Need support-Obese family talks about me & I have pain illnesses
JAHLadyJ
Posts: 10 Member
Hello,
I have close family members who make fun of me when I gain weight. Most are also obese & talk about others in family too that are obese. This makes no sense to me. They hurt my feelings, my self esteem plummets & I over eat.
Overall I eat a healthy diet but find u can still gain weight eating too much of anything. I don't feel I've eaten enough until I'm stuffed.
I also have Fibromyalgia & other pain illnesses. I go to the pool, exercise there then reward myself by over eating. I'm a mess & looking for friends, support & encouragement.
Thanks in advance for any replies.
I have close family members who make fun of me when I gain weight. Most are also obese & talk about others in family too that are obese. This makes no sense to me. They hurt my feelings, my self esteem plummets & I over eat.
Overall I eat a healthy diet but find u can still gain weight eating too much of anything. I don't feel I've eaten enough until I'm stuffed.
I also have Fibromyalgia & other pain illnesses. I go to the pool, exercise there then reward myself by over eating. I'm a mess & looking for friends, support & encouragement.
Thanks in advance for any replies.
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Replies
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It's hard especially when family isn't supportive. You kind of have to change your mindset. And make sure to log everything. And your family's attitude does make sense in a way to me because they're making fun of you based off their own insecurities and probably past failures.3
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Oh I hear you, Lady J!!!
That is tremendously hard when those who are supposed to love and support you, stomp on you......
How anyone could harass a beautiful, smiling face like yours is beyond all earthly comprehension.
Binge eating, overeating , secret eating, eating to numb, eating for comfort, the list is neverending.... IT IS HARD TO OVERCOME!!!
Dig deep inside yourself and find every inch of resolve you possess and than dig some more.
You can do it, NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!
You are too precious to waste your time being depressed over the comments of fools!! And they very well may be jealous of your healthy eating habits.
You're on the right track looking for supportive friends.
I'm all about support, no judgement. Your journey is your own, so figure out what it is going to take to stop the overeating, and move forward from there. It can take a lot of trial and error, be patient with yourself, be kind. I'd be happy to give suggestions or opinions but do not offer without a request.
It will not be a perfect journey, you're going to slip up occasionally. Mentally prepare for your setbacks and realize they do not define you or your journey. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and continue to move forward.
Success is defined by your willingness to never give up......
My new life statement: Embrace the struggle and turn it into something beautiful
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Hello,
I have close family members who make fun of me when I gain weight. Most are also obese & talk about others in family too that are obese. This makes no sense to me. They hurt my feelings, my self esteem plummets & I over eat.
Overall I eat a healthy diet but find u can still gain weight eating too much of anything. I don't feel I've eaten enough until I'm stuffed.
I also have Fibromyalgia & other pain illnesses. I go to the pool, exercise there then reward myself by over eating. I'm a mess & looking for friends, support & encouragement.
Thanks in advance for any replies.
@JAHLadyJ ----> Please re-read what @fruitydelicious has said, because it is 100% correct. "Success is defined by your willingness to never give up......" and "be patient with yourself, be kind."
Always remember that the struggle is real. We all feel it, but you are not alone in this journey.
Please feel free (anyone) to add me as a friend if you would like.3 -
@lessismoreohio thank u for ur thoughts. I'll work on being patient better.0
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@fruitydelicious thanks so much for the compliment & smart reply! I will b incorporating ur recommendations into my psyche.
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no one should fight this struggle alone 1
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TBH if it weren't for the groups here I would be struggeling alone. Glad you all are here.
As for comments, its hard to be watched IMO.
Comments, pretty much any comment, in my case, about my size, what I eat or when, is not ok and effects me badly. I'm such a baby in this!1 -
What's IMO?0
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In my opinion0
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I also have fibromyalgia and I know how hard it is. I'm really starting to notice how my diet affects the pain levels. Don't give up on yourself!1
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Family and friends can be the biggest anti-motivators. You have to remember why you are losing the weight. If it's for yourself or a goal then focus on yourself or that goal.
More than likely the people who are obese that are putting you down because they are jealous. You're doing something about your situation and they don't like it. Don't let them drag you down. Fight for yourself and what you want.4 -
You have to try and realize that most people make fun of others because they're jealous and insecure. For whatever reason, people who are not happy with themselves tend to tease others in an immature attempt to make themselves feel better. It has nothing to do with you...they are the ones with the issues. Work on yourself for you and no one else.4
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You are beautiful. I struggle with the same problems, but I'm doing it for me and my health. I'm the one doing for everyone else. This I need to do for me, so I can be there for my family.3
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My daughter has a friend who really hurt her feelings but she didn't want to say anything to her friend because she might be considered clingy or selfish or didn't want to lose her friend. It made me realize how hard it is to say "You really hurt my feelings" to someone. I know that I've spent a years not saying those words but then end up eating my pain. I'm done with that: I will let someone know if they hurt my feelings and not brush off the hurt.4
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The problems with your family members, with any people like this in any of our lives - what's wrong there, causing them to speak and act in hurtful ways, those problems are inside of them. Their ugly words, their cutting words, their resentful words - that comes from inside them. The problem is not coming from inside you.
It is understandable when we feel things in reaction to the problems of others, but we do not have to absorb those problems. If my friend with a broken leg puts his crutch down on my foot, of course I feel the pain. And I might spend a bit of energy evaluating whether it was an accident or deliberate. And if I think it was deliberate, I can spend some energy thinking of ways to keep myself safe. Either way, the crutch and the broken leg are not mine. Precious JAHLadyJ, you deserve love and support. You deserve care. You are worthly of excellent treatment. This urge to pull people down that overtakes people in your family - it does not reflect what you deserve. For whatever reason, whatever pain, whatever incompleteness in their own hearts that they behave this way, that is inside them, not you.
The best thing you can do for them and their pain, is to care for yourself as the worthy, precious, excellent person you are. When those hurtful words come at you, try talking to yourself the way you would to a beloved friend who had gotten discouraged. If a beloved friend made a mistake, you would still love and value her; you would say encouraging things, not punishing things. If a beloved friend felt discouraged because her family was unsupportive, you would say, "forget them, I'll support you." Be gentle and forgiving of mistakes and happy about even the smallest bit of progress, like you would with a beloved friend.
For myself, I have found that mindful, or intuitive, eating helps a lot. This approach puts no moral value on food - there are no "bad" foods, none that are not allowed. When all foods are allowed, much of the guilty pleasures associated with forbidden foods goes away. The emphasis is on listening to cues from our bodies to make food choices, learning to know what signals our bodies give us about what foods are most satisfying at what times, and learning to choose to eat based on those signals. Nutrition, enjoyment, satiety are emphasized. At the same time as I learned to listen deeply to the signals from my body, I also began learning a few ways to handle emotions other than the distraction of food. But one of my greatest struggles is using food to punish myself - rather than eating to meet nutritional needs, to enjoy the satiety that comes from eating the amounts of foods that will give my body the fuel it needs to do the things I want to do, sometimes I have the urge to stuff myself, to punish, to feel the pain of the over-full gut and the pain of the disgust I feel with myself and my body. You do not deserve that kind of punishment - you deserve joy and love and care.5 -
WindSparrow wrote: »The problems with your family members, with any people like this in any of our lives - what's wrong there, causing them to speak and act in hurtful ways, those problems are inside of them. Their ugly words, their cutting words, their resentful words - that comes from inside them. The problem is not coming from inside you.
It is understandable when we feel things in reaction to the problems of others, but we do not have to absorb those problems. If my friend with a broken leg puts his crutch down on my foot, of course I feel the pain. And I might spend a bit of energy evaluating whether it was an accident or deliberate. And if I think it was deliberate, I can spend some energy thinking of ways to keep myself safe. Either way, the crutch and the broken leg are not mine. Precious JAHLadyJ, you deserve love and support. You deserve care. You are worthly of excellent treatment. This urge to pull people down that overtakes people in your family - it does not reflect what you deserve. For whatever reason, whatever pain, whatever incompleteness in their own hearts that they behave this way, that is inside them, not you.
The best thing you can do for them and their pain, is to care for yourself as the worthy, precious, excellent person you are. When those hurtful words come at you, try talking to yourself the way you would to a beloved friend who had gotten discouraged. If a beloved friend made a mistake, you would still love and value her; you would say encouraging things, not punishing things. If a beloved friend felt discouraged because her family was unsupportive, you would say, "forget them, I'll support you." Be gentle and forgiving of mistakes and happy about even the smallest bit of progress, like you would with a beloved friend.
For myself, I have found that mindful, or intuitive, eating helps a lot. This approach puts no moral value on food - there are no "bad" foods, none that are not allowed. When all foods are allowed, much of the guilty pleasures associated with forbidden foods goes away. The emphasis is on listening to cues from our bodies to make food choices, learning to know what signals our bodies give us about what foods are most satisfying at what times, and learning to choose to eat based on those signals. Nutrition, enjoyment, satiety are emphasized. At the same time as I learned to listen deeply to the signals from my body, I also began learning a few ways to handle emotions other than the distraction of food. But one of my greatest struggles is using food to punish myself - rather than eating to meet nutritional needs, to enjoy the satiety that comes from eating the amounts of foods that will give my body the fuel it needs to do the things I want to do, sometimes I have the urge to stuff myself, to punish, to feel the pain of the over-full gut and the pain of the disgust I feel with myself and my body. You do not deserve that kind of punishment - you deserve joy and love and care.
@WindSparrow - Thank you for consistently giving compassionate and well thought-out advice on these boards. Very useful to the OP and to all of us.
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lessismoreohio wrote: »
@WindSparrow - Thank you for consistently giving compassionate and well thought-out advice on these boards. Very useful to the OP and to all of us.
Very kind of you to say so. If I can buy back some good out of the struggles of my life by offering kindness to others, then I will.4 -
I haven't been here for many years. If any of you are still on the app, please know I really appreciate the wonderful & insightful support.1
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I understand. I tend to 'borrow' motivation from others, which can be great when we are all supportive of each other and semi-competing. But conversely, it is also easy for others to derail me if they quit or if their comments are negative. Coming to the realization that either way I am cheating myself by making others 'responsible' for my success or failure. So, I am working on forgetting about 'motivation' and 'de-motivation' and trying to concentrate on staying consistent. Since I know that I will have times when I am NOT consistent (ahem! The reason I am back.), I am also working on giving myself a little grace when I slip. Looking forward to a new start and testing whether changing these mindsets is helpful. Hoping you find what works for you! Allow yourself a little grace, too, maybe0
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I haven't been here for many years. If any of you are still on the app, please know I really appreciate the wonderful & insightful support.
I read your post when you started this thread. I hope your family has gotten better, or that you have developed better boundaries with them.
Family is hard. Just because they're blood doesn't mean they're nice. Sometimes you have to create lines where you're on one side and they're on the other; because in the end, you have to do what makes you feel better, and listening to negativity like that is pretty detrimental.
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