This program is about progress and not perfection. Do you want to binge...NO! Is there a difference between having an extra 1/2 cup of green beans and an entire cake! Oh hells yes!

I know people who will beat themselves up about having too much "healthy" food. For me that is not the way to work this program. I would rather overeat healthy food (which can be done) than risk that diet mentality creeping in. The most important thing (for me) is to eat healthy, unprocessed food and stay away from excess sugar and all wheat (that is just my plan of eating). Even eating those things would not destroy my abstinence. I cannot have "good" or "bad" foods. That black & white thinking is the problem. That is how my disease gets me. "Look girl, you just screwed up so you might as well chuck it & start again tomorrow. Go ahead and call Papa John's now!" Well guess what, tomorrow never comes! Instead I learn from errors. If I eat too much and then feel to full I have a conversation with myself. I don't tell myself I am bad or that I f*cked up. I just learn from the experience and move on. I work my program harder, learn to make changes, but don't beat myself up. Ultimately if I am honest about my food (and not hiding because that is what my disease wants, it operates best in the dark) then I am abstinent. I can make a better decision in the next moment.

As far as being a "normal" person I am highly addictive (I have several addictions) but I am normal. As I look at the world everyone has an addiction. Some are postitive addictions (like exercise or scrupolously eating healthy or working hard) and some are negative (overeating, drugging, etc). Whether an addiction is positive or negative is about comparing costs and benefits. If you exercise 6 hours a day but its your job, you get paid millions, your otherwise healthy, etc...it is still positive. If you exercise 6 hours a day, are underweight and dying, can't hold a job because of it, then it's what we call an addiction aka negative habit. Both actions are the same, it is the costs to each person that makes us label it bad or an addiction. I may not be normal with food sometimes, but so called "normies' aren't normal with food sometimes either! Call it a holiday or a special occasion and they will overeat! The difference is that the look at the costs and go "wow, can't do that everyday! Couple of times a year though and I'll binge!" For me, the binges were first weekly, then daily, than hourly. Does this mean I can never overeat or have a sugary treat? I used to think that answer was yes. Now as I look back I see that was diet mentality, which almost killed me and helped create and nurture the disease. I think I will always be learning better ways to manage this particular addiction but that is because this addiction engages the survival response, is biological/evolutionary and I've had soooooooooo much experience with it (addiction is a relationship with an inanimate object. The longer the relationship, the harder it is to manage). I can tell you that I am completely cured with regards to some addictions and others are occasionally a struggle. I can now drink with impunity after a decade of abstinence. I have one or two drinks every few years and I am fine. Many people are able to moderate their addictions. Most people don't need a 12 step program to recover. My father was also an alcoholic & food addict and he learned to moderate (put limits) on his addiction. He has never sought help or treatment for his addictions. This is actually how most people recover.

For me I know enough about recovery and addiction to know better than to say NEVER. i do not expect perfection from myself because now I love myself . I respect myself. I would never expect any other human being to be perfect (it is an impossibility) so why would I expect perfection from myself? It is unreasonalbe and quite silly. For me I don't say there is a little binge. Rather I say this way not as healthy a day for me as it could have been, what can I learn from this experience. There is no failure if you learn from it and if you get back up after you get knocked down. The only people who fail are the ones who give up on themselves.

My plan of eating is not my abstinence as much as it is a tool to support my abstinence. My abstinence is spiritual and more an idea in regards to how I feel about myself. It is hard to explain, sorry. I guess I can say I know when I have it and when I don't and when it is on shaky ground. It was recently on shaky ground and I wasn't treating my body as I would have preferred so I am eating more cleanly and investing more time in the program. Funny, I know people who continue to beat themselves up over their food and it just continues. I just learn from it and now I'm fine. Working the steps really helped me learn to love and respect myself and more importantly get honest.

The calories count is a tool just to let me know how I am progressing but it isn't anything more than that. If it becomes an unhealthy fixation I just don't pay attention to it. Recording my food isn't about judgement but about honesty, integrity, and outing the disease. It is way more important to me to be kind to myself mentally and emotionally than to pay attention to what I put in my mouth. What I put in my mouth is only important insofar as it is a measure of how good I am being to myself physically.

My weight is not the end all be all of my life (and therefore neither is counting calories or dieting). My weight often says a lot about how I feel about myself (just like my appearance) but even that can be deceptive. In the end I would rather be a little overweight and eat & exercise healthy than to be THIN and treat myself like crap (beating myself up). That is the best way I can explain how I feel about abstinence.

As with all things in this program take what you like and leave the rest. (But keep it in mind just in case you need it later! LOL)

Amy

Because my cravings/bingings are always in the evening, I have reserved 2 oz. of protein nightly when it starts. (Check my snacks and you will see that 2oz. of protein are already logged in)........So far absolute success....IT STOPS!

When traveling, I actually pack small slices of pepperoni (8) and 8 small pieces of pepperjack cheese in a plastic bag. (Spicy also helps curb cravings)....

ODAT
Muriel