Warning, funny posting inside
Bonny132
Posts: 3,617 Member
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Veet-Men-Hair-Removal-Cream/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK
I was doing some research into sprouts (Brussel sprouts) as I was looking for some new ideas for Christmas dinner, and these reviews ended up in my search. OK only one of them mentions sprouts, but OMG I have just finished crying with laughter, some of these reviews of Veet hair removal cream are just too funny!
This is the top review, please do not read if easily offended, but please read if you got a good sense of humour No need for me to do any ab crunches tonight, I think they were well and truly exercised whilst reading the Amazon reviews...
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my *kitten*.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, *kitten* in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my *kitten* while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "
Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...
So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-
I was doing some research into sprouts (Brussel sprouts) as I was looking for some new ideas for Christmas dinner, and these reviews ended up in my search. OK only one of them mentions sprouts, but OMG I have just finished crying with laughter, some of these reviews of Veet hair removal cream are just too funny!
This is the top review, please do not read if easily offended, but please read if you got a good sense of humour No need for me to do any ab crunches tonight, I think they were well and truly exercised whilst reading the Amazon reviews...
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my *kitten*.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, *kitten* in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my *kitten* while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "
Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...
So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-
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Replies
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I laughed until I cried!! I may never eat Brussels sprouts (my fave veggie) again but it was worth it to read that! That was too funny!!! One thing I don't understand is why the ice cream didn't get thrown away after that... eww.2
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omg - that's right up there with the sugar-free gummy bears reviews!5
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Knob & Bollocks? 35,000 find helpful?
Must try!0 -
Thank you for sharing this0
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After spending the last 30 minutes reading these, i thought this would be awesome to do a less than traditional Candid Camera episode with. It also reminded me of the time we coated the jock strap of one of my teammates with icy hot who was consistently late for practice causing us all to have to run wind sprints. That got him to stop being late. Seems this product may have gotten him on the injured reserved list.2
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OMG...too funny...but I found it humorous coming from the male perspective...do guys really know what us girls go thru to make ourselves hairless, soft and smooth for our guys?3
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My question is...will you attempt this again?1
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Omg this review made me and my husband die of laughter. This rivals all of the sugar free hunny bear reviews. Lol2
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LOL
OMG I laughed until it was painful. I am reading more of these later...
My only problem was t5hat my kids kept wanting to know what I waslaughing at and I wasn't willing to explain it2 -
Veet is LC, right?0
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Veet is LC, right?
I have yet to find the carbs in Veet, but I would assume it would have negative carbs as it will burn right through anything in your tummy and intestines. I think the flavour will be terrible though, and I am not one for a burning tongue or throat. Not a scientific experiment I am willing to do. Not even in the name of LCHF lolKnob & Bollocks? 35,000 find helpful?
Must try!
Btw looking forward to reading your review1 -
fruttibiscotti wrote: »My question is...will you attempt this again?
Lol I am female, and do not have a "Rastafarian" nor "a mass grave of tarantulas" to combat0 -
Probably no "guys' entertainment centre," either.... ??0
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PS. I highly advise not reading the reviews for Samsung "Push Service" in the Google Play Store......0
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But even if you can't resist reading about how Samsung Push Service will change your life, don't read the aforementioned gummi bears reviews.
https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Gold-Bears-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVOSE4
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Oh you guys! This was the funniest thing I've read in quite a while... although I've never found Veet to do much of anything at all as a hair removal product. Or maybe it was Nair? Then again, I'm very flexible and a whiz with a razor.
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canadjineh wrote: »Oh you guys! This was the funniest thing I've read in quite a while... although I've never found Veet to do much of anything at all as a hair removal product. Or maybe it was Nair? Then again, I'm very flexible and a whiz with a razor.
What do you use it for?0 -
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Lol these evil Haribo gummy bears
A little extract below from a review:
https://www.amazon.com/review/R3FTHSH0UNRHOH/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000EVQWKC&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=
I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.
But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.
AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.
I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.5 -
canadjineh wrote: »@RalfLott... I thought it was like Spray Cheese in a can, but you know, fruit flavoured?
That's understandable. Looks like an oral anesthetic...
BTW, why do you whiz with razor in hand?1 -
https://www.amazon.com/review/RIKJNIAX9PY1C/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000EVQWKC&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=
And I am still laughing and wondering if I should buy some for the office
I bought a bag because I'm trying to cut down on sugar. It seems Haribo has replaced the sucrose in a typical batch of Gummy Bears with colon-shredding rage. Just a couple of handfuls left me crying for my mommy on the bathroom floor (I am 43 years old).
The cute little tricksters look just like their benign counterparts, with the same cuddly ears, stubby arms and not-too-squishy, not-too-firm texture. The taste is the same too, and that's how the little demons invade your innards. I ate a dozen or so and then went about my day, oblivious to the angry, brown fire hose that they were constructing in my colon.
The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home's septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of pelvis-shaking misery, I was spongy, weak, and amazed that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster.
Avoid these bears at all cost. After all, what did your GI tract do to you?
And ROFLMAO
No. I see you considering purchasing these. A fun little prank to play on your digestional tract.
These are Satan. Bears.
Myself and a few buddys, after laughing about some reviews, decided to buy some. Weapon storage was all it was. The package came a few days later, amd we chuckled and tried some.
These mother frickers are fabulous. The taste is like having a package of skittles pee on your tastebuds. Truly astounding. So, as they are delicious, I decided to eat a few more. And then some more. Nothing really happened that night. A little bloating, some discomfort, nothing to fret about. So, praising the nine that I must have been one who can tolerate the sugar substitute, when i got to work the next day, i sat down with a bowl and chowed down.
That night. Oh God forgive that night.
I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.
When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.
Eat two at a time. Three if you're brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.3 -
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B000EVOSE4/R2DQNJRV27D3P0
bears the following words of warning:I didn't feel the need to plan my weekend around 5 small gummybears. But if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
It began with a noticeable change in the viscosity of my saliva. Within minutes of consumption, my mouth had filled with a thick foamy slime. Though I was in a cool climate controlled room a salty sweat broke out, and I felt my heartbeat quicken as my body threw itself into fight or flight.
The animal noises broadcasting from my pelvis were an ominous warning of the violent acts that were to follow. I shouldered my way into the bathroom, clawing at my belt, moaning with pain. The smell came first. It started sweet, almost tangy. That was quickly overpowered by a cloying chemical perfume.
The first volley of feces hit the water like soda cans and nickles. The resulting splash drenching my bottom in foul brackish water, but this was quickly becoming the least of my worries.
After another moment, the noises in my core hit a fever pitch and I was struck rigid with pain. The sweat was now running into my eyes, but the room had turned ice cold and my hands began to spasm.
I felt an insidious burning flooding my escape hatch. I gasped. Hot yellow poison began spraying from my rear, changing in pitch and echo as the stream of diarrhea whipped around the toilet bowl, creating a nightmarish Doppler effect that can only be appreciated in hindsight. My legs fell asleep sitting on the toilet. I couldn't have stood up if I wanted to.
Wiping was a no-go. Toilet paper simply became a vile paper mache'. My hands were quickly soiled. A full blown shower was needed, and all of my towels had to be burned.
So happy with my purchase, would recommend to friends and definitely buying again!2 -
How could I have missed that review off my list! Tummy exercises have again been completed without needing to go to the gym. I think I have also lengthened my life considerably. 1
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Speaking of which how's the cat?0
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The cat is doing great! Loving his new keto treats (Thrive, freeze dried chicken with no additives) I am enjoying watching him trying to push the tub off the table onto the floor, and his look of disgust as I put it back up again, and the circle begins again.
It is hilarious! I am such an evil cat guardian. He's on a diet come January. He's joining Cat Watchers (yes, my vet does have this group for cats on diets lol)Speaking of which how's the cat?
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The cat is doing great! Loving his new keto treats (Thrive, freeze dried chicken with no additives) I am enjoying watching him trying to push the tub off the table onto the floor, and his look of disgust as I put it back up again, and the circle begins again.
It is hilarious! I am such an evil cat guardian. He's on a diet come January. He's joining Cat Watchers (yes, my vet does have this group for cats on diets lol)Speaking of which how's the cat?
OMG. So you sit there with a bag of Haribo amd watch your cat try to persuade you to feed him?0 -
Is that not why we have pets? So we can train them up? Besides after a bag of these evil gummi bears, he needs to be able to fetch me toilet rolls for when I run out. Perfect New Year cleanse!0
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Ok you guys owe me a keyboard, coffee all over my current one.
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