Emotional work
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steve0mania
Posts: 3,010 Member
I just read an article about someone who was on "My 600-lb Life" that just passed away. In the write-up, it said:
"He explained that he began using food to make himself feel better about his relationship with his father when he was a child. He then blamed himself for his parents’ divorce, which only made him feel worse and eat more. By the time he was in high school, Sean said he already weighed more than 400 lbs."
That made me feel incredibly sad for him, but it also got me wondering how much of weight-loss is "symptom-management" versus "underlying-cause management?"
What I mean is that the mechanics of weight-loss are very straight-forward: take in less calories than you burn and you lose weight. This is "symptom-management."
However, if the underlying problem is, for example, challenging relationships and inappropriate responses to those relationships (or whatever), then I wonder if simply fixing the symptom of being overweight is problematic and unlikely to be successful.
Maybe we need to spend more time working on our emotional states? Maybe some of us/you do?
Discuss
"He explained that he began using food to make himself feel better about his relationship with his father when he was a child. He then blamed himself for his parents’ divorce, which only made him feel worse and eat more. By the time he was in high school, Sean said he already weighed more than 400 lbs."
That made me feel incredibly sad for him, but it also got me wondering how much of weight-loss is "symptom-management" versus "underlying-cause management?"
What I mean is that the mechanics of weight-loss are very straight-forward: take in less calories than you burn and you lose weight. This is "symptom-management."
However, if the underlying problem is, for example, challenging relationships and inappropriate responses to those relationships (or whatever), then I wonder if simply fixing the symptom of being overweight is problematic and unlikely to be successful.
Maybe we need to spend more time working on our emotional states? Maybe some of us/you do?
Discuss
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Replies
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I grew up involved in sports. I never was very good, except at swimming, but I was always involved. So, I managed to work out a lot of stress.
This is important because I am a stress/emotional eater. Food is a balm for me. It soothes my sense of anxiety, regardless the cause. Add to that the fact that I simply like food and the food experience.
Unfortunately, as I have grown older I have not stayed as active as I used to stay. But, I have, at times, continued to use food as a way to make myself feel better. Then, I'll realize what I am doing, and I'll address whatever issue has me in a spin. I have gotten better at catching such things prior to resorting to food to deal with my problem. Additionally, I have taken up meditation over the last several years, which is a remarkably effective anti-anxiety technique. As a result, I use food less and less as a tool to help me through a problem.
All of this is a long way to say, yes, I agree that we need to spend more time dealing with our emotional states and finding alternatives to food as a method of curing our emotional ills. No judgement. I deal with it everyday. But, as I am cognizant of the issue, I owe it to myself and others to get to the root problem rather than just masking the problem.
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Speaking only for myself, I definitely agree that addressing the underlying emotional issues would be the more effective approach. Right now I’m dealing with a lot of emotional stressors, and I have been falling into bad habits again.1
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Last year I got some counseling to deal with some depression on health and related life issues. It really helped.
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I was just having a similar conversation this morning with an APN (advanced practice nurse) that works in the local hospital's weight loss program. I still have the same *^&76#$@ to deal with at work but now I get to do it in size 6 pants. In other words, weight loss is not going to fix any of the underlying emotional problems in our life. I spent most of my life using food as a coping mechanism. I still have the tendency to reach for food when stressed.
One big turning point for me was in 2001 when I finally stood up to my dad over a key issue regarding his living arrangements. Another big turning point was standing up to an unethical program director in 2009. I finally learned to set some boundaries instead of just eating my uncomfortable feelings away.
Adulting is hard.2 -
I do deal with a lot of stress and emotion due to DW's and part my heath. I am trying very hard to deal with it all even going to psyho therapy which has given me a better insight to handle the situation which is beyond my control. I am the one that needs to put the work into controlling my stress and emotions and I think for the must part I am handling it fairly well.2
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In between my first go with WW 10 years ago and my current one, I coped with my marriage falling apart and my mom's death and the stress of being a parent in the midst of all of it by eating and drinking myself into oblivion. I did five years of therapy that ended a couple of months ago. One of the biggest (and yet so obvious that I somehow missed it 10 years ago) insights was that I'm an emotional eater. Honestly, figuring that out -- or at least admitting it to myself -- was huge.1
