telling me what to do, even my doc, doesn't help. And as a workaholic, I can tell you that stress really does a number on your hormones making weight loss very difficult.0
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Have her give it a try- see if she'll give it 3 weeks. I bet she gets addicted to this WOE like the rest of us.0
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I struggle to get my husband on board with me, too. He encourages me, and when he cooks, he picks meals based on my dietary needs. He tried eating low carb for a few weeks after he saw how well I was doing, and he lost 20 pounds! I thought that would get him motivated, but he slacked off. Last night, for example, he cooked some white wine and shallot sausage with cabbage and purple sweet potatoes on the side. I was stuffed, and didn't even eat all of the sweet potatoes. He ate more than I did, which was fine because it was a perfectly healthy meal. However, about an hour after dinner he walked across the street to the gas station and bought a pack of Hostess raspberry zingers ... *sigh* ... Unfortunately, until they are ready to make the change, there is nothing you can do.0
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I wish I had advice. My husband started the diet with me and only lasted 2 weeks. I swear the hard part was over for him and he went back to carbs. I don't understand. Anyhow he eats keto dinners at home, except if we have hotdogs or burgers, he gets a bun. He always makes popcorn for an after dinner snack and has fast food lunches with bread or fries. Occasionally soda.
I don't nag him but I do like to remind him periodically that he has NAFLD and carbs are doing him zero favors.0 -
Showing, not telling
A lot of posts on r/keto about people converting others just by example.0 -
Foamroller wrote: »Showing, not telling
A lot of posts on r/keto about people converting others just by example.
Well, in about 75 days, I lost 25ish pounds and got great blood work improvements too.
My real concern is that because of my plan, she eats more fat than before, but keeps the carbs. A recipe for disaster.0 -
My SO doesn't really need to lose weight - well maybe just a tad. But he is very supportive of my woe and I do the cooking which he gladly eats! I do often cook some brown rice for him if I am doing a curry or something similar, or maybe some pasta a a side.
But he has a terrible sweet tooth - loves things like carrot cake, crystallised ginger, chocolate, cheesecakes, ice cream and hot ginger drinks he gets from the Chinese grocer which are 90% sugar. (He doesn't do sweets/lollies, nor add sugar to his coffee) I've suggested a few times that he should cut the sugar consumption (and he knows this is true, because he washes the sugar coating off the crystallised ginger, LOL, as if this will do much!!) He has always eaten dark chocolate not milk, but he has it every day, together with the other stuff.0 -
I feel like a winner in getting (with the doc's help) my husband to stop drinking juice at every meal. He doesn't drink soda, can't stand tea, so juice other sugar'd drinks were his thirst quenchers. Now he's drinking water with lemon. It's a start. If that doesn't help his blood numbers, he promises to change something else. It came down to his health.0
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Foamroller wrote: »Showing, not telling
A lot of posts on r/keto about people converting others just by example.
Well, in about 75 days, I lost 25ish pounds and got great blood work improvements too.
My real concern is that because of my plan, she eats more fat than before, but keeps the carbs. A recipe for disaster.
This is a real concern but she has to want this for herself. If her labs are bad when she has her next physical, while you continue to lose weight and have improved labs it might be a wake-up call. That said, I'm sure that the long work hours and exhaustion are contributors to her unhealthy weight and certainly to skipping gym workouts. Anything you, other family members, and friends can do in terms of lightening her load and providing emotional support could be more helpful than direct efforts at trying to change her WOE.0 -
I don't know how to possibly influence her to get on the Keto wagon, but some thoughts on why her weight is up when she doesn't seem to eat too much...
My first thought is from personal experience... Confession time... I naturally never wanted my husband to think I ate too much. I never wanted him to realize I was fat either! Lol So, I literally ate crap and candy whenever I could when no one could see. Especially at work! I popped candy all day long! I would lose track of how much I ate very easily!
That may not be her thing though. Just my first thought because I did that myself.
The long hours at work are most certainly a stressor and that can cause weight gain or at the very least prevent any loss.
It could also be that she's insulin resistant. So even the random piece of bread, even if not excessive, can pose a problem and create gain very easily.0 -
I am almost at day 900 of keto/zero-carb. Before that, I was lower-carb ( < 100 grams ) for about 6 months. I dropped a little over 50 pounds on keto. My wife wants to lose weight. She's tried keto, after seeing what it did for me, and had success at it. But, she hates it and won't stick to it.
You can't convert someone who isn't ready. Just be supportive and be there if they ever do decide to come around. I could try and force my wife to eat my way, but she would just resent me and get upset.0 -
Foamroller wrote: »Showing, not telling
A lot of posts on r/keto about people converting others just by example.
Well, in about 75 days, I lost 25ish pounds and got great blood work improvements too.
My real concern is that because of my plan, she eats more fat than before, but keeps the carbs. A recipe for disaster.
I had this issue with my husband. He loves his carbs (usually potatoes) but pairing it with high fat meals is not the best. I tend to keep the mals lower fat and then add my fats to it after, but if it is a dish that needs the fats, I will warn him and not put out his side dish of potatoes or something.0 -
@motown13 --- reading your post has caused me to have a very serious concern for your wide, and you're correct this can't continue. In other words, she is basically eating HF/HC/HP because she is adding what she likes best to the family meals and we have no idea of what she is eating at work.
Usually, I'd agree that people have to make their own decisions....however, this is a different scenario, esp with her weighing 75 pounds more than she should ......so I do think you're going to have to get her attention, otherwise she'll continue with the HF all of us are eating here....she is ( from what you wrote) doing our WOE and adding her favorite WOE. Can you get her to read this column?
All the best however you handle this.0 -
You can't, but if you continue to stay with this way of eating, and continue to have great results, she may end up joining you. My carb-addicted husband joined me after he saw my progress without me ever suggesting he try it. People have to make their own decisions. There's so much UN-learning we have to do to fully accept this way of eating.0
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This low carb WOE was the first diet that works for us as a couple. I did really good on the Eat to Live diet while hubby was deployed but it was not a diet for us together and it was not fun making separate meals. Fortunately he took to this diet like a duck for water! He loves eggs & bacons in morning with 1/4 cup sautéd zucchini & chopped chives. Dinner: meat, cooked veggies and salad and he is happy. He can have whatever carbs he wants at work, does not bother me as long as he does not bring cookies, cakes, sweets into the house. He is training for a triathlon and his weight was staying the same but with this diet he lost 10 lbs without feeling hungry or deprived.0
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PaleoInScotland wrote: »I find its best to lead by example. My enthusiasm has been rubbing off on my husband and he's been eating fewer and fewer carbs each week. As someone whose been overweight much of my life, I know that someone else telling me what to do, even my doc, doesn't help. And as a workaholic, I can tell you that stress really does a number on your hormones making weight loss very difficult.
I think this is true. Take the reins so to speak with meal planning and grocery shopping. If you don't buy it you two can't eat it. Concentrate on your diet first and let her know she can eat whatever she wants to at work but this is what you need to do for your health. Plan a few treats now and then. I am low carb and I love Trader Joes & Godiva sugar free dark chocolate. I use it for treats at the movies (it is pricey but still less $$ than movie junk food). Buy some fun sparkling waters (La Croix) and put it in a pretty glass or if you don't like sparkling water cut up some lemon. I guess what I am trying to say if you make this woe positive, challenging and fun it won't feel like punishment, deprivation or a "diet." Presentation of a meal goes a long way too! Fresh flowers & Candles!!! No sugar in those.
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