Societal Motherhood Pressure
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BPRKEY
Posts: 105 Member
We ALL know this one. And if not, please share how you avoid it. Inquiring minds want to know. This is a difficult topic. Our situations will include: "Want Kids, Can't Have Them", "Not Sure I Want Them", "Like Kids, Don't Want Them", "Don't Like Kids, Don't Want Them", "Haven't Gotten Around To It", etc. It is emotionally charged for many reasons. There is no right or wrong situation here. But we each have our story and our reasons and no, lady-in-the-grocery-store, we don't need you to tell us we'll never be ready and how awesome your life is.
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I find "I hate kids" works pretty well to end any conversation involving my uterus. Also, waiting on a call from my gyno to book in to get my tubes removed, so "hate kids and can't have them anyways" shall be the future reply. I'm very rude to most people as I feel it is nobody else's business if I choose to have them or not.3
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Right after I got married a colleague, who I know well, but not well enough, in a full elevator asked me how married life was. "Fine...." She then says, "Before you know it you'll be on maternity leave!" To which I replied, "Um, no actually I won't." " Oh yes, you will. Don't worry. Everyone says that." It went on from there but it was definitely 9 floors of this.0
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I hate when everyone else "knows better" than we do. It's only been 30+ years, but I'm sure you know me better than I do.1
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I tend to be really bold about it but keep it on the sunny side. Like "Wow, I'm so glad you're so interested in me and my life!" is the attitude I usually show people and I actually say stuff along the lines of, "I just never wanted to have children, not at all...isn't that something?" and make it sound like I'm sharing something super cool with them. haha
I think I've just gone through so many different approaches, through all my phases of womanhood, that now at 40 I feel like I can handle any Breeder Bingo that is thrown my way. If someone says "you're still young" they will usually shut up when I tell them I'm actually 40 but some will say "Lots of women are still having children when they're older" and I say "Yeah, not for me"!
If it's a really lighthearted business conversation I'll say something like "none of that for me!" and smile, or maybe tell them that between my 2 best girlfriends have SEVEN children between the two of them, and then change the subject.1 -
I honestly don't deal with this much anymore, but...
I well-timed "hell no" goes a long way.
Or if the situation warrants it, an offended "why would you ask that/say that?" to try to convey the rudeness of the assumption. I try to get people to understand that the assumptions they are making are ignorant at best, and quite possibly hurtful if I have the time to explain.
I am hopeful that explaining why the assumption that everyone wants/will have kids is rude will help some people be more aware.2 -
When it comes to kids and marriage, I want none of it. Have never wanted it. I'm pretty sure at 38 I'm not going to change my mind. I have a live in, long term BF of 5 years. We are very happy. No need to change that. When people make comments I usually say "well, the baby factor has been permentently closed" and that usually shuts them up. Of course, I also get the "omg, how could you make that decision?" comments. It was easy really...LOL
It's not that I hate kids. I just don't want them. They are cute from a distance.2
