Judgement
HonkyTonks
Posts: 1,193 Member
Do you share that you've had lapband surgery or are planning to have lapband surgery with people you know?
To be honest I rarely tell people, most of the people I currently spend time with do not know I have one.
I have received judgement/weird questions in the past. I am 6 years post op and I have lost almost 80kg so I am a completely different person now. It's not really a thing for me but it still hurts my feelings when I see people say that weight loss surgery is cheating or that your weight loss success is "less" than someone who did it without surgery.
How do you deal with judgement? Do you share your story openly? Does it bother you to see people pass judgement on getting the surgery?
To be honest I rarely tell people, most of the people I currently spend time with do not know I have one.
I have received judgement/weird questions in the past. I am 6 years post op and I have lost almost 80kg so I am a completely different person now. It's not really a thing for me but it still hurts my feelings when I see people say that weight loss surgery is cheating or that your weight loss success is "less" than someone who did it without surgery.
How do you deal with judgement? Do you share your story openly? Does it bother you to see people pass judgement on getting the surgery?
0
Replies
-
I am still struggling with that exact same question. Just last night at a social function I told one friend but not another because I didn't want to deal with the second one's judgements. At 8 months post op (tomorrow) I have lost 51kg but still haven't told anyone on my husband's side of the family. There is only one person there that I feel will be judgemental but I can't tell the rest not to say anything to her. But as my husband said, so many other people now know that it is no longer fair to keep his side of the family in the dark.
Initially I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to feel I was being judged for every mouthful of food that I ate but that has happened anyway simply because people have seen how much weight I have lost.
Interestingly,when I do tell people that I have the band, my husband is always the first to jump in and tell them that I have also worked really hard with diet and exercise. He is definitely my greatest supporter but also wants people to understand that it's not the easy or cheat's way out.0 -
I tell everyone, not a big deal to me, and its not cheating0
-
Ask me how I lost weight and I'll tell ya! They think it's cheating... so what, I don't care. It was a tool to make it easier for me to lose weight. God gave them feet, bet they still drive a car... why, because it is a convenience, it helps them get where they are going. Well the band is helping me get to where I'm going too! I've never much cared what other people think any way!0
-
I didn't tell my family and coworkers until after I had surgery. For those who haven't seen me in a while and see that I've lost weight, I tell them that I lost weight by changing my eating habits, exercising a lot and then after losing over 30 lbs, I had lapband surgery. And what do they concentrate on?? The surgery of course! Ahhhhgggggg. To be honest, the surgery has not been all that effective for me at this point. I got my band on 10/19. I am in a crazy stall and it makes me mad that people think I cheated and lost my weight with just the band alone. I did this. I DID THIS! So maybe I'll stop explaining and just say that I made some major lifestyle changes, which is the TOTAL truth.0
-
I didn't tell my family and coworkers until after I had surgery. For those who haven't seen me in a while and see that I've lost weight, I tell them that I lost weight by changing my eating habits, exercising a lot and then after losing over 30 lbs, I had lapband surgery. And what do they concentrate on?? The surgery of course! Ahhhhgggggg. To be honest, the surgery has not been all that effective for me at this point. I got my band on 10/19. I am in a crazy stall and it makes me mad that people think I cheated and lost my weight with just the band alone. I did this. I DID THIS! So maybe I'll stop explaining and just say that I made some major lifestyle changes, which is the TOTAL truth.
That is how I feel. You can easily cheat with the band, by drinking whilst eating or eating lots of crappy foods. We all lost weight by making the changes to our diet and activity level - the band was just a tool to keep our appetites in check, especially when our stomachs were larger due to being obese.. Unfortunately people still have the mindset that you will automatically lose the weight with the surgery, regardless of effort put in - though we know that's the case it's hard to change other peoples attitudes. Basically that's why I don't openly tell people I have had the band.
I am also in the same boat where the band isn't as effective, not sure if it's because of how much time has passed or I haven't had a fill in a while, but if I wanted to I could eat a fair bit.0 -
I tell folks... its not a secret, that way people don't have to whisper and wonder... I look at it like this... "people don't question why you have a dishwasher, or say that you are cheating at keeping your kitchen clean, its a tool to assist you to help you lose weight, just like a dishwasher is an appliance to help keep your kitchen clean... you still have to put the dishes in the dishwasher.0
-
Only my nearest and dearest know about my surgery.
My biggest problem is that I "only" had/have 80-90lbs to lose, and most of the people - even my immediate family - seem to be convinced that this much extra weight "does not require surgery". They understand and agree with the concept when it comes to people in 300-400lbs, but in their eyes me being 235lbs (BMI 35) did not qualify...
My husband's family have been wondering since I lost so much weight. And we are having them all over for Christmas this Saturday... so I was very anxious. BUT then it turns out one of my sisters-in-law just had plastic surgery to lift her eyelids... and she's a true drama queen. So I suppose all the attention is going to be on her instead of me - but if it shifts and they corner me I might fess up: they cannot really deny the validity of any surgery having just had one themselves...
But if they don't corner me, just ask about my weight loss my stock answer of eating very little and exercising a lot - which is absolutely true.
On the other hand I would love my colleagues to know, but I sort of avoided their questions since my surgery in June and now it feels like I'm trying to come clean on a lie... They wouldn't judge me - at least not the majority, but for keeping them in the dark for 6 months now make it near impossible to say what it is.0 -
I told my boss before the surgery so I could have the time off (less than a week) and told the rest of my co-workers after I came back.
Everybody has been very supportive, though I know my lunch time (fast food) buddies feel slightly forgotten now that I can't eat crap all the time.
All my family knows too.0 -
I told my supervisor and my boss and told them I that did not want the rest the of the office to know my personal medical information. By the time I came back from surgery, my entire department and the other department in our building knew about my WLS. I have only been on this job since March. I have had people whose names I don't know asking me about my weight, commenting that I "wasn't fat enough for surgery" and joking they were going to get a band to lose 10lbs.
I wish I hadn't told anyone (other than my husband).
I am very angry that my right to privacy was violated.0 -
Your privacy was totally violated! You requested privacy and someone in a position of trust, power and knowledge has totally disregarded that. I would be furious! You had a medical procedure and now you are being monitored and judged for it - that is so wrong!0
-
I told my supervisor and my boss and told them I that did not want the rest the of the office to know my personal medical information. By the time I came back from surgery, my entire department and the other department in our building knew about my WLS. I have only been on this job since March. I have had people whose names I don't know asking me about my weight, commenting that I "wasn't fat enough for surgery" and joking they were going to get a band to lose 10lbs.
I wish I hadn't told anyone (other than my husband).
I am very angry that my right to privacy was violated.
It sounds like your supervisor may have committed a HIPAA violation. If so, I suggest you research and file a complaint against your supervisor.0 -
I told my manager I was having surgery and that I didn't want my office to know. I did not tell him what kind of surgery and he was good enough not to ask. My coworkers and employees only know that I was sick for a few days with stomach problems.
People at my church knew I was planning the surgery but when I postponed it after getting out of control at Christmastime then tax season starting.... I did not tell most of them that I re-scheduled and had the surgery. Just a few of the pastors.
Judgementalism bothers me a lot. More power to you if it doesn't- you are probably more mentally healthy than me. I hope to become a more joyful person so that people won't care why... just be glad that I am!0 -
Ah, if only your fast food buddies would catch on that they should feel "crappy" that you have "forgotten the fast food" and realize that they miss the company of the new healthy you.0
-
I tell everyone and any one about my story.... The lap band is ONLY A TOOL it is up to you to lose the weight and control everything. I have lost 97lbs in 4 months and i am so proud of myself i shout it from the roof tops. I guess i was so encouraging that my best friend started looking into it and she is now in the process of getting the Lap band surgery... There is no reason to be ashamed of having it. Let people think what they want. I know it is hard but in the end you did this for you and to get healthy not for anyone else or their approval. Be strong in knowing YOU did an AWSOME job with some help with a tool just like a personal trainer and a dietician. The band reminds me that it is possible. I was at the point that there was in fact no possible healthy way to lose enough weight on my own without starving myself and killing some of my organs to get healthy again... So i choose the band. But it was me who worked out 4 times a week, it was me who eat better and changed my eating habits, it was ALMOST all me. I just had a little kick to help me out.0
-
I told only my immediate family and close friends. I guess I was afraid of failure- that I had the surgery and wouldn't lose all of the weight. It took me three years, but I finally reached my healthy goal weight this past week. It certainly has taken a long time! MFP has helped get the last 30 pounds off.0
-
I tell everyone. I really don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Everyone that matters to me the most have seen the amount of work I have put into this. I am not afraid at all. I have only had one judgement passed against me in the whole 15 months that I have been banded and it came from a close "friend" and it was indirectly pointed at me, so she didnt really say it to my face, but I am not dumb and I knew who she was talking about when she said she gets tired of people taking credit for something they didn't do. Shortly before that I had made the comment that I had finally hit my 70 lb weight loss mark. I will be honest, I was hurt. This was someone I considered a really great friend and thought she backed me 100%, turns out I was wrong. Oh well. She is no where near me as I live across the country from her so there is no way she can see for herself the work that this takes. So I will forgive her for her ignorance.
I did this for myself, after several failed weight loss attempts over the years I was at my wits end. My quality of life was going down the toilet. My weight was starting to effect my marriage (on my part, not my husbands) I had no self esteem what so ever. Heck I couldn't even play with my kids because it made me too tired. I was being treated for depression through counseling and medication ( my husband once told me that he didnt even know me anymore, that I seemed like a hollow shell just exsisting and that he wanted his happy life loving wife back) and I had borderline hypertesion. I had to make a drastic decision to save my life. I DID THIS!!!! I LOST WEIGHT THROUGH LIFE STYLE CHANGE AND EXERCISE!!! I just had a tool to point me in the right direction. A tool that if I wanted to I could cheat, but I don't because I have committed to the new me. My new life. If people can't respect that without passing judgement, then I really don't need them in my life.
SO yes I do tell, because I don't care what others think. I care what I know. Until they have walked a mile in my shoes, they have no right to judge a thing I have done. Especially in trying to better me.
0 -
Only a handful of people know. I don't tell to many people. Its not their business, honestly. But I admire people who can tell everybody. Not me, I'm a very personal person. I don't like folks all up in my business....no way!0
-
I did not tell anyone in my family other than my parents, however, my stepmom had a big mouth so before I knew it, everyone knew.
I do not tell people now. I just eat less than them. When I met my husband I told him about it but he had a bigger health issue of MS so he didn't bat an eye. The biggest "hater" I have, is my sister. She is about 80 lbs overweight and is always on me on how easy it must be for me now. Its like , really? Yeah, I wanted to have surgery to lose weight. I tried EVERYTHING before the band and finally decided I just needed help. She is very angry about it and yet sits on her but and does NOTHING to change her lifestyle.
As of today, my co-workers know and they are very supportive. I do not tell anyone about it. I prefer to keep is private.0
This discussion has been closed.