The definition of insanity...

Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
Hello Goadies!

So I'm having a mental battle with myself. I stepped away from Mfp because I was no longer mentally in the game, I was starting to get obsessed over food, I wasn't changing my habits, and I was starting to binge.

I want a healthy relationship with food...but I'm also starting to hate how I look in photos. I feel puffy and embarrassed and not attractive and not comfortable in my clothes or my body.

I dont know if I'm truly back. Theres a big part of me that says the definition of insanity is doing the same things but expecting different results. The other part of me doesn't like the trajectory I'm on if I do nothing.

To add to this, I'm going to Italy in January and DO NOT want to be the fat American.

What're your thoughts?

PS-thanks for thinking of me and dropping me a message last month Greg!


  • savignr
    savignr Posts: 711 Member
    I was having a similar struggle getting back on the horse after I’d fallen off several times. The tipping point for me was finding out I’d be losing my job, and realizing no one would be serious about hiring a fat almost 66 year old. I knew to have a shot I’d have to change appearances and mindset. I got serious again June 25, and I’m down 13 pounds since then.

    So my recommendation is to pick an issue or two, and then make it a burning platform. A couple small successes will keep the motivation up. My short term goal was being under 2000 calories a day. A SMART goal, if you are familiar with the business lingo. Once I started hitting that, the weight started to come off, and success breeds success. I also made myself accountable by reporting to my sister every day.

    So start with small steps and soon you will be finishing the marathon. Best of luck to you.
  • whathapnd
    whathapnd Posts: 1,212 Member
    Hi Rachel!! I'm so happy to see you here. I've been wondering how you've been.

    While I don't have a problem with bingeing (except occasionally junk food), I do understand the obsessive part. I can become obsessed with the scale. I'm a daily weigher because seeing the fluctuations makes me less bummed if I happen to catch a bad weigh-in when my behavior/net calories should warrant a loss.

    When I re-committed in January, I decided instead of focusing on the scale, I'd measure success based on ONE goal each week (usually to eat within my MFP calories/stated macros.) I knew from experience the scale would eventually catch-up if the behavior was there. It was liberating, and it worked well/kept me sane. The weight came off consistently. Focusing on macros kept my head in the game too. It really made me conscious of WHAT I was consuming and helped me get a better nutritional balance.

    I also suggest writing down a list of "what you've been doing" (your insanity comment) to lose weight. Make it as comprehensive as possible including how you've been thinking about food/weight loss. Is there ONE thing from that list it would be most helpful to focus on eliminating?

    And finally, I know you've had issues with bingeing in the past. Be honest with yourself about whether professional help from a counselor is a good idea. Early intervention is a good idea with most things in life.

    It's really great to see you back!

  • Jerdtrmndone
    Jerdtrmndone Posts: 5,581 Member
    Welcome back Rachel! I am struggling as you are. Stay positive with no negativity and tell yourself you will be ok you will start to feel better about yourself. I am doing Psycho therapy and I am feeling much better and more mindful because I have control of my actions. Believe me I don't always do the right things but I stopped beating myself up and move on.

    You got this!!
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,445 Member
    Food diary. Tracking is my answer to almost every weight loss question.

    I’m curious. What do you mean by obsessed over food? What are the things a person does when they have a healthy relationship with food?

    Whatever the answers, put it all out of your head and track. If WW doesn’t count points anymore, count calories on MFP. Set yourself to lose 1 lb per week. If your brain starts telling you that 1 lb per week isn’t enough, tell it to shut up.

    And don’t tie your weight loss effort to your Italy trip. Time centered weight loss goals are a bad idea. You just want to spend the time between now and January moving in the right direction.
  • countcurt
    countcurt Posts: 593 Member
    edited September 2018
    There used to be a participant on these boards who argued that the 'flaw' in this thought process was that it was normal to have any 'relationship' with food. She argued she didn't want to change her relationship with food but, rather, wanted to not have a relationship with food at all. I don't know that I'm there yet, but I do like the concept. A lot.

    On the insanity thing, I agree with the premise. But, as others have noted, you don't have to change everything all at once. Often that's where we fail. I suggest picking ONE thing on the list of undesirable behaviors and focusing on changing just that one thing. How you select that one behavior depends on your personality. Some people like to select the change with the biggest potential to impact outcome, even if it's a more challenging change to implement. Others find success reinforcing, so they choose the behavior they feel they're most likely to make successfully, even if it has a much smaller impact on desired outcome.

    But you are correct. You have to commit to changing something if you want a different outcome.
  • linmueller
    linmueller Posts: 1,354 Member
    Good to see you back Rachel! I look forward to hearing about your journey (you have lots of great advice here that really made me stop and think).

    One step at a time! You've got this girl!
  • Rachel0778
    Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
    Thank you all for your insights and great advice!

    @linmueller I'm glad to be back, thank you for the words of encouragement!

    @countcurt I love the idea of not having a relationship with it at all. Emotional eating has been with me for so many years it feels like a mountain. My change this week is going to be tracking, back to basics at it's finest

    @88olds Great question! For me obsessing is having obtrusive food thoughts while doing other activities that get in the way of me enjoying the activity or focusing on a conversation with friends. I'm going to try for 1/2lb a week since I'm hoping that will reduce my deprivation feelings/keep me away from bingeing.

    @Jerdtrmndone Thank you for your encouragement! I'm so glad you found a great psychotherapist. I've tried a few in my area but they just weren't good fits. When my insurance resets next year I'm going to try again

    @whathapnd Great suggestion, I'll definitely make that list today! I've tried out a few different counselors over the past two years since I absolutely agree about early intervention. Sadly since I live in a small population density area specialists are rare and I haven't found a good fit. I'm still on the lookout for a new one but my options are limited so I'm largely flying solo on this.

    @savignr Congrats on being down 13lbs! I may copy your SMART goal since it seems like a great place to start!
  • myallforjcbill
    myallforjcbill Posts: 5,466 Member
    Great to see you back Rachel!
  • misterhub
    misterhub Posts: 6,038 Member
    I am happy to see you back, Rachel. You always have excellent things to say.

    Part of the purpose of this community is to provide support to each other during times of trial. We are here.
  • minimyzeme
    minimyzeme Posts: 2,708 Member
    Hey, @Rachel0778 , sorry I missed this earlier. Great to have you back among us! I'm sorry for the challenges you're facing. Having just posted a few thoughts on yesterdays' LTL though, I wonder if your challenge can best be met with moderation. As I recall you were 'all-in' with both diet and exercise when you were here earlier. It I remember right, you were sometimes pretty hard on yourself (in my opinion) for small weight gains after having lost a pretty significant amount. I think I'm remembering correctly...

    If so, I guess my advice would be to consider a path to sustainability in your own version of living the lifestyle. Going from being strict and stringent about weight loss to binging is going from one extreme to another. Recognize there's a whole world of moderation between the two endpoints and give yourself permission to work in that zone, daily. In fact, you can slide along that spectrum on any given day and mix up your "routine" so it's not routine, but custom-tailored to your needs (schedule, commitments, desires) for that day. I have really taken to heart the saying I first read here: "Persistence, not perfection." I think there's a lot of truth to it.

    I don't believe this should be torture. After all, it's a choice (series of them) to live a higher quality of life. If it's made into something unsustainable, you won't get to appreciate so many of the benefits that come with life in a smaller body.

    Welcome back--hope you find your 'sweet spot' to make this work.
  • Rachel0778
    Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
    Thanks for the welcome back @myallforjcbill and @misterhub!

    @minimyzeme Thank you so much for the insights! I absolutely agree with sustainability. Last time I was here I was eating around 2000 calories a day and focusing on 1/2lb a week so I don't know if I'd call myself all-in with dieting, but with my type A personality I do tend to fall into the perfectionist trap and being too hard on myself, you you got me right on the nail there. I like your idea of persistence not perfection. Here's to learning and trying new things!