What's your motivation to recover?
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beccalucy
Posts: 250 Member
I'm having a hard time staying focused on recovery at the moment and am being easily influenced by others who may not be trying to recover. I'm sure I'm not the only one
So, what's you motivation and how do you keep focused on recovery?
My motivation to recover is to run the London Marathon in April but the focus is something I'm struggling with!
So, what's you motivation and how do you keep focused on recovery?
My motivation to recover is to run the London Marathon in April but the focus is something I'm struggling with!
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Replies
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My son, for one. I never expected to be able to have one, and he's really all I have (the stress of parenting is also overwhelming to me, though, however, and kind of a barrier to recovery as well. I need to find a better way to cope).
Another is one of my best friends, who was also in group treatment with me in Chicago, died July 2010 because of this. She wasn't, like, one of those 60lb people you see on talk shows: the majority of our friends didn't even know she had anything going on. This really does happen.
I have a bunch of health problems and I'm just tired. I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of being moody and exhausted. I keep saying, "I'll let go when. . .x." I know I need to work harder.0 -
Mine is my family. I'm not convinced I have an ED, but they are very worried. My hubby thinks I'm on the brink, and my mom and sis are convinced I have full-blown anorexia.
I want to recover, if that's the label I need to put on it, to put their minds at ease. And I have a daughter who needs to know that she is beautiful at any size, which will be hard for her to appreciate if everyone is always talking about mommy's weight. So, for her sake, also, I want to recover. But I don't really know yet what recovery actually means for me, or what I'm really recovering from. I guess maybe it's easier to think of it as stepping back from the edge of something dangerous than to think of it as recovering from something that has already taken over, because I don't feel like it has gone that far (yet). 0 -
ME. I'm my own motivation because I have worked too damn hard to get my life to where it is, but if I'm still living with ED I sort of feel like a failure. I'm all set with Ed and all his bull****...I'm ready to be me, not my eating disorder.0
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Honestly, I just want to be feel free, and when any kind of disorder is controlling or defining you and your actions, you're not free. I consider myself as recovered as I'm ever going to be, because I haven't been eating in a disordered way for over a year now, but the temptation is always there in the back of my mind. My motivation is keeping that voice as quiet as possible, and controlling my ED instead of the other way around.0
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Get them out of your life. Why would you keep anything around you which might have the smallest negative influence on your recovery?am being easily influenced by others who may not be trying to recover.
My motivation is that I don't want to die and in the end that's all that my ED will get me - a slow, untimely death. I don't want my bf to watch me kill myself. Mostly I just want my life back - I've lost a lot in the last few weeks, from family bonds to college to my mental health.0 -
ME. I'm my own motivation because I have worked too damn hard to get my life to where it is, but if I'm still living with ED I sort of feel like a failure. I'm all set with Ed and all his bull****...I'm ready to be me, not my eating disorder.
I love your response on this, please tell me how you got this far!! I would love to be where you are at, I am exhausted from thinking about it all the time!!
Crystal0 -
I want this out of my head. I'm tired. I don't see why I should hate myself so much, I don't think it could possibly be right for anyone else to feel about themselves the way I do about me. I want to be able to concentrate. I want to be able to feel things, even if it's scary. I want to study music again because I love it more than anything but I gave up singing when I relapsed.0
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ME. I'm my own motivation because I have worked too damn hard to get my life to where it is, but if I'm still living with ED I sort of feel like a failure. I'm all set with Ed and all his bull****...I'm ready to be me, not my eating disorder.
I love your response on this, please tell me how you got this far!! I would love to be where you are at, I am exhausted from thinking about it all the time!!
Crystal
Well, talk is cheap. I am finally in a place where I can recognize that I am ready to recover. My counselor and I discuss this at length and I finally realized that this is the right time in my life to recover...not just live with my ED. In the past, I always has an excuse standing in my way from actual recovery: school, wedding, job, etc. Now, my life is shaped exactly how I want it, and I have time and energy to give recovery my all. It's certainly not easy. I just got back from vacation in wine country yesterday, and Ed is telling me to restrict, restrict, restrict, purge, purge, purge...but that would be too easy, the hard part is living my life.0 -
ME. I'm my own motivation because I have worked too damn hard to get my life to where it is, but if I'm still living with ED I sort of feel like a failure. I'm all set with Ed and all his bull****...I'm ready to be me, not my eating disorder.
I love your response on this, please tell me how you got this far!! I would love to be where you are at, I am exhausted from thinking about it all the time!!
Crystal
Well, talk is cheap. I am finally in a place where I can recognize that I am ready to recover. My counselor and I discuss this at length and I finally realized that this is the right time in my life to recover...not just live with my ED. In the past, I always has an excuse standing in my way from actual recovery: school, wedding, job, etc. Now, my life is shaped exactly how I want it, and I have time and energy to give recovery my all. It's certainly not easy. I just got back from vacation in wine country yesterday, and Ed is telling me to restrict, restrict, restrict, purge, purge, purge...but that would be too easy, the hard part is living my life.
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Very well said, that is awesome that you are in this place in your life. I can only hope that I am in that place. I feel that right now my life is so screwed up. I have made some poor decisions in my life and right now I am living with those decisions. I am the only one that can fix my life and I am trying to do just that. Good luck on your recovery it sounds like you are in the right place!! That is awesome!!
Crystal0 -
I want this out of my head. I'm tired. I don't see why I should hate myself so much, I don't think it could possibly be right for anyone else to feel about themselves the way I do about me. I want to be able to concentrate. I want to be able to feel things, even if it's scary. I want to study music again because I love it more than anything but I gave up singing when I relapsed.
Are you currently in therapy? I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your relapse. I can understand. That is what I am dealing with right now. THe last 8 days have been better. I am really trying to get back in a better place. I believe learning to love yourself and think more of yourself is part of that process.
I hope you have a blessed day and I am sending ((hugs)) your way!!:flowerforyou:
Crystal0 -
I'm tired. I turn 40 in a few months and I have been dealing with ED since I was in my early teens. This past October I watched my father have a major heart attack (the widow maker). My brother has bad cholesterol (as does my father) and now it turns out that I do to. It is not that our cholesterol is high, but it is that our good cholesterol is too low. I then realized that my starvation/yo-yo activity is putting additional stress on my heart. I need to have a strong healthy body for myself and for my children. I need to lead by example. And I'm tired of being afraid of every morsel that I put into my mouth. I want the remainder of my life being healthier than the first part.0
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I want this out of my head. I'm tired. I don't see why I should hate myself so much, I don't think it could possibly be right for anyone else to feel about themselves the way I do about me. I want to be able to concentrate. I want to be able to feel things, even if it's scary. I want to study music again because I love it more than anything but I gave up singing when I relapsed.
This is exactly what I am going through right now.0 -
i want to be able to move on with my life without this. i want to be happy and strong again. i don't want this to destroy my life anymore than it already has.0
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What a lot of people dont realize that a lot of people that die from anorexia/bulimia die when they are not at their worst. It is usually after the damage is done. You dont ever know. It could be that one time that you purge and your esphagus ruptures. For me one time was my bowel ruptured. I was just lucky to be at the hospital when this happened. So very sorry to hear about your friend.My son, for one. I never expected to be able to have one, and he's really all I have (the stress of parenting is also overwhelming to me, though, however, and kind of a barrier to recovery as well. I need to find a better way to cope).
Another is one of my best friends, who was also in group treatment with me in Chicago, died July 2010 because of this. She wasn't, like, one of those 60lb people you see on talk shows: the majority of our friends didn't even know she had anything going on. This really does happen.
I have a bunch of health problems and I'm just tired. I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of being moody and exhausted. I keep saying, "I'll let go when. . .x." I know I need to work harder.0 -
My motivation is I am so tired of being miserable..why would I want to keep something that is making me miserable?Just not that easy I guess.Hard for me at the moment to find to much motivation since it has been 2 1/2 years that I have been a widow. Didnt expect that at 38. But I am the only family member that my niece has left. So if anything happens to me she would be deviated So I guess it is for her and my patients. I wish I could say it was for myself..0
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I'm going to college in the fall and I want to be able to enjoy my last few months living at home with my parents and friends. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to argue. My eating is literally the root of every single argument, and I don't want to feel like everyone hates me because I argue with them so much. I'm just done with this. Soooo done.0
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Today's motivation: I feel like garbage. I fall asleep before my toddler (then wake up every few hours). I have meltdowns over food.
I need to focus on getting healthy and fit. I WANT to get healthy and fit.0 -
My life has become unlivable. I can't function properly in day to day life anymore, and that's my biggest motivation for recovery. My life is a numbers game. There are people my size and bigger that have all the things I want to have, do all the things I want to do, why not me? It used to be that I felt like the fat girl watching all the skinny girls have fun and do the things I wanted to do. Now I'm the sick girl watching all the healthy girls do all the things I want to do. This is a sick and twisted part of my personality that I've uncovered, but I'm not willing to keep it forever. I've come to the realization that I can be all the things I want to be, accomplish all that I want to accomplish. Or I can have this. A normal life, or bulimia. I can't have both.0
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Today's motivation: I feel like garbage. I fall asleep before my toddler (then wake up every few hours). I have meltdowns over food.
I need to focus on getting healthy and fit. I WANT to get healthy and fit.
I have meltdowns over food as well. I hate it.0 -
This weeks motivation; I need to be able to work long days without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I'm sick of being ill0
