To Meet or Not?
Vodkha
Posts: 352 Member
I'll try to keep this short!!
I started talking to this guy online over a year ago now. It was originally thought I would be moving back to my hometown (where he lives) so I looked online at that time for people to talk to from there, with the idea I'd know someone once I moved. I didn't move when planned, but we kept talking. We usually talk every day via text/MSN and maybe once a week chat on the phone. When we first started talking, I was a lot smaller, so he saw those pics from when I was around 160lbs. Regardless, we have many of the same interests, have about the same personality type and seem to get along well. We talk about most everything and consider each other friends.
Recently, I have moved to the same town as him. He has asked me to meet him and I kept saying yeah we will, the main thing holding me back is my weight (at this moment, 238lbs). A little while ago I was honest and I told him that since we had started talking, I had gained some weight. I flat out said I am apprehensive to meet him because of my weight. He said 'it didn't matter to him'...he has seen pics of me how I am now and I guess the pics don't show just how large I am, so he keeps telling me I am not fat. I'm realistic and I know how I look. I want to meet him and think we might get along well, but I don't want him to open up that door and go holy ****!!! I have told him that I am dieting and working out and that I won't be the same size in 6 months as I am now...and he kinda brushes off what I say. It kind of bothers me that I am trying to be honest with him so he won't be shocked out of his mind, and he doesn't believe me.
I'm a good, decent person and I know I should be liked for who I am, blah blah, but obviously I want to feel good about myself too when meeting someone new. I'm not really sure WHAT my question is here, lol, just looking for some advice I guess. Short of telling him how much I weight, I've shown him pics and TOLD him I am fat. I'm not sure what else I can do.
I started talking to this guy online over a year ago now. It was originally thought I would be moving back to my hometown (where he lives) so I looked online at that time for people to talk to from there, with the idea I'd know someone once I moved. I didn't move when planned, but we kept talking. We usually talk every day via text/MSN and maybe once a week chat on the phone. When we first started talking, I was a lot smaller, so he saw those pics from when I was around 160lbs. Regardless, we have many of the same interests, have about the same personality type and seem to get along well. We talk about most everything and consider each other friends.
Recently, I have moved to the same town as him. He has asked me to meet him and I kept saying yeah we will, the main thing holding me back is my weight (at this moment, 238lbs). A little while ago I was honest and I told him that since we had started talking, I had gained some weight. I flat out said I am apprehensive to meet him because of my weight. He said 'it didn't matter to him'...he has seen pics of me how I am now and I guess the pics don't show just how large I am, so he keeps telling me I am not fat. I'm realistic and I know how I look. I want to meet him and think we might get along well, but I don't want him to open up that door and go holy ****!!! I have told him that I am dieting and working out and that I won't be the same size in 6 months as I am now...and he kinda brushes off what I say. It kind of bothers me that I am trying to be honest with him so he won't be shocked out of his mind, and he doesn't believe me.
I'm a good, decent person and I know I should be liked for who I am, blah blah, but obviously I want to feel good about myself too when meeting someone new. I'm not really sure WHAT my question is here, lol, just looking for some advice I guess. Short of telling him how much I weight, I've shown him pics and TOLD him I am fat. I'm not sure what else I can do.
0
Replies
-
Be proud of you and all ur great qualities, meet him and if doesn't like u Bc of your weight, his LOSS!!!!0
-
Be proud of you and all ur great qualities, meet him and if doesn't like u Bc of your weight, his LOSS!!!!
This. I really don't think weight will be that much of a matter to him as your are thinking it will be. You have been talking for over a year. I am sure even if one or both of you isn't phyiscally attracted to the other after talking that long at least you can be friends.0 -
I say go for it and meet him. You have done all you can to try to get your point across. If he likes you, he will not care about your weight. He should like you for who you are and not for your weight.0
-
You should meet him. He wants to meet you, and honestly, talking up your weight all the time is just going to make him notice more.0
-
LOL, nah, I'm 5'6. Not smokin'.
0 -
We met. We were supposed to meet in a few days and hang out for a long period of time but I told him I would prefer a quick meet before then to see if we get along. No sense meeting up with someone and having to stick around when you don't get along.
Anyways, he mentioned to me he was going to grab something quick to eat, so I offered to pick him up, drive him there and drop him back off home. Just something really quick, and we could chat while we drive. It went ok, I was very nervous, he said he wasn't too nervous. He is shy so I just kept trying to keep the conversation going. He asked if I was still going to meet up with him later this week. And by the end we were joking around and seeming to get along. When I went to drop him off at his house he made a comment about his place and asked if I wanted to come in to see it. I said no.
He texted me about 5 minutes later asking me if I had relaxed yet. I couldn't help it and I replied so I'm a pretty big fatty eh? And he replied how he couldn't tell, it was dark in the vehicle. I said you can still tell if someone is big or not!!
Anyways, I am bad with these things, so it was hard for me to tell how it went, but at least I did it!0 -
I TOTALLY can understand what you're thinking/feeling. Been there/done that. I think it's hard sometimes to believe that people honestly think you look fine just the way you are. Society has taught us to think we need to be Barbie doll sized to be attractive. But you've talked to him a year!!! He knows exactly what you look like and WANTS to meet you! GO FOR IT!! And be confidant! Confidence is sexy! So be proud of who you are and where you are right now on this journey and go for it! You've got nothing to loose and everything to gain!0
-
You're right. I over think things WAY too much. I just have to realize that if he didn't want to hang out, he wouldn't have asked me in to his place or over again this weekend. I have this constant need to always know the status of things, or how someone feels. I know that reeks of insecurity, but I can't help it! But, if nothing comes from this, I can go on knowing I was honest about my weight and my weight loss, and that not everyone is going to be into me.0
-
You were wrong to text that back to him. Just leave it alone. Obviously he enjoyed his time enough to invite you in, but to be honest that may be a bad thing on the first real date. Though, I am not sure of his true intentions - just trying to be nice... or be "nice". haha
And as others have posted, yes physical appearance is important, but in my opinion it is almost the last thing I worry about - because as we all know, you can't change what's on the inside, but you can change what's on the outside. So I see the appearance, but it's the intelligence, personality, etc. that sticks with me.
Self-confidence is important, and I struggle with it at times too, but if I go out with friends - you have to believe in yourself... then get back home and get some cardio or weights in and keep moving forward.
Do not plant ideas in people's head about your size/figure if it already worries you.0 -
Thanks for the reply. I don't think this was a real 'date', and I also dont think us hanging out this weekend will be an actual 'date' (if I even go that is). I told him straight that it takes me awhile to relax around someone, and that I just want to hang out for awhile and get to know each other. I guess if we've been talking for a year, we sort of already know each other, but you know what I mean, in 'real life' lol.
The good thing about him though, is that when I start with any of my insecurity issues, or I say something completely crazy, he calls me on it and doesn't (or hasn't yet) let it affect how he see's me. He just doesn't put up with it, and I need someone like that. He is also very honest, and he will tell you what he thinks and how he feels about something. Which is good also.
So, I;m not going to mention coming over this weekend. If he asks, I'll go but I'm not going to make him let me come over, either.0 -
I understand. Sounds like you are on the right track and the dude seems like a good guy. And technically I have not been on a "date" since I got divorced 4 years or so ago... but I do "go out and hang with friends", which is basically the same thing no matter what you do (just being together).
Keep that self-confidence high. Straight forward IS good. No time for games.
Good luck.0 -
You've been honest. He wants to see you. He has seen you and wants to see more of you. Just relax and go for it.0
-
OMG! Stop being so negative about your weight!! The most attractive thing about someone is their confidence. You keep telling someone how fat you are, they will begin to believe you!!
Enough of the weight thing, now just relax and enjoy the date! Please, PLEASE dont mention it again! He OBVIOUSLY wants to see the person he's got to know over the phone for the last year. Please give the guy some credit for not being totally shallow! True attraction is far deeper than a fat *kitten*, you ask any guy!! Or look at the recent forum discussion about what people find sexy. Its very rarely anything to do with weight. More about confidence, kindness, compassion, personality, tattoos..........etc
He likes you for who you are. Believe it!! :bigsmile:0 -
Thanks to all of you. You are all right. I just have to chill out!0
-
I didn't text him all day and I got a text asking why I hadn't texted him all day and should he be worried (said in a joking manner). So I think me chilling out and acting relaxed about it all is the best thing to do.0
-
caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalm down and be confident.
If he doesn't like you for your size(which obviously he doesn't give a damn) then good riddance.
BUT he clearly doesn't care about your size so don't keep pushing it. Nothing is more unattractive than someone constantly commenting on their size.
If you continue to worry about this and comment on it, you WILL push him away and it won't be because of your size, it will be because you are not confident in yourself.0 -
Well, he hasn't exactly seen me when I am standing up, so I can't say for sure or not if my weight isn't an issue for him. But I totally agree about me letting go of the weight issue!!0
-
caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalm down and be confident.
If he doesn't like you for your size(which obviously he doesn't give a damn) then good riddance.
BUT he clearly doesn't care about your size so don't keep pushing it. Nothing is more unattractive than someone constantly commenting on their size.
If you continue to worry about this and comment on it, you WILL push him away and it won't be because of your size, it will be because you are not confident in yourself.
completely agree. i'd never put myself down in front of a guy!!0 -
Yeah, so I'm going to do the total opposite of what I did with the last guy I saw. lol. Hopefully it turns out better.0
-
Well, he hasn't exactly seen me when I am standing up, so I can't say for sure or not if my weight isn't an issue for him. But I totally agree about me letting go of the weight issue!!
People tend to look fatter when they are sitting down, so seeing you standing up isn't going to turn him away.0
