Husbands/sig others noticing weight gain... how to deal?
beckyjo1987
Posts: 9 Member
Hello all! I've been on the EMTWL train for around two weeks, and I love knowing that I can and should eat the amount of calories that my body needs in order to be fueled throughout the day! Such a lovely change from calorie-restricted diets, such as WW, which I followed for about 8 months but hit my wall after 4.
I've been in the process of moving for a couple of weeks (long story short: contract on short sale, lease up on apartment, preoccupied short sale, short sale went into foreclosure, fannie mae evicting, looking for a place to live), so my scale is packed away somewhere. I haven't taken measurements, other than what I initially needed to calculate BMR, TDEE, etc, so I don't have any progress details in numbers.
But, I can feel that I am "fluffier" around the middle, which I hate. Especially now that it's getting to be summer. Anyone who has ever been chubby knows that summer is just the most uncomfortable season. You see girls walking around in shorts and tank tops, and get jealous of their inner thigh gap and toned tummies. I was so looking forward to being one of those girls this summer, but I knew that EMTWL needed to happen for long term success.
I was telling my husband how much happier I am and how much better I feel now that I'm eating enough calories. Since we're not settled anywhere right now, I haven't had time to exercise (other than a 1.3 mile walk at work every day, plus packing/unpacking boxes). He told me he was glad that I felt better about eating more, but he noticed that I was getting quite a bit fluffier. Sigh. I knew going into this that I would gain weight/inches, but I guess I was hoping that the gains would be invisible to everyone else. My husband has been so supportive of my weight loss efforts, and I know he brought this to my attention in the most loving way possible, but I still feel so icky. I'm only 5'1", so it doesn't take much to add noticeable weight gain.
I wanted to bring this up because I want to know how others deal with this kind of situation. What do you do to mentally motivate yourself when someone tells you that you look like you're gaining weight?
I know I'm not the only one in this situation... right?
Love to all of you treating your bodies right!
I've been in the process of moving for a couple of weeks (long story short: contract on short sale, lease up on apartment, preoccupied short sale, short sale went into foreclosure, fannie mae evicting, looking for a place to live), so my scale is packed away somewhere. I haven't taken measurements, other than what I initially needed to calculate BMR, TDEE, etc, so I don't have any progress details in numbers.
But, I can feel that I am "fluffier" around the middle, which I hate. Especially now that it's getting to be summer. Anyone who has ever been chubby knows that summer is just the most uncomfortable season. You see girls walking around in shorts and tank tops, and get jealous of their inner thigh gap and toned tummies. I was so looking forward to being one of those girls this summer, but I knew that EMTWL needed to happen for long term success.
I was telling my husband how much happier I am and how much better I feel now that I'm eating enough calories. Since we're not settled anywhere right now, I haven't had time to exercise (other than a 1.3 mile walk at work every day, plus packing/unpacking boxes). He told me he was glad that I felt better about eating more, but he noticed that I was getting quite a bit fluffier. Sigh. I knew going into this that I would gain weight/inches, but I guess I was hoping that the gains would be invisible to everyone else. My husband has been so supportive of my weight loss efforts, and I know he brought this to my attention in the most loving way possible, but I still feel so icky. I'm only 5'1", so it doesn't take much to add noticeable weight gain.
I wanted to bring this up because I want to know how others deal with this kind of situation. What do you do to mentally motivate yourself when someone tells you that you look like you're gaining weight?
I know I'm not the only one in this situation... right?
Love to all of you treating your bodies right!
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I am not sure how I would deal with this, since my husband is not as honest as yours. I don't think that my husband would have said it, but that is not a good thing. Honesty is important and I am sure that he wants to make sure that you are happy and knowing that extra weight makes you unhappy, he was letting you know. I am only in week four of this process and I can say that I feel normal again and that the initial gain feels like it is gone. I am purposely not weighing myself because I do not want to torture myself. I think this way of eating makes so much more sense than eating less. I bet you will notice soon that you feel and look more like you did a few weeks ago. Some people say it takes six weeks to start feeling normal again.0
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I've really noticed this today - my hip bones are suddenly hidden when I had been seeing them before.. Im slowly upping my cals and its hard to know your squidgier than you were. My stomach is also bloated and solid !
I am hoping its mostly water and the upped levels of salt / my body getting used to exercise.
however.. I knew starting this it would happen. I know it will take a long time. I know that its not going to be easy.
BUT its not for anyone else, its for me, and once its done right, then its all the way ight forever! Thats got to be worth a month or two of frankly being bigger (but still nothing like I used to be!)0 -
I would tell him that you know he's coming from a place of love and support, but that in this moment that's not the kind of support you need. Moving SUCKS - especially when there are added stressors. We are in the middle of a similar situation - lease up on our apartment, trying to buy a house, loan probably being denied, need a place to live, can't sign a lease until we get the official word from the bank in case some miracle happens and the loan does go through - it's awful. Stress increases cortisol levels, and that makes losing much harder. Did you talk to him about what to expect when starting this program? I'm also 5'1", and I hear you on how every ounce seems to show up more then on taller people. I'd let him know that a little weight gain in the beginning is normal, and that once the move is over and you can start lifting you should really start to see some progress. And that right now what you really need from him is support in making healthy food choices amidst the chaos.
Good luck on your move!0 -
Be encouraged my friend, it is just a part of the process....but it is a process you go through once...you stabilize, you lose the water weight, you will retain muscle and lose fat...keep the ultimate goal in mind...to live life, enjoy life, be healthy, fit and toned. It takes time and lots of patience in the beginning, but so worth it. I have had people ask if I was always slim/toned...NO....I started out and had so much adipose tissue....it is not easy, but I just kept thinking I can't starve anymore and if others have done it I am going to too! So glad you are giving it a go, you can do this! When you need encouragement...EM2WL is here for YOU:flowerforyou:0
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I felt just like you. I had many ups and downs in 6 weeks. My downs were that I felt huge and was eating too much and this was wrong wrong wrong! Well, almost exactly 6 weeks from my start date, I am finally down a couple of pounds, I look better and I am down almost 3 inches off my hips! Hang in there! It is a trying process but it is so worth it! It's also hard when you are the only one around you who understands how it works and believes it will work! That is why you have this group! Everyone here is so great. You can do it! Hang in there and you WILL see the results!0
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I posted this in my newsfeed just the other day (not that it applies to hubbies, but just the situation in general) when someone posted about everyone around her doing fad diets, and getting "ready for the summer" while she was taking the slower EM2WL route:
"I remember each year, people looking at me like I was crazy for taking things nice and slow w/my weight loss, when they were all over the latest "get thin quick" scheme. I'd lose like a lb a month or something ridiculous, and they'd lose 10. They'd offer me advice. They'd shake their heads at me during family events. I'd hear the whispers "she used to be SO thin", "man, Kiki really fell off" "Kiki used to be so pretty, it's so sad" ...They'd say to my face, "are you sure you should eat that? I thought you were on a diet?" I'd feel like a fat blob, while they were "reaching their goals" so much faster than I was. It took SO much effort, and I felt like such an idiot sometimes, as I waited seemingly "forever" to lose weight. But now that time has slowly passed for all of us (as it would have regardless of what path I'd chose), I look around, and NOT ONE of them is where they want to be. And EVERY ONE on them has asked *me* for advice.....NOW. Even when I look for "fat" pics, I can't seem to find any...why? 1) because, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't as long as I thought it was at the time, and 2) I've kept the weight off, so I'm reaching the point where I've officially been "fit" much longer than I was "fat".... the time will pass regardless of what route we choose, but the question stands, will it take you 40 years to reach the promised land?
(for the non-biblical cats - a quick translation - In the Bible, it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day journey, due to their stubborn ways, all but 2 of them died and never made it in..) :-) "0 -
You are all so sweet! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! I knew, mentally, that I would need to gain weight before leveling out, and I know that the way the gains look on me will change once I'm able to fit regular exercise back into my daily routine, but it's just a tough place to be in right now. I've never been weight-conscious until about a year and a half ago, and I only half-accepted the fact that I was overweight, so I didn't take it seriously enough to make any real changes. Now that I am putting out the effort, it just seemed unfair that I should have to gain first in order to lose, and I was upset.
But you know what? I'm going to do it. I love food, and I love exercise. I don't love my pudge, but I will love seeing it melt away in another month or so, and so will my husband.
Hugs to all of you! 0 -
I posted this in my newsfeed just the other day (not that it applies to hubbies, but just the situation in general) when someone posted about everyone around her doing fad diets, and getting "ready for the summer" while she was taking the slower EM2WL route:
"I remember each year, people looking at me like I was crazy for taking things nice and slow w/my weight loss, when they were all over the latest "get thin quick" scheme. I'd lose like a lb a month or something ridiculous, and they'd lose 10. They'd offer me advice. They'd shake their heads at me during family events. I'd hear the whispers "she used to be SO thin", "man, Kiki really fell off" "Kiki used to be so pretty, it's so sad" ...They'd say to my face, "are you sure you should eat that? I thought you were on a diet?" I'd feel like a fat blob, while they were "reaching their goals" so much faster than I was. It took SO much effort, and I felt like such an idiot sometimes, as I waited seemingly "forever" to lose weight. But now that time has slowly passed for all of us (as it would have regardless of what path I'd chose), I look around, and NOT ONE of them is where they want to be. And EVERY ONE on them has asked *me* for advice.....NOW. Even when I look for "fat" pics, I can't seem to find any...why? 1) because, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't as long as I thought it was at the time, and 2) I've kept the weight off, so I'm reaching the point where I've officially been "fit" much longer than I was "fat".... the time will pass regardless of what route we choose, but the question stands, will it take you 40 years to reach the promised land?
(for the non-biblical cats - a quick translation - In the Bible, it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day journey, due to their stubborn ways, all but 2 of them died and never made it in..) :-) "
Wow this post, Kiki..dont know what to say... but I will be keeping it bookmarked to go back and reread when I need it.0 -
I posted this in my newsfeed just the other day (not that it applies to hubbies, but just the situation in general) when someone posted about everyone around her doing fad diets, and getting "ready for the summer" while she was taking the slower EM2WL route:
"I remember each year, people looking at me like I was crazy for taking things nice and slow w/my weight loss, when they were all over the latest "get thin quick" scheme. I'd lose like a lb a month or something ridiculous, and they'd lose 10. They'd offer me advice. They'd shake their heads at me during family events. I'd hear the whispers "she used to be SO thin", "man, Kiki really fell off" "Kiki used to be so pretty, it's so sad" ...They'd say to my face, "are you sure you should eat that? I thought you were on a diet?" I'd feel like a fat blob, while they were "reaching their goals" so much faster than I was. It took SO much effort, and I felt like such an idiot sometimes, as I waited seemingly "forever" to lose weight. But now that time has slowly passed for all of us (as it would have regardless of what path I'd chose), I look around, and NOT ONE of them is where they want to be. And EVERY ONE on them has asked *me* for advice.....NOW. Even when I look for "fat" pics, I can't seem to find any...why? 1) because, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't as long as I thought it was at the time, and 2) I've kept the weight off, so I'm reaching the point where I've officially been "fit" much longer than I was "fat".... the time will pass regardless of what route we choose, but the question stands, will it take you 40 years to reach the promised land?
(for the non-biblical cats - a quick translation - In the Bible, it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day journey, due to their stubborn ways, all but 2 of them died and never made it in..) :-) "
AWESOME post. Thank you!0 -
I posted this in my newsfeed just the other day (not that it applies to hubbies, but just the situation in general) when someone posted about everyone around her doing fad diets, and getting "ready for the summer" while she was taking the slower EM2WL route:
"I remember each year, people looking at me like I was crazy for taking things nice and slow w/my weight loss, when they were all over the latest "get thin quick" scheme. I'd lose like a lb a month or something ridiculous, and they'd lose 10. They'd offer me advice. They'd shake their heads at me during family events. I'd hear the whispers "she used to be SO thin", "man, Kiki really fell off" "Kiki used to be so pretty, it's so sad" ...They'd say to my face, "are you sure you should eat that? I thought you were on a diet?" I'd feel like a fat blob, while they were "reaching their goals" so much faster than I was. It took SO much effort, and I felt like such an idiot sometimes, as I waited seemingly "forever" to lose weight. But now that time has slowly passed for all of us (as it would have regardless of what path I'd chose), I look around, and NOT ONE of them is where they want to be. And EVERY ONE on them has asked *me* for advice.....NOW. Even when I look for "fat" pics, I can't seem to find any...why? 1) because, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't as long as I thought it was at the time, and 2) I've kept the weight off, so I'm reaching the point where I've officially been "fit" much longer than I was "fat".... the time will pass regardless of what route we choose, but the question stands, will it take you 40 years to reach the promised land?
(for the non-biblical cats - a quick translation - In the Bible, it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day journey, due to their stubborn ways, all but 2 of them died and never made it in..) :-) "
I kept this quote from Kiki the first time she posted it as I've been feeling much of the same around me. People look at me like I'm crazy and even though my husband loves and supports me I can still feel the concern in his gaze with the weight I've gained and the doubt that what I'm doing will work. It hurts even though I know he loves me and supports my decision. Funny though, he mentioned that my arms were looking a bit bigger last night so this morning I measured my biceps...nope...lost a 1/4 inch (although it came right back after my chest/back routine right after that....lol) But even if it's back after the workout, that still isn't bigger...it's the same! (and it's just water retention anyways)
I agree with what others have said...although part of me is doing this for my husband as well (I want him to have a sexy wife...hehe) I'm primarily doing this for ME. If I do not see this through to the very end I will always wonder if it would have worked. And I already know that the VLCD method is a trap...been there and was seriously stuck and gaining while eating nothing anyways. May as well gain it all quickly during a reset and start losing.
I now also have a good friend doing this with me and having someone to talk to about it (and who has also promised to kick the butt of anyone who even dares to whisper that I've gained weight and say I'm nuts...lol) is very helpful. :happy:
I too am entering summer up here in Canada...possibly the WORST time of year to attempt this reset...sigh. But it's important that I do this. So....proceed I shall.0 -
Love these posts!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I meet old WW buddies at work and they all look at me like "oh, she's not coming to WW and she's gained weight!" kind of look. When one of the asks how it's going, I always feel like I have to explain or justify myself. I just tell them I'm resetting my metabolism because I've been starving myself for too long. Don't know if they get it, but at least it ends at that. As for my hubby, he just loves the parts that men like more of, lol!! He's a keeper!
Let's stick with this ladies! We HAVE to!!0
