It was fun while it lasted...
realrayne10
Posts: 388 Member
Well, it looks like I am going to have to break things off with FWB.
A little back story....
We used to work together, in fact he was my supervisor. I thought he was the hotness, but he was always professional and never made a move. We would flirt a bit. He is a Yankee fan, I am a die hard Red Sox fan; he's Lakers, I'm Celtics, you get the deal. Sports frenemies, nothing more. I followed his lead and just drooled from afar. Then, he got fired. We started texting back and forth making fun of each others teams when they would lose or whatever. Then after a month or so, he drunk texted me one night and told me that he wanted me. Sqwee!!! Since then we have been meeting up every 2 - 3 weeks. No strings, no questions, no kissing. I did not want to get attached as I know from his own mouth that monogomy does not "work for him".
Anyway, someone at work yesterday asked me how FWB was enjoying "married life" WHAT?!?!? :huh: You could have knocked me over with a feather. This guy was saying that FWB got married A MONTH AGO. Since I have been to his house twice during that time and saw no indication that a woman lived there I am 99% sure it is not true.
So what's the problem? The fact that my heart dropped to my stomach means that I broke the rules :sick: . I got attached. No bueno. Time to go.
Sigh. We were totally compatable too :blushing: . I have never felt more comfortable in that way with anyone. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :ohwell:
A little back story....
We used to work together, in fact he was my supervisor. I thought he was the hotness, but he was always professional and never made a move. We would flirt a bit. He is a Yankee fan, I am a die hard Red Sox fan; he's Lakers, I'm Celtics, you get the deal. Sports frenemies, nothing more. I followed his lead and just drooled from afar. Then, he got fired. We started texting back and forth making fun of each others teams when they would lose or whatever. Then after a month or so, he drunk texted me one night and told me that he wanted me. Sqwee!!! Since then we have been meeting up every 2 - 3 weeks. No strings, no questions, no kissing. I did not want to get attached as I know from his own mouth that monogomy does not "work for him".
Anyway, someone at work yesterday asked me how FWB was enjoying "married life" WHAT?!?!? :huh: You could have knocked me over with a feather. This guy was saying that FWB got married A MONTH AGO. Since I have been to his house twice during that time and saw no indication that a woman lived there I am 99% sure it is not true.
So what's the problem? The fact that my heart dropped to my stomach means that I broke the rules :sick: . I got attached. No bueno. Time to go.
Sigh. We were totally compatable too :blushing: . I have never felt more comfortable in that way with anyone. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. :ohwell:
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Replies
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Are you going to ask if he got married?0
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There is stark contrast between my apartnmenr now and when my ex was there. You'd think you could tell huh?0
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Are you going to ask if he got married?
I have been going back and forth on this one. I think knowing the answer to that would just create even more questions in my head if the answer is yes. At this point I feel the need to break away whether he is married or not, why subject myself to more potential hurt?0 -
There is stark contrast between my apartnmenr now and when my ex was there. You'd think you could tell huh?
Exactly, which is why I feel like it is not true. I work with all guys and they have suspected that something was up before FWB left so I am wondering if they were just trying to see my reaction.0 -
Are you going to ask if he got married?
I have been going back and forth on this one. I think knowing the answer to that would just create even more questions in my head if the answer is yes. At this point I feel the need to break away whether he is married or not, why subject myself to more potential hurt?
That is true...but I would be so curious to know lol0 -
I think you'd have known if he was seeing someone, they'd at least be living together prior to getting married (I'd hope). Maybe he's recently divorced and the marriage bit was just a jab at him. In any case yeah you kinda bent your rules, going back after coming to terms with your feeling would most likely wind up with you getting hurt, however if he isn't married afterall, maybe he'd be interested in something a bit more serious??0
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find out from him not from someone @ work who possibly doesn't like him or you. that way you will know for sure.0
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you may have gotten a wee bit attached but....
then again, you may have had that feeling because if he did get married, that should have been mentioned at some point to the girl he's sleeping with, ya think? my fwb is married. i don't mind because i already know about it. but i've been involved with people only to find out later that they were attached. *cut*. that is one thing i will not tolerate at all.0 -
Please don`t get angry with me for this but regardless of whether the guy is a complete *kitten* this is also a perfect description of a lady going into a FWB arrangement not being honest with herself about the terms.
You have had an emotional desire and crush for the guy since day one,it shows in all your descriptions of him.
That is not what a FWB is and why this situation is almost always destined to become a hot mess where the lady gets hurt and then blames the guy who may or may not have done anything.
Now on the married part,if it is so then he is a beyond description *kitten* and feel sorry for his wife,there is nothing good or decent about him and a person every guy should condemn and be ashamed of.
No matter what it has to end.0 -
I don't really think that you broke the rules. Regardless of your status with him or your feelings for him, if he is screwing around with you and lying to you about being married, then HE is breaking the rules. If he were my FWB and someone told me that he was married, I'd be pissed at him for putting me into an awkward situation. I think your reaction was completely normal. I think you need to confront him with the rumor before making a decision.
FWB is one thing, but lying to you about being married is WAY not cool!0 -
Now on the married part,if it is so then he is a beyond description *kitten* and feel sorry for his wife,there is nothing good or decent about him and a person every guy should condemn and be ashamed of.
I thought this was clear when he admitted to being a Yankees and Lakers fan.0 -
I'm not too sure why we're expected to be made of stone in a FWB situation?? Ive read some stuff on this forum about this before and I've just been really surprised how two people can continually have sex, but not have any emotion! I know we're all wired differently, but Jeez, I think your reaction is perfectly normal!!Please don`t get angry with me for this but regardless of whether the guy is a complete *kitten* this is also a perfect description of a lady going into a FWB arrangement not being honest with herself about the terms.
Feelings develop Carl. It's not necessarily a case of lying to yourself, it just seems to me that continual sex with someone can easily create emotion somewhere along the line. Both for the man AND/OR woman. This, I suppose, is why the 'no kissing' rule? But personally, I can't have sex without kissing, so I expect I'll have emotion creeping in somewhere.
Anyway, emotions aside (and yes, I think that even though you have emotions, you can control them!) I think the main thing is to remain realistic. There is obviously a reason why two people are in a FWB situation rather than a relationship. If that reason remains valid, then you can't change that reality. Move on if that's your only option to save yourself. But I would be concerned about the lies..........if any? And want to find out more. I mean, there is no way this guy would invite you to his house if he was married.........surely not! :huh:0 -
I'm not too sure why we're expected to be made of stone in a FWB situation?? Ive read some stuff on this forum about this before and I've just been really surprised how two people can continually have sex, but not have any emotion! I know we're all wired differently, but Jeez, I think your reaction is perfectly normal!!Please don`t get angry with me for this but regardless of whether the guy is a complete *kitten* this is also a perfect description of a lady going into a FWB arrangement not being honest with herself about the terms.
Feelings develop Carl. It's not necessarily a case of lying to yourself, it just seems to me that continual sex with someone can easily create emotion somewhere along the line. Both for the man AND/OR woman. This, I suppose, is why the 'no kissing' rule? But personally, I can't have sex without kissing, so I expect I'll have emotion creeping in somewhere.
Anyway, emotions aside (and yes, I think that even though you have emotions, you can control them!) I think the main thing is to remain realistic. There is obviously a reason why two people are in a FWB situation rather than a relationship. If that reason remains valid, then you can't change that reality. Move on if that's your only option to save yourself. But I would be concerned about the lies..........if any? And want to find out more. I mean, there is no way this guy would invite you to his house if he was married.........surely not! :huh:
I guess what I meant is my understanding of the premise is having a sexual relationship without an emotional "love" feeling.
If that is not so then the whole term is a false one.
I am come to the conclusion that men are capable by the way we are wired of doing this but that close to 90% (a figure I pick by responses here to various threads) of women should never consider it as they can`t abide by the basic terms.0 -
I'm not too sure why we're expected to be made of stone in a FWB situation?? Ive read some stuff on this forum about this before and I've just been really surprised how two people can continually have sex, but not have any emotion! I know we're all wired differently, but Jeez, I think your reaction is perfectly normal!!Please don`t get angry with me for this but regardless of whether the guy is a complete *kitten* this is also a perfect description of a lady going into a FWB arrangement not being honest with herself about the terms.
Feelings develop Carl. It's not necessarily a case of lying to yourself, it just seems to me that continual sex with someone can easily create emotion somewhere along the line. Both for the man AND/OR woman. This, I suppose, is why the 'no kissing' rule? But personally, I can't have sex without kissing, so I expect I'll have emotion creeping in somewhere.
Anyway, emotions aside (and yes, I think that even though you have emotions, you can control them!) I think the main thing is to remain realistic. There is obviously a reason why two people are in a FWB situation rather than a relationship. If that reason remains valid, then you can't change that reality. Move on if that's your only option to save yourself. But I would be concerned about the lies..........if any? And want to find out more. I mean, there is no way this guy would invite you to his house if he was married.........surely not! :huh:
I guess what I meant is my understanding of the premise is having a sexual relationship without an emotional "love" feeling.
If that is not so then the whole term is a false one.
I am come to the conclusion that men are capable by the way we are wired of doing this but that close to 90% (a figure I pick by responses here to various threads) of women should never consider it as they can`t abide by the basic terms.
but how is the man to do it without the woman??? :laugh:
Ok, I agree to a degree, but some of the colder, harsher realities of the FWB situation have come from women!!! Perhaps that is because women need more of that defense mechanism?? You could be totally right, but its still a situation that can work very well for both parties. But it doesnt suit everyone, for sure :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm not too sure why we're expected to be made of stone in a FWB situation?? Ive read some stuff on this forum about this before and I've just been really surprised how two people can continually have sex, but not have any emotion! I know we're all wired differently, but Jeez, I think your reaction is perfectly normal!!Please don`t get angry with me for this but regardless of whether the guy is a complete *kitten* this is also a perfect description of a lady going into a FWB arrangement not being honest with herself about the terms.
Feelings develop Carl. It's not necessarily a case of lying to yourself, it just seems to me that continual sex with someone can easily create emotion somewhere along the line. Both for the man AND/OR woman. This, I suppose, is why the 'no kissing' rule? But personally, I can't have sex without kissing, so I expect I'll have emotion creeping in somewhere.
Anyway, emotions aside (and yes, I think that even though you have emotions, you can control them!) I think the main thing is to remain realistic. There is obviously a reason why two people are in a FWB situation rather than a relationship. If that reason remains valid, then you can't change that reality. Move on if that's your only option to save yourself. But I would be concerned about the lies..........if any? And want to find out more. I mean, there is no way this guy would invite you to his house if he was married.........surely not! :huh:
I guess what I meant is my understanding of the premise is having a sexual relationship without an emotional "love" feeling.
If that is not so then the whole term is a false one.
I am come to the conclusion that men are capable by the way we are wired of doing this but that close to 90% (a figure I pick by responses here to various threads) of women should never consider it as they can`t abide by the basic terms.
but how is the man to do it without the woman??? :laugh:
Ok, I agree to a degree, but some of the colder, harsher realities of the FWB situation have come from women!!! Perhaps that is because women need more of that defense mechanism?? You could be totally right, but its still a situation that can work very well for both parties. But it doesnt suit everyone, for sure :flowerforyou:
That is his or our tough luck I guess but both need to be clear on the terms and honest with themselves if they can follow through on that.
If the answer is no or past experience was a problem then don`t do it because it will not end well for either it seems.0 -
I don't really think that you broke the rules. Regardless of your status with him or your feelings for him, if he is screwing around with you and lying to you about being married, then HE is breaking the rules. If he were my FWB and someone told me that he was married, I'd be pissed at him for putting me into an awkward situation. I think your reaction was completely normal. I think you need to confront him with the rumor before making a decision.
FWB is one thing, but lying to you about being married is WAY not cool!
yup0 -
I've just been really surprised how two people can continually have sex, but not have any emotion! I know we're all wired differently, but Jeez, I think your reaction is perfectly normal!!
I thought that, generally speaking, men were actualy wired to be able to have sex with no emotion while women weren't... which I'm supposing is why so many people advise women against FWBs.0 -
Please don`t get angry with me for this but regardless of whether the guy is a complete *kitten* this is also a perfect description of a lady going into a FWB arrangement not being honest with herself about the terms.
You have had an emotional desire and crush for the guy since day one,it shows in all your descriptions of him.
That is not what a FWB is and why this situation is almost always destined to become a hot mess where the lady gets hurt and then blames the guy who may or may not have done anything.
Now on the married part,if it is so then he is a beyond description *kitten* and feel sorry for his wife,there is nothing good or decent about him and a person every guy should condemn and be ashamed of.
No matter what it has to end.
You are absolutely right. I did have a crush on him prior to this but I thought I had moved past that. Obviously not. I thought this arrangement would be ideal as I am not ready or interested in a relationship with anyone right now. My daughter is a teenager and I to not want to introduce anyone into her life that may not be around for the long haul. I also know that have too much going on to give some special someone my full attention.
As far as FWB goes, I am not blaming him for anything as I don't think her really has done anything wrong (besides being a Yankee/Laker fan of course.)0 -
Now on the married part,if it is so then he is a beyond description *kitten* and feel sorry for his wife,there is nothing good or decent about him and a person every guy should condemn and be ashamed of.
I thought this was clear when he admitted to being a Yankees and Lakers fan.
No kidding! I should have known better! :grumble:0 -
As far as FWB goes, I am not blaming him for anything as I don't think her really has done anything wrong (besides being a Yankee/Laker fan of course.)
How did he explain being a Yankee & Laker fan? The teams play on different coasts. Seems like a bit of a front runner. You'd expect like Yankees/Knicks or Lakers/Dodgers.0 -
As far as FWB goes, I am not blaming him for anything as I don't think her really has done anything wrong (besides being a Yankee/Laker fan of course.)
How did he explain being a Yankee & Laker fan? The teams play on different coasts. Seems like a bit of a front runner. You'd expect like Yankees/Knicks or Lakers/Dodgers.
Could be a long running hatred for Boston teams going back to the Celtics/Lakers rivalry in the 80s.0 -
As far as FWB goes, I am not blaming him for anything as I don't think her really has done anything wrong (besides being a Yankee/Laker fan of course.)
How did he explain being a Yankee & Laker fan? The teams play on different coasts. Seems like a bit of a front runner. You'd expect like Yankees/Knicks or Lakers/Dodgers.
Could be a long running hatred for Boston teams going back to the Celtics/Lakers rivalry in the 80s.
Could be. I think it is a good thing that the Celtics no longer play in the Boston Garden. That arena was a dump. It didn't have air conditioning. In 1984, the Celtics and Lakers played an NBA Finals game where the courtside temperature was 97 degrees. In the upper reaches of the Boston Garden, the temperature was over 100. That's miserable. At the least the TD Garden (where the Celtics have played since 1995) has air conditioning. A comfortable indoor temperature is essential to the basketball watching experience.
Anyway, seems like the OP needs to have a chat with her FWB and see whether or not he is really married or not. The news can be a bit unsettling and that's normal.0 -
I've just been really surprised how two people can continually have sex, but not have any emotion! I know we're all wired differently, but Jeez, I think your reaction is perfectly normal!!
I thought that, generally speaking, men were actualy wired to be able to have sex with no emotion while women weren't... which I'm supposing is why so many people advise women against FWBs.
Generally speaking, sure! But I've known men to fall in love with their FWBs and women to not care for the emotional side. The world today is not black and white. I really think its not a situation for everyone, but as an overly emotional person, I can tell you that it worked fine for me. So, you just have to approach it with a different mentality if you want it to work. I actually think that women can be very cold hearted if they want to be!! And men can be more gushy than they let on!! :laugh:
Again, it's not for everyone :flowerforyou:0 -
Just found out my fwb is engaged!!! What is wrong with people!!!!!!!0
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As far as FWB goes, I am not blaming him for anything as I don't think her really has done anything wrong (besides being a Yankee/Laker fan of course.)
How did he explain being a Yankee & Laker fan? The teams play on different coasts. Seems like a bit of a front runner. You'd expect like Yankees/Knicks or Lakers/Dodgers.
Could be a long running hatred for Boston teams going back to the Celtics/Lakers rivalry in the 80s.
Could be. I think it is a good thing that the Celtics no longer play in the Boston Garden. That arena was a dump. It didn't have air conditioning. In 1984, the Celtics and Lakers played an NBA Finals game where the courtside temperature was 97 degrees. In the upper reaches of the Boston Garden, the temperature was over 100. That's miserable. At the least the TD Garden (where the Celtics have played since 1995) has air conditioning. A comfortable indoor temperature is essential to the basketball watching experience.
Anyway, seems like the OP needs to have a chat with her FWB and see whether or not he is really married or not. The news can be a bit unsettling and that's normal.
I'm feeling kinda left out that nobody here would understand the English Premiership Football league.......:laugh:
I obviously have no idea what you guys are talking about............but carry on.............:indifferent:
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Could be. I think it is a good thing that the Celtics no longer play in the Boston Garden. That arena was a dump.
This is heresy!0 -
I'm feeling kinda left out that nobody here would understand the English Premiership Football league.......:laugh:
What else do you need to know besides ManU is evil and ManCity, Chelsea and Arsenal are the toys of weird billionaires?
Oh and Fulham's Clint Dempsey is awesome.0 -
I'm feeling kinda left out that nobody here would understand the English Premiership Football league.......:laugh:
I obviously have no idea what you guys are talking about............but carry on.............:indifferent:
For you, AnnaPixie :flowerforyou: . A movie clip about European Football and Manchester United.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI2UYDJlsoU
England does not typically do that well in World Cup play.0 -
As far as FWB goes, I am not blaming him for anything as I don't think her really has done anything wrong (besides being a Yankee/Laker fan of course.)
How did he explain being a Yankee & Laker fan? The teams play on different coasts. Seems like a bit of a front runner. You'd expect like Yankees/Knicks or Lakers/Dodgers.
I forgot to mention the whole Raiders thing. Although I do not find that offensive, just sad and pathetic. :laugh:0 -
I'm feeling kinda left out that nobody here would understand the English Premiership Football league.......:laugh:
I obviously have no idea what you guys are talking about............but carry on.............:indifferent:
For you, AnnaPixie :flowerforyou: . A movie clip about European Football and Manchester United.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI2UYDJlsoU
England does not typically do that well in World Cup play.
Thanks DM, but my team is Tottenham Hotspur!! Man Utd are to me what Lakers are to Yankees.........I think!! :laugh:
And you're right about the World Cup!! Jeez! :blushing:
ETA: I just watched the clip. Never seen that movie. Vinnie Jones is such a yob!! He is an ex footballer (dont know if you know that?) famous for cheating and foul play on the pitch. No wonder he gets those kind of roles now he's an actor.
I hope you guys dont think English fans are actually like that?? :laugh:
Actually, some are, but a very small minority :blushing:0
This discussion has been closed.