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Hi, my name is Claire and I'm a binge eater.

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I've been on a binge since yesterday night. I'm disgusted and I'm ashamed, but I stopped myself. I find that I take advantage of the time that I spend away from my husband by eating all the foods I know I would never eat when I'm around him; foods that we don't keep in our house because we both know I have little control over my appetite when they're around. I went as far as to buy the binge foods with my credit card so he doesn't see the charges.

Last night I ate pizza, candy, cookies, chips and ice cream that pushed me 1,000 calories over my calorie goal. This morning I ate two muffins, a half a package of oreos, half a tube of pringles, and four cans of diet soda, which already has me at nearly 400 calories over my daily goal.

I'm sharing this not for sympathy, but because I need to record the feelings I'm experiencing right now. I don't feel good or happy for eating those foods. I feel sick to my stomach, figuratively and literally. Instead of feeling satisfied for eating what I wanted, I feel like I violated the promise I made to myself to be mindful and caring to my body. I hope that my future self will look at this message and uses it as a reminder about how you feel after a binge. Regardless of the excitement or anticipation I might feel before or during a binge, I hope I remember how I feel afterwards.

Replies

  • Nevadaden
    Nevadaden Posts: 971 Member
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    Hi, Claire. I understand what you're going through. Here to be a friend, if you need one.
  • iamworthy14
    iamworthy14 Posts: 413 Member
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    The struggle is real....i do the same when the family leaves...we can overcome this.
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Big big hugs. I have been there many times.
  • fluffyfontaine_
    fluffyfontaine_ Posts: 15 Member
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    You're not alone! I spent all of 2015 in therapy and have been relapsing the last two weeks; today I called a therapist to say I needed help again.

    Make a short list you can carry around in your wallet or pull up on your phone, of the crappy emotions you're feeling now. In future, when you want to binge, maybe taking a peek at it will help you to avoid another binge.

    Best of luck!
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Make a short list you can carry around in your wallet or pull up on your phone, of the crappy emotions you're feeling now. In future, when you want to binge, maybe taking a peek at it will help you to avoid another binge.

    Best of luck!

    I've done this and have found it very helpful.

  • gbutler0140
    gbutler0140 Posts: 25 Member
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    I binge the same way. I don't want to discourage you from using MS. Fontaine's list of angry thoughts - method. It has not worked as well for me... I think there's a deeper issue that needs to be addressed, and that self-loathing is actually a remnant of the root issue; eating is just a way to resurface a familiar feeling . I'm trying to be carefully, but completely honest with myself to determine what I'm truly unhappy with. Eating should be a source of joy, not grief. But there's something that makes me sabotage my own self-control.... just another perspective.
    Don't give up, and don't be too hard on yourself. Just be the best you can and love what you are.
    -Garrett
  • rkit03
    rkit03 Posts: 280 Member
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    I know how you feel. In 2015, I started MFP and tried to stay on track, but all I was doing was binging and then restricting so that I yoyoed up and down in weight. I would feel horrible about each binge, too. I was disgusted and mad at myself. I just had a 3-day bingefest and it wasn't pretty. However, like Garrett said, you can't be too hard on yourself, and see if you can find out the reasons for binging. Good luck to you!
  • redrosez4
    redrosez4 Posts: 23 Member
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    I have the same issue with my husband. When I am off work and he's working, I use the time to binge. He doesn't know I have this issue, but he finds eating poorly disgusting and it's a huge turnoff to him. So I hide it all from him. I hate being this way because I don't want to lie to him. I will use cash so he doesn't find out about what I am buying and hide the trash. It's ridiculous :(
  • traci9028
    traci9028 Posts: 104 Member
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    I just recently started seeing a counselor and she suggested that the reason I do this is to cover up other feelings. Since I can't control the other emotions, I cover them up with food. It's so hard to stop but you can start by making yourself feel good in other ways - maybe buy something non-edible for yourself or pamper yourself. You are worth it! Take one day at a time and know that you have friends here that can relate to the same thing.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    I do the same thing! Every other Saturday, my husband is away and sometimes I'll spend the entire week planning my binge. I'll use cash and hide the "evidence." I'll be SO good all week but the second I have the opportunity I binge to the point of feeling sick.

    For me personally, I think there a lot of areas in life that I'm not happy with. I hate my job, none of my friends live nearby, I have depression and anxiety issues...so I think I binge because some part of me thinks "I deserve a moment of happiness and I enjoy food" so I think that "just this once" I can make an exception, that this "one time" won't derail my progress...even though, over and over and over again, one binge leads to another and it DOES derail my progress every single time.

    This is a GREAT group to be a part of though. It's a group where everyone understands these struggles and just not feeling alone, and seeing other people overcome the same issues, helps provide hope.