Hi Crimsongrey.

My name is Here4Cookies and I'm an emotional eater (and a bored eater). It's been two days since my last binge.

I have always been a bored eater or a mindless eater. Reading a book? Must have nibbles. Watching TV or a movie? Must have nibbles. I've tried doing things to keep my hands busy but most of those activities (cross stitch, etc.) are fussy and I don't have patience for that. My solution for that has been to increase my barn time and to not buy the things I like to nibble on (crackers, snack mixes, other savory/salty/crunchy food).

Eating because I'm depressed/unhappy or anxious.... that's a more difficult situation. Not keeping the preferred foods around (sweet/creamy like ice cream or chocolate) helps. Activity helps. Honestly, tho, the only real solution I've found is to talk about what I'm feeling. Identify the root cause and the trigger (not often the same thing). For me, then, it helps to plan worst case scenarios.

For example, I'm in the middle of some drama with the barn owner. I complained about a situation that was caused by a failure of communication between her and the barn staff, leaving one of my horses (and two of my trainer's horses) caught in the crossfire. I was told the next day that my board is going to be raised by $50 per month per horse. Eeking out another $150 per month for what is already my single largest expense is going to be difficult. My trainer asked me to not make any decisions just yet; she is going to talk to the barn owner. So, I'm in limbo and this is causing a lot of anxiety. My horses are happy here and my trainer is here. If I move, I risk my horses' happiness and I likely lose access to my trainer. If I stay, I have to pay more money. It is an excellent facility but the lack of communication and the willingness to blame the clients really, really irks me.

The root cause is actually NOT the barn drama. The root cause goes all the way back to my childhood of being denied support for my riding because parental units didn't see it as important as baseball for my brothers or a cruise for them. I have a dream to ride Grand Prix. I've had this dream since I was 17 years old. Being denied access to what I need to accomplish that dream for the umpteenth time is a major emotional issue for me. This actually translates into a bigger issue of me always being last (or feeling like I am). The barn drama is just the trigger.

Talking about all of this with my partner, receiving his unconditional support for my dream and his assurances that I am NOT last helps me start resolving this trigger. I have chosen three other barns where I believe I could reasonably continue my training, either with my current trainer or with the trainer in residence at the new barn.

I'm still anxious but having a concrete path forward if the worst thing happens helps me say no the the chocolate. Most of the time.

crimsongrey wrote: »

proud of myself today. The guy we're trying to buy the farm from wants to move the closing date up by a month to the middle of February. I'll be working in Aiken in Feb! Things are feeling overwhelming. I wanted to eat and curl up with the cat under the blankets, but I went to the gym instead! I do feel better...still stressed, but better

Think of all the wonderful calorie burning work you are going to HAVE to do once you have a farm. Good luck!!