Family (a bit of a rant)
fit_chickx
Posts: 569 Member
I'm a bit sad after spending four days with my extended family for a celebration.
I know this is not a new topic for many of us. My family was supportive for the first year, now they are taking pleasure in the possibility of seeing me fail
I made a choice this time to eat what the family was eating. (I'm in maintenance phase).
My rant: Many comments were made in earshot. The typical It was easy for her because of surgery. She's just going to gain it back and Some put themselves down and pointed out each others weight.
I hoped after three years we would be past my weight loss. It's now a different situation.
I know this is not a new topic for many of us. My family was supportive for the first year, now they are taking pleasure in the possibility of seeing me fail
I made a choice this time to eat what the family was eating. (I'm in maintenance phase).
My rant: Many comments were made in earshot. The typical It was easy for her because of surgery. She's just going to gain it back and Some put themselves down and pointed out each others weight.
I hoped after three years we would be past my weight loss. It's now a different situation.
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Replies
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So sorry you're dealing with this. The one huge thing this surgery has opened my eyes to is that the people you would hope to be in your corner unconditionally are not. My perception of family has completely changed. There are very few "family" that I keep in touch with. My "family" is now the people I want around me, not the ones nature dictates. I had so much negativity around me for so long contributing to my depression that I've now decided to cut it all out. Negativity no longer flies.
Good luck, and congrats on maintaining so long!7 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »So sorry you're dealing with this. The one huge thing this surgery has opened my eyes to is that the people you would hope to be in your corner unconditionally are not. My perception of family has completely changed. There are very few "family" that I keep in touch with. My "family" is now the people I want around me, not the ones nature dictates. I had so much negativity around me for so long contributing to my depression that I've now decided to cut it all out. Negativity no longer flies.
Good luck, and congrats on maintaining so long!
Thanks for your post.
I pick and choose my relationships. I rather have positive people around me. I'm fortunate that I don't see that part of my family often.
It was a reminder of how far I have come. I'm healthy physically and mentally/emotionally. Best gift out of surgery ever.2 -
I am so sorry your own family is behaving this way toward you. The fact that they were pointing out each other's weight shows that they are uncomfortable with themselves, and the easiest way to deflect that is to try to target someone else and try to bring THEM down.
I am fortunate that my family has been great, but I think it's pretty common to see relationships change after surgery. I cut ties with several friends during the whole process of WLS, not necessarily because they were negative about me having surgery, or even unsupportive, but after losing weight I also became more healthy mentally and emotionally, and I realized that when I was pushing 400 lbs I put up with a lot of crap from people and I put up with a lot of crappy people. It makes people uncomfortable to see people like us change, because that changes the dynamic of the relationship that they no longer have control over. I know I am not the doormat I used to be, and some people don't know how to handle that I have grown and changed as a person and they haven't.
Sorry for all the rambling. This topic always strikes a nerve with me too!!5 -
@fit_chickx Like others have already said, family can suck sometimes. Most of mine is hundreds of miles away so don't get to see them much. I'm lucky in that my friends near me have been very supportive. You're life and health are great and you're an inspiration to many.2
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@fit_chickx I agree with what everyone has said. Personally, I didn't tell family except for my mom and my sister - and no one in my husband's family. My family is very judgmental and I am over it. I also don't have anyone living close to us which helps. So sorry you had to endure that!3
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Thanks everyone for letting me vent. Just an icky visit. I'm shaking it off.
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Sorry you had to put up with that. It says way more about them then it does about you
They are unhappy and reaching for a reason why your sucessful and placed that on a procedure instead of your hard work
I had a few close friends one who knew exactly what i was going thru as we had both tried for years to lose together. I chose surgery to save my life, she chose to stop trying
We were in a cafe and an acquaintance came over to congratulate me and the vile things the pair said about how i lost nothing, the surgeon did. I was eating crackers and soft cheese, they had fish and chips with a side of cheese toastie but ya know its the little row of staples that lost the weight
Then the attack shifted to my parenting skills that its abuse to take my daughter to the gym with me at 7am and they prefer to allow thier kids to wake naturally and watch tv....... they knew my girl has a sleep disorder and our day starts at 5am oh and the fact that after gym i was at school helping out and then running errands for them
But none of it was really about me, its the fact that by being sucessful they saw it as shining a bad light on them and they felt the need to find a defense as to why i lost weight when they wernt and instead of seeing the changes i had made in my life they chose to latch on to the fact i had surgery
I keep myself to myself now3 -
I am sorry to hear how your family is acting. Mine would have been similar. I knew I would never hear the end of my families opinions and judgements, so I didn't tell anyone about it, except my husband...not even my daughter. I am so glad I kept it secret. I may tell my daughter some day, if she ever finds herself in the same boat I was. I don't see a need to tell her, unless it will help her in some way. So for now, I am enjoying my weight loss in peace!2
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@fit_chickx one of the first thing my instructor talked about was other peoples reaction to our weight loss because of the impact it has on our success. Stay strong and remember that misery loves company! It is much easier for someone to attack others than face their own short comings! Even the Bible talks about it ( Matthew 7:5 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?)
Try not to let others inferiorities discourage your success. They do not define who you are, you do and it sounds like you have and are continuing to love yourself enough to stay healthier! I said all this to encourage you and say ...you got this!3 -
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I try not to invest my time in negative people. I only have to deal with negative family once in a great while. It zaps my energy. Glad to have my happy mood back2
