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PeachyMango333
Posts: 17 Member
Hello everyone, my name is Emma. I have been on MFP for 4 years now and have lost 35 pounds!
The thing is, that now I sort of have gained an obsession with controlling my calories. During the day, my mind is used to not craving to eat anything, it's a source of power like, "Yes, I did it!" back when my goal was to lose weight; the feeling is so great, so seductive. Then, at night, when I look at my calorie diary at 300 intake and anywhere from 400-1400 calories burned, I get this impulse where I feel like I can eat anything I want, and I will eat everything. Suddenly, that numbed feeling of "I'm not hungry" turns into a ravenous beast.
I find myself wasting hours consuming everything: sweets to meats to sauces and butter...It numbs me to where I'm not hungry or enjoying what I'm consuming.
At dinner, I'm satisfied, I don't want anymore food, but just having the feeling of going to bed, then restarting a new day for new food and new exercises the next day makes me feel stressed, unhappy, like rollover calories don't count, and then I emotionally binge.
I am so sick of this. During the moment, I'm ecstatic, so happy to feel so many flavors, but in the end, I make myself sick and purge. I'm sick of wasting time on this emotional binging...I could be doing work, honing hobbies, actually getting sleep...instead I'm emotionally distressing myself, ruining my throat and health, and just physically and mentally unhappy.
Can anyone else relate?
The thing is, that now I sort of have gained an obsession with controlling my calories. During the day, my mind is used to not craving to eat anything, it's a source of power like, "Yes, I did it!" back when my goal was to lose weight; the feeling is so great, so seductive. Then, at night, when I look at my calorie diary at 300 intake and anywhere from 400-1400 calories burned, I get this impulse where I feel like I can eat anything I want, and I will eat everything. Suddenly, that numbed feeling of "I'm not hungry" turns into a ravenous beast.
I find myself wasting hours consuming everything: sweets to meats to sauces and butter...It numbs me to where I'm not hungry or enjoying what I'm consuming.
At dinner, I'm satisfied, I don't want anymore food, but just having the feeling of going to bed, then restarting a new day for new food and new exercises the next day makes me feel stressed, unhappy, like rollover calories don't count, and then I emotionally binge.
I am so sick of this. During the moment, I'm ecstatic, so happy to feel so many flavors, but in the end, I make myself sick and purge. I'm sick of wasting time on this emotional binging...I could be doing work, honing hobbies, actually getting sleep...instead I'm emotionally distressing myself, ruining my throat and health, and just physically and mentally unhappy.
Can anyone else relate?
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Replies
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Hi Emma, Welcome! Glad to see you have joined us emotional eaters here. I suggest beginning to eat a little light breakfast, then around noon, a light lunch. This can help to stop binging in the evenings.
You might also stop by the groups on mfp dedicated to Eating Disorders to get more people who can respond from their experience with the problem of purging. There is help out there and you are not alone.
Also at the top of the intro page of the EE group you will see some posts that you can read about emotional eating and what triggers binging, there is a lot of helpful stuff there too.
Best wishes from me.
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The only way I ever found to get out of the cycle is to stop restricting- that's what's causing the binges. I know it's scary, I also know the seduction you speak of, the rush of excitement and the lack of hunger- and then the "omg I can't stop eating."" Tomorrow will be better, I'll be back on track." You must eat, every day, throughout the day. I wish you well through this. It is possible to break the cycle but you have to trust yourself. Feel free to add me if you like!2
