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KeepingUpWithKari
KeepingUpWithKari Posts: 287 Member
in Social Groups
It sucks.

Anyone else in my shoes?

Replies

  • Lone_wolf46
    Lone_wolf46 Posts: 2,709 Member
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    Hmm... most guys would want her to join you.
  • purplesccy
    purplesccy Posts: 27 Member
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    I'm happily married to a man and still like women. ♡
  • ohpiper
    ohpiper Posts: 729 Member
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    I have a feeling there are a lot of people in that situation.
  • DietingMommy2008
    DietingMommy2008 Posts: 107 Member
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    Im pansexual so i feel ill always check out other ppl lol
  • anthophora
    anthophora Posts: 74 Member
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    I am in this situation. It is really tough and I wish I would have realized I was gay much earlier.
  • LaurensE1
    LaurensE1 Posts: 196 MFP Moderator
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    Well yeah, should have acted on it sooner I guess?
  • SnowWhite767
    SnowWhite767 Posts: 7 Member
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    hmm, I just dated someone who is married. It was difficult and fell apart because I am monogamous. Maybe open up the marriage though and find someone who is cool with it?
  • Byronic_Ryu
    Byronic_Ryu Posts: 176 Member
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    I hope things work out for you. I agree with one of the posters above, I think there are a lot of people in that boat. Hopefully, when the idea of being LGBTQIA+ is wrong will become less and less to point it will be an uncommon thought, this will help people not be in these situations. Plus it will be easier for people like me to find a mate because a bisexual person will probably be more compatible to me since I am both male and female. I come across men who are secretly bisexual but they are in complete denial about it because of the stigma. I can't date them because of their closet mentality ends up affecting me (they start to deny my trans status, they don't want to think of me as their trans partner, they say homophobic things in public because they want to blend in, etc...).
  • Lone_wolf46
    Lone_wolf46 Posts: 2,709 Member
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    Marry me!
  • oojah82
    oojah82 Posts: 16 Member
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    It happens all the time... I was in a long term relationship and deep down I always knew I was gay! I eventually stopped pretending and yeah, it was painful, hard and I lost people close to me because of it but boy am I happier now I can be myself!
  • MadMc28
    MadMc28 Posts: 1,079 Member
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    KeepingUpWithKari wrote: »
    It sucks.

    Anyone else in my shoes?

    How would your husband feel if you acted upon it? Like others have said above...there are sooooo many people that struggle with this. Be open and honest girl...you will be much happier!
  • saragd012
    saragd012 Posts: 693 Member
    edited July 2016
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    I knew I was only physically attracted to women, I was always very upfront with male partners that I was attracted to women, and none minded the idea of it. In practice though, I found that they still got very jealous when actually faced with the reality of it. I tried open relationships for a while (I was very much in denial that I could make myself not gay) and was with the most amazing man, but eventually decided I wasnt doing either of us any favors by staying in the closet. He and I are still very good friends, and he helped me come out to my family, and we are both so much happier for it.

    All of that said, cheating is cheating no matter the gender. Tell your husband how you're feeling, maybe he would be ok with you exploring that side of you, establish ground rules and stick to them.
  • mandieinheels
    mandieinheels Posts: 192 Member
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    I have struggled with this too. I recently told my wife I am bi among other things. She said she was shocked even though I had told her about an earlier experience. She thought that was "just a phase"
  • tarabole
    tarabole Posts: 166 Member
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    I've never been married to a man but when I was 19 I had a boyfriend and he was so kind and I just was not into the physical aspect and realized that even though I looked like a straight girl I was a massive homo.
  • CJ_Holmes
    CJ_Holmes Posts: 759 Member
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    @tarabole I feel ya! I had the best boyfriend for years and was like "Geez if only I wasn't kind of grossed out by you we would be perfectly happy."

    @OP, Maybe you could introduce the idea lightly, rather than like announcing something is terribly wrong. You never know, he could feel like he hit the jackpot and you guys could be opening the door to a very exciting new adventure! It's possible that you and your hubs can find some ways for you to explore this side of you that aren't threatening to him, like going to parties or clubs with other married couples. Virtually every coupled person is going to want something more than just their partner, and being honest about that can make your bond stronger. I'm guessing that the part that sucks for you is feeling like you have to hide or squelch this. Usually that turns out to be destructive, so better to shed some light and see what happens! I don't know if you ever listen to "The Savage Lovecast" podcast w Dan Savage but he has hours of great advice about how couples navigate this sort of thing.

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