Let It Out Room
cjdsign
Posts: 202 Member
Ok, so here is the plan. Let it out, keep it clean and let us know how we can encourage you or help you get beyond this. Don't keep it bottled inside. I have had 4 heart attacks over this kind of horrible, painful, frustrating stress and I for one, am not, not, not having another heart attack!!! So let it all out and leave this room knowing all of us UNDERSTAND, SUPPORT YOU AND TOTALLY GET YOUR FRUSTRATION!! Also, ck out the sources, ideas, and recipes from this link http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/105791-disabled-and-overweight
Remember, you are not alone. We are here. Sometimes we can't quickly respond, but we are here for you and do really care what you are going through. Blessings, CJ
Remember, you are not alone. We are here. Sometimes we can't quickly respond, but we are here for you and do really care what you are going through. Blessings, CJ
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Ok, so here goes! OUCHIE day from yesterdays day of weeding insanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think only my eyelashes don't hurt! Did my shower and shaved legs for the first time since last summer. Both shower and shaving are extremely horribly painful for me! Dr today for neck issues. Taking Hubby to lunch .... Chinese will let you know how I fare!! But I am so darn tired. Anyone do a big day and then are down for 3 or more days? I hate that and it really is frustrating!!!
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Anyone do a big day and then are down for 3 or more days? I hate that and it really is frustrating!!!
Anytime I have to do normal chores. Since I am not diagnosed as "disabled" and I'm 6'2" and built pretty solid (even with all the fat), people look to me for help with all sorts of things. I'm too stubborn (or stupid) to let them down, so there are days when I work on their car (bent over under the hood, great position for when your lower back is in constant pain) or help them move something (I'll generally take a pain pill and muscle relaxer twenty minutes before the event - makes it possible for me to function without tears and I can collapse later on at home) or any number of tasks like that.
Invariably, I find myself laid up for a day or two, or longer as I recover from the extreme damage I've done myself. It is never fun, but I look at it as a necessary evil.
When I'm really worn out from something but I need to keep going, again - drugs are my answer. Only in this case, it's caffeine in yummy quantities of coffee. I've recently really enjoyed getting iced coffee in the mornings - it supposedly helps with losing weight as well, as any cold liquid needs to be heated up in your stomach, thus making your body burn more energy to keep its core temp up.
I don't know if I buy all of that, but I do enjoy the taste and I appreciate the mild appetite suppressant.
One thing to note for you specifically, CJ - you are consistently below your protein goal. I know, we "try" to do this and that, but your protein goal shouldn't be looked at as something to "try" for. You should look at it as "Daily minimum requirement" because if you don't reach it - you're going to lose muscle. If you lose muscle, things will become harder to do. Eventually, getting out of bed will be a daunting task.
This is 100% reversible - start upping your protein intake. Focus on that as your #1 goal and see how you feel in a month. That's all the time it'll take to start rebuilding some of your lost muscle. Granted, you'll probably have a lot to grow, but it'll be a great start and it'll let you see the difference in how you feel.
Gentle hugs,
BinaryFu1 -
Anyone do a big day and then are down for 3 or more days? I hate that and it really is frustrating!!!
Do I ever?! Just last Sunday we took the kids to the pool and apparently I overdid it with playing with my 2 year old, lifting him and such, because today is the first day I even come close to MY normal. Hope you feel better soon, sweetheart!
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Isn't it funny how we have come to accept other people's views of us and make excuses for them not knowing better or acknowledging our pain? "But you don't look sick or in pain and least of all disabled!" , that's many people's perception and we're the ones that need to prove it somehow. I personally had to teach myself over years and years to just say no, if and when I KNOW I can't do it without consequences. We need to take care of ourselves for the sake of ourselves and our loved ones.
Anytime I have to do normal chores. Since I am not diagnosed as "disabled" and I'm 6'2" and built pretty solid (even with all the fat), people look to me for help with all sorts of things. I'm too stubborn (or stupid) to let them down, so there are days when I work on their car (bent over under the hood, great position for when your lower back is in constant pain) or help them move something (I'll generally take a pain pill and muscle relaxer twenty minutes before the event - makes it possible for me to function without tears and I can collapse later on at home) or any number of tasks like that.
BinaryFu
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Me and my Grandbabes!! Ok so you see my pict. No I don't look disabled, how about 51? Most say no, so to heck with all of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they lived in my body for 5 mins they would have a totally different view of me. OK, point taken? (and yes, that is red lipstick kisses on their faces and they love it!!) hahahahaha
So ranting over, I get out of the car and older people glare me down. I go to the shops and get rammed by carts by people who don't give a care!!!! I get yelled at for using my "Service animal"
and the young ones think it is funny to see a fat gal "acting" like she can't do stuff. SICKENS ME!! oops, sorry for yelling! LOL
@BinaryFU, Yeah, I am trying hard to up the protein, however, this rapid transit, allergy to protein, sugars, salt, dairy and fats SUCKS!! If I eat more protein, then it comes out in an hour. I did 2 boiled brown fresh eggs the other day, Monday, and in less than an hour they were out!! And today, at the Chinese, I ate the equivalent of 1 chicken breast and in less than an hour it was all out, nothing left in my system. It's been like this since 2009. I am still trying to find a Dr who has some knowledge of this and how to fix or even control it. And veggies and fruits come out in 3 hrs even with carbs added to keep them in longer. CRAZY STUFF! The elk I had last night at 8pm was out this am at 9. I'm trying those protein shakes in hopes that the protein powder will stay in longer. I'll keep you updated! CJ1 -
@yasef13 wrote:"Hope you feel better soon, sweetheart!" I am, dr gave me refills and I am better. Thank you for being so understanding It is nice to have friends who "get it!" You too @BinaryFU~ CJ0
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I'm trying those protein shakes in hopes that the protein powder will stay in longer. I'll keep you updated! CJ
This will sound insane and will go against most logic however - if the shakes don't work right away...add fiber to them. Metamucil or whatever you can find that works. It could stabilize the process and slow down the digestion so that it can be retained through the system.
Everyone thinks of fiber as the stuff that makes you GO GO GO! but really, it's the stuff that balances everything. Which explains why many of your carbs help to "slow things down" because many of them have natural fiber in them.
I could try and "mad scientist" a shake together for you if you would like, including where to get the items. Just PM me if you wish.1 -
Isn't it funny how we have come to accept other people's views of us and make excuses for them not knowing better or acknowledging our pain? "But you don't look sick or in pain and least of all disabled!" , that's many people's perception and we're the ones that need to prove it somehow. I personally had to teach myself over years and years to just say no, if and when I KNOW I can't do it without consequences. We need to take care of ourselves for the sake of ourselves and our loved ones.
Sometimes, you just do what you have to do. I'm ex-military, raised by a cop and have a brother who missed out on playing football professionally because of a ruptured eardrum he got on the field. To say I've had a rough and tumble life is an understatement.
I've married into a family of women - wife's father passed a couple years back, didn't really get a chance to know him, but he was a very good man from what I've heard. They have ONE male in the family other than me, who lives within driving distance.
So, when they need help - I either step up and take care of things, or I have to stand at the wayside and watch them get ripped off at a shop, or go through a list of friends in hopes one of them can help...no.
It may not be popular in this day and age and it may not be politically correct, but I am a man and I am the man for those women and girls. I would not let a single one of them down unless I was unable to get out of bed - and that better be my death bed.
As it is, I have to say I have the most wonderful wife in the world, who has learned to read me like a book in many things (and quickly, I might add) and has often stepped up and said, "Oh no, we can't help with that - we have something planned that day" before I even hear about the request. Or she'll step up and help out on her own before anyone asks me. And she works full time, I don't. I can't. She doesn't care, doesn't mind. She knows if the chips were down, I'd take a job even if it put me in a wheelchair.
We're blessed to be able to handle things on a single income and I thank God for that daily, just as I thank the Creator for the best wife a man could ever have.
So, yes...it does suck that people don't really see you as injured or disabled even though you are - that's why if I'm on a bus or train and see any woman standing or any elderly man standing, my seat becomes available. I don't know if she's sore, tired, got a disability or disorder, but I know if that old man is standing - it's got to hurt like hell.
But as for me, I've lived a life of pain. Hell, anything 3 and lower on the pain scale I don't even react to, I just ignore it now. I deal with PTSD and had night terrors for almost twenty years. I've been hit, beaten, stabbed, shot at and had bones broken.
But my honor's stayed intact. As long as my faith and my honor are capable of helping me stand on two feet, I will face any challenge, any obstacle and any problem - back straight, standing on those two feet. When I cannot stand any longer, I'll be sure to knock those challenges down to my height so we can see eye-to-eye on things.
That's why I'm shedding this fat suit. I'm done helping life kill me. If it wants me dead, I'm going down kicking and clawing like a wildcat.
Which is why I am studying *everything* on the subject of safe and sane weight loss; watching what I eat and how it effects me and doing my best to fix whatever I find wrong. But I'm only human - I have my comfort foods just like everyone else. Things that maybe don't help the pain, but help the hurt. I say this while munching a single serving of potato chips and savoring every single crumb, one tiny piece at a time to make them last.
They're no good for me, but I do love them. So now, instead of going after a whole bag of them as my food for the day, I allow myself one serving when I want them. Part of me feels like I'm in a prison, being restricted of what I can eat and when...and I tell that part of me to sit down and shut up - because it is. I'm putting my fat self in prison - he's hurt me more than anyone or anything else in my life.
And I'm tired of his fat butt.2 -
@BinaryFU "Part of me feels like I'm in a prison, being restricted of what I can eat and when...and I tell that part of me to sit down and shut up - because it is. I'm putting my fat self in prison - he's hurt me more than anyone or anything else in my life.
And I'm tired of his fat butt. "
I LOVE IT!! I am putting mine in jail too! Her butt drags me down! Awesome testimony and I think we have lived similar lives. I'm writing a book with the help of my blind brother. Now that is a story in it's self~
PTSD is so unbelievably hard to have others understand. I am a Military Officer's Brat, and married a Marine the first ex. Got ya there, been abused, broken, brainwashed, suffocated and died and recessatated, drowned in the bath tub and recessitated, shoved into an undertow and made it out, had my head cracked open , ears pinned to my head, feet bound, ribs broken to keep a small waist, was anorexic for the first 21 years of my life, cheated on, got diseases from ex's, beaten by them and the last ex's *kitten* who beat me up when I caught them naked in my living room. But that is all stuff that made me stronger. I have a daughter who attempted suicide and has brain damage, doesn't remember me or want to and she's having a baby at the end of this month. Ok so that bothers me, the PTSD is real. It hits me all the time, I don't say anything to anyone anymore, other than you out there in MFP land; it is easier that way. I'm hearing you BinaryFU. And yeah, it is time to get that last half of me gone and done with. To shed that other half that is dragging it's butt!! LOL. God is the only reason I am still here. I have a wonderful husband now *my 3rd time charm*~ God bless you all. CJ2 -
@binaryfu RESPECT, my brother. I hear you, and have nothing but respect to your 'old fashioned' way of thinking . God bless you and your wonderful wife.
@cjdsign I firmly believe that there is a correlation between chronic illnesses and a hard *kitten life! I'm sorry you had to go through ALL of this hardship in your life. Just makes me appreciate you that much more and know how strong you are!
I, too have gone through so much hardship and tests in my life, I have to take antidepressants everyday to be able to keep fighting, but I will keep on fighting the good fight no matter what.
Shedding that 'fat suit' is a part of that fight now.
YOU GUYS ROCK ✌✊
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I'm wondering if the same amino acid protein supplement I take, designed for severe kidney disease would work for those with other nutrition/digestion issues. these were designed for CKD, and the company has never focused on any other patients, please take a look at their page, and even call the scientist, they don't do email ( too old school) but will chat at no cost to help you decide. I use their "dummies" form, and a drink mix additive.. with them I get ALL aminos needed for muscle building/heart protection, and I do not have to eat meat, eggs, cheese or other protein..and still benefit from improved health and kidney function.
OTC cheap aminos are not at all the same, so learning more may at least help you decide your options.
www.calwoodnutritionals.com they have a FB page by their name also. after a year with their aminos, NO meat protein and <30 gr all protein I raised my function and am safe from worry over end stage renal failure now.1 -
Today has beem a hard day. My mom has been in the hospital and I've been here staying in a hotel for 5 days...
I called home and there is a get together tomorrow.. I said I might want to go.my fiancé said well if your doing "good enough". I ask "what does that mean?"
He said well sometimes when we go places you don't need your cane.. Your doing good at those times.
I got livid .. Is good enough just when I'm not using the cane??
I don't use the cane in the restaurant because I'm constantly moving it or something and it's not necessary with an arm to hold onto..
I'm so tired of my social life depending on circumstances beyond my control .
He meant well but I didn't take it well..
I find that the anger and rage I have over all this makes the pain worse ..
Anyways I feel better just writing it out....
Margo1 -
KETOGENICGURL wrote: »I'm wondering if the same amino acid protein supplement I take, designed for severe kidney disease would work for those with other nutrition/digestion issues. these were designed for CKD, and the company has never focused on any other patients, please take a look at their page, and even call the scientist, they don't do email ( too old school) but will chat at no cost to help you decide. I use their "dummies" form, and a drink mix additive.. with them I get ALL aminos needed for muscle building/heart protection, and I do not have to eat meat, eggs, cheese or other protein..and still benefit from improved health and kidney function.
OTC cheap aminos are not at all the same, so learning more may at least help you decide your options.
www.calwoodnutritionals.com they have a FB page by their name also. after a year with their aminos, NO meat protein and <30 gr all protein I raised my function and am safe from worry over end stage renal failure now.
I'll give them a call it is worth it if it will help me keep food in!!! Thanks Ketogenicgurl!
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Today has beem a hard day. My mom has been in the hospital and I've been here staying in a hotel for 5 days...
I called home and there is a get together tomorrow.. I said I might want to go.my fiancé said well if your doing "good enough". I ask "what does that mean?"
He said well sometimes when we go places you don't need your cane.. Your doing good at those times.
I got livid .. Is good enough just when I'm not using the cane??
I don't use the cane in the restaurant because I'm constantly moving it or something and it's not necessary with an arm to hold onto..
I'm so tired of my social life depending on circumstances beyond my control .
He meant well but I didn't take it well..
I find that the anger and rage I have over all this makes the pain worse ..
Anyways I feel better just writing it out....
Margo
GRRRRR!
Boy do I get where your coming from! I get the same from everyone, except my 29yr old son. God love him! Today I used the walker, It has good breaks and a seat for when I get tired, however, hubby sometimes makes a point to say, "can't you just use a cart?" NO. When I use my cane with my parents, 76 and they walk 5 mls a day and have since they were 40, I get, "you were doing so good before, what happened?" as if I'm not disabled and need assistance. And the icing on the cake is, "Do you HAVE to bring your service dog?" Gotta love em' but it goes over like a lead balloon, right?! I've used a quad cane for 20 years, I've had 2 and I just got told, You can't come to the funeral, 2 hrs away, but you can come to Phoenix, 10 hrs away. Right, like I can make that trip... Some people/family, just don't get it. And you are right, maybe they don't mean it the way we take it, but the anger makes the pain that much worse.
I'm sorry your mom is still ill. I hope you guys can get back home and healthy and rested. Are you able to get back into the pool? I know you said it helps. Hugs CJ
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People who aren't disabled don't get what it's like to be disabled. White people don't get what it's like to be black. It's human nature. We can be angry or we can learn to use our voice and explain what can be explained and shrug off the rest.
My brother knows my back hurts. He doesn't understand the level and depth of it. He doesn't get how I can shovel half a ton of mulch with him in an afternoon without a single sign or pain and then collapse later and barely be able to move.
Trying to explain to him that I've taught myself how to ignore a lot of pain and living with it daily makes you tougher in some things, weaker in others, doesn't get through.
Explaining that there are simply good days and bad, days where I can take on the world and days I can barely move....and let's not forget the days of both...starts off great and comes to a grinding halt. Or the rare ones where I start off like death warmed over and then feel better by late afternoon.
Sometimes we have to remember that those closest to us also go through a lot. My brother grew up having a little brother who was a tough little brat. Nothing stopped me, nothing shut me up. To see that indestructible person in pain daily and with no cause, rhyme or reason? That's damned scary.
I'd try to make sense of it too and I'd try to put my logic on what I see too. Just like a white person trying to understand being black, or vice versa - we try to understand via our own experiences and that doesn't often work.
Sometimes we have to count to ten (or 100) and explain it to them from a different view.
A good example was explaining how they are finally giving me a pain medication (in very limited does) that actually works and how excited I am, got me a cautious response of, "Yeah, but you don't want to wind up an addict..."
No, ultimately becoming an addict isn't in my top ten list, but choosing between becoming an addict while being mostly pain-free or being clean but in pain? Don't ask me to make that decision.
So I said to him, "Nobody wants to be an addict. Everyone turns to drugs for a reason. For me, I'd like to have a few days a week where I just feel normal. No pain, or very little at least, enough that I can ignore. In the past, I drank almost daily, a few drinks in the evening to do the same thing. If I keep that up though, I'll risk ruining my liver. So, I have a choice of taking a safer drug and risk being an addict or keep drinking and risk becoming an alcoholic with liver damage. Which would you choose?"
He sat there dumbfounded. Finally he said, "I think I'd just want to be normal and never have to make a decision like that."
I said, "ME too, but I don't have that option yet."
He said, "Then you just gotta do what right for you and if anybody can't accept that, smack them in their back so they can get an idea of how you live. That includes your idiot brother."
Gotta love him, but he didn't come to that conclusion without me walking him down the path. That was the Reader's Digest condensed version. It was a good two hour talk to get there.
But sometimes, (I have a point, I swear) we protect the ones we love the worst possible way - we don't tell them what the horror is like to live in our skin. And that is a disservice those we love. We can't be angry at them for not understanding if we're not explaining.
That's a big lesson I learned not too long ago.
(Edited because I'm visiting family and typing this on a tablet with a psychotic auto correct)1 -
You are so right ! I need to communicate better with my loved ones...
So glad to find some peeps1 -
The old adage is so true, people don't know what you are going through till they walk a mile in your shoes. Or in our case, sit, lay down, walk feet, in our bodies! I'm not mad, I just need to get it out every once in a while. Human nature, or in my case, relieving stress to decrease heat attack chances. THAT is a good thing!
Let it out room is for that. We all, did I say that clearly, we all? Yes, We ALL get it!! And here is where you let it out! Gentle Hugs to all of you! CJ1 -
Excedrin has this new commercial, where they supposedly worked with a woman who has chronic migraines to create a simulation device to help her mother feel what she feels , when she gets a migraine.The old adage is so true, people don't know what you are going through till they walk a mile in your shoes. Or in our case, sit, lay down, walk feet, in our bodies! I'm not mad, I just need to get it out every once in a while. Human nature, or in my case, relieving stress to decrease heat attack chances. THAT is a good thing!
Let it out room is for that. We all, did I say that clearly, we all? Yes, We ALL get it!! And here is where you let it out! Gentle Hugs to all of you! CJ
I LOVE the idea! I just wish there actually were some sort of device that can simulate our pain, so that our loved ones could walk even a few steps in our shoes!
Warm gentle hugs to ALL.
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so, I been to rant a little i hate the fact that my food diary saying i'm not eating enough .. the days it says i do is when i pig out on fast food. how is this good i dont get it .. today was a hot day i ate like nuts at lest for myself when i used to eat once a day now im working on eating three times a day plus snacks and its just upseting me that this is saying that i dont understand this web site should help you not hurt you.0
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@yasef13 That is awesome! I'd love that too!! I haven't seen that commercial, but I'd love to!
@comic_mcfly I know it does not make sense! Have you thought about readjusting the numbers in your "goal" category? Bringing them to a more close number of where your normal eating is? I had to drop mine to 1, 340 as it was saying I had to eat 1,700 cals. I just can't eat that much in a day! let alone keep it in! CJ1 -
@cjd no i didnt i thought we couldnt i dont know why dont ask maybe i should1
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comic_mcfly wrote: »@cjd no i didnt i thought we couldnt i dont know why dont ask maybe i should
Ok so after I told all of you this decrease, I blow it and go over my cal goal LOL and I love the color red!! So I am keeping mine lower. No activity due to my ouchie toes, but hosp x rays tomorrow. Will update! and ^&*%&^&%$$^(**&*^%%^%^&*Y&%^(*)( those darn golfer holes!!!!!! See, I kept it clean and Capitalized!! LOL
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How were the xrays?comic_mcfly wrote: »@cjd no i didnt i thought we couldnt i dont know why dont ask maybe i should
Ok so after I told all of you this decrease, I blow it and go over my cal goal LOL and I love the color red!! So I am keeping mine lower. No activity due to my ouchie toes, but hosp x rays tomorrow. Will update! and ^&*%&^&%$$^(**&*^%%^%^&*Y&%^(*)( those darn golfer holes!!!!!! See, I kept it clean and Capitalized!! LOL
Hope you're feeling better.
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Couldn't afford the teeth and the toe, so I got the teeth xray and go back on the 21st to fix them. Dr next Friday, I'm gonna try to wait that long so I don't have 2 co-pays. I am feeling better! Thank you for your kind words!!Hugs, CJ 1
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Hello ma peeps!
I have been really suffering this past week. My fibro seems to have flared up and not going away. My most painful body part this time, is my upper right back. I went to see the doctor 2 days ago just fed up with the pain. Nothing works as usual and it's painful while sitting, standing, walking .... You get the picture.
The doctor was not my regular, she was out. He prescribed celebrex which is not helping and put me on an additional med for fibro. I asked him about trigger point injection to relieve the pain in my back , so he gave me two.
OK, is it just me or do trigger point injections not work?? I mean it managed to partially numb the area for a few minutes, but then ALL it really did was make my muscle feel heavy on top of the pain. Like right now I feel exactly where my muscle begins and ends due to his heavy it feels.
I'm so frustrated as I'm getting no relief and this is the weekend! Can't even fathom how I'm gonna start a new work week tomorrow!!
Sorry about the rant, but I mean this IS the 'let it out room', right?!?
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Bed bound for the past week... So sick of the same view... So bored!!2
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@yasef13 sorry to hear you are suffering so much pain. Hope you are feeling better soon x
@Cheesy567 sorry to hear you have been bed bound for the last week. I can understand why you are bored. Hope you are up and about soon x2 -
@loobe1066
Thank you for your kind words. I am currently on steroids to try to break my pain cycle. I hope they work and not make me gain any weight.
Rock on, everybody!1 -
HEY Everyone,
I blew up over there in the other room and realized it was here that I should have exploded...LOL here it is...
Here is one of my experiences that still blows my mind. Back in my 4th year of my disability,(now 20+) I had a Dr tell me it was all in my head. He stopped the meds, made me go to a shrink (no offense, I do think some are Fantastic and helpful-not this one) who told me my "problem" was not my back, butt, legs, feet, or the disabling sciatica, but my "Mother issues". I dropped him and walked out. The DR next made me go through a barrage of tests, including a "Disc O Gram"; for those of you who have never had one, they lay you out on a table, NAKED and no covering. They use NO ANESTHETICS what so ever!! Not even a topical and they drive needles into your discs to see if you are "truly in pain". Sick sadistic people..oopsie, I'm ranting... when you scream and cry and plead that they stop, they continue... When it was over, I was a wreck. I was then to drive myself home and still no pain meds. THEN a week later I get a call from this "MY" Dr who calls me in immediately for a consultation on the results. NO LIE, he walks in crying and tells me how sorry he is and that it was just a mistake and that he will have me scheduled with the neurosurgeon to get my back checked. When I asked, "what is wrong?" He says, still crying to me, "One of your screws has gone through your disc and it is causing all the trouble and pain. I left with 4 scrips for meds and a new dr apt. I never went back and to this day, I know he did not want me to take him to the cleaners. I wish he would had known I was not like that. Still am not like that. Moral of this story, if you get a "Dr test" you don't know about, google it, be informed and then get a second opinion! Hugs to you all, Oh Yes, I love water pt! I walk and do calisthenics in the deep end on a noodle around my under my arms. Gentle Hugs ! CJ1
