Hi...I just joined....thanks for the invite, cdjsign. I was part of that discussion. I have been sick for a couple years now, forced to go on FMLA leave intermittently last October, and by end of April had to leave my job altogether. Exercise or activity throws me into crashes where I am basically bedbound for days or longer. Flare-ups are getting worse. I have gained weight with my reduced activity and crave high energy foods, carbs and proteins. I am up another few pounds yet again, when I am trying to get the scale to go the other direction.

John, right there with you brother. I was a martial artist and very active. Got T-boned in an auto accident and had "mystery damage" (aka, soft tissue damage and we're not going to waste an MRI on you) in my lower back. Couldn't move a lot, couldn't do a lot without a great deal of pain.

It eventually caught up with me and I put on pounds. At first, it was only fifty pounds, didn't look bad on me, just like a big guy with a little bit of beer belly. No big deal, right?

Then came depression, smoking and still I continued to eat poorly. Finally hit 298lbs and said, "What am I doing?" worked hard at trying to lose the weight and wound up losing all of it plus when I became homeless at one point in my life.

Finally got back on my feet, still hadn't learned my lesson and stayed in a hurtful relationship which caused the depression and continued to smoke. It wasn't too much longer that I wound up at 398lbs with very high blood pressure. Doctors saw me when I was at 360lbs (I was determined to lose the weight and did the only thing I could think of - liquid high protein diet - which worked) for what everyone thought was a heart attack.

Turned out that my heart was (and still is) solid as a rock, no issues at all. The "event" as they called it was actually a weird gene I have that many people do not - an extra heartbeat. It stays hidden most of the time, but when it notices any form of stress or shock (like a panic attack - did I forget to mention? I have PTSD as well, yeehaw) it kicks out of sync to try to jump start my heart like a defib. Apparently all the cavemen had it back in the day and it was really popular - until we didn't really need it anymore.

So, it turns out I really am an old caveman after all. But I digress. Anyhow, I continued to work on my weight and finally plateaued at 325lbs...which is where my journey starts in here.

However, my back still hasn't been diagnosed yet although I have good news in the fact that my new family doctor has decided to hit the reset button and start the research over fresh. I'll hopefully be speaking with a Neurosurgeon next week who loves challenges and mysteries. Might be he can have some fun diagnosing me.

But until the day it's "fixed" if that's even possible, then I'm stuck not being able to exercise (even though I occasionally am caught trying to push past the pain just to do even a little something) and I am at the mercy of CICO for my saving grace (and the remaining 125lbs to go!). So far it's gotten me 29lbs lighter, I am happy to say I am currently 296lbs and losing slowly but surely, day by day, week by week.

Those who've never experienced what some of us go through (and I say some, because others go through far worse than I could ever imagine, I'm sure!) just don't get it and never will. I don't feel angry about them anymore, I just thank God that they don't have to go through what I have lived with for 28 years.

It's not easy, especially with family. My family has a hard time understanding how I'm so bad off but the doctors aren't cutting me open or fixing me or giving me tons of drugs to take. It's especially hard because I'm not a very good speaker. It takes a lot for me to even write things like this in a coherent way.

Most of the times what I say is taken wrong and I don't blame people for taking it wrong - I go back and reread what I wrote and go, "WTH was I trying to say there? How did I managed to screw that up?" etc.

I would love to one day be able to step back into martial arts, I even have one picked out that I'd like to learn if that day ever comes. I'd also love to learn rock wall climbing. It looks so peaceful in a moving Zen sort of way.

If that day ever comes, I'll Go Pro for all of you to watch and share the experience with me.

Long story short, try not to be annoyed or angry with them, they have a very narrow world view and we're not in it. It's not their fault we're the way we are, it's not their fault they are the way they are. Just luck of the draw. Maybe one day, you can get better to the point where you can share your story with them and they can learn from you.

Peace,
BinaryFu

I, too, am thankful this group is here! I had a bad flare-up this past week and today is the first day in a week I've pretty much even made it out of bed. It is good to have a group of folks who understand illnesses and disabilities, especially "hidden" illnesses. Thank you.