Men, would you feel mislead if... (online)
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Well, I'm having a hard time doing just that, so if anyone has any good tips, let me know.
Forgive me but I have a horrible memory.
Do you have children with him? How recent is the break up or divorce?0 -
Yeah. I'm wondering if this would make the girl I would potentially be seeing at the time jealous.
What are you seeing her for????Is seeing an ex every 6 months considered regular?
And the odd monthly phone conversation?
And what do you talk about???? :mad:
The casual catch up stuff... hmmm I'm not sure. I won't be doing it with my ex.. and we were together for a total of 11 years.
But with my other exes, I guess I would? Okay not really because I really don't care what they're up to. If I had an ex that had been a friend before and we ended on okay terms than maybe I would say hi from time to time.
I mean, we split in a very decent way (after a few yrs), so I kind of FZ her, and it's just good to know what she's up to from time to time. She moved to another country.
I also bought some Xmas presents for her and her family.
I thought it could be perceived as a positive, in the sense that there was no major drama when we split and we can still talk to each other.
I'm just scared perhaps she is not moving on.0 -
Well, I'm having a hard time doing just that, so if anyone has any good tips, let me know.
Forgive me but I have a horrible memory.
Do you have children with him? How recent is the break up or divorce?
It isn't your memory, I just don't think I've mentioned details here before. No children and we were never married. Break up was mostly because he was/is going through depression issues (which is really hard to explain unless you know someone who's gone through this type of thing). We were on/off for a long time because of it and I guess it's fully been off about a year or so now. Even if we aren't together, I have a really hard time picturing my life and not knowing how he is.0 -
I'm just scared perhaps she is not moving on.
She's probably not. Which is why I'm wary of guys who keep in contact with their exs. Don't need more drama down the road.0 -
The way I moved on from my exhusband was ... every time I had the urge to text him or email or call .. I would have to actually stop myself and say is this something I really need to do. Do I need this answer from him. Can I get it elsewhere. Is there someone else I can tell this story to. 9 1/2 times out of 10 the answer is no, I don't. So I wouldn't. After a few months it eventually stopped being a reaction for me to call him or text or email.0
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I implied I had seen other girls though :laugh: And it's been a year now since we split.
She's probably not. Which is why I'm wary of guys who keep in contact with their exs. Don't need more drama down the road.I'm just scared perhaps she is not moving on.
I know in the past I cut the bridges immediately when I wasn't able to move on.
I'll be upfront and ask her next time though, and do whatever is necessary!0 -
My second wife pulled me aside (two different times) to tell me she had met up with her ex-husband. The first time, I was concerned, but she seemed to want closure, so I let it ride. The second time, I started out a bit miffed. Then she said, he had asked her if she wanted to have sex. She said she was upset he would ask that, considering both of them had remarried. I wasn't surprised in the least.0
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My second wife pulled me aside (two different times) to tell me she had met up with her ex-husband. The first time, I was concerned, but she seemed to want closure, so I let it ride. The second time, I started out a bit miffed. Then she said, he had asked her if she wanted to have sex. She said she was upset he would ask that, considering both of them had remarried. I wasn't surprised in the least.
Sorry, that really sucks.0 -
I implied I had seen other girls though :laugh: And it's been a year now since we split.
I know in the past I cut the bridges immediately when I wasn't able to move on.
I'll be upfront and ask her next time though, and do whatever is necessary!
No matter how she answers, if she's hanging around and no kids involved she's probably still interested (or subconsciously holding false hopes). Because, often, the female subconscious says "he wouldn't still reach out to see how I'm doing, if he weren't still at least a little interested."
I know some guys who have lots of female friends, but it's hard for me to trust one who reaches out to exes because I feel like they're stringing her along for a rainy day (whether he realizes that's what he's doing or not).0 -
I'm just scared perhaps she is not moving on.
She's probably not. Which is why I'm wary of guys who keep in contact with their exs. Don't need more drama down the road.
mmm hmmmm0 -
I talk to my ex daily and we live a block apart. And I wouldn't ever ever ever shag him. Eww.
But, I've also never had a guy question my relationship with my ex. It's just how we work.0 -
I don't think it is misleading. If you are single you are single doesn't matter.. I think of divorced more as you were married and had kids and all with him/her.0
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I think it is interesting how many people don't want someone who has contact with an ex. I have a child (so that might be different) but I would prefer someone that had a decent relationship with an ex, I have good relationship with my xh because of our son. We are friendly, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of us reuniting, so I don't see why it would be a threat to any potential dates.0
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I think it is interesting how many people don't want someone who has contact with an ex. I have a child (so that might be different) but I would prefer someone that had a decent relationship with an ex, I have good relationship with my xh because of our son. We are friendly, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of us reuniting, so I don't see why it would be a threat to any potential dates.
Yeh .. I agree with this.0 -
I think it is interesting how many people don't want someone who has contact with an ex. I have a child (so that might be different) but I would prefer someone that had a decent relationship with an ex, I have good relationship with my xh because of our son. We are friendly, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of us reuniting, so I don't see why it would be a threat to any potential dates.
Yeh .. I agree with this.
I agree too, seems like a lot of people think just because a person has an ex that they will return to them. I mean it has happened to me lol (my first GF got back with her ex), but I don't hold anything against a woman if she is friends with her ex.. no need to, it just shows insecurity.0 -
I think it is interesting how many people don't want someone who has contact with an ex. I have a child (so that might be different) but I would prefer someone that had a decent relationship with an ex, I have good relationship with my xh because of our son. We are friendly, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of us reuniting, so I don't see why it would be a threat to any potential dates.
If I were to ever date a man with children, of course I'd want him to have a decent relationship with his ex. The more amicable their relationship is, the less stress it'd be for us (me).
Speaking of, last night I decided to give it a try with a fella who I met last weekend. I wasn't sure if he had kids or not but he's from California so I didn't think too much about it. I was just going to hang out. Well towards the end of our time together, we're sitting at the place and his ex calls him. At first he just forwarded the call (I was unaware it was his ex at 1st) and then she kept calling so he told me it was his ex.
Yikes. Apparently they're in a custody battle and blah blah blah.
Today he called me and tried to reassure me that it wasn't me that changed his mood! (he was like this: :bigsmile: then turned into: :indifferent: in the matter of minutes) Um, thanks... I knew that!
Not saying this is the case for everybody but the 1st time I decide to take my chance I got that. And they aren't married, but they did live together at some point and have a 5 year old daughter.0 -
First, I think disclosing your divorce is important. Mainly because it is a part of your past and helped shape who you are today.
Almost always when talking to someone, I get asked so, what's the deal with your ex. Mainly because we have a son together and never married. We were together for 8 years. I explain that we are civil and talk to each other about our son but it goes no further than that.0 -
In my book it would not bother me one bit. I am in the same boat in that seeing divorced as a negative and you should not be forced or feel forced to put that as your status. If the relationship moves along then I would like to know if at one time the girl I am seeing was ever married but on a profile it is not a necessity.0
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Not a guy, but I think I would want to know if a guy had been divorced or not. Not that it would be a deal breaker if he was, but I think it is important to know.
Thats just me tho.
I prefer to know. I mean, I have nothing against guys who are divorced, but it's just nice to know. For me, a divorced significant other is not a deal breaker, but for some others it might be. Those especially who are looking for I went out with a guy who had done the thing where he put "single," when he was actually divorced (well, not even because the divorce wasn't final yet). To be honest, I did feel mislead especially because of the not finalized part. Had he been up front about it on his profile, I would have appreciated it.
I say, if you are going to put single that's your choice, but I think you should at least tell the guy on the very first date/meet up, especially for out of respect to those who are looking for someone who has never been married.0 -
Yeah well. She lives near the US now and I'm in the UK.
mmm hmmmm
She's probably not. Which is why I'm wary of guys who keep in contact with their exs. Don't need more drama down the road.I'm just scared perhaps she is not moving on.
So the only risk would be if she ever learns that I speak with someone from over there (!), then yeah, perhaps she would move to her place and stab the girl! :laugh:
This is such a silly idea though!
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I dont think its a lie to say you're single on your profile. But I do think you should reveal a marraige if your date is a potential partner. But I'm sure you would do that anyhow just in idle chit chat.
I never break ties with an ex. But most of them break ties with me!! :laugh: So I must be strange or something :noway: I just think that if you've spent a significant amount of intimate time with someone, then you are allowed to be friends. I dont read anything into that. I'm not trying to get back with them. Once I move on, I move on. Its just a nice thing to do if you're both sure you're over. On the other hand, if one of you has idea's of being back together, then its not such a good idea to stay in touch :brokenheart:0 -
mislead yes I would. better to be upfront and honest. if I ran into someone like that. i.e. put single on profile but later found out they were divorced, it would make me wonder what else are they lying about.0
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Yes, I would. I would prefer to know about a divorce. A divorce in itself is not a disqualify someone. It is just so common. To me, a divorce without kids is no different than a regular relationship ending, so long as all ties have been severed. For instance, it would be a hurdle to me if a divorced woman still co-owned a house with an ex that they were trying to sell in this housing market/economy.
I don't see many divorced women in the dating pool that I play in.
I do have a preference for never married.
No kids is a must.
Here's my $.02.
I'm kinda embarrassed that I am 35 and NEVER married. However, I have lived with two previous exes of mine. In one case, we were together 4 1/2 years, lived together 2 1/2, and I still maintain ties with him due to my relationship with his daughter (I took on a LOT of motherly duties)....
To tell the truth, I don't know what looks worse at my age: being 35 and looking like I have no experience in the "marriage" game (because I didn't have a piece of paper that says I owe half my salary to someone??) in a sea of men wanting to simply have "friends with benefits".....or being 35 and divorced.0 -
To me, a divorce without kids is no different than a regular relationship ending, so long as all ties have been severed.
This leads to the next obvious question... How do you feel about someone who is still in regular contact with an ex?
In my opinion, I don't care. But I am still in contact with my ex - due to his child. I think really, it would all depend on the extenuating circumstances. People don't fall off the face of the earth because I dumped them.
Now, I have met people who outright admit that they were still intimate with their ex, and wanted to know if that was an issue (in his case, his baby mama) and for me, YES!! It was an issue.0
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