Have you been criticized for not doing it the "hard" way?

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brendajean316
brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
I sent a friend request to someone who writes a lot of blogs that are motivating so I thought I would "friend" her and then her posts would jump into my newsfeed.

She deleted my friend request because I said I was prepping for the lap band surgery. And while she apologized for deleting me, she still made it clear that people who are not struggling the "hard" way need not apply.

Do you get criticized or discriminated against because you opted for surgery?
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  • StevenGarrigus
    StevenGarrigus Posts: 234 Member
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    I've heard more times than I could count how surgery is the "easy way out." The main forums here-particularly the success stories" section-usually includes comments like "I did it the hard way. No pills, no surgery, blah, blah, blah." And hey if that's how you feel, cool for you. I've never personally been discriminated against by my peers or anyone I know. At least not to my face. Most people are happy for me and anyone who's not and talks behind my back, F them. I know when my wife had her surgery a few years before me, some of the other women at work would make snide comments about her "shaking her *kitten*" (which she doesn't, she has joint problems that make her sway a bit when she walks) or whatever. One of her "best friends" and coworkers at the time completely snubbed her. I think the problem is worse for women from my personal experience and observations.

    As far as the surgery being the "easy way" I call complete bullsh!t on that. I busted my hump before surgery exercising and eating right. I've continued to bust my hump post-surgery by exercising and eating right. And last year when I didn't stick to my regimen, I put weight back on frighteningly fast. To be successful, I have to log every bite here and be accountable to myself. That's no "easier" than someone doing the same damn thing but not having a surgery. Maybe it's willpower. Maybe it's mental health issues. Maybe it's an emotional thing. Maybe it's a slow metabolism. Or maybe some people just have a hunger they can't satiate normally. If I look at a cheeseburger, my *kitten* will jiggle for a week. I work with a lady that you couldn't pinch a millimeter of fat on her anywhere and she downs a double quarter pounder meal with large fries, a large coke and an extra McDouble like it's nothing. She's had two kids and looks like she did before she even became pregnant! That's just the way it works for some people.
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
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    @StevenGarrigus "As far as the surgery being the "easy way" I call complete bullsh!t on that."

    I feel this way too. Because you own a car should you walk or bike to work because a car is the easy way? I mean it's not very environmentally friendly what are you thinking?! I'm making a joke, but you get my point. The lap band is a tool you use to get to where you're going. I certainly don't see it as a quick and easy fix. It just shocked me as I wasn't expected this type of stereotype on this site, but I am now schooled.

  • Ultima_Morpha
    Ultima_Morpha Posts: 895 Member
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    I have been. It was hurtful and embarrassing.

    It is tough to hear but, while I don't think the surgical route has been easy, I have a tremendous amount of respect for people who have been able to lose and maintain without it. I AM jealous that I didn't have the wherewithal to do it "on my own".

    On the other hand, there are plenty of people who "did it the hard way" who aren't as strong or fit as I am! Surgery might have helped me lose weight initially, but it is my own hard work and determination that makes me a marathon runner...and in a couple of weeks, I'll be an ultramarathoner.

    Funny enough, I don't even think so much about my surgery anymore. Milestones/anniversaries come and go without a second thought. I've been maintaining my weight for a year now. Now I just think about what new challenge I can tackle.

    There is plenty of hard stuff in life, there is no shame in asking for help when you need it!
  • Ultima_Morpha
    Ultima_Morpha Posts: 895 Member
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    Um, this site is fraught with stereotypes. That's why groups like this are necessary!
    @StevenGarrigus "As far as the surgery being the "easy way" I call complete bullsh!t on that."

    I feel this way too. Because you own a car should you walk or bike to work because a car is the easy way? I mean it's not very environmentally friendly what are you thinking?! I'm making a joke, but you get my point. The lap band is a tool you use to get to where you're going. I certainly don't see it as a quick and easy fix. It just shocked me as I wasn't expected this type of stereotype on this site, but I am now schooled.

  • jcavanna2
    jcavanna2 Posts: 782 Member
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    I am and have been where @StevenGarrigus was. I kept my surgery to myself with the exception of a good number of people and to this day, some people don’t know.

    It’s definitely not the easy way because like @StevenGarrigus I also have been struggling with some weight gain and working on knocking off 15-20 lbs. I know I will get there because I have the tools and I am self aware...I’m just needing to re-train my brain and play around with my food. I am planning to take a page out of @JamesAztec’s book and eat minimally processed or not processed foods and see if that helps.

    People who think this is easy needs to walk a day in our shoes!
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
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    @Ultima_Morpha I'm so happy for your success! And you are absolutely right! I came to the group for true insight. I'm too old to be naive, but I came with an open heart. I think I will be limiting where I find inspiration. Thank you for reminding me!
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
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    @jcavanna2 I had primarily kept it to myself with the exception of a few friends I've made on this group. I tried to make a new friend but instead ended up being the lady in her blog she wouldn't friend because that lady (me) is taking the easy way out with a lap band.
    While my name isn't used directly, it's now open for additional people to criticize bariatric surgery (and me).

    I've also been following the minimally processed foods. I try to eat things that have 3-4 ingredients that I can identify. I've been exercising for about 6 months now, and while I have made a big improvement, but I am hopeful with some initial weight loss I can do more than just moderate exercise.

    My friend had gastric bypass about 10 years ago. When she begins to gain weight she pulls out all her directions from surgery and follows the instructions to the letter again. It seems to work for her, so just a thought for you. Just don't stop trying!

    Thanks for the comments!
  • pattycakes726
    pattycakes726 Posts: 348 Member
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    Everyone's path is different. The person who told you that is arrogant and narrow-minded - not to mention ignorant about WLS. I've heard this same line a number of times and it's total BS. You do what you think is right, and ignore the nay-sayers. For the record, I had VSG surgery 5 years ago. I've maintained a weight loss of more than 100 lbs since. I am thankful every day that I had surgery - my only regret is that I waited so long to do it!
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
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    Thanks @pattycakes726 . It seems this attitude stems more from a jealousy factor, but if they knew the WLS process like you say, they would not be so jealous! It seems like very hard work to me so far and I haven't even been approved for surgery yet!
  • Samquentin
    Samquentin Posts: 109 Member
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    I just read the 'apology' she did as a blog post yesterday! I used to enjoy her blogs, but since reading that, I'm not going to anymore. It turned me off to her blog. This is NOT the easy way!
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
    edited April 2018
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    @Samquentin I think if people understood more about the WLS, they wouldn't feel so jealous but understand that it was a hard decision to get there. I know the sacrifices I'm going to have to make and I'm scared about getting my lap band and if I'll be successful.

    It's OK she didn't want to accept the friend request - I'm not upset over that. I was just surprised at how much the words hurt me to hear I was I was taking the "easy" way and therefore could not understand her journey doing it the "hard" way.

    It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels that while she was saying she wasn't judging, she actually was. Thanks for sharing.
  • Samquentin
    Samquentin Posts: 109 Member
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    @brendajean316 I just think, if someone who says I "took the easy way" would come live one day in my shoes, and know the amount of physical activity and what I do/do not eat, they would see, I've flipped my life upside down.

    I personally know three coworkers who had gastric bypass or the sleeve, and the gastric bypass gained weight-WITHIN the first year!!- She said to me, "if I was young like you I'd be able to lose the weight" as she was eating a huge chocolate chip cookie. The two co-workers that had the sleeve surgery, one stopped losing after she lost 40 pounds, she is about 7 months post op, and after she saw what I eat, she said "well, I now see why you are successful and I am not!". The other sleeve has gained 15 pounds, but I also know she is eating horribly, and not following the surgeon/nutritionists recommendations.
    One lady that is a fellow scout mom, had the band, but she hasn't gotten it refilled in a while, and doesn't watch what she eats or exercise. The surgery is a tool, not a magic pill.

    I think that if you are going to be successful, and put yourself thru the surgery, you should be prepared to turn your life upside down, and do exactly what they say to do. Food and exercise-wise. Stop eating the sweets. Get the lean proteins. Eat the veggies. Get exercise in. Be successful.

    Then tell The_Movie_Chair to screw off. We don't want/need that kind of negativity in our lives!!

  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
    edited April 2018
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    Thank you, @Samquentin! It is so important to be reminded of the failures and why. And they also are great examples on why this is still huge ongoing daily work! I'm definitely going to need some of your resilience during this process! I can do all of those changes on what I eat, but its living without my beer that's my biggest challenge!

    BTW. I posted my own blog about the experience and my feelings and you know I've had people give it a "no" vote. I mean not voting at all makes sense, but a "no" vote? I feel like this is a bigger division than I realized. It's like the Democrat vs. Republican opinions of today. Far left, Far right, and hopefully the majority in the middle, but only the outskirts post their opinions. And if you oppose, you get deleted.
  • loveshoe
    loveshoe Posts: 365 Member
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    I don't know if I'll ever understand why people can be so negative when it comes to someone getting healthy. I'm gonna support anyone who is attempting to improve their health in whichever route they pursue. I have friends who have had surgery and those who haven't. We all try to share best practices on what works and what doesn't work because at the end of the day we're all on the same path to wellness.

    Brendajean316, you just can't please some people. If they really believe it's easier then my answer to them is 'yes, it's easier to avoid dying by being overweight and all the complications that come with obesity'.
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
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    I feel you @loveshoe !

    The responding posts contain opinions that getting WLS is not changing your lifestyle, or we aren't "using discipline and self denial."

    The more I learn, the more I know how untrue those statements are. That is all it takes for any us of to lose weight whether with or without surgery!

    It makes wonder then, is hypnosis also banned? Or people don't care because it rarely works? How hard is the "hard" way? Who has final say on this?

    Which are these are acceptable to do if you are doing it the "hard way"?

    Support Networks
    Weight Loss and Diet Plans (Nutrsystem/Weight Watchers)
    Hypnosis
    Personal Trainers
    Gym Memberships
    Bariatric Surgery
    Diet Pills
    Colon/Body cleanses
    Cryotherapy
    Seaweed Wraps
    Personal Chef/Food Delivery Plan
    Health Resort (aka Fat Farm)
    Plastic Surgery/Liposuction

    In the end we should just wish everyone accomplish a healthy lifestyle.
  • ccruz985
    ccruz985 Posts: 646 Member
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    Oh yeah! MFP users are actually notorious for that; they're bullies when it comes to people who have had surgery. I told the ones I encountered that they were obviously denied by their insurances or couldn't afford it out of pocket and not to take that out on me. SO rude. This wasn't easy, at all. It's even worse if you regain some of that weight back and have to lose it again, ugh.
  • Bekah7482
    Bekah7482 Posts: 247 Member
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    I originally only told 1 person I was having surgery, my now fiance. I did that because I constantly hear people being completely uninformed about surgery and I didnt feel like being discredited all the time and didnt feel I needed to be educating them. Then I started getting people accusing me of having the surgery. It was my business so I had no shame lying to them.

    I recently told my old boss turned friend that I had the surgery but that was because I knew she would be completely supportive and non judgmental. So a year post op and only 2 people know.
  • brendajean316
    brendajean316 Posts: 30 Member
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    @Bekah7482 I also don't plan on telling work. It's not a huge secret, I'm not going to share is all. I expect some prejudice in that situation, but generally they are pretty good at accepting people. I'm still being cautious.

    @ccruz985 Stick to it and you'll get them back off! Good luck.
  • Tugsandpull
    Tugsandpull Posts: 40 Member
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    It's a tool that got me started but it's *kitten* saying it's easy if we don't eat right and exercise the weight will come back so screw the haters I'm happy with my results