I sometimes think every situation out there can be spun to make men the problem. A couple gets married, spends 60 blissful years together then the husband dies from a long drawn out illness; leaving his wife all alone with a cavernous emptiness and the pain of watching a long drawn out painful death. I suspect the women would blame him for abandoning her because statistically speaking men have shorter life expectancies and he should have known it would end badly for her.

OR they get really close and they move fast and then all of a sudden, she shows her crazy.

You know what I mean. Two days before her period she is suddenly questioning everything about him, abotu her, she's getting random hormonally triggered emotions coming out and she's scrambling to assign them to any situation to be justified and he's like.... wait wait wait... why am I too good for you again? what? wait - isnt it my choice if youre the one i want to be with? no? wtf. fine. bye. - And the next day she's head*desking all day.

This goes back to all women are bat **** crazy....to be fair I guess some men are as well.

Personally, I don't do things to intentionally hurt someone. If I say it, do it, or show a desire for something, it's because I do. But, I can't speak for everyone else, and I wouldn't try to associate my situation with someone else.

Ok guys... on another thread I posted this which I didn't realize was gonna make some of the ladies sad. I know the people involved in the post, so I'm not gonna delete it... but please answer HeLovesMe's question... in your experience... when someone moves real fast (whether guy or gal) does it usually result in heartbreak?

It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.

If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.

May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.

Is this really true?

I wasn't going to respond to this, in fact, I was considering just leaving the group after being called out like this, but I like y'all and frankly this is not a proper depiction of me at all. And since this entire thread is about me, I figure it is time for me to own it.

I was frankly, a very happy single man. I got laid when I wanted (actually more often than I ever did when I was married or in a committed relationship) and I travel the world having fun. I met a great woman through Match.com and from the start told her I wasn't in a hurry to commit. We spent time together, cuddled, kissed, enjoyed each other's company. She has many great qualities. But...

She and I have very different theological beliefs. She needed someone who was comfortable not being sexual. She has a young son (he's awesome, but something that I had to really think about since I know I'm not a great role model). And, well, I could keep going on about things that I considered. She's great, I'm great, but we're not great together. I decided we'd be great friends and every time we went out, I made it clear we were just friends.

Months pass...

God works in mysterious ways. I am still going about my life, doing my thing, which is usually busy/fun/here/there. In an instant, something amazing happened. I met a woman that just blew me away. I'm 46 years old and I can tell you that I'm not new to chemistry and hormones. My eyes are wide open and I see what is what. She isn't what I envisioned, but it turns out, she's what I needed. We speak the same language. And while our FB is the best of us, we are both comfortable talking and dealing with the worst of us (we're just not sharing that in a public forum).

We are planning a future together. Planning, thinking, talking. Neither of us likes the distance between us. So, we are wanting to have a clear path to being together that fits our needs and those of our children. Our gravity is shifting each other's orbit a little. She's thinking of moving a little, I'm thinking of moving a little. I'm falling short of calling that a compromise because I know that we'll both be happier as a result.

I have no intention of hurting her. I am in love.

Things I never thought I needed are now my priority. This woman changed me and guess what? I'm happier than I've been in decades. If a friend can't accept that, well, then they aren't my friend. If they think I'm a bad man (because I am a man) and going to hurt a woman, they are sadly mistaken. My girlfriend has earned my admiration, my adoration and I will give my all to her because, she's worth it.

I don't do things in public in spite of other people. I do things in public because I am myself. My username on here is my real name and my profession (and also my email on gmail and yahoo). While I know this is the Internet, I consider you all my friends. I'm not single (I have a beautiful girlfriend), but I still enjoy the camaraderie here. If/when I marry this woman, I'll extend an invite to all of you to the wedding/reception (open bar :drinker: ).

I am terribly sorry that I earned a thread here. I want to be part of a group, friends. Not a topic. I thank all of you that understand where I'm coming from. I'm 100% committed to this woman and I will treat her well.

Ok guys... on another thread I posted this which I didn't realize was gonna make some of the ladies sad. I know the people involved in the post, so I'm not gonna delete it... but please answer HeLovesMe's question... in your experience... when someone moves real fast (whether guy or gal) does it usually result in heartbreak?

It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.

If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.

May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.

Is this really true?

I wasn't going to respond to this, in fact, I was considering just leaving the group after being called out like this, but I like y'all and frankly this is not a proper depiction of me at all. And since this entire thread is about me, I figure it is time for me to own it.

I was frankly, a very happy single man. I got laid when I wanted (actually more often than I ever did when I was married or in a committed relationship) and I travel the world having fun. I met a great woman through Match.com and from the start told her I wasn't in a hurry to commit. We spent time together, cuddled, kissed, enjoyed each other's company. She has many great qualities. But...

She and I have very different theological beliefs. She needed someone who was comfortable not being sexual. She has a young son (he's awesome, but something that I had to really think about since I know I'm not a great role model). And, well, I could keep going on about things that I considered. She's great, I'm great, but we're not great together. I decided we'd be great friends and every time we went out, I made it clear we were just friends.

Months pass...

God works in mysterious ways. I am still going about my life, doing my thing, which is usually busy/fun/here/there. In an instant, something amazing happened. I met a woman that just blew me away. I'm 46 years old and I can tell you that I'm not new to chemistry and hormones. My eyes are wide open and I see what is what. She isn't what I envisioned, but it turns out, she's what I needed. We speak the same language. And while our FB is the best of us, we are both comfortable talking and dealing with the worst of us (we're just not sharing that in a public forum).

We are planning a future together. Planning, thinking, talking. Neither of us likes the distance between us. So, we are wanting to have a clear path to being together that fits our needs and those of our children. Our gravity is shifting each other's orbit a little. She's thinking of moving a little, I'm thinking of moving a little. I'm falling short of calling that a compromise because I know that we'll both be happier as a result.

I have no intention of hurting her. I am in love.

Things I never thought I needed are now my priority. This woman changed me and guess what? I'm happier than I've been in decades. If a friend can't accept that, well, then they aren't my friend. If they think I'm a bad man (because I am a man) and going to hurt a woman, they are sadly mistaken. My girlfriend has earned my admiration, my adoration and I will give my all to her because, she's worth it.

I don't do things in public in spite of other people. I do things in public because I am myself. My username on here is my real name and my profession (and also my email on gmail and yahoo). While I know this is the Internet, I consider you all my friends. I'm not single (I have a beautiful girlfriend), but I still enjoy the camaraderie here. If/when I marry this woman, I'll extend an invite to all of you to the wedding/reception (open bar :drinker: ).

I am terribly sorry that I earned a thread here. I want to be part of a group, friends. Not a topic. I thank all of you that understand where I'm coming from. I'm 100% committed to this woman and I will treat her well.

Congrats that is fantastic! And for the record, I don't and I doubt anyone here thinks of you as a topic! We've all shared conversations, thoughts, opinions and we all know you are a good man and great friend! Again congratulations!

If you want to read the whole story, go to www.butterflyink.us , click on ink, click on Searching for Our Happily Ever After.

Ouch! :brokenheart: :flowerforyou:

Bump

More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.

frankly this is not a proper depiction of me at all.
...
I made it clear we were just friends.

Allan, nowhere in that description did I say that was you. You asked why someone would tell your new girlfriend things were moving too fast and I gave you reasons why I, personally, would tell one of MY friends to watch out if her new man was as initially gung-ho as you are. I had hoped that would help you understand what they were thinking.

It's like asking a guy why he won't date a religious girl. Well, because she's likely a prude with sex issues. I'm sure glad someone explained it to me so I can understand what a guy is thinking (even if I don't think it's true in my case).

And yes, you were very clear for a long time that we were just friends. I was cool with that and enjoyed the company of other guys. But when a man gives you a spa day for Christmas, begins to text/call almost every day, and plans weekend trips together... with your kid... after a year of sporadic "just friends" contact... well... you kinda start to hope he's slowly changing his mind about being "just friends."

I certainly hope you don't leave the group. You have a lot of wisdom that we've all benefited from.

But in this instance you know and are friends with the guy in question. That would change my advice. I read it as you were stating he is just in it to get laid/scratch an itch and when that wears off be prepared for heartache. That may not have been what you were trying to say but is exactly how I took it, and in this case you were describing one of your friends to another one of your friends and to the entire group here.

I can see why he would think the entire thread is about him and be a bit offended.