So my family doesn't understand the crap I am going through with dealing with PCOS and infertility. I have been TTC for just about six years now, and when I hear people come into my store and tell me that they are pregnant or that their children are pregnant it breaks my heart, not that I am not happy for them I am, but I get depressed every time.

My older sister works with a girl that has PCOS and figured it would be a good idea to call and tell me thinking it would give me hope and I told her that she might as well punch me in the gut because every person with PCOS is different, every person.

Now my younger sister had me go and see her so that she could tell me that she was 6 weeks pregnant and this really got me depressed. To understand why, here it goes. Her husband had cancer as a teenager and went through 10 years of chemotherapy so you would think that would of killed off all his little swimmers, guess not. So the chances of her getting pregnant were extremely slim. And my entire family just had to remind me of the chances of her getting pregnant and yet she did!

Not to say I am not happy for her, I am. I feel really bad because I actually found myself thinking, "I hope you have a miscarriage so the you know how I feel" and I don't want that to happen (I hope that never happens to anyone) and I was good told her I was happy for her and sat around and made small talk for a while before leaving. Before leaving I gave her a smart *kitten* comment of "You're going to be a huge pregnant lady!" and I explained because she is so short (barely 5 feet tall) that baby is going to have no choice but grow outward, my mother told her that I was just bitter (thanks mom, how about punching me again). I don't think I was even down the drive way before I started crying, I actually had to pull over for a while until I could see again. When I got home the first thing I wanted to do was through out my medication and just give up and I still feel this way. Why should I even bother, obviously I am not ment to have children of my own.

If people like my sister, who had a better chance of winning 2 lotteries in a row then to get pregnant, does manage to get pregnant and then there is me who has gone to over 6 doctors, 2 specialists gone through surgery (ovarian drilling), is on current medication that if you are on to long will give you cancer, and I am finally managing to lose some weight, and yet nothing. 6 years and nothing! I am sick and tired of having pregnant people thrown in my face day after day. I am tired of people saying "When it is your time then it is your time!" or "stop trying and then it will happen!" I am just tired of it all!