Haters?
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KimmySmellsbee
Posts: 14 Member
As someone who's never been dramatically overweight, I feel I get shamed by weight loss efforts.
I recognize BMI isn't the be all end all - just using if for reference here so you get an idea. Years ago I was often at the very low end of my BMI - a lean healthy young woman. I've now tipped over my healthy BMI range and want to lose the weight. I'm physically healthy, exercise and still feel attractive enough at my current weight. However I preferred being leaner for the many benefits, and I want to stop the weight gain before it becomes a real problem.
I'm using this to vent that my experience is those that are noticeably overweight get supported in their efforts, while I get viewed as vain, unreasonable or even eating disordered?! I eat a very healthy diet and exercise so this gets me worked up sometimes. I just want to regain control, stop emotional eating, get back to healthy portions, cut out junk , feel awesome and fit again. This is just my personal experience.
Anyone else?
I recognize BMI isn't the be all end all - just using if for reference here so you get an idea. Years ago I was often at the very low end of my BMI - a lean healthy young woman. I've now tipped over my healthy BMI range and want to lose the weight. I'm physically healthy, exercise and still feel attractive enough at my current weight. However I preferred being leaner for the many benefits, and I want to stop the weight gain before it becomes a real problem.
I'm using this to vent that my experience is those that are noticeably overweight get supported in their efforts, while I get viewed as vain, unreasonable or even eating disordered?! I eat a very healthy diet and exercise so this gets me worked up sometimes. I just want to regain control, stop emotional eating, get back to healthy portions, cut out junk , feel awesome and fit again. This is just my personal experience.
Anyone else?
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Just don't talk about it. Eat to please yourself and continue concentrating on your fitness. Outside of my family, no one really knows I'm trying to improve my fitness or body composition. And I feel it's almost a slap in the face to most people when you are already thinner than they are and you express displeasure at your own appearance.6
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Yea I agree not to talk about it. People don't really know what I am doing, sometimes they ask and I mostly say I am trying to get into shape, get more fit, more strong, etc. depending on who it is.4
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Another vote for don't mention it. No one knows if I'm cutting, bulking or maintaining and I've done all of those things in the last 5 years. My physique goals are not anyone's business3
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Hmm sounds unanimous. I am a heart on my sleeve share everything with my friends kind of person, but I think this is sound advice - to focus on my own journey and avoid negative feedback by not sharing in the first place!2
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KimmySmellsbee wrote: »Hmm sounds unanimous. I am a heart on my sleeve share everything with my friends kind of person, but I think this is sound advice - to focus on my own journey and avoid negative feedback by not sharing in the first place!
I mean you can still share when asked, but I would be very vague.. especially if you are receiving negative feedback. Cause that is not fun! I usually share on my wall to my friends here, blog or write in a journal to document my journey and how I am feeling. I find it helps.1 -
I am sharing. It's pretty hard to hide from hubby and colleagues know as well. I am an extravert though and if I don't share my ups and downs, I feel isolated (if that makes any sense).
It's not fair that only those heavily overweight get encouraged and supported, I think if more of "not-so-heavy" girls shared their journey it would become less of a taboo.5 -
Yes I get that all the time too. When I was losing, for some reason my husband loved to shout to anyone and everyone that “she’s only eating 1300 calories!” And then they would all think I was disordered. When in actuality, I’m petite so 1300 was well within a healthy range of calories for me, and still I was only losing 0.5 lbs/month.
Now I’m maintaining, so don’t have that issue too much anymore.2 -
When the ladies at work say "You would be eating a salad today." Can you imagine if I said, "you would be eating a deli today."4
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I feel that as well - also for trying to set at 1200 kj - sedentary job, 39 y o female - I don't need a lot of calories anyway and trying to lose weight while still getting enough nutrients is actually healthy! Good for mental health, sleep, blood pressure, your knees etc. All good reasons to get to a BMI closer to 19 than 25!1
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I get this and I think it’s why it took me so long to get back to it and try to lose the last 10 pounds off my original weight loss goal. I have a wedding coming up now which gives me the excuse of “yeah, I know I don’t *need* to lose weight, but I want to look good in that dress” and somehow that’s more socially acceptable.
I’ve found when I talk to people about it it’s better to talk about how it makes you feel - “getting fit makes me feel strong” or “I just find this has really been working for my body” because that stuff is subjective to you and pretty hard to argue with.3 -
@KimmySmellsbee wow, so odd that on a calorie counting support site you are being told to forgo support. Go ahead and talk about it and ask people to support you. Whether you have 100 pounds to lose or 2 pounds, whether you are a beginner athlete or an Olympian trying to shave 10th’s of seconds off your time, you start from where you are and have to deal with confidence, willpower hard days setbacks and so on. Share your journey with the people you love and support teams here and elsewhere. Enjoy the applause for the good days and feel uplifted, cheered on for the tough ones. I’m in the same boat as you goal wise and I feel that you, like me, deserve support. So well done in speaking out about it. Wishing you the best in your journey.4
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People are jealous. I find it easier not to say anything.1
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I don't talk about what I'm doing in terms of weight loss. I talk about it in roundabout ways - new recipes I'm making, starting meal prep to save money, talking about how regular exercise is helping manage my anxiety disorder and the new friends I'm making through dance. But there are days where I just want to go "Look at me I lost X pounds and I'm proud of that!" So I definitely feel your pain.1
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gutsnglory6 wrote: »I get this and I think it’s why it took me so long to get back to it and try to lose the last 10 pounds off my original weight loss goal. I have a wedding coming up now which gives me the excuse of “yeah, I know I don’t *need* to lose weight, but I want to look good in that dress” and somehow that’s more socially acceptable.
I’ve found when I talk to people about it it’s better to talk about how it makes you feel - “getting fit makes me feel strong” or “I just find this has really been working for my body” because that stuff is subjective to you and pretty hard to argue with.
This ^. No one is saying go without support (or we wouldn't be here), but it's sometimes best to be considerate of others when talking to people in real life that are heavier than you are. And I have no idea what the OP is sharing, so I'm not making accusations at anyone, but if you start off a conversation at work with your 300lb co-worker like: "OMG, I look SO fat and disgusting. I can't believe I let myself gain this 10lbs. I'm totally going on a diet." or "I started eating Keto last week because I have gained a TON of weight. I already lost 3lbs! You should totally try it too." They are likely going to want to either slap you or lock themselves in the bathroom and cry. If your conversations are more like "Yeah, I'm eating a smaller lunch today because I'm trying to lose a couple of pounds. I know I look fine, but I just "feel" really uncomfortable right now." or "I'm going to go for a walk at lunch because I'm trying to improve my cardiovascular health." or "I started lifting before work because I want to preserve my bone density and muscle mass as I age...plus it makes you look hot naked!" Those conversations will go over a little better and still allow you to share.2 -
I don't look for support where I feel or know support will not be given. With my friends who are health/diet conscious, I can have great discussions about our shared goals and interests, but with others, I can always find some other topic we can find mutually interesting.
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Princesstri wrote: »@KimmySmellsbee wow, so odd that on a calorie counting support site you are being told to forgo support. Go ahead and talk about it and ask people to support you. Whether you have 100 pounds to lose or 2 pounds, whether you are a beginner athlete or an Olympian trying to shave 10th’s of seconds off your time, you start from where you are and have to deal with confidence, willpower hard days setbacks and so on. Share your journey with the people you love and support teams here and elsewhere. Enjoy the applause for the good days and feel uplifted, cheered on for the tough ones. I’m in the same boat as you goal wise and I feel that you, like me, deserve support. So well done in speaking out about it. Wishing you the best in your journey.
I agree - i do think it is weird. If you are improving your health that should be supportive. We’re all at different places. We all have a journey to get to our healthiest selves. Keep up your progress and ignore the haters. You have my suipport
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Also, I would add this: I think that there is a thing with women (maybe men as well...but I know more women), kind of a dance: Oh, I need to lose weight. No, you don't. You're so skinny. Yes, I need to eat better. No, you're the healthiest eater I know.
No woman has ever said to me: Yep, you're right. You are looking kind of flabby. I see you eating cookies at lunch, why don't you stop?
My husband has never replied when I ask: Do I look like I've gained weight...Well, yes, you have.
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I also love sharing my thoughts on food and fitness, but I tend to do this with people that have the same train of thought. Otherwise, I talk about my journey in terms of fitness and feeling healthy, not mentioning the weight loss element unless I have to as people sometimes need to express unsolicited opinions on your body.1
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I used to get that a lot. I would complain to a friend or family member that was bigger then me. It would usually be along the lines of "Im trying to eat better and get in shape. Maybe even lose a few lbs. I'm approaching the overweight territory, that concerns me." The reply would usually be "Oh you're TINY you don' t need to do a thing! ME on the other hand.... (squishes belly) You're fine! You don't need to lose weight." It was a little annoying to not be able to vent about those things to friends or family and feel kind of invalidated. Like somehow I had to weigh a certain amount in order to be able to complain about my weight. Even though I have been overweight or at the top of the BMI range for years. I have even stopped losing weight just to keep people from worrying about me, or making comments about my weight loss. As a petite person, I can eat a 1200-1300c diet and lose weight at a moderate to slow pace. If I tell anyone that's how much I eat sometimes, they automatically assume I am going into disordered territory. I just talk about it now with select people, and try to reassure family's worries with science and facts. lol. I try not to make disparaging remarks about myself, and just make it about being healthy and avoiding any future health problems. It seems to go over better. Plus it seems that since I'm in my 30's it's somehow more socially acceptable for me to be worried about my weight and health than it was in my teen's and 20's...4
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FormerlyWallyAmadeus wrote: »Also, I would add this: I think that there is a thing with women (maybe men as well...but I know more women), kind of a dance: Oh, I need to lose weight. No, you don't. You're so skinny. Yes, I need to eat better. No, you're the healthiest eater I know.
No woman has ever said to me: Yep, you're right. You are looking kind of flabby. I see you eating cookies at lunch, why don't you stop?
My husband has never replied when I ask: Do I look like I've gained weight...Well, yes, you have.
lol - imagine if we women went around saying that to one another - I'd love to see that!
I totally agree with you though
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