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Cheat?
Moe4572
Posts: 1,428 Member
"Once a cheat, always a cheat"...........is it true?
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I'm not sure. Sometimes there is real remorse over losing something and you never want to feel that again. I can't speak to cheating, but every time I got in trouble as a kid, I felt so bad, I almost never did the thing again. But I do think there has to be real, internal remorse for someone to change. What someone says doesn't matter. What someone feels does.0
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Not necessarily.
It's more about patterns, if a person continually cheats on a person or has cheated on every person they've been with then yes they will most likely always be a cheater.
If a person messes up once and confesses about it and has actual remorse then chance are they're just a human being who makes mistakes.
I've never cheated on anyone and i can't imagine myself ever doing such a thing but I know that humans are humans and we mess up sometimes.
Generally speaking once someone has cheated, it's hard to regain the trust that was once there.0 -
I have said this before in the chit chat forum. After my ex cheated, I read many books on the subject.. went to marital conferences etc trying to find answers.
I think the bottom line is that there are 2 types of cheaters.
One does it for the fun of it, the thrill, usually superficial reasons. They plan it, have the bad intention in their heart. These cheaters don't care who they hurt, it's about themselves. A lot of these people are narcisstic too. These cheaters will never change. When it comes to fixing it, they don't have it in them. (this was my ex by the way) I truly believe it's a condition of the heart with these people.
Then there are the ones that make the biggest mistake of their life. They will turn their world upside down to fix what they've done wrong. They are ashamed of themselves and do whatever it takes (counseling, reading, whatever) to find out how in the world they got there. These will most likely NEVER cheat again. Just the thought terrifies them.0 -
3rd type are people who can't face their unhappy relationship (AKA cowards) and start looking around for an escape from this relationship, while they know that what they are doing is wrong and they feel bad about it. But they do it out of desperation.I think the bottom line is that there are 2 types of cheaters.
I mean these types normally are a bit like #2, except the outcome won't be "fixing things", but instead "breaking things" (i.e. divorce or split) once they manage to face it (and it took them cheating and hating themselves enough to be able to face it).0 -
3rd type are people who can't face their unhappy relationship (AKA cowards) and start looking around for an escape from this relationship, while they know that what they are doing is wrong and they feel bad about it. But they do it out of desperation.I think the bottom line is that there are 2 types of cheaters.
I mean these types normally are a bit like #2, except the outcome won't be "fixing things", but instead "breaking things" (i.e. divorce or split) once they manage to face it (and it took them cheating and hating themselves enough to be able to face it).
you're right.. not everybody that is unfaithful will want to fix it BUT they will be remorseful towards the person they betrayed.0 -
I hope the answer is no!0
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no...not true0
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We are humans and have different depths and triggers that make us want to do things, good or bad.
I do not believe a person is a horrible person just because they cheated, though I would have a hard time trusting a person that did so.
I have known lots of people that have done this, even family. What some people fail to do is to dig into the WHY of it all. To my knowledge I have not been cheated on, though I was "the other woman" at one point. I'm not proud of it, but it gave me a little insight when the woman wanted to have a sit down with me.
She was respectful, and listened to how things went down. And explained her side of it all. And at the end of the day, the man got the blame. I don't think it was that cut and dry, but having experienced it and met the SO opened my eyes to how many things lead to it. And I think at one point she wanted it to continue....but that is a story for another day.
Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, I'm doing my best on allergy meds. But basically, you can't know if it will happen again. Never, Impossible, Always....these words remove the human element.0 -
I'm no expert (where's 2Stepz, she's the psych) but I do know a couple guys who cheated... said they were sorry and vowed to make it up to their wife, but they cheated again. And again with the next wife/live-in girlfriend. I only know of one person who cheated and never did it again. Maybe miltiary guys are just more prone to that? Cheating is a red line for me.0
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basically, you can't know if it will happen again.
You may never know if your partner will cheat on you, but you certainly can establish that you will never cheat on your partner and that you will never knowingly be party to an affair. This is done by a personal code of behavior where you do not allow yourself to be in a position to develop that kind of closeness with a potential affair partner.
When I meet a man who lives by such a code (as do I), I know there's nothing stopping him from changing, but I feel more confident that he won't cheat on me than I do with guys who use lines like, "men will be men, can't help it" or "you never know...if the situation is right." For me, the situation will never "be right" because when married, I never allowed myself to get in a "situation" with another man. And I'm military, which means working mostly around men and taking long trips alone with them.
In today's culture more and more people are ok with open relationships and experimentation, so cheating is not as big of a deal as it used to be.0 -
But basically, you can't know if it will happen again. Never, Impossible, Always....these words remove the human element.
And you never know if it will ever happen when you start a relationship with someone.
I have not cheated but I can understand how the 2nd type of cheater in my post from earlier can get on the slippery slope. If you're unhappy, needs not being met, kids in the picture, feeling disconnected for a long period of time etc. I'm not justifying but I have tried to understand the thinking of someone slipping that way.
I have known people that would swear up and down they'd never cheat and honestly their character was NOT of a cheater but fell down the path.
It's pretty scary.
All I know is that I always protected myself from even the thoughts of being unfaithful.
And I also learned I could never give a cheater (whether it's an extremely remorseful one or not) a 2nd chance.0 -
But basically, you can't know if it will happen again. Never, Impossible, Always....these words remove the human element.
And you never know if it will ever happen when you start a relationship with someone.
I have not cheated but I can understand how the 2nd type of cheater in my post from earlier can get on the slippery slope. If you're unhappy, needs not being met, kids in the picture, feeling disconnected for a long period of time etc. I'm not justifying but I have tried to understand the thinking of someone slipping that way.
I have known people that would swear up and down they'd never cheat and honestly their character was NOT of a cheater but fell down the path.
It's pretty scary.
All I know is that I always protected myself from even the thoughts of being unfaithful.
And I also learned I could never give a cheater (whether it's an extremely remorseful one or not) a 2nd chance.
Exactly.0 -
Not necessarily, but infidelity is a serious issue. Not something I'd take lightly.0
This discussion has been closed.