I think one of the reasons i feel bad is that he seemed really into me and full confession, he asked if he could kiss me and I didn't know what to say so I said okay. It wasn't bad but no tingles, nothing.

Game problem right there. A guy is never supposed to ask. We're supposed to go for it. There's a certain process to go through to feel out if she's going to be receptive to the advance. Problem is, this guy probably didn't go through the process.

The process isn't fool proof either, but it helps.

Well I guess if he went through this "process" you speak of, he'd know when NOT to just go for it, right? Because I would have turned my face from that one guy that asked me for a kiss myself if he would have just dove in. Awkwardddd!!

I think one of the reasons i feel bad is that he seemed really into me and full confession, he asked if he could kiss me and I didn't know what to say so I said okay. It wasn't bad but no tingles, nothing.

Game problem right there. A guy is never supposed to ask. We're supposed to go for it. There's a certain process to go through to feel out if she's going to be receptive to the advance. Problem is, this guy probably didn't go through the process.

The process isn't fool proof either, but it helps.

Well I guess if he went through this "process" you speak of, he'd know when NOT to just go for it, right? Because I would have turned my face from that one guy that asked me for a kiss myself if he would have just dove in. Awkwardddd!!

Yes, La_Amazona, the process is designed to feel out the situation. If the process is applied properly, a guy would know when not to go for it. The last first date I went on, I didn't go for a kiss because I didn't see enough indicators of interest on her part to know that it was going to happen. And yes, there's nothing worse from the guy's perspective than going in for a kiss and having her turn away. If I have doubts she'll turn away, I won't go in for it. Because if she turns away, there will be no 2nd get together.

I say this a lot.. but I LOVE being a woman. I have even prayed thanking God for making me a woman!!

I like getting in your head DM.

just blow him off nicely, he'll get the point.

rejection after a decent first date isn't too bad.

rejection after four dates because you're not honest or are apprehensive about breaking it off - sux.

Note to self: lift weights, don't get too thin.

You are not superficial. And if you are well then so am I. I totally understand 110% what you are saying. I'm living this right this very moment. I went out on the 2nd date and just was not feeling it. Thank god we ate mexican food so I was able to use the "my stomach is upset" story and get him to go home early. I didn't have the balls to be up front and honest. I'm a big weenie I guess. I feel bad because he's a nice guy and has alot to offer - but if I don't want to see a guy naked I know it will never work.

You played it right, most people are smart enough to get the hint..

You are not superficial. And if you are well then so am I. I totally understand 110% what you are saying. I'm living this right this very moment. I went out on the 2nd date and just was not feeling it. Thank god we ate mexican food so I was able to use the "my stomach is upset" story and get him to go home early. I didn't have the balls to be up front and honest. I'm a big weenie I guess. I feel bad because he's a nice guy and has alot to offer - but if I don't want to see a guy naked I know it will never work.

That is pretty much how I look at it. Do I want to have sex with this person? If it is no, then that is it. I still feel badly because he is so nice. I just told him I wasn't ready and I was sorry. He said, its okay, I don't want to pressure you into anything. *sigh*

Nice doesn't work. My goal is never to be described by my dates as nice. I want my brand attributes to be defined as hot, fun and as a side benefit, smart. Image is everything - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpuFEpbE0d0

I just told him I wasn't ready and I was sorry. He said, its okay, I don't want to pressure you into anything. *sigh*

I basically sent the exact same text message and received the same response back a few weeks ago. Seems perfectly appropriate on both ends to me - and I think both parties understand the meaning without being rude.

You are not superficial. And if you are well then so am I. I totally understand 110% what you are saying. I'm living this right this very moment. I went out on the 2nd date and just was not feeling it. Thank god we ate mexican food so I was able to use the "my stomach is upset" story and get him to go home early. I didn't have the balls to be up front and honest. I'm a big weenie I guess. I feel bad because he's a nice guy and has alot to offer - but if I don't want to see a guy naked I know it will never work.

You played it right, most people are smart enough to get the hint..

He didn't. He just sent me an e-mail at work. WTF???!!!

@La_Amazona-My last post in this thread was to say part of why nice doesn't work. The OP (Meghan I believe) has repeatedly stated that while the guy is nice, she doesn't feel attraction for him. Hadn't he not come off of as so nice, I certainly believe that there'd be more to this. At least a 2nd date. Guys will act like jerks if jerkish behavior is rewarded.

@Catherine-Guys don't do subtext and context well. Be as clear as possible, leaving no question as to your desires. We want clear and concise and not a whole sugarcoated.

@La_Amazona-My last post in this thread was to say part of why nice doesn't work. The OP (Meghan I believe) has repeatedly stated that while the guy is nice, she doesn't feel attraction for him. Hadn't he not come off of as so nice, I certainly believe that there'd be more to this. At least a 2nd date. Guys will act like jerks if jerkish behavior is rewarded.

Oh no, I agree with you! It's the video I was making a joke about! :huh: :flowerforyou:

Do ladies really want and respond positively to a guy acting like a jerk?
If so,then why?

For me I like a guy who's not a pushover, who will tell me NO, who will call me out when I'm wrong or pushing it. It doesn't necessarily mean a "jerk" per say but also not a "nice guy" who will do everything I ask. I think as humans it's in our nature to be a bit selfish... of course, we learn to give in love, that's what love IS... it's not all about receiving. But because of our nature, I think we can take advantage of someone who is determined to make your every wish come true.

I don't know how to explain it without sounding like I'm an evil woman.

I've been the one that has taken advantage of someone's over the top nice-ness and have also been in situations where I found myself being taken advantage of.

I like cocky guys, not rude, but a bit cocky. They intrigue me.

I've been with a real jerk.. I divorced him! There just has to be a balance.

Do ladies really want and respond positively to a guy acting like a jerk?
If so,then why?

Not this one.

But I've heard that most women like jerks over nice guys because the nice guys don't seem strong and virile enough. I've already got kids and I've already made a good living. I don't need a man to kill beasts for me. I need someone who treats me nice.

This may get me in trouble but some things I observe reading what ladies write here at MFP in different forums is they seem to have a subconscious desire to be subordinate in a relationship.
That would/will probably bring a strong reaction but it is what I see,the dating a man shorter threads and the same as you suggest ladies want...a strong,protective keeper.

Is that instinct along the same lines as the thought that men are by nature sexually aggressive in order to be in control of a "pack" and extend the human species?

Maybe. But don't tell anybody. Or in other words, I like for the man to take his role as the man (but who the heck knows what that means?)
I'm a strong woman. I've always been very independent since the age of 15 when I started working and bought my own car, paid my own insurance, bought my own clothes. I was the one that helped my mom with my sisters since our home was dysfunctional growing up. (it has since changed) I am the oldest and most responsible although I do joke that I'm the most responsible yet most immature one because I'm the goofy one of the bunch.
I take pride in being a survivor and how far I've come.
I stand up for myself. If anybody is ever disrespectful, depending on how or who, I will speak up.

Yet in love and relationships I'm very old fashioned. I like to take care of my man. I enjoy cooking, cleaning, making him feel like a king, etc. I like to give. I like to make him feel strong by encouraging him, letting him do certain "manly" things for me. I like to serve him his food, get him a beer, etc.
Maybe it's a cultural thing for me?
Of course this is all given that I'm a happy camper though. (I'm assuming I am if I'm in a relationship with said guy)

So how does that all fit in with the modern world post feminist movement?
This is really an interesting discussion to me and not an attempt to instigate an argument.
It is important as a guy that gets from ladies and society a very mixed message as to what we are supposed to be.

By nature a guy is a take control and be assertive person but for all my life it has been drummed into us that we need to not act that way towards ladies.
That it is dismissive,chauvinistic and disrespectful.

So how does that all fit in with the modern world post feminist movement?
This is really an interesting discussion to me and not an attempt to instigate an argument.
It is important as a guy that gets from ladies and society a very mixed message as to what we are supposed to be.

By nature a guy is a take control and be assertive person but for all my life it has been drummed into us that we need to not act that way towards ladies.
That it is dismissive,chauvinistic and disrespectful.

From personal experience I'm finding that the 'feminist movement' in general is lost on women under 40-45. Yes, we want equality in the workplace and basic rights. But beyond that I think many of us are realizing that chemistry, relationships and sex are biological in nature and not something to fight. We can "take care" of ourselves but also want someone who is happy to be with us as a companion. Hope that makes sense...