My ah-ha with sleep happened a couple of months ago after working on this in different ways for a while before that.

I realized I was anxious. I think of myself as very calm & patient. But my meds do trigger anxiety. I also didn’t want the day to end; I didn’t want to relax, didn’t want to let go. Seemed to have a guard up..I often feel I have to be hyper vigilant w the transplant- don’t wanna miss a symptom etc.

How did I figure this out? using guided meditations & being mindful of my responses...deeply relaxing didn’t feel right to me...felt I was drifting away, into nothingness... felt oddly uncomfortable...

And somewhere I heard or read, “Talk to yourself/treat yourself as a young child/baby who doesn’t want to rest- would rather play.”

I recognized myself instantly. I’ve stayed up too late since 3rd grade (to spend time with my dad who was/is a late owl.)

So now, I actually say warmly, “OK you had a great day, but it’s time to settle in and go to sleep now, Baby.” And I relax, I think yep you’re right. Get cozy with a pillow there, perfect blanket/pillow set up “feathering my nest” a la DavidJi. (Just like we do for our babies.) I comfort myself.

I wake up refreshed after 7 hours naturally now.

Other things I did: bedroom is for sleep only. Fought that a long time, but finally did it- made a huge difference. I used to read, watch TV, paint draw, work (!), pay bills etc. moved it all put.

I go up to bed at approx the same time each night.

I remind myself “Tomorrow is another day.”

If I can’t fall asleep from anxiety (meds-induced), I will put on a very boring instructional video on my phone with a deadpan voice & I drift right off. In fact, hearing a voice is my fastest way to get my self talk to stop. I try to do this without the videos...”let’s not think about that now; deal with it tomorrow when you are fresh”

No chocolate or decaf coffee after 4pm

Hope some of these help. A little embarrassing, but I’m just so glad I’ve got a method now.

💤Maddie

@MadisonMolly2017 : whether your post helps?!? It touches more than a chord! God bless you, I would just 🤗 you now❣

I need to learn to unwind in the evenings, too! Thanks for opening my eyes. My mom did tell me a million times how important sleep is. Side note: going to bed late might be a silent rebellion on my side, I am o/w a pretty obedient child 😁.

Thank you!!! 🌺🌻🌹

MAR 12
T ✅ | C ✅ | E ✅ [50 min walk + 10 min pilates + 1 h yoga]
Pass = 0/3
Vegan ✅ | No sugar ✅ | Sleep ❎ [6:15 h]

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@Beautyofdreams Thank you for your reply! I would like to schedule a maintenance break for the first two weeks of April.

12th March
Calories: under. Still not very healthy options, but I added some fried onions and fresh coriander to my packet noodles. Tasted better, made me feel better. Baby steps, I hope next week I will be able to prepare 'proper' food. Managed to cook some food for my partner, though.
Tracking : Yes, logged it all.
Exercise: Managed 30 minutes of walking, 5 minutes more than yesterday.
Not sure what I can do tomorrow, as I am examining in Toulouse, but 20 minutes exercise, walking to and from exam venue, should be possible.
@MadisonMolly2017 Working on a pile of strategies to get some better quality sleep. Cleaned kitchen for a start, so there's only my prepped cup of tea in there and my set-up coffee machine for the morning. Will switch on dishwasher tonight, I love that steady rumble, helps me sleep ... I've set up Pocahontas podcast, can't wait to find out about her, but love my sleep too !. Alarm set for 6am, even though I normally wake up much earlier. If / when I wake again at 2am, I will be able to tell myself that I have literally done anything I could have done for today and go back to sleep ... I hope ... All the documents printed for tomorrow, lunch organised.