How many is too many?
Showgirlbody
Posts: 402 Member
If you are dating someone, do you ask how many people they have had sex with? Do you care? I was talking to a co-worker, granted she is only about 21, and she thought that it was "really gross" if someone was in double digits. I get that nobody wants a dirty bird, but especially once you are older, you could have slept with only one person a year and be in double digits. Just in the context of dating and not picking up one night stands, etc. Some people end up off the market with long term relationships for many years but others are perpetually single so could actually end up with high numbers just for not being lucky enough to end up with their first or second or third. For me, I don't care as long as they are STD free. Not really wanting someone who is like Gene Simmons in the thousands though either.
What do you think?
What do you think?
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Replies
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I agree with you. I guess it depends on age too. If I were to ask someone my age (21) how many they've been with and if the number was higher (10+) I'd be a bit surprised, but as long as they were STD free it doesn't matter to me. Now if the person was older by ten years I probably wouldn't be that surprised. Again I wouldn't want to be with someone who's number was crazy high, but you never know. I think the only problem there is can this person really be with one person when it seems like they like to sleep around a lot. If that's not a concern then good. I would probably ask if we go serious, although just out of sheer curiosity. I think it becomes important if the person hasn't slept with someone before, that's generally information worth knowing I think.
I had this similar discussion with coworkers of mine while playing a game of would you rather and he brought up an interesting point. If a person had sex with 5 people, all one night stands, that's just five times total. Now if another person had only slept with one person in a LTR, but since it was a LTR they had sex a lot more than 5 times, does that make a difference? According to them it made a difference and if I remember correctly they said they'd rather have the person who had multiple one night stands. I guess it's matter of perspective.
This reminds me of that movie with Anna Faris, What's Your Number? She slept with 19 guys and didn't want to go over that, so she tracked down ex-boyfriends so she didn't exceed that. She got that idea at a party with friends who all had slept with significantly fewer men, her number was higher than the average etc. I think it makes a point though, girls might feel worse about their high numbers than guys do. But that's another discussion in and of itself haha.0 -
I actually would prefer a man who has been with more variety of women. A man who has limited experience may think that all breasts and vulvas look or behave a certain way. The more experience, the less preconceived notions about what is "normal". But you're right that experience is relative. People in long term relationships may have had a lot more sex and tried a lot more things than someone with 5 one nighters. And some people who screwed around a lot may be better partners once they choose to settle since they got that out of their system and won't wonder if they are missing anything0
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nope don't care. but definitely STD free.0
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I'm not bothered how many unless it's so excessive as to make me question if the person is capable of monogomy. I'm insatiably curious about people generally so if I'm interested in someone and think I can get away with it, I usually ask before we'd even get to the dating stage. If a guy was put off by numbers (high or low) I would lose interest in him. I like open minded people.0
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I don`t care and will do everything I can to make sure I am better then any previous. :smokin:0
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It's not a question I would ask tbh. Firstly because it doesnt bother me and secondly because the answer would probably be a lie.........:laugh:
Men exaggerate :smokin:
Women do the opposite! :smooched:0 -
If you do ask, you can't be bothered by the answer you get. If you really don't want to know then don't ask. I think high 50's and 60's would make me wonder about a person.0
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Yeah, I'm curious so sometimes I ask. But usually a man asks first. It seems like a man only has a problem if a woman has more than him, but mostly all the men I've been with have *told* me that they had as many up to twice as many. They may inflate especially if I told first. lol Some men are threatened by feeling outdone by experience. (I always think of Chasing Amy--she had been there done that, and he wanted to have a threesome or something to even the score so he wouldn't feel left out and vanilla). But I really think it can be a good thing when someone has already been around the block and they still want to be with you. If they are a person who constantly craves different things and variety though, then they may never be satisfied. But it could just be the past and how things added up in their life but they don't necessarily have to sex up everyone. I just wondered if some people really did have a rigid criteria and would not pursue someone if they were in the double digits.
(It can feel awkward as a woman when your friends met their person very early so they have been with one or two people and you have 15-20 years of singledom so many more opportunities and couplings. Nobody wants to be the slut of the group. lol)0 -
I don't ask, as long as the person is clean that is all that matters to me. I can't even remember the last time I was asked either0
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As long as they aren't in the Barney Stintson numbers.0
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At my age, 21, yeah more than a few partners is a little alarming to me. But a person in the thirties/forties, etc, that wouldn't be too high in my opinion.0
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Do you all actually KNOW your number, without thinking about it? What do you count? Just penetration, or oral too? Too many variables for me...0
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Stepz, you mean your friends and you don't make lists with all variables covered? :laugh: Mine must be weirdos Lol.
Ok I should clarify, when I ask, I'm not just after a number as such. I am curious about someones sexual history if I am interested in them, and usually they are curious about mine too.0 -
Stepz, you mean your friends and you don't make lists with all variables covered? :laugh: Mine must be weirdos Lol.
Ok I should clarify, when I ask, I'm not just after a number as such. I am curious about someones sexual history if I am interested in them, and usually they are curious about mine too.
Friends? What are those? Oh... you mean those married folks that moved on and left me alone here in Singledom? Yeah, we don't talk much anymore.0 -
Stepz, you mean your friends and you don't make lists with all variables covered? :laugh: Mine must be weirdos Lol.
Ok I should clarify, when I ask, I'm not just after a number as such. I am curious about someones sexual history if I am interested in them, and usually they are curious about mine too.
Friends? What are those? Oh... you mean those married folks that moved on and left me alone here in Singledom? Yeah, we don't talk much anymore.
Hugs!!!! Most of my friends are married or with boyfriends but they haven't gone anywhere. Stepz, you need better friends!! This is way more important than any man. I'd be lost without my mates :frown: . You're such fun too, I always read your stuff. What a waste! I'm friending you this instant!! :drinker: xxx 0 -
Do you all actually KNOW your number, without thinking about it? What do you count? Just penetration, or oral too? Too many variables for me...
No, I haven't got a clue without thinking......more than 1, put it that way......
A lover would be all inclusive of penetration, me thinks :bigsmile: You can't count the hand job in the back of the bike shed..... :laugh:0 -
Do you all actually KNOW your number, without thinking about it? What do you count? Just penetration, or oral too? Too many variables for me...
I count intercourse. I know the ballpark number. The problem is when it HAS been a year or more in between then you kind of forget where you left off, not because there were too damn many. I tried to write a list once just to test myself that I knew their names. lol0 -
Yeah I don't think it matters really as long as they aren't sharing themselves with any of their other conquests lol.
I think an acceptable number for some around the age of thirty would be any where between 5-20?0 -
I have a very strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy. I don't want to know how many she/he has been with, and I won't ever tell my number. There have been rare exceptions to this rule where I've been in open relationships and the sordid details were a turn on for my partner. But in general? No.
Meeting an ex of theirs is the worst. (Reason # 8435 why I won't date someone with children) Being reminded that they've had sex with even one other person and that person has memories of them that I'll never know about is a bit outside my comfort zone. I'm not the least bit jealous, but being face to face with this realization is awfully awkward for me. Talking about it, however, is no problem . I just feel like it's none of my business.
As for the actual number? No. I don't care who or how many they've been with. As long as they haven't slept with my mother or my best friend, I really don't care. With this in mind though, I am also cautious of STD's and yes - he will wrap it up until he gets checked.0 -
I agree that the number isn't very important, especially the older we get. But as someone recently out of something long term, I haven't had to broach the STD topic in ages. Any suggestions for making it easier?0
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Do you all actually KNOW your number, without thinking about it? What do you count? Just penetration, or oral too? Too many variables for me...
I know my number.
And I don't care much about his number unless it's astronomical. I prefer not to know, actually.0 -
There is absolutely no way in hell I could begin to answer that question if I was asked. I had a paper on my desk and work and was jotting down names as I remembered them. The list started making me seem like an absolute *kitten* so I stopped. I have no STD's - that's all I care about. Along with them not having them as well. Sex is fun.0
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There is absolutely no way in hell I could begin to answer that question if I was asked. I had a paper on my desk and work and was jotting down names as I remembered them. The list started making me seem like an absolute *kitten* so I stopped. I have no STD's - that's all I care about. Along with them not having them as well. Sex is fun.
Had a similar situation...all I could do was shake my head.0 -
There is absolutely no way in hell I could begin to answer that question if I was asked. I had a paper on my desk and work and was jotting down names as I remembered them. The list started making me seem like an absolute *kitten* so I stopped. I have no STD's - that's all I care about. Along with them not having them as well. Sex is fun.
Had a similar situation...all I could do was shake my head.
Happily there was only one that I had no clue what his name was. Sadly all this is just since my divorce. Didn't I say before sex is fun???!!!0 -
I agree that the number isn't very important, especially the older we get. But as someone recently out of something long term, I haven't had to broach the STD topic in ages. Any suggestions for making it easier?
I get tested once a year with my annual pap, whether or not I think I need to. So usually it just finds a way to come up. If someone makes a comment about previous sex (maybe it's just me, but every guy usually asks me the last time I got any), I will usually work in that I get tested and I'm clean and ask "what about you?" Or if the conversation turns to condom vs BC pill, etc, mention that you won't go condom free until there is a clean test and monogamy. A lot of people are really open about it so it can be worked in conversation lots of ways. It shouldn't be awkward especially if you have already started fooling around and it becomes a matter of time before it comes up when you will go all the way. Not really restaurant conversation though lol.0 -
I agree that a *kitten* or handjob shouldn't be considered as cheating by women.
No, I haven't got a clue without thinking......more than 1, put it that way......Do you all actually KNOW your number, without thinking about it? What do you count? Just penetration, or oral too? Too many variables for me...
A lover would be all inclusive of penetration, me thinks :bigsmile: You can't count the hand job in the back of the bike shed..... :laugh:
I think it's a bit old school for women to be so uptight about it!0 -
I agree that a *kitten* or handjob shouldn't be considered as cheating by women.
I hope that is sarcasm and I'm just reading into it wrong!0 -
They want their cake and eat it too? If it counts, count it.0
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Cheating is different than counting it as a sexual partner! lol If you are in a supposedly monogamous relationship, everything counts as cheating. But I don't think a hand job raises your sexual partner number. ha ha0
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I agree that a *kitten* or handjob shouldn't be considered as cheating by women.
No, I haven't got a clue without thinking......more than 1, put it that way......Do you all actually KNOW your number, without thinking about it? What do you count? Just penetration, or oral too? Too many variables for me...
A lover would be all inclusive of penetration, me thinks :bigsmile: You can't count the hand job in the back of the bike shed..... :laugh:
I think it's a bit old school for women to be so uptight about it!
:laugh: Dude.. you crack me up!0
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