don't let others define you and your body. Go strive for and achieve the healthy body you want, regardless of whether people think it's the body that you're supposed to have or not.

^^This! You said it perfectly! This is your body, you're the only that gets to control how it looks, good or bad, and yours is the only opinion that truly matters.

I don't like stereotypes at all either. Before Jennifer left me we'd frequently have to deal with being stereotyped even by other lesbians. Jen, being smaller than me, was stereotyped as being feminine while mainly based on my size I was stereotyped as being butch. I am far from "butch" and I really don't like the word all that much, but out of Jen and I she was definitely butch and I was/am definitely femme. Labels, labels everywhere and they do no good do they? In fact, I believe they do our community a lot of harm. I'd love to see more discussion on this topic. :flowerforyou:

Amen to that.

I'm also tired of people thinking I should have short hair just 'cause I'm gay. HAIR DOESN'T HAVE A SEXUALITY, OH MY GOD.

Of course hair has a sexuality. ._. People. I swear. The second I went all natural and cut off my permed hair, my aunt asked me if I was a lesbian. W.T.F?

"But.. you don't look gay." Granted, I'm not, but I didn't know gay had a look.

It really doesn't matter. I have had long hair and short (this summer I shaved my head -- I'm a baker, and the kitchen was 90!). I can look as butch or as femme as I want (I am neither). I don't really care as long as I'm comfortable.

Do what is healthy for yourself. If you want muscles, then go for it.

Originally the bear community started as anyone who didn't fit the stereotype of the skinny, outrageously flamboyant, queen. That could include body type and behavior. As of late we seemed to have placed a little too much emphasis on the physical for my tastes.

EDIT: Here's my husband and I waiting to get married. Neither one of is what you'd call particularly femme. As a side note, that's probably about 60lbs ago for me (on the right).

It really doesn't matter. I have had long hair and short (this summer I shaved my head -- I'm a baker, and the kitchen was 90!). I can look as butch or as femme as I want (I am neither). I don't really care as long as I'm comfortable.

This. I've shaved my head and I've had really long hair. I love sports and I own more make-up than I'm proud to admit. I haven't (as of yet) had many labels thrust upon me.

Originally the bear community started as anyone who didn't fit the stereotype of the skinny, outrageously flamboyant, queen. That could include body type and behavior. As of late we seemed to have placed a little too much emphasis on the physical for my tastes.

EDIT: Here's my husband and I waiting to get married. Neither one of is what you'd call particularly femme. As a side note, that's probably about 60lbs ago for me (on the right).

You two are adorable.

I'll second that... What a handsome couple :smooched: :flowerforyou:

*Like* a great deal

Lesbians are burly. Gay men are skinny. Right?

Oh, unless you're a lipstick or a bear, in which case you're pretty (lipstick) or big and hairy (bear).

*sigh* We all know that we face stereotypes about our love lives and our promiscuity/disease-status/etc. But we're also constantly inundated with stereotypes about what our bodies should look like.

I hate these stereotypes, but that's not to say they're not seductive. I've caught myself wondering if I "pass" for straight, if I'm a pretty lesbian (I like makeup and skirts!) or a butch lesbian (I have short hair and muscles!). I constantly struggle with the body I want to have and the body I feel like I'm expected to have. I want muscles, but I find myself wary of muscles lest someone should think I'm too butch to be with my male partner.

It's true -- I find myself sabotaging my own goals, sometimes, because of the urge I feel to undermine these stereotypes that are ascribed to me.

Which makes me want to say this to myself and to everyone else: don't let others define you and your body. Go strive for and achieve the healthy body you want, regardless of whether people think it's the body that you're supposed to have or not.

That is all :flowerforyou:

I agree labels are wrong. I, myself, get told all the time that I 'don't look like a lesbian'. I hate that. BUT with that being said, I really feel like our community really plays UP to those labels. Especially in the midwest. I have been a part of the Chicago 'burbs lesbian scene and now I live in Milwaukee and even though i don't go out as much, i still see it. The lesbian community LIKES the butch-femme dynamic. People automatically think if your a 'butch' you should be with a femme and vice versa. My Gf happens to be what I guess you would call a 'butch'. She doesn't call herself that and hates the label. It also seems that older lesbians tend to be more label orientated then younger ones. Maybe it's not like this everywhere, but from my perspective, it is here. people don't take two 'femme' lesbians that are together seriously and think that two 'butch' lesbians together are weird. I'm not sure how it is with the guys, but that's what I've seen in my almost 20 years of being out int he community.

I think labels hurt us. It's what people talk about on TV and when we get made fun of they always show some burly women in a flannel with a mullit. Or they show some really flamboyant gay man and to them, that is what we all look like.

We need to start eliminating 'labels' within the community, and start accepting each other for all the wonderful differences each of us have.

Too many people need to simplify or distort and reclassify things they don't understand so that they fit into their expected social patterns. These labels for same sex couples are based on the expectation that man/woman is the "normal" relationship dynamic, because many people seem to be more comfortable with gay relationships that somehow mimic that dynamic.

Of course the truth is that people and their relationships are wondrously varied. Most lesbian couples I know do not believe the 'butch/femme' label makes any sense in their relationship.

What is more, many of my straight female friends don't identify as being particularly 'feminine' in the traditional sense and many of my male straight friends reject the traditional trappings of masculinity as outdated, patriarchal, and stifling.

These pictures fit for some people, because almost any picture will fit some portion of the population. Those people should continue being who they are and the rest of us should respect them and respect ourselves, and continue on our own merry way.