Dangerous Thinking
motis3678
Posts: 61 Member
Hello friends! As many of us know from experience, mental conditioning can be just as important as physical conditioning when going through a life change.
What are 'danger zones' or dangerous thoughts of your mind? And what do you do when you find yourself drifting there?
For me, I've learned I'm headed for trouble when I start to think/say:
- 'it's not fair'
- 'I only did that because..... '
- using 'always' or 'never' instead of less dramatic, more realistic terms
And when I catch myself going there I try to tell on myself REAL QUICK before I start believing my own BS. That's one of the ways I think being a part of this group will help me.
What are 'danger zones' or dangerous thoughts of your mind? And what do you do when you find yourself drifting there?
For me, I've learned I'm headed for trouble when I start to think/say:
- 'it's not fair'
- 'I only did that because..... '
- using 'always' or 'never' instead of less dramatic, more realistic terms
And when I catch myself going there I try to tell on myself REAL QUICK before I start believing my own BS. That's one of the ways I think being a part of this group will help me.
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Replies
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Remaining objective when self-criticizing. I am obese and I need to lose weight for my quality of life and my health. I am not somehow worthless as a person because of my extra weight.
Having said this I tend to have a self-deprecating and often dark sense of humor so I do say things I don't entirely mean.4 -
When I have a bad or stressful day, telling myself I’ll have a treat night early (I have one a week) to cheer me up..
Or, I’ll have a Lyn extra treat day and tell myself, I’ll just work it off at the gym.
I have to be very stern with myself, thankfully me and my sister are dieting together and we keep each other in check, most of the time lol2 -
I have two danger zones...both pretty similar I guess. The first is if I go over my calories for the day it stresses me out and I'm ready to give up. Even just a few calories has me thinking I've wasted all that effort (even though I know I'm likely still in a deficit). The other is if the scales don't move as I expect them to. Again, I know it could be water weight masking fat loss but I'm ready to give up when these things happen. So I only weigh once a month. And if I do go over my calories, I log my excess on the next day or next couple of days so I cover myself that way. It's the only way I cope! Sounds crazy I know. I'm working on it!4
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If I eat something I know I shouldn’t or don’t have enough calories left for it, it make me feel so guilty and ashamed...I beat myself up so bad mentally and then I think, “ what the heck I screwed up so I might as well eat some more”.... this kind of thinking is what has gotten me in trouble so many other times...I am trying very hard to be more relaxed if I have an occasional slip up...last week was my grandsons 14 th birthday and he had a Dairy Queen ice cream birthday cake....he asked me if I could have some and I told him I needed to burn some exercise calories to earn a small piece of that cake....a little later he came in the living room with his swim trunks on and said,” come on Nannie let’s go swimming so you can have some cake!”... so I went and I did have a piece of cake and it was delicious and I didn’t feel guilty for eating it!....I love this kid!...and this is how I need to cope with a special treat!...I think if I feel like I worked for it,then I earned it!6
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I know that I’m heading for trouble when I try to make excuses. It’s okay that I didn’t walk much today, it’s hot/I’m tired/my blah hurts. The tired and pain get me into a lot of trouble. I also have to watch when due to an MS flare I need my cane for walking because poor me I deserve a treat, it’s too hard to cook dinner so let’s order in. I’m trying to find new self care/comfort things that aren’t food.5
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Last night I wanted to binge so badly...I knew that if I got started I likely wouldn’t stop...the pantry door was open and the boxes of Little Debbies were calling my name....I kept thinking I could have one nutty buddy and maybe a glass of milk...no one else was awake and I could enjoy it alone and in the dark....then I got to thinking ( this thinking gets you in trouble ) I could probably eat an oatmeal pie,too and it probably wouldn’t be too many calories...I got up and checked the calorie counts and smelled the goodies through the packages...I sat one of each on the counter and got a glass out for the milk...I was actually salivating by this time!....i promised myself I would go right to bed after I ate it and wouldn’t keep eating...I heard something behind me and there sat our 7 month old puppy waiting for whatever I was having...I put it all back and gave her a milk bone and I went to bed....this morning I was happy I didn’t give in to my craving but last night I came so close to going over the edge...I know from past experience that once I start I can’t stop....it’s not a pretty sight I am sure.....eventually I am going to have to deal with this issue of not being able to stop once I start...it’s like I become a shark in a feeding frenzy....of course it’s not only eating that I have to deal with this type of behavior but I can control other issues in better ways...I have a very addictive type personality...very thankful I do not smoke,drink, or do drugs....how do I stop a binge once I start?...what triggers a binge?...why is my food the hardest thing for me to control?...how do others deal with this problem?2
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I try not to keep foods like that in the house, that helps me.2
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Not keeping it in the house isn’t a remedy for me...if I was in THE mood, I would just get in the car and go and buy something....we have my daughter,her husband and two grandchildren living with us and we always have junkola food someplace in the house...and if I am going to binge it can be on any kind of food....maybe not lettuce but sandwiches,cereal,frozen dinners....whatever is available at the time....I should probably live in a padded cell!2
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Your puppy has learned that if she can figure out how to tempt you with food she will get a treat.
I wish I could help you. I am only triggered into a binge-like overfeed if I have been too deprived either in calories or treat food. I am still in a fair amount of control I just choose to give it up. I get into a "I don't give a f..." mode. This might also happen if I have a little too much to drink.
Logging is what has improved my moderation of a few of my weakness foods. I do not want to face a log full of calories that I ate completely undisciplined. If I choose to go over my calories by 3000 one day that is okay. Doing it without making a choice beforehand is not. That mindset doesn't include mistakes. I may not like see them in my log but I have come to accept that life is messy and mistakes will happen occasionally.2 -
Logging foods has certainly helped me considerably....i don’t want to look at a food diary full of crappy foods!..I have controlled myself for four months not to binge....I don’t want to fail and I am afraid if I slip up or go over my calorie limits,then I will blow it one more time...and once I screw up it takes me days to get myself back under control....I have been seriously thinking I will take a few higher calorie days over Thanksgiving if I can hang on that long!....maybe I should have a higher calorie day before then if I think I can handle it....I have lost 40 lbs but still have so many to go....I try to include a few treats and enjoy most of the foods I like in my daily menu...” one little bite” doesn’t satisfy the Cookie Monster lurking below the surface....before I started this healthy eating routine, my “normal”was being stuffed to the gills....I am still getting used to being satisfied without being as full as a tick....
I agree life can be messy and we all make mistakes along the way....1 -
Mistakes are ok. We learn lots from them. Just keep trying. Learning to enjoy the foods you love without fearing the desire to binge or overeat them is big part of long lasting weight loss. Part of this is finding a way to eliminate the feeling of deprivation. I know this may sound contrary, but ask yourself the following question: Is there a way to set your fears aside and eat the foods you love for enjoyment and still stay at a deficit to your needs and at the same time continue to properly nourish and hydrate your body?1
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One of the things the Beck solution gets you to do is plan in advance what you will do next time something like this happens. If you have a strategy in place then it might help you not to give in. It might be something to tell yourself, an internal discussion to have, a response card to read (the No Choice one would work here) or something to distract yourself with. If you have a plan and strategy to work through, eg ask yourself "am I hungry" "do I really need to eat this" "how will I feel after I've eaten it?" "Will it be worth it" it might stop it from happening.
Or the No Choice response card. If you know you have no choice but to shut that pantry door and move away, then that's more likely to happen. Go through all the reasons you're losing weight, and all the reasons you don't want to sit and binge, and tell yourself that you have no choice. The CBT has worked well for me. Planning ahead might help.4 -
“ the best laid plans of mice and men.....”
Seriously,I agree and for continued success I need to work on this in all aspects of my life....thank you to everyone for the support here and the helpful suggestions....I am certainly a work in progress.....I want to be proof that you can teach an old dog new tricks!2 -
Good luck! We could all write our own books at the end of this I think. Congratulations on your loss so far. Keep telling yourself that you've done well. That works for me, being nice to myself.1
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My most dangerous thinking weight wise is to wing it. I can't ever see that as a viable option ever again. I plan all food shopping to fit in with my meal plans and batch cooking, which has already been planned with activities & appointments in mind. My day is planned so I can fit in the exercise & meditation I want to do. I plan celebrations so they aren't a random 'lets go for a meal'.
I'm in control of me 2 -
Having contingency plans for every occasion is nice, and I try to do that and respect that. IMHO, learning to listen to your body and not overeat is also important in the long term.3
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My worst thoughts center on “no one cares about you so what does it matter if you eat yourself to death”. And it’s not even true! I have two great grown kids, a husband and a super little pup thst care about me. I think it’s mostly just me feeling sorry for myself and using that excuse to have what I might be craving at the time. And let’s face it - planning every day’s food and exercising regularly is hard and can feel tedious after a while. I keep reminding myself now that I’m worth the effort, and I care about me regardless of anything else.3
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Satisfiedwithbetter wrote: »Having contingency plans for every occasion is nice, and I try to do that and respect that. IMHO, learning to listen to your body and not overeat is also important in the long term.
This is the dream
I truly wish that I can do this in the future. My life isn't as regimental as my post seems but I can't allow myself to get complacent or I'll order Justeat 3 times a week. We have take out occassionally but my problem is being lazy and it's so much easier having meals ready in less time it takes for the app to deliver (or slow cooked)
I like to batch cook & freeze when I can as it's all weighed and counted there and then, not at the end of a long day - and saves money. I now cook recipes I'd never tried and found so many nice foods I didn't know I loved
As far as exercise goes, if I don't plan it in it doesn't happen. Simple as that.
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Have you tried listening to you hunger and fullness signals? It took several weeks for me to recognize my physical hunger signals, actual growling in the stomach, and I am still working on my fullness signals, the feeling of just satisfied, now I’m ready to go, I’m energized, and feel light, I not stuffed, I feel good and the growl is gone. I recognize now that my hunger and fullness signals were less driven by my body, and more driven by my mind. I practice everyday. One day the Dream will become a reality. It doesn’t become natural until it’s practiced unnaturally!1
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My worst thoughts center on “no one cares about you so what does it matter if you eat yourself to death”. And it’s not even true! I have two great grown kids, a husband and a super little pup thst care about me. I think it’s mostly just me feeling sorry for myself and using that excuse to have what I might be craving at the time. And let’s face it - planning every day’s food and exercising regularly is hard and can feel tedious after a while. I keep reminding myself now that I’m worth the effort, and I care about me regardless of anything else.
You are so worth it! Way to express your thoughts! We all have thoughts like this! WTG!1 -
No, I haven't consciously tried with the signals but they do stop me snacking in boredom or when someone else is. I ask myself if I'm really hungry and I answer no = no snack Once I'm eating I'll generally finish what I can; I need a fullness alarm. Do you feel the energy & lightness could also be from a peaceful mind? I'm exploring this more and more each week and can't really believe I got to 41 (last year) without knowing about this stuff. I'm such a calmer happier person and I live so much better now that I'm organised. 2
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That’s awesome. Not snacking in boredom and in peer situations is huge. Very nicely done!3
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