Holy crap...

NicoleL874 Posts: 684 Member
Ok. So, about two weeks ago I decided to join Plenty of Fish. WHAT? WHO ARE YOU? I'm tired of sitting home alone. I'm tired of being alone. For the first time in my adult life, I'd actually like a relationship. WHO ARE YOU? I'm almost 42 and thought it's time. Yeah, dating website.

Don't know if any of you have tried these websites, holy cow. It's been an interesting ride, lol! Some of these guys. Wow. I've blocked one, been blocked by one, ignored several others. There are a few that started out great, but are starting to creep me out...others that seem like they just need a friend to chat with. Really? Two weeks, and no mention of meeting? This isn't an AOL chatroom people. (did I just show my age with that reference?)

ANYWAY. I finally pulled the trigger with one guy. Seems really nice, a lot of similar interests, lives fifteen minutes away. Our conversations have run the gamut, which has been awesome. It's not every day someone appreciates my nerdom. (Sci fi, Doctor Who, Supernatural, comic conventions) On Monday, I said, "Let's meet for coffee or a drink..." He picked Thursday. Last night, I told him I'd be out by him (he doesn't know my brother owns the local tattoo studio, they are trying to be protective and asked me to go that way) to see my family. He quickly picked a restaurant and a time!

WHY AM I FREAKING OUT? Well, several reasons, first date in EONS (longer than I care to admit)...but, I'm only 5 1/2 months post-vsg, I'm not interested in completely opening up about it to a total stranger. I picked coffee or drinks because that's easy. Now that's it's morphed into dinner, I'm a little nervous. I get nervous eating with people the first time even when they know about the surgery. Plus, I can't do wheat, so that narrows my options down a ton, so I seem extra nuts, lol

Am I over-thinking this? Any tips? HELP! GOOD GAWD WHAT HAVE I DONE???? *deep breath* Thanks for not judging my crazy! *smile*


  • cabennett99
    cabennett99 Posts: 357 Member
    Relax, enjoy, go with the flow. As far as food goes, just order something you know is safe for you to eat.
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
    I understand feeling a little overwhelmed when it comes to dating. I was out of the loop for quite a while too. For me it was just easier to be open about having surgery. I feel like they will find out eventually, and it helps them to understand why I don't eat a lot and why I don't drink. It's part of me and part of my daily life, and I don't feel like it's an easy thing to keep under wraps. That said, the guy who I am kinda sorta dating was totally cool about it when I told him, and doesn't mind at all because he knows he gets to eat at least half my dinner when we go out :-)
  • anbrdr
    anbrdr Posts: 621 Member
    Oh gods, stay away from PoF, you'll fare much better with OK Cupid. Even then it's a nightmare, though. I don't wish modern dating on my worst enemy. Hopefully, I won't be doing that again for a while.

    I did notice that things got SO MUCH EASIER once I stopped stressing/obsessing about it. I took on the view that dating is just an addition to my already busy and fulfilling lifestyle. Once I started looking at it as an Option (compared to doing anything in the world that I want, because I'm an adult) I just went with the flow. Keep up with the excitement, but just relax, and don't expect too much out of it. People on the internet are creepy, flaky, and downright disgusting at times (and this is coming from a man's POV). My current girlfriend has shown me a smattering of the BS she went through on those sites, shudder.

    I had the same worries about the eating thing too. I actually stopped dating until I was 4 months Post, just so I'd have the experience of what foods I could/not tolerate. I can't imagine getting Dumping Syndrome on a date, lol. I stuck with sushi as my go-to first date. I felt comfortable splitting a roll, or ordering sashimi. Also, I'd order the meats a la carte in normal restaurants; a side of chicken breast with a side of broccoli, a burger with bacon, cheese, and no bun, or something safe. If the conversation is going well, the guy's not going to be focusing on what or how much you don't eat.

    Oh, also, I made sure that in my profile I mentioned that I was in to taking care of myself, and that "over the last few years, I have lost over 150 pounds". Nicer that it wasn't lying, since I have been actively losing weight since 2013. I didn't go into the details, and it hardly ever came up. Usually just saying "tracking my calories" "eating healthier" and "dedication" was enough to pass that part of the convo.

    Best of luck to you in this weird and frightening venture. If you want a good companion source, go to reddit and subscribe to the subforum OKcupid (www.Reddit.com/r/okcupid). Tons of great advice on fixing up your profile, dating tidbits, horror stories, and general randomness. Also, tons of bad advice thrown in for good measure.

  • bcedl1982
    bcedl1982 Posts: 140 Member
    Either it will be great or it won't, but one way or the other you'll figure out what to do next. It seems we all agree that it is really a process. You've made it through scary/foreign processes before (wls) & come out a winner, so this will be the same! Ups & downs, for sure, but you're ready to handle it. Good luck! Please post an update later! ;)
  • krissymae88
    krissymae88 Posts: 83 Member
    I totally know where you're coming from. I am only one month post surgery and I've put my POF account on hold for the last few months. My worry was that I usually would get messages from men who are attracted to plus sized women... and well, I didn't know how much longer I would be a plus sized woman. And while I'm getting more and more into my fitness I'm in no way interested in trying to chat up those gym rat type guys on that website.

    I'm just hoping that I'll know when I'm ready to get back out there to the dating world. And maybe as I get more confident I'll meet someone the old fashion way lol

    PS....Supernatural is amazing. I went to the convention when they came to my state last summer. It was so much fun!!! I wish I could afford to go again this year!
  • NicoleL874
    NicoleL874 Posts: 684 Member
    Thanks you guys! Trying not to freak out but...hahahaha. Yeah.

    In my profile I do have a full body picture and state that I have a new found love for the gym. Trying to be as honest as possible without saying too much.

    @anbrdr I can see why you wouldn't want people on this site, lol! I'm hoping to use it as a springboard to get me comfortable with meeting and talking to strangers again. So intimidating for so many years.

    @krissymae88 omg. I want to go to a Supernatural Fan Con! I love Misha Collins! If you've not seen his YouTube channel, go look for his Cooking With Mason, Thanksgiving. It's a few years old, but so freaking funny. This weekend I'm going to WizCon with my niece! VIP passes for David Tennant and Alex Kingston. There will be swooning...and school girl giggling. Lots of giggling. When I met Karen Gillan all I could say was, "Gawd, you're so pretty..." She told me I smelled delicious, hugged me and I walked away in a haze, lol. I'm such a Fangirl.
  • nakeddog
    nakeddog Posts: 79 Member
    OMG you will meet David Tennant...swoon...lol My 16yr old daughter got me hooked on Dr Who...she was like 13...and she is also a huge fan of Misha Collins. So jealous...anyone that is cool should love Dr Who...if they don't walk away...haha.

    As for food...can you look up the restaurant, get a sense of the food, be able to find something you can have.

    I have no clue on anything online dating ways...I married a good friend's brother...got introduced and hit it off...that was 18yrs ago. Good luck, and be safe. And trust your instincts.
  • Silvervixen79
    Silvervixen79 Posts: 116 Member
    LOL I met my EX husband on PoF. He was quirky, but not in a fun way.. and after a few years of marriage I realised why he had been on PoF for so long... so I tossed him back in the sea!!
  • nicolemcintosh29
    nicolemcintosh29 Posts: 10 Member
    PoF...that brings back memories. Not good ones. I went through all of the same thoughts you're having about it being time to get out there, when I was 39. I went onto Match.com and inside 2 weeks met my huband. 5 years later he is still the love of my life. So....its worth the stress and anxiety but you might do better on a more reputable site than PoF. Regarding the food, although I am pre-op I get your concern. Maybe you don't need to explain anything to him at all. If he asks you could say its nerves, that is true and chances are good he's nervous too.
  • NicoleL874
    NicoleL874 Posts: 684 Member
    hahaha! PoF is free...and a good jumping off point. I don't have high expectations, but I have anxiety! lol If I keep at it, I may sign up for a better site, and pay!

    I did check out the restaurant website, and hate to do it because it seems so cliché, but a salad is going to have to be the way to go. All fried apps, lots of sandwiches and wraps, burgers, pasta, then super expensive steaks and chops. I'm debating getting a wrap and dealing with the water weight blow back...

    My brain really is my biggest enemy. I do tend to overthink things, and am trying to calm myself down and go in as just dinner with a friend. You can ignore me, lol, venting helps. Even if my crazy is not acknowledged. *smile*

    And to all you Misha fans, keep up the RAOK!
  • NicoleL874
    NicoleL874 Posts: 684 Member
    Heh. I survived. It went well. No spark, but I wasn't expecting much. Thanks for dealing with my crazy!
  • anbrdr
    anbrdr Posts: 621 Member
    Sweet, once the first one's out of the way, they'll all get easier (mostly).
  • petunia773
    petunia773 Posts: 473 Member
    anbrdr wrote: »
    Sweet, once the first one's out of the way, they'll all get easier (mostly).


    I met my current boyfriend two years ago on OKCupid. I found that the same guys are on all the same sites. Even some of the paid ones. Just have to weed out the good from the bad and keep your guard up. PM me if you want to talk about it. I went through my share of frogs and bad choices.
  • RhiannonBecks
    RhiannonBecks Posts: 189 Member
    edited April 2016
    @NicoleL874 So I had a similar experience about 9years ago, 1 year out of surgery and some dude wanted to take me to dinner...2 things I feared at the time, eating with someone who didn't know my situation and a date! My advice? Get excited, go out and enjoy yourself. Before you go, maybe eat something packed with protein so you can order light veggies, salad ( I know, typical "first date girl meal") but that way if you are concerned you don't risk eating something that would upset your stomach and force you into ending the date early, feeling like you have to explain etc. Congrats, what a fun time! And remember, if he ends up being really great, when/if you do tell him, he will understand, and if not--maybe he wasn't that great anyway!

    --Edit: Just realized you ALREADY went on the date. Oops.
  • gdnplnty
    gdnplnty Posts: 170 Member
    Met hubby on POF and we will have our 8th anniversary coming up at end of month. Depends on what fishing for I guess if you find what you are looking for. He is my geek extrodinaire and I feel so lucky to have found him in my life.

    Now, I am changing, physically and mentally, and he did state that he finds it harder to keep his hands off. Not that it is a bad thing.

    Planet Comicon coming up soon, looking forward to my evening with Kevin Smith.
  • gaining_while_losing
    gaining_while_losing Posts: 96 Member
    I met my hubby on PoF as well - granted I feel I am one of the lucky ones, as that site seems to be full of players. Lol. Anyway, glad you took the plunge, made the first step and it worked out decently. May not have been a spark, but at least you got out there. Keep on keeping on - and have fun. Oh - and be safe. :-)
  • NicoleL874
    NicoleL874 Posts: 684 Member
    @gdnplnty I'm really not going in with any expectations other than to get out, meet people, and not be so awkward, lol!

    Have a BLAST at PC! I would love to meet Kevin Smith! OMG! Just finished WizCon this weekend, still high from meeting David Tennant and Alex Kingston. I got a hug from David Tennant! *insert fangirl squeal here*

    @gaining_while_losing It's amazing the crap messages I get daily! And yeah, safe. I'm from the AOL chatroom days, met tons of people there. Safety and avoiding jerks is scarred into my brain from then, lol!
  • joysie1970
    joysie1970 Posts: 415 Member
    I met my hubs on POF too, although I did go through lots of block/delete before him lol Have fun girl! It's about finding you and being comfortable and having fun I say enjoy yourself!
  • ki4eld
    ki4eld Posts: 1,215 Member
    teehee I met my husband @kc4nus in a Yahoo! chatroom in the 90s. On dialup. When dinosaurs roamed the earth.

    Neither of us was looking. It just happened. That's probably why it worked. Sometimes, you can try too hard. Concentrate on you for a while.
  • nakeddog
    nakeddog Posts: 79 Member
    was David Tennant as cool as I think he is...please say yes...lol

    too bad about the no spark...had a blind date like that...talked on phone, wrote letters (1996-ish...lifetime ago), he was funny, and witty...when I finally met in person...nothing...nada...it was so awkward...there was a disconnect between hearing and seeing.