Hi everyone! I'm glad to see there's still people in this group. I joined about a year ago? when it first started and then went AWOL. But now I'm back and I'm serious!

Here's my (re)introduction:

I'm Rissa, I'm 31, and I'm 5'8 with a weight of 393 lbs. I've been living in Fantasyland I guess and it's time to wake up. It's really hard to get motivated though because I also struggle with depression and I guess I self-medicate with food. (Gimme that serotonin!) But, the good news is it looks like I weighed 397 in December 2017 last time I started this, so I've got that going for me at least!

@bmeadows380 : I understand what you are saying. I think I just always have to remind myself that regardless of where I am in my life, if my health isn’t prioritized, I slip back into old habits very quickly.

@rabidhamster87 : it’s good to see you back; you’ve been missed

My eating has been healthy but I have stopped stepping on the scale for a bit because I do better when I don’t weigh myself regularly. This past Sunday my husband and I got a big scare. He had been sick for a week and he ran up the street to the walk in clinic. They took his blood pressure and it was 200/120. They sent him to the hospital. This whole time he has been so supportive of my healthy eating, and despite his weight not ballooning like my own, he was battling his own health issues he didn’t even know about. The doctor told me we were incredibly lucky because now we can both be eating right and exercising and he has another chance to get his numbers down. It was a scary wake up call, but I am grateful that we are both re-invigorated to do this journey together because I am not ready to say goodbye.

@RunaMarti I'm 39 and when I graduated highschool, it was a forgone conclusion that you went to college afterwards; that was the attitude in the 90's especially, so I didn't even realize that I actually had a choice in the matter. I really didn't know what I wanted to do and latched onto engineering because it at least wasn't something I hated. I could list all sorts of career fields I knew I wasn't interested in - any kind of medicine, business, law, teaching - but I really had no clue what I was interested in. I had things I liked as hobbies, but nothing that I really wanted to make a career out of; my fear was that by pursuing professional credentials in a hobby area, the hobby would be ruined for me, such as piano. I love playing the piano, but I've talked to those who majored in it in college, and they told me it about ruined piano for them because of the demands of the teaching staff and the rigors of the curriculum. I don't care for classical music, and I like being an accompanist and playing the softer stuff, and a college major in piano would have focused on strict technique and classical style. Music is an outlet for me, and I didn't want to ruin it.

I stuck with engineering because I didn't at least hate it, even though I wasn't really all that interested either, and because I really had no clue what else I would like to do. And now, 20 years later, I STILL don't know what I'd be interested in, and so while I'd love dearly to get out of the engineering field, I have no contacts, no network, want to live a smaller, rural area and hates big cities, so I feel like I'm stuck. Which feeds my depression.......

If I had it to do over again, I'm not sure I would go straight to college out of highschool. Or perhaps I would have looked closer at Bible colleges instead - after all, if a good, Christian girl wants to find a husband, its well known that most Christian young men who attend Bible college do so for 2 reasons - training in the Bible and to find a wife! lol But I had sort of drifted into the idea of an engineering degree, and that's not a field that most Bible colleges offer, so I ended up at an in-state school, where I didn't get a good quality engineering education, which has haunted me ever since.

My mom has this idea that she's told my sister that our jobs should be our life, and when I heard her tell my sister that, it was like a rock settled in my stomach, because I just thought how miserable a life that would be for me. I'm not knocking people who are driven and who get great personal satisfaction out of their job and career; I just know that I'm not one of those people. I get fulfillment and personal satisfaction out of other areas of my life and maintain a job because I need a paycheck and not because I actually enjoy my work. What stinks is that I find myself in a job where my job takes up most of my life, leaving precious little time for things I DO enjoy.........

@RunaMarti Every time I moved, I made sure to find a place that would let me have my cats, even though it was difficult at times - rentals are often reluctant to allow pets, and while I understand why due to abuses by previous renters, its really a big pain! My Dad's comment was "get rid of the cats" to which I quickly and firmly refused - quite adamantly My cats are my kids - perpetual toddlers, I call them - and they do much to brighten my life and I refuse to part with them except under very extreme circumstances. When I take an animal, I make a commitment to them for their life to provide them a safe home, food, shelter, and my affection, and I'm not going to go back on that promise! Especially to my 16 1/2 year old man, who I've had with me since he was 10 weeks old through 3 states and 8 homes now! lol

But I've been blessed in finding places to live, and the only reason I still have my 5 is only because when I moved the last time, it was to a place I was buying and not a rental. And if I was ever in a position that I simply couldn't give them the care they deserved, I would give them up, but it would be very, very hard, so I can sympathize! Perhaps, if things continue to turn around for you, you might be able to get a pet in the future?

Child protective services are so frustrating! I know there are good ones out there who really care for the kids, and I know they are way overworked and underpaid, especially here in WV where the drug epidemic is leading to thousands of kids entering the system, but its heartbreaking the ones who slip through the cracks and remain in volatile situations. You've come so far and really should be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished!

that is the problem I saw too with the educational system - they are quick to get you into a degree program without indicating your career chances with it or without giving the student a complete idea of the field. My best friend was caught in that trap - she majored in history, being told that it didn't matter what she had a degree in, just that she had a degree. She had intended to go on to get a PhD, but found out after graduation that the cost was just incredibly prohibitive - and the career prospects afterwards very limited. The salary for a history professor is horribly low, especially compared to the cost of getting that PhD, and she just coudln't afford it. And she found that employers DO care about what you got a degree in, and even more so, they want experience to go with it. That's what got my sister, too. She got a degree in library science but found that she was either over-qualified for a typical library job which was usually part time, the pay wasn't enough to cover cost of living, or in most cases, a full time applicant was required to have a master's degree and not just a bachelor's. So they are both struggling to pay back student loans for degrees that were essentially worthless. At least mine, even if I don't enjoy the job, adequately provides me a living and the ability to pay back my loan debt!

That was God looking out for you in the case of disability! My dad had the same experience; he broke his back in 2012 and was forced to retire early, then had a pacemaker installed shortly thereafter, and 2 hip replacements. His body is a wreck and he definitely can't work anymore. He retired after 30 years of driving a school bus, but his retirement wasn't enough to cover all expenses, and at the time, he was still too young to draw social security. He applied for disability, and everyone told them they'd need a lawyer and it would take months and multiple applications, but they got through first try without needing the lawyer. God was good to them, that's for sure! And now that he's on social security, the amount of money he was getting didn't change, either, so they can meet their monthly budget.

Yeah, bringing kids into that situation right now wouldn't be good for them. Being I'm a Christian, I won't go get pregnant without having a husband. I could adopt, but that's very expensive and single parenting is very difficult - I don't know if that would be what is best for the child. I've thought a little about fostering, but my brother and his wife went through that process for a while but dropped out because they whole process is horrendous and the rules are just crazy. What's sad to me is they have all these rules in place that are supposed to be for the children's protection, but often fail to protect the kids from bad foster parents and instead exclude folks who might make good foster parents if the rules weren't so difficult to get through.

but who knows? fostering might still be in the cards in the future. Not right now - I'm working on getting myself out of the debt hole I got moving for the company on my own dime and fixing the place up I'm in now, but I'm not going to completely rule the idea out.

meanwhile it is a new year, so here's hoping that you and I both manage to climb a little higher out of the holes we find ourselves in this year! As long as we're alive, there's always hope for a brighter tomorrow, right?

Hi. I can't find where to introduce myself so I thought as I'm looking around I'd say hi here. I'm Jane 52 weighing in at 23st 4lb and finally going to do something about it. I'm in Scotland. Hello.

Hi, @ladyjaneann ! Welcome!

Well, old man winter finally cracked open his eyes around here. it was 17F here this morning when I got up, and the wind is blowing pretty hard driving the wind chill down below zero. We got some snow, but its hard to tell how much because it was very powdery and the wind is blowing it all over the place. However, unlike just about every other person in my sphere of acquaintance, I'm loving it! I don't mind cold weather that badly and in fact would much rather deal with cold and than extreme heat. and I like snow - and yes, I have to drive 25 miles in it one way to get to work every day, and much of that is on a 2 lane, windy road (cause I live in WV, so ALL our roads are windy! lol)

just a comment on a slight irritation that is a problem I'm glad to have lol

Have you noticed how much more difficult it is to get into a pair of pants? I noticed yesterday - the smaller pants with the smaller waist have a much smaller hole for me to aim for when trying to get my legs into them. I remember having a much easier time before! Now when I toss out a pair of pants to put them on, I find myself missing them on the first go around.....

I know I shouldn't say this , talk about other threads , but why oh why do I go onto the open forum in this web site ??? I said one thing in a diet soda thread , about how I don't drink it because it spikes my blood sugar and makes me ill , OMG you would thought I hurt someone LOL BUT I am not going back and reading anymore of of it , what a bunch of mean people . I will always love you guys . we need to be good to each other and not hurt each other .

So I've been hearing all about the wonders of old fashioned "real" buttermilk - the kind that is the leftovers after making butter - but I figured making butter was hard work, and I needed a churn (cause I have seen instructions to make it with a mason jar and shaking it for a long time until the butter is rendered, but I don't have the arm capacity to shake that jar that long!)

But curiosity won out, and since you can find pretty much anything online these days, I looked up how to make butter and buttermilk and learned 1) there are differences in butter beyond just salted and unsalted 2) there are differences in buttermilk, too! 3) butter is actually extremely easy to make!

The hardest part was finding heavy cream that wasn't ultra-high pasteurized, but my local grocery store did have one brand that wasn't. Expensive, but not really that much more for a quart than what I paid for a pound of store brand butter, and I ended up with roughly the same amount of butter at the end. I live in a rural area, so I'll just make a trip to the local farmer's market when I get time one weekend and see if I can't find a local source that's a little cheaper.

Anywho, I found that I can render my own butter using nothing more than the heavy cream and my food processor! Pour the cream into the food processor, then turn it on and let it run until the butter is separated out, which took maybe 4 to 5 minutes? One thing I did learn, however - only fill the container about half full of cream because it WILL make a mess! The instructions I had said to only go to the fill line, which I did, but it still made a mess, so I took back out half the cream and just rendered it in two separate batches. Then you just pour the whole thing into a sieve which separates the buttermilk from the butter, wash your butter while kneading it with a wooden spoon through several bowls of water, and in approximately 30 minutes, I had around a pound of fresh, homemade butter - and about 2 cups of fresh, homemade sweet buttermilk!

Now to just find a recipe that uses the sweet buttermilk and not the cultured......

I also found recipes that indicated how to make your own cultured buttermilk (the kind with the tang). I know the old fashioned way would be to leave the milk sitting out until it starts to curdle, but since that would depend on wild yeasts in the air, I went with the safer route and used a starter from commercially made buttermilk to get the right yeasts - I poured 1 1/2 cups into a pitcher, added 1 quart of whole milk (again, avoiding the ultra pasteurized), stirred them together, covered the pitcher with a cloth, and left it sitting on top of my fridge. I'll be checking that this evening to see how it did. If that works, I can then hold back part of the mix and use it to make more, sort of like sour dough bread or amish bread starter. If the new milk turns out good, I'm making buttermilk biscuits tonight with my fresh butter and buttermilk! Though I know I'd better share those things, or I'll find myself needing to fast all day again tomorrow..... lol

the butter is fabulous! My mom wanted me to make her an apple pie, so I used the butter instead of shortening in the crust.....and I had to re-adjust my dinner plans because I ended up eating a hunk of the dough enough for a piece of pie

The buttermilk was wonderful as well - mom made biscuits with it and loved it, and I made cornbread tonight using the butter and the buttermilk and lets just say that I did stay under my calorie limit because I ate cornbread for supper and even gave up dessert so I could have a second slice