So, my doctor doesn't recommend HRT for me because of the risks of how it would impact the current treatment I am doing now. My doctor has a lot of empathy for my situation so this wasn't due to any anti-trans bias. I had a miniature meltdown with him on the phone. Sometimes I still pray (not in a religious way) that I will one day snap out of it and that I will be able to just say it was an unfortunate, unexplainable phase but I turned 25 years old last month and it doesn't seem to be going away. It just feels more permanent. Maybe I should do a mock funeral for the beard and 'stache that never was.