Not thrilled
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,268 Member
So, I joined POF again because I thought I was ready. My mindset was different, more like, what matter is not that he likes me, but that I like him. I had a first date last week and actually had the guy meet me at the gym. Yep, our first date was at the gym. lol After, because my son was with his father, we went for a walk on the beach in front of my house. It was nice but no sparks. He has since poofed over what I believe is a bizarre reason (really believe he met someone) and I am 100% okay with it.
I guess what I am not thrilled with is that there are no sparks with any of them. Not just sparks necessarily, no butterflies, no excitedness, nothing. I wonder what has changed in me or if maybe I am still not ready. hmmmmm
I guess what I am not thrilled with is that there are no sparks with any of them. Not just sparks necessarily, no butterflies, no excitedness, nothing. I wonder what has changed in me or if maybe I am still not ready. hmmmmm
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Replies
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Hey there!
I hope that you are able to find someone. Everyone deserves the happiness that comes with being in a quality relationship.
I see the mood in the title "Not Thrilled". It is normal. For the most part, the early stages are a generally ungratifying experience for most people. Most people anyone dates are "one & dones".
So keep your head high, do the best to put forth the best version of you and let the chips fall where they may.
Best wishes!0 -
I thought the same thing will there be sparks or excitement in my future with someone else. I think yes, I'm not gonna look for it though.I think it will happen when I least expect it. Just don't settle for less, you deserve it.0
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I agree with the men above me... You are worthy of love, don't settle. The sparks will come...and can't be forced. I, too, am on POF. I don't know that it's the best site for me, but as a teacher and single mom, who doesn't have extra cash to throw at a dating site, it at least gets me out and dating. Use it for what it is...a social outlet...and perhaps you might run into the "right" one! Best of luck to you!
-JoAnn0 -
What is POF?
That is one of the many joys of dating I think. You get to try out as many people as you want to see if they fit! There are so many different people out there and you can learn from everyone. Even if there are no sparks at least you got to meet somone new, got to do something, get outside and get your workout in! I think if you are searching intensely for someone you can miss what is cool about the "wrong" ones.
Men are fun. Most of the time .. lol. Enjoy it. if you can't enjoy it, then you probably aren't ready. I don't really know your situation, but it takes a long time to move past a long term relationship .. longer than you might think. It took me about 2 years before I actually started to feel like I could move on without bringing my crap with me. I am kind of at that point right now.
Don't give up hope! Just do you and it will all work itself out. I truly believe that.0 -
When you meet someone special, there will be sparks..........you don't want sparks with everyone
And, no excitedness/nervousness...well, maybe that just means that YOU are comfortable with YOU and if he isn't ..........his loss!!
So, have fun and Mr. Right will come along at some point (at least that is what I keep telling myself )0 -
What is POF?
POF= Plenty of Fish- Dating Site0 -
What is POF?
Plenty of Fish- free dating website. I met someone from there in 2008 and we hit it off online and email, but fizzled when we met in person. That's when I realized you shouldn't go past two weeks without meeting them in person lol.
I don't feel like the free websites provide anything different from the pay sites. I think "better quality" or "promise of more long term/not just hook-ups" is expected in pay sites, but I don't think it's much different. A guy I met on eharmony talked about taking it slow and "respecting" that I wanted to wait for intimacy, but was trying to get in my pants the second date and was sending me naked pics. Not what I was expecting on eharmony lol.0 -
Ya'll are the best! I swear.
I guess in the past, I have been excited to get messages and talk to people but now I am kind of blah about it. There are definitely reasons why some of these guys have been on POF for so long. lol0 -
Plenty of Fish- free dating website. I met someone from there in 2008 and we hit it off online and email, but fizzled when we met in person. That's when I realized you shouldn't go past two weeks without meeting them in person lol.
I don't feel like the free websites provide anything different from the pay sites. I think "better quality" or "promise of more long term/not just hook-ups" is expected in pay sites, but I don't think it's much different. A guy I met on eharmony talked about taking it slow and "respecting" that I wanted to wait for intimacy, but was trying to get in my pants the second date and was sending me naked pics. Not what I was expecting on eharmony lol.
Oh yeah, aren't the penis pictures just great??? I don't understand why that happens so quickly. Ewwww, and then to get mad if there is no reciprocation. lol Yeah, so not having a nudie picture of me ending up on the internet.0 -
When you meet someone special, there will be sparks..........you don't want sparks with everyone
I LIKE THIS ^^
I'm in the same boat. Joined Eharmony because I thought people there were more serious about relationships as opposed to just hook ups. Seems to me no one there ever checks their accounts - so many people I get matched to haven't logged on in ages. Just recently I heard about a site called "how about we" that could be interesting. Keep us posted on PoF.0 -
Plenty of Fish- free dating website. I met someone from there in 2008 and we hit it off online and email, but fizzled when we met in person. That's when I realized you shouldn't go past two weeks without meeting them in person lol.
I don't feel like the free websites provide anything different from the pay sites. I think "better quality" or "promise of more long term/not just hook-ups" is expected in pay sites, but I don't think it's much different. A guy I met on eharmony talked about taking it slow and "respecting" that I wanted to wait for intimacy, but was trying to get in my pants the second date and was sending me naked pics. Not what I was expecting on eharmony lol.
Oh yeah, aren't the penis pictures just great??? I don't understand why that happens so quickly. Ewwww, and then to get mad if there is no reciprocation. lol Yeah, so not having a nudie picture of me ending up on the internet.
The whole pic thing is so weird...........the first time this happened to me, I was on the phone with a friend--a girl who was also going thru divorce--and I openeed the email and ......kind of gasped/screeched..........had no idea how common this would become.......and I still don't get it? Boys...............0 -
I guess what I am not thrilled with is that there are no sparks with any of them. Not just sparks necessarily, no butterflies, no excitedness, nothing. I wonder what has changed in me or if maybe I am still not ready. hmmmmm
I just disabled my dating profile and only had it for a month. I had a couple of dates, but didn't feel any sparks either! I kinda miss them. I met some really nice guys and I am still dating some of them and hoping some sparks will develop. Sometimes you need to know the person before romance is involved. I hope : /0 -
Really? Feels weird to me to wait for the spark to develop.[...]hoping some sparks will develop. Sometimes you need to know the person before romance is involved. I hope : /
The spark is the initial bit that has the potential to set everything on fire, then the fire can develop.0 -
I heard this speaker last night who gave us some tips about online dating
- Don't set your settings for anywhere outside two traveling hours of where you live (he said four if you must, like if you live in a rural area)
- If the person rushes to meet, they most likely want a hookup. Wait a while before meeting in person.
- Your first meeting should be in a public place, and last less than 1 hour. Next date should be the same. Tell lots of people where you are going.
- Follow the 90 day rule - if a guy talks to you about sex, say you don't have sex for at least 90 days. If he just wants a hookup, he'll be out of there. If he likes you he will stay.
Thought they were good tips!0 -
I too am on POF - but I have to say thankfully and ironically the second person I met off POF, we really clicked. Turns out we both joined POF the same week, both had been really hurt in the past. We have been dating for the last month now and it has been pretty dang amazing. He treats me the way I have always wanted to be treated - I didn't think men like that exsisted anymore to be honest with you.
-we clicked but there was not an initial spark - but let me tell you the spark has been growing with every date we have- :blushing:
It will happen when it is ready to happen. As I was told, you have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince. Just be open to let the experience ride out.0 -
Plenty of Fish- free dating website. I met someone from there in 2008 and we hit it off online and email, but fizzled when we met in person. That's when I realized you shouldn't go past two weeks without meeting them in person lol.
I don't feel like the free websites provide anything different from the pay sites. I think "better quality" or "promise of more long term/not just hook-ups" is expected in pay sites, but I don't think it's much different. A guy I met on eharmony talked about taking it slow and "respecting" that I wanted to wait for intimacy, but was trying to get in my pants the second date and was sending me naked pics. Not what I was expecting on eharmony lol.
Oh yeah, aren't the penis pictures just great??? I don't understand why that happens so quickly. Ewwww, and then to get mad if there is no reciprocation. lol Yeah, so not having a nudie picture of me ending up on the internet.
I put it right up top in my profile...no marrieds, no poly and no penis pics!0 -
I don't do the online thing, thats just me I guess. I'm not looking for love, if it finds me then great if not great. I'm definitely not gonna get involved unless there are some butterflys going on though.0
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What is POF?
Plenty of Fish- free dating website. I met someone from there in 2008 and we hit it off online and email, but fizzled when we met in person. That's when I realized you shouldn't go past two weeks without meeting them in person lol.
I don't feel like the free websites provide anything different from the pay sites. I think "better quality" or "promise of more long term/not just hook-ups" is expected in pay sites, but I don't think it's much different. A guy I met on eharmony talked about taking it slow and "respecting" that I wanted to wait for intimacy, but was trying to get in my pants the second date and was sending me naked pics. Not what I was expecting on eharmony lol.
I completely agree...I went into the paid site thinking it would be better....The same.....Oh well, I keep on trying.0 -
Oh Oh Oh (Please don't be offended if you agree with guy) I was talking to a relatively nice guy last night and we got on the subject of religion. He doesn't believe there is a God and actually thinks we were "seeded" here by aliens. Seriously, like Star Gate. I told him that I do believe in God and essentially he called me a conformist. I said that he gets his opinions just like I get mine and then promptly put the phone down and went to sleep. He was pretty arrogant and whew, I am so scared of aliens that the thought of being seeded here freaks me out!0
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Oh Oh Oh (Please don't be offended if you agree with guy) I was talking to a relatively nice guy last night and we got on the subject of religion. He doesn't believe there is a God and actually thinks we were "seeded" here by aliens. Seriously, like Star Gate. I told him that I do believe in God and essentially he called me a conformist. I said that he gets his opinions just like I get mine and then promptly put the phone down and went to sleep. He was pretty arrogant and whew, I am so scared of aliens that the thought of being seeded here freaks me out!
Oy! Where are all the normal ones!?0 -
If you find one, please let me know. lol0
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They are out there you just have weed through the garbage to find them. ha ha ha0
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Oh Oh Oh (Please don't be offended if you agree with guy) I was talking to a relatively nice guy last night and we got on the subject of religion. He doesn't believe there is a God and actually thinks we were "seeded" here by aliens. Seriously, like Star Gate. I told him that I do believe in God and essentially he called me a conformist. I said that he gets his opinions just like I get mine and then promptly put the phone down and went to sleep. He was pretty arrogant and whew, I am so scared of aliens that the thought of being seeded here freaks me out!
For clarity, earth was where they took people to seed everywhere else in Stargate. ;-)
I am one of those people who have only ever had luck online. I guess I had no confidence in person or something and online my appearance didn't matter so I didn't let it get in my way. Regardless, there was only ever sparks once when I met up with someone but the other time we, like 1sxyogre sad, we clicked and the spark/butterflies came in time.0 -
For clarity, earth was where they took people to seed everywhere else in Stargate. ;-)
I am one of those people who have only ever had luck online. I guess I had no confidence in person or something and online my appearance didn't matter so I didn't let it get in my way. Regardless, there was only ever sparks once when I met up with someone but the other time we, like 1sxyogre sad, we clicked and the spark/butterflies came in time.
I stand corrected.
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For clarity, earth was where they took people to seed everywhere else in Stargate. ;-)
I am one of those people who have only ever had luck online. I guess I had no confidence in person or something and online my appearance didn't matter so I didn't let it get in my way. Regardless, there was only ever sparks once when I met up with someone but the other time we, like 1sxyogre sad, we clicked and the spark/butterflies came in time.
I stand corrected.
Sorry. the geek in me sometimes takes over lol.0 -
For clarity, earth was where they took people to seed everywhere else in Stargate. ;-)
I am one of those people who have only ever had luck online. I guess I had no confidence in person or something and online my appearance didn't matter so I didn't let it get in my way. Regardless, there was only ever sparks once when I met up with someone but the other time we, like 1sxyogre sad, we clicked and the spark/butterflies came in time.
I stand corrected.
Perhaps it was all just a big alien misunderstanding and he's the guy of your dreams after all...:laugh:0 -
I honestly think it's great you don't feel sparks with everyone. That means you know what you want and you're looking for that... not just for anybody.
My POF profile is hidden for the moment but I went out with a guy whom I messaged back and forth some before I hid.. I went out with him Sunday night.
I wrote about it on another thread so forgive me for repeating myself but I went on that date with a different mind set too and I also didn't feel crazy sparks. Maybe it's the mind set of being selective?
With my former crush, I felt crazy, intense sparks flying everywhere but my emotions were also out of control. I was stressed, over thinking, etc. I was in the mindset of "choose me!" with him though.
My new guy is keeping contact and he asked me out again that same night... we have yet to make set plans but like I said, he's kept in communication with me. I was attracted to him, he did intrigue me and made me giggle/ blush, during the date I asked myself if I would ever want to kiss him (this is how I test my attraction lol), which the answer in my head was "yes" and when he asked me out again, I felt warm and smiled... yet I don't feel all out of control, stressed out about it.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm trying to process everything different now or is it because I'm not into him as much?
I rather feel in control though than like a mad woman reading every text/ call. Bottom line.0 -
I think these two tips are terrible.I heard this speaker last night who gave us some tips about online dating
[...]
- If the person rushes to meet, they most likely want a hookup. Wait a while before meeting in person.
[...]
- Follow the 90 day rule - if a guy talks to you about sex, say you don't have sex for at least 90 days. If he just wants a hookup, he'll be out of there. If he likes you he will stay.
Well it depends what "rushes to meet" mean, but I normally insist to meet the girl by the end of the first week or second week. On a neutral ground, agree (not inviting them home or anything, but for a coffee or whatever).
Why? Because I can read body language, because seeing someone for real is much better than talking via email or even phone.
Eh! Perhaps the guy absolutely smells of *kitten*, perhaps he has a very high pitch laugh that breaks glasses, perhaps he stands like a log and keeps saying "I dunno..." arms hanging and is a real drag, perhaps he never smiles, etc...
So nothing beats meeting the person for real... Of course the usual disclaimer apply.
As for the 90 day rule:
- First: "if a guy talks to you about sex, say you don't have sex for at least 90 days"... I've never "talked" about sex directly "Hey, you're hot - let's have sex!" * facepalm* Never... it just happens semi-naturally as the girl gets more and more attracted to you. Any half brained man knows this. Now I hope the emphasis in this rule is on "TALKING ABOUT SEX" and not "having sex" within 90 days.
If the guy talks about sex like that though, then just don't date him if you don't want to have sex. No need to use this 90 days rule.
- Second: If he likes you, he MIGHT stay for 90 days without sex, but chances are that he will still dip his biscuit elsewhere (without you knowing - i.e. non exclusive). The problem is that, especially around your age, most people don't want to wait for 90 days. That's 3 f'in months, a quarter of a year. Plus if you don't like the sex at the end of the 3 months, you're basically doomed and you and the guy have wasted 3 months of your life (kinda...).
Sex is, whether women want it or not, part of the relationship dynamics. If you refuse it for a long period of time, don't even hope for an exclusive relationship most of the time.
15-20 days seem like a more reasonable period to me, but then again, if the guy mentions sex abruptly, and you still don't feel the sexual attraction, I would probably just ditch him.0 -
I think these two tips are terrible.I heard this speaker last night who gave us some tips about online dating
[...]
- If the person rushes to meet, they most likely want a hookup. Wait a while before meeting in person.
[...]
- Follow the 90 day rule - if a guy talks to you about sex, say you don't have sex for at least 90 days. If he just wants a hookup, he'll be out of there. If he likes you he will stay.
Well it depends what "rushes to meet" mean, but I normally insist to meet the girl by the end of the first week or second week. On a neutral ground, agree (not inviting them home or anything, but for a coffee or whatever).
Why? Because I can read body language, because seeing someone for real is much better than talking via email or even phone.
Eh! Perhaps the guy absolutely smells of *kitten*, perhaps he has a very high pitch laugh that breaks glasses, perhaps he stands like a log and keeps saying "I dunno..." arms hanging and is a real drag, perhaps he never smiles, etc...
So nothing beats meeting the person for real... Of course the usual disclaimer apply.
As for the 90 day rule:
- First: "if a guy talks to you about sex, say you don't have sex for at least 90 days"... I've never "talked" about sex directly "Hey, you're hot - let's have sex!" * facepalm* Never... it just happens semi-naturally as the girl gets more and more attracted to you. Any half brained man knows this. Now I hope the emphasis in this rule is on "TALKING ABOUT SEX" and not "having sex" within 90 days.
If the guy talks about sex like that though, then just don't date him if you don't want to have sex. No need to use this 90 days rule.
- Second: If he likes you, he MIGHT stay for 90 days without sex, but chances are that he will still dip his biscuit elsewhere (without you knowing - i.e. non exclusive). The problem is that, especially around your age, most people don't want to wait for 90 days. That's 3 f'in months, a quarter of a year. Plus if you don't like the sex at the end of the 3 months, you're basically doomed and you and the guy have wasted 3 months of your life (kinda...).
Sex is, whether women want it or not, part of the relationship dynamics. If you refuse it for a long period of time, don't even hope for an exclusive relationship most of the time.
15-20 days seem like a more reasonable period to me, but then again, if the guy mentions sex abruptly, and you still don't feel the sexual attraction, I would probably just ditch him.
*I agree about meeting up soon. I don't want to "waste" my time talking to a guy for too long. I mean, he lives in MY city.. Let's get it started! I probably would NEXT a guy if we chatted for over a week. No sense in dragging it out. I want to know if there's even something there.
*15-20 days? After meeting? Wow.. that's only 2 weeks!?!? This is a scary expectation.0 -
I heard this speaker last night who gave us some tips about online dating
- Your first meeting should be in a public place, and last less than 1 hour.
My 1st date with my Match.com Boyfriend lasted 7 hours. We totally hit it off that day.0
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