Here is my story:
eclecticmommy
Posts: 23 Member
In August if 2012 I had the Lap band placed. For two agonizing years, I dealt with what I had thought were side effects of the band: vomiting, slow weight loss, unable to eat anything with substance. In March of 2014 I had the band and my gallbladder removed, I was 278 pounds (down from 315). By August of 2014 I had eaten my way up to 305 pounds, but I had the sleeve anyway. I justified the weight gain as me "finally being able to eat and not throw up." I had the gastric sleeve and aside from a bout of mild pancreatitis that kept me in the hospital for three days longer, I was okay. Or so I thought.
Fast forward .. I lost weight, slowly. People told me "Oh, it's because you had WLS before." I accepted that. I got down to 248 then things shifted.
I also poo-pooed the people who were working really hard to manage their calories and intake. I would say things like, "I didn't have surgery to be on a diet for the rest of my life." Little did I know, that the sleeve, although it restricts intake, does not deal with the emotional side of eating. I was and still am WAY TOO attached to food. It is an addiction and one that comes with consequences the whole world can see.
I am now 274. Again. Reflecting back I see:
1. The band didn't fail, I did. I ate too fast and too much. Of course I couldn't handle the full-textured foods .. I wasn't chewing them well enough.
2. When you down a half-bag of Cheetos prior to a fill .. there is something wrong.
3. The sleeve isn't failing, I am. I eat too much, too fast and don't chew well enough. I graze all. day. long. I have insatiable food cravings that can only be satisfied by eating the food that my brain wants so badly. I still have issues with vomiting after eating too much and well, now the weight gain.
Mind you .. I was also diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder AFTER I had the gastric sleeve.
After.
Not before when it would have been helpful, after.
So that's me. I am dealing with an ED, had two failed WLS and now I am on MFP trying to manage my calorie intake to help lose - at the very least - the weight I have gained.
Fast forward .. I lost weight, slowly. People told me "Oh, it's because you had WLS before." I accepted that. I got down to 248 then things shifted.
I also poo-pooed the people who were working really hard to manage their calories and intake. I would say things like, "I didn't have surgery to be on a diet for the rest of my life." Little did I know, that the sleeve, although it restricts intake, does not deal with the emotional side of eating. I was and still am WAY TOO attached to food. It is an addiction and one that comes with consequences the whole world can see.
I am now 274. Again. Reflecting back I see:
1. The band didn't fail, I did. I ate too fast and too much. Of course I couldn't handle the full-textured foods .. I wasn't chewing them well enough.
2. When you down a half-bag of Cheetos prior to a fill .. there is something wrong.
3. The sleeve isn't failing, I am. I eat too much, too fast and don't chew well enough. I graze all. day. long. I have insatiable food cravings that can only be satisfied by eating the food that my brain wants so badly. I still have issues with vomiting after eating too much and well, now the weight gain.
Mind you .. I was also diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder AFTER I had the gastric sleeve.
After.
Not before when it would have been helpful, after.
So that's me. I am dealing with an ED, had two failed WLS and now I am on MFP trying to manage my calorie intake to help lose - at the very least - the weight I have gained.
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Replies
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Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you know what you need to do to make things go in the right direction again. You can do it
Good luck! 1 -
@eclecticmommy, thanks for sharing your story. Actually one of my fears in doing the WLS is that I don't get a handle on why mentally/ emotionally I'm at my current now I'll end up gaining back after.( so I'm trying to work on myself now)
Are you seeing a therapist or something to work on the emotional issues now?0 -
@eclecticmommy Your story is probably more common than you think. Thank you for sharing. You know that old saying, what doesn't kill us...0
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Welcome to MFP. This is a great group and very supportive.0
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@eclecticmommy Welcome to the group - great group of people here! Your story is likely way more common than you may think. Is there a support group you can check out to help with the BED?
I believe in balance but I also have days where I will eat those Cheetos, cookies or whatever and regret it later. Granted, I can't eat nearly what I had before but I try to recognize it and get back on the proverbial horse.
Have you looked into some more Bariatric friendly products? There is a ton of products out there which are protein heavy and lower in carbs.
Lots of luck!0 -
I know a few people who have had a lot of help from therapy plus the medication Vyvanse, which is prescribed for Binge Eating Disorder. Best of luck to you!1
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Thank you all for letting me know that it's more "common" than I think. I felt alone. I felt like a failure. I still struggle .. (sigh). MFP though has opened my eyes to a few things that I know I have to really take control of. I hope to be fairly active on this site. Thanks for having me!2
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eclecticmom, you are not alone. I don't know one person who had WLS that hasn't said why can't I control my impulses. I've had the chip day where I would have walked barefoot through hot coals to get a bag of Lays. I actually had to go old school with a notebook and write down the foods that got me into weight trouble and write down how I was going to say no to them.
You can turn this around. Your sleeve is still working, you just have to allow it to work. Get food scales and start weighing your portion sizes if you aren't already doing that and log every bite that goes in your mouth. Power is knowledge and once you can see what you're eating you can control it better.
This is the best group of people for support. We do not judge because we understand how hard weight loss really is. Please accept my friend request (I sent you a request) and hang out with us.4 -
Oh you aren't on your own. I also don't see two failed WLS. You have your sleeve and now is time to use it. I'm only 6 months out and the wheels are falling off. I have lost 6 stone and up 4 1/2 months out I was doing great. Then I start to get stressed at work, stop spending time on myself (a lot of time too actually which was a new thing. At least an hour cooking and planning food and 45 mins run a day. Squeezed in with being a mum and working too) and I was back eating chocolate and snacks. The last 6-8 weeks I've lost nothing. Last week I put 2.5lb on and that it! I'm got listening to myself giving those excuses that you talk about (I've said them too). It's an opportunity, it's still there. Slowly I'm getting back on track. You've got this. Focus on a short term goal x2
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I sure understand what you're going through, as I feel that is exactly where I am. No diagnosed eating disorder, but the emotional eating is back with a vengence. I would say the number one emotion is boredum. I get bored and then just snack mindlessly. I work in phone sales, so I am very seditary during the daytime. I have recently started making myself get on the treadmill, walking about 2 miles a day. But gotta say my biggest issue is the carbs I have allowed back in to my life. If I could do one thing different...I would have never allowed those bad carbs back in to my daily eating/drinking. Yep, I said drinking. The pop has won the fight and it's a struggle every day not to drink a coke. My brain just says to drink it, so you can get your morning caffeine, your sugar to kickstart your morning, and that need to constantly be putting something in my mouth. It's slowly killing me I'm sure, not to mention the pounds are creeping back up!
I keep telling myself to cut the processed sugars out of my life...definitely easier said than done. I am not in therapy, but think it would be a good idea. Now where to find the extra money and time?
I don't know what to tell you. Everyone has great advice, but it's up to you. Just like it's up to me. I remember thinking at my weightloss monthly support group, that I would never be one of those people coming in to the meeting and talking about how they are gaining weight back. Well guess what...I am one of those people. I can't bring myself to contact my bariatric support group, pure shame. I know they will want me to keep a food diary and honestly I am too ashamed to put the truth to paper. Then how can I deny the crap that goes in my mouth! And so the vicious cycle continues.
I am going to try to log here, and try to be honest with myself. Maybe I need to read what I'm eating and know that my diary is open to all to see my failures. I don't want to ever be as big as I was when I started this journey, however weight gain is a slippery slope, that is sometimes hard to get off of. Good Luck to you!1 -
I'm pre-op going through the 2 week pre-op diet (surgery is 1 week away now) and these are things I worry about. How do I get a handle on my emotional eating? What can I do other than practice mindfulness? How can I handle stress at work? I've picked up some new activities for boredom eating but what about stress? I can't very well bring my crafting stuff to work. I've been gluten free for a few years now so I don't really miss a lot of things but OMG the cheese...I miss cheese. It's not on my 2 week plan. I suppose after surgery I can have it again at some point, maybe I won't even want it anymore. Counseling sounds like a great idea. I'll have to look into that.
I do notice that if I'm low on my fluids for the day I feel hungry all the time. I'll have to watch that after surgery.0 -
I made sure I had a lot of therapy before ever committing to having WLS because I knew things weren't exactly "right" when I got to 386 lbs. I also felt that if I didn't get it right in my head, I would struggle getting it right with my weight. I continued therapy through the whole process because of all the changes and transformations I have gone through. I know it helped me and continues to help me. That said, I still have my moments, but I am better prepared to work through them. Don't ever be afraid to get help. My surgeon's group has WLS support groups, there's always therapy, and there is always this group. We have all been through this and we can all help each other out!2
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You are NOT ALONE! And you CAN do this! Go back to the basics! I struggle every day and I am only 3 months out. And I know it is all about my emotions and past habits and it scares me to no end... but I keep on keeping on and that is what you need to do. I do not see you as failing... I see you as WINNING because you are cognizant of who you are, what you are doing and where you want to go. I believe in you. You can win!2
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