Strategies and tips to get out from Anorexia nervosa
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Thanks for your words RunningOnClou, and congrats, these are amazing steps.
transfixedtoa is right here, but this is actually the hardest point. We all know some relation towards food needs to be sane.
How could we make it possible ?
I used to be psycho with food, all nights and days were about it. There are several things to know here :
- By eating less, some hormons are more released than others. Some are related to the feeling of being hungry, some others, very interesting, being generated in the hypothalamus enhance the obsession feeling towards food. : because we eat less, the body tries everything to make you eating more
By eating more, the levels decrease, and you are less psychic about it. When I started to eat more, I was less and less nazi about food.
You all see the main point here :
- 1- How to eat more ?
Well, the fear I used to have were about these sluggish and full of saturated fats foods, I just was afraid of the huge consequences they would have on my body.
# First solution : vegies
They are dense, but don't provide much calories.
NocturnalGirl and transfixedtoa, here are all the foods that have the same *properties* :
- Potatoes
Did you know a huge potato (2 cups) only has around 110 calories :-) Smashing two huge ones (4 cups), with skimmed milk, one egg, 350 calories TOPS, but enough for calming down your hormons
Try all the variants around it : boiled, french fried (with colza oil, or even Greek yogurt), canned, etc...
- Grapefruit
90% water :-)
- Carrots
88% water :-)
- Aspargus, etc...
Not to mention the benefits they have on the bowel movement transfixedtoa ;-)
So eating more doesn't mean putting more, and will help to think less about food.
- 2 Honnesty
Toward yourself only. You know how intimate could be this relation with food. By simply asking the right motives, you will less scary. I remember the days I used the *refeed* bodybuilder protocols to BINGE. When I faced it, it simply ceased
- 3 "Off day"
Every saturday, I don't log what I eat. We all know now roughly what a food weights, how much it provides. During that day, I don't give a damn about the calories, the macros, I just buy a couple of apples, few cereal bars, some chocolate, and I walk in the streets with that. Sometime I eat a bit more, sometimes I eat less, but no logging is a relief.
The pleasure in fact I have is not about eating, it's knowing that I won't prepare my food, don't spend minutes to log every single thing, but enjoy the sun, go to the store and pick the most beautiful apples.
-4 "Cycling"
I use it for my trainings, but you could use it here as well. If there is a day you binged, instead of purging, eat less the day after. I'd rather see you being respectful towards yourself instead of forcing yourself to eat because you *need* to do it.
Your body accepts today to walk, it is still able to do it, it is still able to make your brain work, it accepts to make your muscles work together for you to be able to lift, etc... the fricky mechanic, even if it doesn't perform well, DOES it.
The purging is the worst thing to do. It's an insult to a body which, despite the burden you put on it, is still able to serve you.
Not purging could be see as a reward to it :-)
NocturnalGirl, yes you can survive without it :-)0 -
Thanks for the tips Razique
You guys are definitely an inspiration. I'll try to follow the tips as much as I can. The problem with the fear of food is that no matter how small the food may be, even 1 calorie is a big thing to me. Just having food inside me feels unnatural, it doesn't belong. How do I overcome this? Also, I think I'm honest with myself. I rarely ever binge so that's never an issue, I have hated food ever since I was little. How do you control yourself on your off-days? Do you recommend I should have an off-day? As I mentioned before, I took a break from MFP and I did eat a little better but I also introduced purging. I actually have not purged in 13 days so I have improved, I do not plan to do it any more even though it is hard to resist. 0 -
Yes; you could try an off day, and see how you are dealing with it. Make it your special day :
- No logging
- Shopping
- Buy yourself something you ever wanted
- Meet people ?
- Go to the movies
- Buy book in domain you never though about before
- Draw
- Write,
etcc....
That would help to live out from the unique food relation that consumes so much time :-)
I'm not controlling anything. I eat what I want (I keep in mind my goals though)
The last Saturday, here is what I did :
- I woke up at 10
- Cleaned the house (kitten an I were happy)
- Listen some music
- Fried 5 big eggs with tuna, oinions, tomato puré (awesome)
- Some greek yogurt
- One apple
I then went out, bought two nice apples, some sugar free drink, and went to the mall, put some good music on
- went to the library, looked for scientific books
- walked a bit
- visisted my mom, ate one slice of pizza
- walked a bit
and voila :-) I probably ate more or less than my planning, but the thing is, the food came into play before going out.
so ; pick a day in the week and make it your own day. That could help you to be less food-centric, by extension, things will slowly move on ;-)
regarding the feeling of not seeing it natural inside you, just try to put distance with food, I'm tempted to say "It's just food", eat what you need for feeling energized enough, and, voila.0 -
No logging sounds so daunting though, I could never go a day like that. I am much too obsessed with calorie counting and wanting to lose weight. Even when I took a break from MFP, I was still calorie counting. Also, I have never had interest in food so I might still under-eat. Is the purpose of an off-day to help me eat without feeling fat and guilty? Because I think that even if it was successful, I'd feel soo fat afterwards. Wouldn't my sub-conscious mind still worry about the calories constantly, even if I'm not logging? I could test it out, I'll let you know when I do it though, thanks Razique
Also, I constantly call myself fat, 24/7 which makes me want to starve myself or purge, is there any way to stop myself from doing it? I can't help it sometimes. Oh and I don't understand how I can just say "It's just food", to me it's poison. Do you keep repeating it until you believe it?0 -
I think that not logging can be very stressful as others have indicated but I do believe with practice it gets easier and maybe even enjoyable. The only way I know to do it is to plan a full day as suggested. I personally like to hike, read, go to the movies, or best yet take a road trip and explore a new area. I am still waiting for the day it is not a trial and I don't feel the need to retroactively track what I ate the day after, but who knows...0
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The first days were hard because I was clueless about how to behave : should I binge like a pig, should I buy only identified food, should I mentally count all the calories,etc....
But I started to enjoy leave the things go by themselves, question left-asides. Basically, yes it worths a try, quickly you will learn to enjoy such day.
You keep calling yourself such because it's way more easier that telling yourself you are kind, sexy, beautiful, interesting, funny, motivated, strong and powerful enough to go through anything you might encounter.
Accepting yourself takes more time. we grow up into societies that constantly look for one's self annihilation. You work for a company, you are not your company , you evolve a in place where people lose themselves trying to find a spot between community and self-existence. Ask people around you "Do you find yourself attractive ?" and see how much people will answer "yes I am".
Working for building your own bodies attracts jealousy, why is that ?
Why most of the people cannot be simply happy for you ?
Societies' disease is the misbalance community create towards one, and we are only the children of such failure. The more you'll move through time, and the more you would need to answer for you and yourself only one question :
who are you ?0 -
Okay well I'll give it a shot. My birthday is coming up very very soon so I might try and take a day off then I am clueless on how to act like you were, how long did it take to get used to it?
That makes sense, it is much easier to call myself fat but the thing is, I am fat so I cannot stop calling myself that ever, can I? Unless I am extremely underweight, I would always think that. And those are very wise words, it's true that self-acceptance take time but I don't know how to achieve it.
Everything you say is amazing, thank you It is true that we're all on a quest to find ourselves. I think I will be happier starving myself though. Eating doesn't make me happy, as you know, it makes me feel fat. 0 -
Eating doesn't necessary mean look for any kind of beatitude. Like I said, if you can simply it as fuel, go for it.
Regarding the sel-hatress, the only way to end it is to understand why you can be so negative about yourself.
Are you happy on a daily basis Nocturnal ?
When was the last time you feel some good towards yourself ?
When I kick hard on my strength training, and I'm quite happy with the workout, these are some moments when I love myself a little bit more.
We both know it's not the weight that bothers you, since, as you wisely said, you simply want to be as light as possible. - meaning being even more light are you are today :-)
Are you targeting any digit or not ?0 -
NocturnalGirl
Hi, I understand yoru struggle and it's basically the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. But you know what? The only way to make progress in recovery is to suck it up. I've cried through meals, I've faught eurges to throw up onto my food, onto the ground and infront of my parents, and you know the only way that I've been able to start to eat again is by perseveerance. And yes, every calorie does seem like a lot but you really need to acknowledge that your relationship with food and the decisions that you make bassed on that relationship are just so distorted that you can not trust yourself or your feelings.
Recovery is never easy, not one single day has been easy, and if you asked anyone who is in recovery they'd tell you that they're not ready to recover. but the thing is no-one is ready to recover. We cling onto these disorders for a reason, whatever that reason is it is probably a pretty good one, but it's not good enough. And chances are you might gain weight, you will maintain a healthy weight that your body can function at. That's the truth, but do you really want to spend your life vomiting, restricting, hurting yourself or do you want to live?
My advice is go until you don't think you can go anymore and then keep going. That's the ONLY way.
And I'm so sorry if this was harsh, I understand that the things I suggest aren't easy, but the truth is it isn't easy. Nothing worthwhile is.0 -
Thank you transfixedtoast! I completely understand everything you're saying and your words are truly inspiring. You're right, everything worthwhile comes with hard work. Every day is a struggle but I do want to improve. There is also something at the back of the mind that stops me though.
Razique, no I'm not happy on a daily basis and I don't really remember the last time I felt good about myself. I guess why I feel like this is because I feel I've wasted my life so far. I guess I'll look for something that makes me feel better, other than starving myself.
Yes I am targetting a digit. I want to be classified as really underweight. Right now my weight does bother me though, I feel fat because of it. I think I need to take away my scales. I've been weighing myself many times a day and I now recognise that I'm getting too obsessed over the number.0 -
There is so much good advice on this thread that I totally agree with) Especially that we are ALL worth so so much more than numbers... numbers of calories or the number on the scale.
Razique, I totally get why your strength training helped you so much. When I was in recovery I reached a healthy weight but I was still struggling a lot mentally (and truth be told I gained weight mostly by b/ping, not by healthy means). But then I found the strength to leave home and get a job on a sail boat. It was hard to cope at first but I loved it so much that eventually I stopped worrying about food almost entirely. I know that not everyone can just take off like I did. But having non food oriented goals (for me it was to progress with my sailing qualifications) can really help.
I am by no means completely better - if you have suffered from EDs then maybe you can never truly escape them? But I feel so, so, so much stronger and healthier now that I am treating my body with respect. I think back to when I was always cold, weak, depressed and tired - and STARVING hungry - and I think, never again.
To all of you who are still locked into a battle with anorexia - I send my love to you and hope that you can stay strong. The road to recovery is not an easy one and neither is life after an ED - but it is much, much better than giving in and being controlled by those ED voices. I promise that if you start to look after your body then it will repay you with energy and strength, both mental and physical.0 -
There is so much good advice on this thread that I totally agree with) Especially that we are ALL worth so so much more than numbers... numbers of calories or the number on the scale.
Razique, I totally get why your strength training helped you so much. When I was in recovery I reached a healthy weight but I was still struggling a lot mentally (and truth be told I gained weight mostly by b/ping, not by healthy means). But then I found the strength to leave home and get a job on a sail boat. It was hard to cope at first but I loved it so much that eventually I stopped worrying about food almost entirely. I know that not everyone can just take off like I did. But having non food oriented goals (for me it was to progress with my sailing qualifications) can really help.
I am by no means completely better - if you have suffered from EDs then maybe you can never truly escape them? But I feel so, so, so much stronger and healthier now that I am treating my body with respect. I think back to when I was always cold, weak, depressed and tired - and STARVING hungry - and I think, never again.
To all of you who are still locked into a battle with anorexia - I send my love to you and hope that you can stay strong. The road to recovery is not an easy one and neither is life after an ED - but it is much, much better than giving in and being controlled by those ED voices. I promise that if you start to look after your body then it will repay you with energy and strength, both mental and physical.
Thanks a lot Ella :-) Nocturnal and Transfixed are doing great lately, for both of you, congratulations :-)
I'd like you to think about the pleasant part that comes along with eating disorder. There are imho two ways of seeing the ED :
- The first side of the coin, is the worst one, it blocks us from sleeping well, for being able to think things through, but to feel miserable and dirty. That part is the well known by people who only read there and that stuff about EDers, and think we do it purposely. It is in fact the face that smashes us before even noticing it : pain, suffer, loneliness, and swings with food
- The second side is the shape of a peaceful garden that the ED takes. There is a part of pleasure and the seek for self-realisation towards that side.
Why would you last in that side, does it worths the first side ?0 -
Thanks so much for that Ella. It gives us hope that life does in fact get better And thanks Razique, it's a huge struggle though but I'm trying my best to handle it.
It's true that others believe this is a choice but it's not a choice to me. I wouldn't want this struggle that I go through to happen to anyone in the world, ever. Even though I want to starve myself and purge badly, I would rather have a normal relationship with food. I feel depressed about the fact that only starvation brings me happiness because that shouldn't be the case. But you're right, I should look into the positive aspect. The search for self-acceptance while recovering is truly rewarding and I hope to be able to get better. Is there hope that I can get better? I hope so.0 -
Definitely, just be strong enough to have faith in you, and keep eating your sweets salads. The feeling I had was :
"Ok it's getting more and more complicated..." :Ddays are tougher, and every day was getting worse than the previous one. In the end, it was some sort of weird circus where I didn't know what I was doing anymore.
I was supposed to lose weight, not ending crying in my bed, looking for some desperate help. I learned that battle requires personal strength. People can tell you where Rome is, not take you there.
But we didn't reply to my last question :I'd like you to think about the pleasant part that comes along with eating disorder. There are imho two ways of seeing the ED :
- The first side of the coin, is the worst one, it blocks us from sleeping well, for being able to think things through, but to feel miserable and dirty. That part is the well known by people who only read there and that stuff about EDers, and think we do it purposely. It is in fact the face that smashes us before even noticing it : pain, suffer, loneliness, and swings with food
- The second side is the shape of a peaceful garden that the ED takes. There is a part of pleasure and the seek for self-realisation towards that side.
Why would you last in that side, does it worths the first side ?0 -
Okay well I hope that this time it's going to go away for good, all the other times in the many years previously I didn't really try hard enough and would just go back to starving myself. How did you deal with the fact that it was getting tougher? And I totally understand what you mean by being supposed to lose weight but instead being depressed and looking for help, I feel the same. I will try to work on my personal strength. One problem that keeps going around my head is that if I increase my calories, I will gain weight and that freaks me out so much.
Okay with your question, are you saying that both sides are EDs? So even after recovering, we still have traces of ED left? Well currently the first side is what I see, it brings me unhappiness, pain, suffering, loneliness and swings with food. But I can also understand the second side, but doesn't that only occur while on the way to recovery? I want to be able to have the peaceful side things. I want to last on that side but I don't know why I would because I sometimes fall backwards and the process of recovery starts from the beginning again. I can never seem to reach the point where I have continuously seeked self-realisation. I will last this time I think.. I want to get better for good now, I don't want to turn back. It is worth the first side, the first side only brings depression.0 -
Okay well I hope that this time it's going to go away for good, all the other times in the many years previously I didn't really try hard enough and would just go back to starving myself. How did you deal with the fact that it was getting tougher?
A remember a day I was very week (few months back), like ****ing tired, and very pale. I just felt that was too much, and what for in te end ? Walking like a zombie, and doze-off 20 minutes after my trainings started. That picture of me was just disgusting, and I decided to move on the other way, gain weight, but via muscles, and not to lose anymore fat on the few left. So only traces the ED was leaving behind it was only dust and pain. I then decided to go to see a nutritionist. The first one sucked, an old-school one who only told me "you need to eat more", as if I didn't know that. I gave another shot and found one for sportsmen who gave me a program and left me free to apply it my own rythm, my own way. It involved a lot of foods I usually didn't eat (carbs, butter, 20% fat french cheese, read meat, etc...) the first days was not in adequation with the program, but I ended to apply it, pushing on both cardio and strength with only vegies as carb intakes wasn't sustainable. Not to mention the growing passion to nutrition that helped me to figure wood was just energy. Well-disposed, it can helps to develop a body. people get fat because they pig out on food in front of their TVs everyday. This is so not what we are doing, the body is always in activity, meaning it disposes cleverly of that energy. That was basically my way to move the piece of concreteAnd I totally understand what you mean by being supposed to lose weight but instead being depressed and looking for help, I feel the same. I will try to work on my personal strength. One problem that keeps going around my head is that if I increase my calories, I will gain weight and that freaks me out so much.
It still scares me to gain FAT, the weight itself doesn't mean anything. Like Jess wisely says, : we are not numbers.
What for the Life of your body 80 or 79 lbs mean ? nothing, what matters is how you dispose of these lbs and what they are made off. In one another measure, since we know water and lotta factor mess with that figure, it is more interesting to use the mirror. In front of it, I prefer to see me now, well developed rather than as white as my protein powders.Okay wit1h your question, are you saying that both sides are EDs? So even after recovering, we still have traces of ED left? Well currently the first side is what I see, it brings me unhappiness, pain, suffering, loneliness and swings with food. But I can also understand the second side, but doesn't that only occur while on the way to recovery? I want to be able to have the peaceful side things. I want to last on that side but I don't know why I would because I sometimes fall backwards and the process of recovery starts from the beginning again. I can never seem to reach the point where I have continuously seeked self-realisation. I will last this time I think.. I want to get better for good now, I don't want to turn back. It is worth the first side, the first side only brings depression.
In fact, not really, once you'll be out of there, the feeling of relief it will give you would push you even more to fix all the sides that are negative and self-destructive ones. When I started to eat more, I said "cool; I sleep better", then "woaw, I'm not weak everyday", then "woaw, I can perform better", then "waw, muscles are growing", and i started then to remove all the factors that would piss me off and give me the feeling of wasting my time .I lost my time when I cut down on friends to avoid a beer or a restaurant.
Being convinced to make the right decisions when it comes to sel-destruction motives brings nothing but our own loss.
I used to feel like a puppet, being controlled and driven by the ED, sleeping and waking up being ****ed up, and even unable to control my actions, for instance it was a pain to see that I was only putting a few grams of rice (I remember these 25 grams of carbs), and i also had the feeling of drowing. I was like this :
You told me you "felt" it was now the time. What feelings do you have on a daily basis ?0 -
How did you get yourself to go the other way and see a nutritionist? Because I've experienced many days where I'd get blackouts, lose balance, feel weak, etc but I didn't care because my desire to be super thin is too strong. Did it just happen randomly? I do want to get better but I still want to lose lots and lots of weight.
I fear both fat gain and weight gain though. Weight means something to me, I do not like the number I see, I want to be sooo much lighter. Even gaining water weight scares me, which might happen by increasing my calories. And as for the mirror, I see a fat person in the mirror. My bones need to stick out a lot more than it already is.
It gives me hope that you tell me that positive thoughts have gone into your mind. I cannot stand the negative thoughts that are racing through my mind every second of the day. Hmm it's hard to look into the positives though because I just feel so fat when I increase my calories. I did notice that I feel like I have more energy on days where I eat 600 calories than on days where I have 200. I also closed off all my friends and family, I cannot associate with them any more. I also ruined all my studies and my future may suffer too.
I feel a lack of control from what I'm going through as well but I gain control when I get to starve myself or purge, I know I shouldn't though. However you mention being a puppet of an ED... I do not believe I have an ED, many people have said I do but I honestly don't. No-one fat like me can have an ED, even if it's psychological.
Yes I feel like I need to get better because it's been practically 7 years since this all truly began, it goes on and off but it never healed. I am at a stage of life where my future is being determined now and I cannot destroy my future because of this.
On a daily basis, I constantly call myself fat. What frustrates me though is that others say I'm not but they must be lying. Because I am fat, food is unnecessary to me and I feel I can live without it. I also feel helpless and lost in life.
I want to get better, this depresses me so much sometimes that I want to cry.0 -
It's hard... But you don't want to get your wake up call finding yourself unable to move in a bed, and having your parents rush you to a hospital to be stuck there for over a week.
You're worth it. I've found that I have a better body image when I go to the gym. Have you tried that?0 -
It's hard... But you don't want to get your wake up call finding yourself unable to move in a bed, and having your parents rush you to a hospital to be stuck there for over a week.
You're worth it. I've found that I have a better body image when I go to the gym. Have you tried that?
Agreed on both points.
Like Razique has said - for me too, physical exercise is absolutely crucial to my continuing recovery. Without exercise I would be lost. It allows me to think of my body like a machine - I have to fuel it so that I can keep exercising and getting stronger and fitter. I think that exercise endorphins are really important too. Seeing my muscles grow, feeling strong and getting lean - all the while being able to eat a lot, because I burn a lot - it is so much better than eating nothing, having no strength and no energy.0 -
Well I guess to all of the people who are suffering with your disease you can look at it this way...your way isnt working.You can always go back to the way you are, but I know it is hard to take that initial step to trust someone else,but for me i have been miserable for over 25 years now and my way isnt working.No number is ever low enough and truth be told it just causes more misery for me and my family and friends. I am by no means recovered but what I can tell you is the sooner you deal with this the better. Lived most of my life with my ed. It had ruined my body beyond repair and I dont wish that for any of you. so what ever it takes please try to have some faith and try what has worked for others..talk it over with your therapist or doctor because trust me you dont want to live or should I say not live your life like this.0
