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Introduction and Friends?
notakumquat
Posts: 29 Member
Hi everyone! I've had problems with disordered eating all my life (Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia, Compulsive Overeating). I also suffered from debilitating chronic pain for the first 30 years of my life. I was morbidly obese and miserable. I discovered that my pain was due to an allergy to dairy in 2014, and the pain disappeared in 2 days once I removed it from my diet. At that time, I had to re-learn how to be a functioning human. I quit smoking and transitioned to a vegan diet during this time as well.
I immediately lost 30 pounds, and easily lost another 50. I am now still in the overweight range (I'd like to lose a bit more) and have been maintaining for the past 2-3 years. I stayed binge-free for at least a year or two, but it crept back into my life, starting with giving myself "cheat meals" that turned into "cheat days" that turned into week-long binges.
Most of the time, I'll have a good day. I'll abstain from my trigger foods, eat healthy well-balanced meals, and then something snaps during my walk home and suddenly, I'll be walking home with a bag of junk food from the gas station, my endorphins rushing, barely closing the door of my apartment before devouring everything within minutes. Then the guilt and shame comes. I live alone, and I hide my compulsive overeating. I've had people tell me I'm an inspiration, but they have no idea of how food consumes my life and every thought.
Anyone who has eaten with me knows that I eat very fast. My joke is that I eat like I haven't eaten in weeks. It's like I'm afraid that the food will disappear or go "bad" if I don't eat it fast enough. I'm constantly thinking about eating. Whether that's what I'm currently eating, what I'm going to be eating, or feeling like I need to eat. It's an undercurrent of my every waking moment (and, often, my dreams).
I have abstained from sugar since November 2017. I'm having the most difficult time giving up the fatty/oily/greasy foods (mostly fried potato products and salted nuts). I just replaced one trigger food for another.
Trying to do it all on my own is exhausting. I need support in order to truly heal and work towards recovery. I know it'll be a lifelong struggle, but hopefully, with time and support, it will get easier to manage.
I have ordered some of the literature, and am working on finding a sponsor. If there are any available/willing sponsors who have a similar story and/or who share similar demographics (gay, Pagan, vegan), please let me know. I'm happy for any and all friends here as well. I need all the support I can get (please send me a PM if you are interested in connecting with me outside of MFP--by text, e-mail, or Facebook).
I'm glad to be here, and I'm taking this one day at a time.
I immediately lost 30 pounds, and easily lost another 50. I am now still in the overweight range (I'd like to lose a bit more) and have been maintaining for the past 2-3 years. I stayed binge-free for at least a year or two, but it crept back into my life, starting with giving myself "cheat meals" that turned into "cheat days" that turned into week-long binges.
Most of the time, I'll have a good day. I'll abstain from my trigger foods, eat healthy well-balanced meals, and then something snaps during my walk home and suddenly, I'll be walking home with a bag of junk food from the gas station, my endorphins rushing, barely closing the door of my apartment before devouring everything within minutes. Then the guilt and shame comes. I live alone, and I hide my compulsive overeating. I've had people tell me I'm an inspiration, but they have no idea of how food consumes my life and every thought.
Anyone who has eaten with me knows that I eat very fast. My joke is that I eat like I haven't eaten in weeks. It's like I'm afraid that the food will disappear or go "bad" if I don't eat it fast enough. I'm constantly thinking about eating. Whether that's what I'm currently eating, what I'm going to be eating, or feeling like I need to eat. It's an undercurrent of my every waking moment (and, often, my dreams).
I have abstained from sugar since November 2017. I'm having the most difficult time giving up the fatty/oily/greasy foods (mostly fried potato products and salted nuts). I just replaced one trigger food for another.
Trying to do it all on my own is exhausting. I need support in order to truly heal and work towards recovery. I know it'll be a lifelong struggle, but hopefully, with time and support, it will get easier to manage.
I have ordered some of the literature, and am working on finding a sponsor. If there are any available/willing sponsors who have a similar story and/or who share similar demographics (gay, Pagan, vegan), please let me know. I'm happy for any and all friends here as well. I need all the support I can get (please send me a PM if you are interested in connecting with me outside of MFP--by text, e-mail, or Facebook).
I'm glad to be here, and I'm taking this one day at a time.
1
Replies
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Good to meet you and Welcome to our group. As you can see this group isnt too active. Also, check out the emotional eaters group, the other OA group and the eating disorders groups on mfp. Some are more active than this one. You've actually come a long way by identifying you have a disorder and taking some steps as well as reaching out. Have you gotten in touch with OA in your area?1
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Thanks Gamliela! I attend online meetings (I don't drive) and have since found a sponsor and have reached 24 days abstinent! I've worked through the first 9 steps and am working on establishing a routine with steps 10 and 11 before moving on to step 12.
I'm feeling great! OA just clicked into place, and I was struck abstinent when I found it on July 12th. I had been doing bits and pieces here and there on my own for many years, but they don't work alone. Putting it all together has been the lifechanger for me.
I'll check out those other two groups, thanks so much!2
This discussion has been closed.