Self-Negotiation
NovusDies
Posts: 8,940 Member
You are looking at the tempting food. It either will not fit in your calorie budget for the day/week or it will make it very hard for you later in the day to stay in your calorie budget. You hear yourself start to negotiate in favor of eating it. Or sometimes you don't even bother giving yourself a valid argument you just go straight to "I don't care."
This state is either just happened, happening now, or going to happen at some point in the future.
Here are my personal observations from my various internal debates:
1) I want to eat the food. I am just looking for an excuse.
2) I never actually give myself a good excuse. They are terrible arguments and often lies.
3) I am a jerk. I never try to negotiate with myself when I am feeling strong. I only do it when I am feeling weak.
4) I will always care as long as I log my food.
5) I am almost never pleased with whatever I eat when I have not planned to eat it in advance. This can lead to grazing around trying to satisfy myself which just makes things worse.
What do you do? - This is not a comprehensive list, it is some ideas. They may work, they may not. They may only work some of the time. The point is to have a strategy in advance.
1) First off remember number 2. Say the really dumb and often super immature reason out loud or say it to someone. Be embarrassed by how silly it sounds.
2) Fight back. Seems obvious but when you want to eat the food you will sometimes take the first dumb reason you can think of and dive in.
3) Timeout or divert to some activity. You would be surprised how sobering 15 minutes can be.
4) Pre-log the food. Especially if your brain couldn't do any better than "I don't care"
5) Review your list of the many reasons why this weight loss is important to you. If you think you only have a single reason it is time to make a list. You ABSOLUTELY should have multiple reasons. If you think getting a diagnosis is enough to scare you into staying on the path, you are wrong. Have important reasons, fun reasons, vanity reasons, have LOADS of reasons.
6) Remind yourself that you can't keep engaging in short-term thinking if you want this to work. Food pleasure only last s a few seconds.
7) If you are like me, remind yourself of number 5. If you won't end up anyway, satisfied WHY DO IT?
8) If you eat the food remember that perfection is not required to make a lot of progress. You will slip-up. Review the situation objectively and determine how you can win the negotiation next time. If you are having hunger issues ask for some advice here.
Also remember that if you are not eating a sustainable number of calories for yourself you will lose the debate much more often.
This state is either just happened, happening now, or going to happen at some point in the future.
Here are my personal observations from my various internal debates:
1) I want to eat the food. I am just looking for an excuse.
2) I never actually give myself a good excuse. They are terrible arguments and often lies.
3) I am a jerk. I never try to negotiate with myself when I am feeling strong. I only do it when I am feeling weak.
4) I will always care as long as I log my food.
5) I am almost never pleased with whatever I eat when I have not planned to eat it in advance. This can lead to grazing around trying to satisfy myself which just makes things worse.
What do you do? - This is not a comprehensive list, it is some ideas. They may work, they may not. They may only work some of the time. The point is to have a strategy in advance.
1) First off remember number 2. Say the really dumb and often super immature reason out loud or say it to someone. Be embarrassed by how silly it sounds.
2) Fight back. Seems obvious but when you want to eat the food you will sometimes take the first dumb reason you can think of and dive in.
3) Timeout or divert to some activity. You would be surprised how sobering 15 minutes can be.
4) Pre-log the food. Especially if your brain couldn't do any better than "I don't care"
5) Review your list of the many reasons why this weight loss is important to you. If you think you only have a single reason it is time to make a list. You ABSOLUTELY should have multiple reasons. If you think getting a diagnosis is enough to scare you into staying on the path, you are wrong. Have important reasons, fun reasons, vanity reasons, have LOADS of reasons.
6) Remind yourself that you can't keep engaging in short-term thinking if you want this to work. Food pleasure only last s a few seconds.
7) If you are like me, remind yourself of number 5. If you won't end up anyway, satisfied WHY DO IT?
8) If you eat the food remember that perfection is not required to make a lot of progress. You will slip-up. Review the situation objectively and determine how you can win the negotiation next time. If you are having hunger issues ask for some advice here.
Also remember that if you are not eating a sustainable number of calories for yourself you will lose the debate much more often.
3
Replies
-
Fantastic read. That last line is a big deal for me these days. I can't help but think that is the case for many of us? Maybe because it is spring and everyone is a bit more active?
If I am eating enough calories - "What do to" #3 frequently works - it worked for me today. I ate a treat - really wanted another but managed to convince myself to wait and if I still wanted it after walking the dog, we'd negotiate and then maybe go for #4. Today, when I got back from walking the dog I was much more rational and the craving had long passed. I almost forgot about it!
If I had not been eating enough calories the past few days I wouldn't have been able to stop thinking of that treat the whole time I was walking.
Thank you for posting.3 -
#3 my go to's are cleaning / organizing or exercise, including going for a walk around the yard as I enjoy gardening / nature.
Nothing tastes as good as fit feels is something that rolls through my thought train in these situations. The train details on occasion, sometimes mid bite I'm able to get it back on track if I realize the calorie price is not worth it ticket price.3 -
I suppose I should have mentioned that my "What to do" are not meant to be followed in order or at all. They are ideas. Some may work, some of the time. You may need your own list but you definitely need a strategy. Hitting those weak moments without a strategy is just begging to flush your deficit down the drain for the day.
Edited it and added another thought about how eating out of turn is almost never satisfying for me.
1 -
My temptations happen on my way home from work. It'd be really easy to pull into a drive thru. I know I can get healthy stuff there but I don't..One strategy I use is to think about what I have at home and most of the times I can think of something more tasty and satisfying at home.
I use #5 and 6 but in a dramatic way. I just flat out ask myself "That is going to kill you, is that what you want?"3 -
I've been dealing with this a lot lately and it's usually been in the form of "You're just having a bad day today, so go ahead and have some comfort food and get back on track tomorrow." Problem is, I've got stressors going on that can't be resolved in just a day, so my bad days are actually bad weeks.... months.... and now I'm looking back over my numbers and seeing I haven't made any real progress since February. Stress eating was a major factor in my weight gain and I'm disappointed to see that even after 10 months of working on myself, I'm still dealing with the same issue.3
-
Like this so much ..... it is a daily battle and I’m off to write that list!2
-
I've been dealing with this a lot lately and it's usually been in the form of "You're just having a bad day today, so go ahead and have some comfort food and get back on track tomorrow." Problem is, I've got stressors going on that can't be resolved in just a day, so my bad days are actually bad weeks.... months.... and now I'm looking back over my numbers and seeing I haven't made any real progress since February. Stress eating was a major factor in my weight gain and I'm disappointed to see that even after 10 months of working on myself, I'm still dealing with the same issue.
We are all a work in progress. When comfort eating causes you more stress it is hardly a comfort. It is a lie. The idea of comfort food really only works when there are no consequences. Often when a person has a flu and they are feeling miserable they actually need more calories than normal anyway. In this situation, comfort food might lift their spirits and give them the extra calories they need to fight off the infection.
For stress it is a maladaptive coping mechanism like smoking, drinking alcohol, and drugs. When you flush a day of progress or reverse your progress you won't like it which then makes the next day worse. The level of severity may be a range but ultimately maladaptive coping mechanisms lead to bad places.
The problem can be becoming hyper-focused on major stressors and not taking care of small nuisance stressors that are more easily resolved. All stress is cumulative. If you are feeling constant stress you need to create some margin. I call this "organizing the sock drawer". If finding a pair of socks takes a few moments each day and it annoys you then taking time to organize it will be a benefit. Create a mindset of organizing the sock drawer and let it lead to having a bowl to place your keys in so you don't spend time looking for them, having meals planned in advance, delegating to others, and anything else that bothers you. All of the 5 minute and 10 dollar fixes add up to margin. We all need margin. Plus it will give you a feeling of accomplishment and self-caring that should help improve your mood.3 -
Great advice as always, Novus. My main source of stress is my job and it's especially bad right now because they are making us return to the office next week. This is what I've been dreading ever since they sent us home over a year ago. In order to try and ease the transition, I followed your advice and picked one small source of stress that I have control over: what am I going to eat during the work day when I'm no longer at home? I planned out a week of meals and prepped a dozen breakfast sandwiches to freeze that I can then take to work and microwave. I got snacks to take to work that will hopefully help me resist the ever-present donuts and candy that my coworkers offer. Just taking care of this one area definitely made me feel better and it's great to feel like I'll be in control of at least one part of my week.3
-
Great advice as always, Novus. My main source of stress is my job and it's especially bad right now because they are making us return to the office next week. This is what I've been dreading ever since they sent us home over a year ago. In order to try and ease the transition, I followed your advice and picked one small source of stress that I have control over: what am I going to eat during the work day when I'm no longer at home? I planned out a week of meals and prepped a dozen breakfast sandwiches to freeze that I can then take to work and microwave. I got snacks to take to work that will hopefully help me resist the ever-present donuts and candy that my coworkers offer. Just taking care of this one area definitely made me feel better and it's great to feel like I'll be in control of at least one part of my week.
Good work. Don't stop though. Unless you are the most organized person on the planet there are probably other ways to create margin. There is nothing too small, in fact, small is good because it is usually can be resolved fast and/or cheap.
Many people, myself included, have given out meditation/relaxation advice to people experiencing stress. While I still think it is extremely helpful I am less inclined to give it as a first response. During some of my most stressful times I found trying to fit something else in my day just made things worse. If I missed a day then I felt stress about not doing something to prevent stress.
Our current culture suffers from "hurry sickness". It is compounded by the fact that some of us were raised to believe that being busy/working hard or long hours is a moral good... I am one of them. Creating margin is necessary. People think that those of us in the south are more laid back (BTW, we live VERY close to one another) and perhaps some of us are but I see hurry sickness all around me. I am feeling it at the moment because of some (hopefully temporary) extra items on my plate. It is not a healthy lifestyle so it absolutely cannot be a good thing.
2 -
You are looking at the tempting food. It either will not fit in your calorie budget for the day/week or it will make it very hard for you later in the day to stay in your calorie budget. You hear yourself start to negotiate in favor of eating it. Or sometimes you don't even bother giving yourself a valid argument you just go straight to "I don't care."
This state is either just happened, happening now, or going to happen at some point in the future.
Here are my personal observations from my various internal debates:
1) I want to eat the food. I am just looking for an excuse.
2) I never actually give myself a good excuse. They are terrible arguments and often lies.
3) I am a jerk. I never try to negotiate with myself when I am feeling strong. I only do it when I am feeling weak.
4) I will always care as long as I log my food.
5) I am almost never pleased with whatever I eat when I have not planned to eat it in advance. This can lead to grazing around trying to satisfy myself which just makes things worse.
What do you do? - This is not a comprehensive list, it is some ideas. They may work, they may not. They may only work some of the time. The point is to have a strategy in advance.
1) First off remember number 2. Say the really dumb and often super immature reason out loud or say it to someone. Be embarrassed by how silly it sounds.
2) Fight back. Seems obvious but when you want to eat the food you will sometimes take the first dumb reason you can think of and dive in.
3) Timeout or divert to some activity. You would be surprised how sobering 15 minutes can be.
4) Pre-log the food. Especially if your brain couldn't do any better than "I don't care"
5) Review your list of the many reasons why this weight loss is important to you. If you think you only have a single reason it is time to make a list. You ABSOLUTELY should have multiple reasons. If you think getting a diagnosis is enough to scare you into staying on the path, you are wrong. Have important reasons, fun reasons, vanity reasons, have LOADS of reasons.
6) Remind yourself that you can't keep engaging in short-term thinking if you want this to work. Food pleasure only last s a few seconds.
7) If you are like me, remind yourself of number 5. If you won't end up anyway, satisfied WHY DO IT?
8) If you eat the food remember that perfection is not required to make a lot of progress. You will slip-up. Review the situation objectively and determine how you can win the negotiation next time. If you are having hunger issues ask for some advice here.
Also remember that if you are not eating a sustainable number of calories for yourself you will lose the debate much more often.
I NEEDED to reread this old post from Novus Dies - I do miss his wisdom and practical approach to losing weight. I’m hoping to internalize more of this going into the new year. Mindful accountability! Too many random tastes, bites and licks lately.
I hope Novus is doing well and that he knows he’s missed. 👋3 -
I agree….I miss Novus….we are trying to keep his group going….thank goodness for PAV…..the insight and advice they both have shared with us can’t be measured…I often go back and read previous posts….thanks for finding this one!3
