Interesting question, Derrick. Made me think a bit.

I’ve always been a volume eater. That means (to me) that I enjoy food, and don’t want to stop eating until it’s gone. That applies to meals, snacks, etc. I’m not good at stopping at that mythical “enough” point like other people. Therefore, to me, overeating is the act of eating to the point of discomfort.

When I get to that point, I don’t beat myself up about it. I may wish I had made different choices, and I can recognize that in the short term I’ll pay a price with weight gain. However, I don’t think I’m a failure or a bad person; I’m just a person who has some limitations in dealing with tasty foods. I guess the mental reaction is a sense of disappointment that I still haven’t mastered the behavior, and a reluctant acceptance that I need to do better at avoiding situations where that much food is available.

I try to avoid those situations by limiting the food available - prepare or plate just a reasonable portion, for example, or order something at a restaurant that’s within my points and is an acceptable quantity of food. I don’t bring a prepared dish to the table; I plate a portion in the kitchen and take it away to eat. Limiting my exposure to excess food in advance is my best tool for not overeating and feeling discomfort and disappointment.

Unfortunately, therefore, avoidance of overeating remains my best tool for dealing with it mentally.

Charlie took your question in two directions: planning and consequences.

On the planning side, I, too, use similar strategies to avoid getting into the situation of overeating. I plate my meal in the kitchen and take it to the dining room. We don't keep food out on the table. I weigh/measure parts of my meals. Etc.

However, there are times where I find myself in a situation that I don't have my environment well-controlled, and that's when I have the tendency to overeat. Sometimes it's when I'm out at a meal (remember, I keep kosher, so there is only a rare occasion when I eat out, and when I do, it's such a treat that I often rationalize my overeating in the moment), and other times it's when I've decided to have some wine, or bourbon, and have a snack(s) to go with it. As my inhibitions get lowered, my intake goes up.

So, there are times after the fact (or more often, the next morning) where I feel really badly that I overate. There is clearly some guilt and tagging myself as a "bad person" who has no willpower. These are not the most helpful feelings, but I'm being honest in my first-response.

There are two things that seem to help get over these feelings.

First, I do view every day, and actually, every meal, as an opportunity to start over. I've always been able to view any eating-session as a one-time event. That's been incredibly helpful, because every day/meal I can resolve to stick to my plan. The fact that I slipped off my plan for one meal doesn't mean I can't get right back onto my plan with the next meal. This sometimes also helps me drive changes to my plan. For example, if I've been slipping nearly every night and having snacks, I may decide to skip weeknight snacking entirely, until I get my weight back down a bit and I feel in better control.

The second thing is more of a work in progress for me to fully integrate into my day-to-day. Judaism recognizes that we have two inclinations inside of us: the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara (the good impulse and the bad/evil impulse). We have both and we need both. For example, the yetzer tov directs us to take care of our body by eating food. The yetzer hara pushes us towards overeating. Our job, then, is to learn to master the yetzer hara and re-direct those inclinations back towards good.

I like this viewpoint, because it doesn't suggest that we are good or bad people, but rather we are individuals with a complex balance of good and bad inclinations that we simply have to work on. As such, if I slip off my plan and overeat, it's not a failure of character, but rather something I need to keep working on.

One example from the past few weeks is that I'm working on mastering my weekday snacking. A few weeks ago I set out with a plan to avoid after dinner snacks and alcohol during the week (M-Th). The first week I ended up having a drink to celebrate something on Tuesday night. The following week I said to myself that I would make it until at least Wednesday (which I did, and had a drink on Wednesday). The following week I set Thursday as my goal. Etc. Each failure was not a failure, but rather a measurable progress point towards improvement.

I hope this all makes sense.

crewahl wrote: »

Interesting question, Derrick. Made me think a bit.
When I get to that point, I don’t beat myself up about it. I may wish I had made different choices, and I can recognize that in the short term I’ll pay a price with weight gain. However, I don’t think I’m a failure or a bad person; I’m just a person who has some limitations in dealing with tasty foods. I guess the mental reaction is a sense of disappointment that I still haven’t mastered the behavior, and a reluctant acceptance that I need to do better at avoiding situations where that much food is available.

Charlie, @crewahl

This is what I am diligently working on. I've focused again on weight loss and better choices since late June. I do find myself being disappointed with my actions on most weekends. What has changed for me is self-loathing when I don't do what I know I should do. I pick myself back up and keep going and accept that it is all a learning process towards a better life. I don't know if I will ever get to a point of intuitive eating. I'm probably going to have to weigh daily and count calories for the rest of my life if I want to maintain the kind of weight loss I am striving for.

@crewahl Charlie, my name is Chris. I used to participate on the WW site and then here when it first moved over, then I let it all go. I don't consider the extra mindfulness to be a burden at all. In fact, I'm excited that there is a way forward, and I'm on that path.

My overeating is almost always over snacking. It’s point/calorie creep. It takes time for it to get to scale creep. Can’t say now that its disappointing. I’ve been living like this too long. Its just how it is. Without ongoing effort to limit myself, I’ll over do it.