What if you're attracted someone who isn't attractive?
chocolateandvodka
Posts: 1,850 Member
What if you're attracted to someone who is so far out of your norm that it surprises you? I've started seeing someone who is not my normal "type". In fact, if my friends were to meet him, they would be very confused. The problem? He SERIOUSLY turns me on. And he's good to me. Very.
He bought and brought me dinner the other day because he knew i'd be tired and wouldn't have time to eat.
I was having a really rough day and he invited me over just to talk and cuddle. no sex.
He came and picked me up from the airport when I flew in on a red eye... that was late... on St. Patrick's day.
see? he's a good guy. and he's pleasant enough looking, just not even in the same range of guys i'm used to being with. How superficial am i to even ask this question?
He bought and brought me dinner the other day because he knew i'd be tired and wouldn't have time to eat.
I was having a really rough day and he invited me over just to talk and cuddle. no sex.
He came and picked me up from the airport when I flew in on a red eye... that was late... on St. Patrick's day.
see? he's a good guy. and he's pleasant enough looking, just not even in the same range of guys i'm used to being with. How superficial am i to even ask this question?
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Replies
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If he turns you on and he's a good guy then that's all that should matter. He sounds really sweet!!0
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Awww... this is kind of what I'm going through right now. The guy I have a crush on isn't the most "handsome" guy, but he is really cute to me and has an awesome personality. Anyway, I was telling some of my girlfriends, "There is this guy I like, he's older, but really cute and funny." So, of course one of my friends whips out her iphone and forces to tell her his name. So I tell her and she searches for his Facebook. Meanwhile, I'm like, "Hey, you guys aren't going to find him attractive...". So they found his FB profile and were like, "Is that him?" I was kinda embarrassed, so I lied and said no. They laughed and said, "Good, this guy is ugly and looks like an ox." Ummmm... rude.
I decided I don't really give a crap what people think about him. I think he is attractive and I like talking to him, so why should it matter. The "type" of guy my friends think I should date is "macho jock" type guys... so not what I'm attracted to. Don't let your friends dictated who you date. You like him and that's all that matters.0 -
the problem is, i wonder if i'll wind up mistreating him if/when i meet someone who is more "my type" and also funny, sweet, etc. ugh. first world problems.
the bigger problem, is i kinda already have met someone who makes me want to forget everyone else. i just don't know if he feels the same way just yet...0 -
Do the good guy a favour and set him loose if you are already doubting it... He deserves to be someone's one and only too0
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Dunno, if you figure he aint attractive less likely other women will try to steal him away?
Alternatively.
Realize that your priority isn't a trophy boyfriend and realize what a good thing you have...0 -
Do the good guy a favour and set him loose if you are already doubting it... He deserves to be someone's one and only too
I agree with this. it's not fair to him if you are having doubts.0 -
Do the good guy a favour and set him loose if you are already doubting it... He deserves to be someone's one and only too
this^^0 -
What if you're attracted to someone who is so far out of your norm that it surprises you? I've started seeing someone who is not my normal "type". In fact, if my friends were to meet him, they would be very confused. The problem? He SERIOUSLY turns me on. And he's good to me. Very.
He bought and brought me dinner the other day because he knew i'd be tired and wouldn't have time to eat.
I was having a really rough day and he invited me over just to talk and cuddle. no sex.
He came and picked me up from the airport when I flew in on a red eye... that was late... on St. Patrick's day.
see? he's a good guy. and he's pleasant enough looking, just not even in the same range of guys i'm used to being with. How superficial am i to even ask this question?
Your being very superficial. You are attracted to eachother it doesn't matter what people outside of you two think. If you are too closed minded to think for yourself let the guy go.0 -
Do the good guy a favour and set him loose if you are already doubting it... He deserves to be someone's one and only too
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Wow.
What's wrong with this guy physically? And what type of guy are you used to? Would it really be better for you to be with a better looking person that treats you like dirt?
Shouldn't all that matter is how you feel about this person? The outside world doesn't have to exist in your relationship. You do.
This is why nice guys finish last. And then many women have the gall to complain that they can't find a good guy out there.0 -
What if you're attracted to someone who is so far out of your norm that it surprises you? I've started seeing someone who is not my normal "type". In fact, if my friends were to meet him, they would be very confused. The problem? He SERIOUSLY turns me on. And he's good to me. Very.
He bought and brought me dinner the other day because he knew i'd be tired and wouldn't have time to eat.
I was having a really rough day and he invited me over just to talk and cuddle. no sex.
He came and picked me up from the airport when I flew in on a red eye... that was late... on St. Patrick's day.
see? he's a good guy. and he's pleasant enough looking, just not even in the same range of guys i'm used to being with. How superficial am i to even ask this question?
I am going through this now. I find that most of the guys I've dated aren't model material, but after a while I was always very attracted to them, so it didn't matter. I'd rather be with someone who others see as "average" that treats me nice, than someone who's seen as "gorgeous" and treats me like crap. Looks fade, personality won't.0 -
Wow.
What's wrong with this guy physically? And what type of guy are you used to? Would it really be better for you to be with a better looking person that treats you like dirt?
Shouldn't all that matter is how you feel about this person? The outside world doesn't have to exist in your relationship. You do.
This is why nice guys finish last. And then many women have the gall to complain that they can't find a good guy out there.
So you're saying that looks at all don't matter when searching for a girlfriend? You've never passed up a girl because of not being attracted to her physically?0 -
Sounds like a very very nice guy! But like others said, if you are having doubts then don't just keep him around because he is super sweet and nice. Sometimes opposites attract. Luckily for me, it seems I'm attracted to any guy no matter what he looks like, and the main thing I am mostly attracted to is super caring nice guys (like this awesome guy you are talking about).0
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I would be incredibly hurt if I were putting my all into a relationship with someone only to find out later that they're embarrassed to be seen with me in public.
OTOH, I understand how you are feeling... you are attracted to this man, but he's outside the acceptable range of your friends. No one wants to be embarrassed by their partner. Have you thought about why you were embarrassed. I can't answer that for you. One guy I dated was embarrassed about me because his family was bigoted. Another got embarrassed because my son always seemed to act up around him (thus embarrassing him in public)
Most women would be so thrilled with someone they find sexy who treats them nice that they wouldn't care about what their friends think. Maybe you've matured beyond that shallowness but your friends haven't grown up yet? Or maybe you're not yet comfortable yet in doing things that go against the grain.0 -
Wow.
What's wrong with this guy physically? And what type of guy are you used to? Would it really be better for you to be with a better looking person that treats you like dirt?
Shouldn't all that matter is how you feel about this person? The outside world doesn't have to exist in your relationship. You do.
This is why nice guys finish last. And then many women have the gall to complain that they can't find a good guy out there.
So you're saying that looks at all don't matter when searching for a girlfriend? You've never passed up a girl because of not being attracted to her physically?
*munches popcorn.0 -
I would be incredibly hurt if I were putting my all into a relationship with someone only to find out later that they're embarrassed to be seen with me in public.
OTOH, I understand how you are feeling... you are attracted to this man, but he's outside the acceptable range of your friends. No one wants to be embarrassed by their partner. Have you thought about why you were embarrassed. I can't answer that for you. One guy I dated was embarrassed about me because his family was bigoted. Another got embarrassed because my son always seemed to act up around him (thus embarrassing him in public)
Most women would be so thrilled with someone they find sexy who treats them nice that they wouldn't care about what their friends think. Maybe you've matured beyond that shallowness but your friends haven't grown up yet? Or maybe you're not yet comfortable yet in doing things that go against the grain.
in all honesty, i find him attractive enough. And i really don't care what my friends think about him in the long run. My question is not "what do i do if i like someone my friends don't approve of", but rather... what happens if i like someone but not quite as much as they like me?
my reasons go beyond his looks, but i figured that particular confession would spark enough discussion.
and to those who are calling me superficial... you're absolutely correct. I'm also admitting that I factor in a persons aesthetics when I consider whether or not they are a good person to date. I am of the opinion that there are many variables to finding the perfect match. Aesthetics IS and always will be one of them, whether you admit it or not.0 -
Realize that your priority isn't a trophy boyfriend and realize what a good thing you have...
Love this. In the end someone that makes you feel good and that you can always count on is sooooo much better than what looks will do for you. But if you already feel like you will dump him if someone cuter comes along .. do it now. He doesn't deserve that.
Just a side note .. how would you feel if someone felt that way about you?0 -
Do the good guy a favour and set him loose if you are already doubting it... He deserves to be someone's one and only too
^^ agreed ^^0 -
The real question is: do you think it might grow? Or is it a deal breaker situation? (I'm talking about your love for him/interest for him)in all honesty, i find him attractive enough. And i really don't care what my friends think about him in the long run. My question is not "what do i do if i like someone my friends don't approve of", but rather... what happens if i like someone but not quite as much as they like me?
I have been with girls I wasn't completely attracted to, but gave them their chance and it grew into something better.
Or I also have been with girls but I knew nothing could ever grow, so in this case, just try a few dates but then just let them go.
Then the other question, the one you asked, becomes relevant only if you think it might grow (if you don't think it will grow, then it's over already).
Could be that you are too slow, or he is too fast. So one of you needs to slow down, or the other one to speed up.
If one of the partner drag their feet for too long, then it's bad sign (too long doesn't even exist before 3 months).
The problem with relationships is the more you get to know someone, the more difficult it is to cut the bridge and do what you are saying. So no, past a certain point, you are unlikely to "mistreat" him if you meet someone who is more your type.the problem is, i wonder if i'll wind up mistreating him if/when i meet someone who is more "my type" and also funny, sweet, etc. ugh. first world problems.
Why?
Because you will have invested too much (time) in him, and you will know him well, and you will like him, etc. You'll be comfortable with him.
So if someone untried/unknown and hot (more your type) comes, it is a "High Reward (hot man) Vs High Risk (stranger)" whereas your guy is "Medium/High Reward (good guy) Vs Low Risk (comfort)", so you'll freak out and stay with the dude you're with forever.0 -
If you think that someone better is going to come along, it doesn't matter how nice or wonderful he is, he just isn't for you, because you want "better". Let him go, if he is not what you want...........looks or otherwise.0
This discussion has been closed.