Need to have a rant

Options
fteale
fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
So I am currently about 123 lbs, so not super thin, just about right for my height. In the last weeks I have had a number of (much heavier than me, all dieting, and mostly low carbing) people very rudely tell me I have a worrying attitude to food and even have mental health issues. Now, I have no emotional attachment to food, at all. I don't binge, I don't ever starve myself (I never go under 1400 cals a day net), I have never had a BMI outside of the 19-25 range. I have never dieted. In RL I actively avoid people talking about weight and dieting because I find the subject deathly dull, and I simply cannot relate in any way at all to people when they talk about food "guilt" or binge eating, I don't understand what there is to feel guilty about.

And yet because I am a healthy weight, eat healthily and do a lot of exercise, I have "issues".

Does anyone else have this kind of thing going on? I am so angry about it, I have stopped talking to a large section of my friend group, because I feel like they don't know the first thing about me, and because I think they are foisting their food-related issues onto me, and I refuse to get dragged into the obsession so many people seem to have about it.

Replies

  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    Options
    It sounds to me that these people are jealous of you. You, being so healthy, probably make them realize the bad shape they are in. Just keep doing what you are doing at this time. It is your body and you know how to keep it healthy. If it continues and you need to rant some more, then go ahead. We are here for each other.

    Becky
  • abigail1977
    abigail1977 Posts: 544 Member
    Options
    I get the same thing from my family. They all act like I have an eating disorder and are constantly telling me they are going to do an "intervention." I have told them many times that I log what I eat and excercise they are welcome to read it anytime where they will see it is perfectly reasonable and healthy. You just have to ignore everyone and do what you have to do. However, I would highly recommend not talking about diet or excecise around them - it only fuels the fire.
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    Options
    Yeah I have been having this happen to me alot recently, frequently with "older" people. I have decided that these people are either a) jealous or b) ignorant.

    If they are jealous, screw them! Tell them firmly it is none of their business how you want to look and you are a big girl and can take care of yourself, and dress yourself, and do your own makeup.

    If they are ignorant, and honestly worried about you, I think it would be great of you to thank them for being concerned about them, and then talk calmly about how you have done research and the healthy weight range for your height is from xxx to xxx and you are at xxx, which is xx above the minimum range. (and if you have talked to your doctor about this, make sure to mention that you have his/her approval). And talk about how maybe you are a little anal about what you eat and when you work out, but it is because you want to make sure you are getting the right nutritiion, and enough protien and calcium etc. And that you want to be a strong woman who is up for doing fun things like going hiking and playing volleyball without killing yourself because you are already in shape. I think if you take the time to educate them about it they will feel less concern and maybe you can even teach them a thing or two and encourage them to get healthy too. :) People seem to be a little freaked out about eating disorders (which they should be), but there is alot of misconceptions out there about them, like that they are related to food when usually it is something much deeper than that like control issues.

    It IS very frustrating to feel like you are getting lectured (by people who don't know anything about it, no less!), and I know how you feel. But the good news is you may have learned a thing or two about your "friends," whether they are just insecure bullies or they honestly care about you and want whats best for you. And you may have the opportunity to teach and encourage someone else about being healthy.

    Hang in there :)
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Options
    Thanks. I imagined a fair few people here would have the same problem, given we are all in the healthy weight range, which is sadly not the norm these days!
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    Options
    Thanks. I imagined a fair few people here would have the same problem, given we are all in the healthy weight range, which is sadly not the norm these days!

    Oddly enough, I have come accross this problem in the other boards for people who still aren't within their healthy range. One girl was having her MOM tell her to stop losing weight, how discouraging!! :(

    Hopefully it happens more to us than people who are already unhealthily overweight, they have enough trials to work through as it is.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Options
    I don't mind people telling me not to lose any more weight, that's fine. I don't intend to. But insinuating I have mental health problems in relation to food and am "dangerously obsessed" is just plain rude. I am not in any way obsessed. The only thing I am being obsessive about is their attitude!
  • Lizzymaep
    Lizzymaep Posts: 24 Member
    Options
    As long as you're happy... that's all that matters. You set your limits, you know your body and you're the one that looks at yourself in the mirror everyday. Don't let other people try to tell what you 'need' to do. I'll be corny for a sec and refer back to the I think well-known quote, "Who matters don't mind and who does, doesn't matter." =P
  • solarpower4
    solarpower4 Posts: 250 Member
    Options
    I don't mind people telling me not to lose any more weight, that's fine. I don't intend to. But insinuating I have mental health problems in relation to food and am "dangerously obsessed" is just plain rude. I am not in any way obsessed. The only thing I am being obsessive about is their attitude!

    Yep, I get this from my own (overweight) family members and I have the same attitudes as you about food/dieting, etc. and a healthy BMI. It IS very frustrating. I try now to avoid any discussion that could lead down that path.

    We choose our friends; we can't choose our family. 8-)
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    Options
    I don't mind people telling me not to lose any more weight, that's fine. I don't intend to. But insinuating I have mental health problems in relation to food and am "dangerously obsessed" is just plain rude. I am not in any way obsessed. The only thing I am being obsessive about is their attitude!

    That's just our sick sad culture....we all have no idea what "healthy" is anymore...gross.
    Just because you DON'T eat a whole bag of potatoe chips in one sitting you have mental health problems? Yeah....YOU ARE OBSESSSED. With being HEALTHY. :)

    Shut down the conversation by saying "I am taking care of my health and I do not want nor will I tolerate your input. Let's talk about something else."
  • ebaymommy
    ebaymommy Posts: 1,067 Member
    Options
    If I remember you from some other forum posts we are pretty much twins when it comes to our ages/heights/weights. I have been heavier (weighed as much as 167 at one point) so I definitely am a lot thinner than I used to be. I get a lot of people (mostly people who are overweight themselves) telling me I'm "too skinny" or I shouldn't run so much (well, hard to do when you're training for a marathon) or that I don't need to track food/count calories, etc.

    A running buddy of mine and I were having this discussion once (she's about my height/weight as well and also gets comments) and one of our conclusions was that, sadly, our society has gotten so used to "fat as normal" that anyone who is relatively normal/fit/slim falls into the "abnormal/too skinny" category. Not saying that you (or I) are too skinny or unhealthy in any way, but that societies views have shifted so much that we might appear that way.
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    Options
    A running buddy of mine and I were having this discussion once (she's about my height/weight as well and also gets comments) and one of our conclusions was that, sadly, our society has gotten so used to "fat as normal" that anyone who is relatively normal/fit/slim falls into the "abnormal/too skinny" category. Not saying that you (or I) are too skinny or unhealthy in any way, but that societies views have shifted so much that we might appear that way.

    Interesting that you should say that....my work had a health screening awhile back, and "the chart" (that was my wakeup call to get my *kitten* in gear) said I was 4-5 lbs overweight for my height. And the nurse was like "oh you are doing so great!! You don't need to lose any weight." And I pointed to it and said "no, I am actually a few lbs over, so i have some work to do." AND THE NURSE SAID TO ME "these charts were made back in the 70s, when people were all really skinny, so IT'S NOT REALLY RELEVANT NOW."

    REALLY?!?! YOU ARE A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL and you are telling me that since we are more fat nowadays it is ok for me to be just a little fat?!?!?! REALLY?!?!
  • shady81x
    shady81x Posts: 290
    Options
    A running buddy of mine and I were having this discussion once (she's about my height/weight as well and also gets comments) and one of our conclusions was that, sadly, our society has gotten so used to "fat as normal" that anyone who is relatively normal/fit/slim falls into the "abnormal/too skinny" category. Not saying that you (or I) are too skinny or unhealthy in any way, but that societies views have shifted so much that we might appear that way.

    Mhmm... that makes sense, and I agree with it. It also explains why, I'm considered as a skeleton by my larger colleagues; and whenever I decline to eat a snack that's passed around (coz I either don't like it or am not hungry), I'm seen as starving myself. :laugh:
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    Options
    A running buddy of mine and I were having this discussion once (she's about my height/weight as well and also gets comments) and one of our conclusions was that, sadly, our society has gotten so used to "fat as normal" that anyone who is relatively normal/fit/slim falls into the "abnormal/too skinny" category. Not saying that you (or I) are too skinny or unhealthy in any way, but that societies views have shifted so much that we might appear that way.

    Interesting that you should say that....my work had a health screening awhile back, and "the chart" (that was my wakeup call to get my *kitten* in gear) said I was 4-5 lbs overweight for my height. And the nurse was like "oh you are doing so great!! You don't need to lose any weight." And I pointed to it and said "no, I am actually a few lbs over, so i have some work to do." AND THE NURSE SAID TO ME "these charts were made back in the 70s, when people were all really skinny, so IT'S NOT REALLY
    RELEVANT NOW."

    REALLY?!?! YOU ARE A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL and you are telling me that since we are more fat nowadays it is ok for me to be just a little fat?!?!?! REALLY?!?!


    This is the way most Americans think. Other countries think our health habits are horrible. Look around. How often do you see heavy parents with heavy children. We are bringing them up this way. We are hurting our children so much by allowing them to think that a little fat is alright. Better to be a bit on the thin side. I think you are doing great. Oh,and I am an older person.:laugh:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    Options
    If I remember you from some other forum posts we are pretty much twins when it comes to our ages/heights/weights. I have been heavier (weighed as much as 167 at one point) so I definitely am a lot thinner than I used to be. I get a lot of people (mostly people who are overweight themselves) telling me I'm "too skinny" or I shouldn't run so much (well, hard to do when you're training for a marathon) or that I don't need to track food/count calories, etc.

    A running buddy of mine and I were having this discussion once (she's about my height/weight as well and also gets comments) and one of our conclusions was that, sadly, our society has gotten so used to "fat as normal" that anyone who is relatively normal/fit/slim falls into the "abnormal/too skinny" category. Not saying that you (or I) are too skinny or unhealthy in any way, but that societies views have shifted so much that we might appear that way.

    I completely agree with that, and have brought that into conversation with these same people on several occasions. I think most people have lost sight of what should be normal.
  • tretheb
    tretheb Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    we are ignorant .. lol I am guilty .. Before i acquired my "issues" . I had it in the back of my head that my daughter who is very dedicated to this site , works out 3 times a week , and faithfully watches what she eats might have what i called a slight obsession ... wrong ... she just likes to be her best ... people just don't think or realize sometimes people look the way they do because they work at it .. we assume every young person looks good naturally i guess .... now i work out every day and don't have that thought about her anymore and encourage others to get walking , jogging or just get fit ...
  • cara4art
    cara4art Posts: 48 Member
    Options
    Right on! I get people telling me I'm "skinny" when I'm actually not(9 pounds to lose to be awesome and have some muscle definition from my workouts). Or "are you on a diet" when I'm just eating a healthy meal etc. But right now, thankfully I don't have so much of that anymore because I lead a more private life these days.
  • fittorow
    fittorow Posts: 28
    Options
    I hate it when that happens! Specifically, I have a friend who keeps yelling at me that I "DON'T EAT ENOUGH."
    When clearly, I do. I never go below 1400 calories a day and I usually keep it at 1600-1800 a day. I got so annoyed once that I decided to list out everything I ate for her that day, but I think she likes saying that just for the sake of saying it.
    Yesterday I grabbed an apple as a snack after lunch, and she kept following me around telling people we came across that I "didn't eat." It really gets on my nerves, and lately I've been avoiding her but I don't think she realizes.
    Also, even on the message boards on MFP I keep seeing threads that have a common theme: losing weight to the lower end of the healthy weight bracket would be unhealthy, and would make one look "sick and gauntly" and even "anorexic."
    First of all, the reason why the weight bracket is called the "healthy" weight bracket is that it is HEALTHY to be at that weight - being on the lower end of that does not mean that you are UNhealthy, that makes no sense whatsoever.
    Second of all, anorexia is a mental disorder. You can't "look" anorexic.
    And third of all, I'M at the "lower" end of the healthy weight bracket, and I look perfectly healthy, not gaunt or sickly at all.
    Haha rant over; this is just something that gets on my nerves a lot.